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Chris Martin- January 7th '01- 12:00 Eastern Standard Time

Happy Saturday! What a wonderful day. How did you spend your morning? Sleeping? Watching Cartoons? Video Games? Sounds nice. Me?

I spent my morning watching a Spanish Soap Opera. Mi profesora de español thinks it would improve our comprehension if we watch this. It's called "La Usurpadora". It's a over-done charming prince and the pauper storyline. Paulina is a poor girl working to earn money to buy medication for her dying mother. In her life is her boyfriend Osvaldo whom she loves dearly, (Secretly, he's planning to dump her when he meets a rich woman. The bastard.) and her friend Celía. Oh, she also cleans toilets for a living. She meets this rich ho named "Paola", who looks just like her, (and is even played by the same actress no less) and they decide to switch places for a year.

Fun, huh? Onto the letters...

You stupid or something?
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Como se díce?
In the PC:
Baldur's Gate 2
Slashing through the Umberhulks.
The Longest Journey
VAVA. Venice academy for the visual arts.
In the PlayStation:
Lunar 2: Eternal Blue
Gypsy Magic!
Final Fantasy IX
Assorted Nonsense

"Mi Madre está enferma!"

I like pizza.

Sprite is good too
Responsible Parenthood 101.

Dear RPGamer,

My son has been nagging me to take him to buy Lunar: The Silver Star Story. I normally would let him, but I've read that the game contains some nudity. If this is true I don't really want my son getting that game.

Also, he has expressed interest in Lunar: Eternal Blue, and I would like to know if that game would be suitable for him. I would greatly appreciate if you could help me out, thanks.

Cheshire Catalyst:
The ESRB has rated both Lunar: The Silver Star Story Complete and Lunar: Eternal Blue Complete "T" for teen. (The video game equivalent of PG-13) The games contain some swearing. (No use of the "F" or "S" word, but "damn" and "ass" rear their naughty heads every once in a while. As a side note, the swearing isn't superflouous, but rather used when one would expect swearing. (Moments of high anxiety, etc.) There's a heaping handful of sexual innuendo in both games, with characters like Kyle from the first and Ronfar from the second making occasional references to their more... hormone driven desires.
Now. Nudity. Both games contain "bath scenes" In "Silver Star", the scenes are a sort of bonus. In "Eternal Blue", the bath scenes are part of the plot. Also, the games also contain "bromides" or pictures of the main characters in alluring positions. (Again, nothing vulgar, just sexy. But that's your call.) In the bath scenes, no one's breasts (or nipples, I should say) are exposed, and neither are anyone's genitals. You do get to see some Heinies though. (Specifically, Nash's and Lucia's)
In the end, it's you call. You didn't mention how old your son is, and I imagine that can be an important factor. For more information, browse the "Games" section of this site and click the links to the Lunar games. There, we have set up numerous screen shots from the game. Do a little exploration, and decide for yourself.
Final note, I'd like to thank you for being one more parent who acts responsibly in their child rearing activities, and one less parent who wonders "Where did my child get those games?" and blames inanimate objects for the child's misbehavior.

I'm just the janitor here.

Well, CC, Googleshng wouldn't answer this question in the column or even send me an answer back directly so I thought perhaps you would be able to . . . .even though I don't think you technically work for RPGamer(if I'm wrong correct me). . .anyway, my question is when, in the name of the flying bunny rabbit god from jupiter, are the results of RPGamer's 12 Days of RPG's contest going to be posted. It was over what, like 5 days ago? Was there that many entries that they're still going through them? Are they trying to increase traffic to their site by making people compulsively come back 34,000 times a day to check(like me)? Is there not really a contest and instead, just some weird inside joke that like, 3 people are laughing about right now? Some other phenomenon unexplained by any of the current laws of physics? Come on! Help me out here! Pwease? -Dabria

Cheshire Catalyst:
Googleshng tells me that Mike (our boss) has either just emailed the winners, or shall in the near future. And yes, I do work here. I went through the grueling hazing process and everything.

Square: Atlas to the world.

According to your response to Kaiser's letter yesterday (which I agree with wholeheartedly), you claim that Squaresoft might make an original Final Fantasy game, and that the sun might turn blue tomorrow. Stars change colors for one reason and one reason only - the color of a star is based on its temperature. Contrary to what all of our favorite hippie art teachers say, blue is actually the "hottest" color a star can obtain, while red (I think), is the coldest. If the sun turns blue "tomorrow" (which is actually today, I think), then the Earth would overheat, and we'd get MASSIVE sunburns! Oh yeah, all cold-blooded creatures would probably die. So, according to your logic, Squaresoft must continue making cliche Final Fantasies to prevent the sun from overheating and killing us all. Oy vey...

BL Alien
"I really know Haiku
Oops, that was six syllables
My bad, tee hee hee"

Cheshire Catalyst:
Far be it from me to mess with the fragile balance of the universe. Square, keep your "Curas", Cids, Tonics, Blue Magic, Moogles, Chocobos, and Masamunes. If it's keeping me alive, go for it.

Tales from the Dork side. Part Deux.

heeere kitty kitty kitty!.....OWWW! CATS ARENT SUPPOSED TO THROW CHEMICALS!!!!! OH GOD, IT BURNS!!!!!!

.......anyway. Hi Chech. I was wondering if you had played Lunar 2 yet, cause I know a guy who is at the end of the game and only has 5 bromides. Is this all there is?! I was hoping for a lot more.... Also, my local EB doesnt sell the L2 strategy guide. Is this everywhere, or is my EB just stupid?
And on a different note: What RPG or other game would you compare where you work to? I work at sheetz. I would have to compare it to Legend of Legaia. Thats because working there is tedious, boring, has irritating characters, and generally sucks. On the topic of work, where do you work?

I wrote a Haiku about sheetz.
(actually, I dont think the format is correct for haiku. oops)
CC: It isn't. 5-7-5. Not 5-7-5-7.

While working for sheetz,
the urinal exploded.
*BEEP* now stains my shoes.
Why must I wade through sewage?

Can you write a Haiku about your job?
I'll leave you alone now....
Rahvin "overthrow the government and put a moogle in power"

Cheshire Catalyst:
The answer to your bromide question lies in Friday's, 01-05, column. Also, the strategy guide for Lunar 2 isn't out yet. Sad. I thought the Lunar:TSSSC one was pretty damn funny.
I compare this job to "Adventures of Billy in Boob-joke land, for obvious reasons."
Here's a haiku.

I check my inbox.
Christ, another moron mail.
I'll play games instead.

Hey Chesh,
Wow, you saw Perfect Blue, too? Did it confuse the hell out of you as well? I mean, I thought it was supposed to be a real-life sort of anime, but then there was two Nimas, and an crazy mutant like stalker and stuff. And then when you thought it was real-life, all of a sudden, it's a scene in a movie. They really had me going. At least we got to see Nima without clothes on. And also, I found it funny when Mania finally died and he made that really weird squeaking sound. And then there was a crowd applauding. More confusion...I'm sorry. Did my talk of Mania give you nightmares?

"Nima is a pop idol!"

First, It's "Mima". Mima Kirigoe. And yeah, it was a little confusing. Sometimes it crossed the line between "cool confusing" and "what the HELL is going on" confusing, but yeah. It was a very, very cool movie. Ending was very Hitchcockian. (Think "Psycho")

WRONG! Lardlad WRONG! Quote incorrect from magus recite he! It's...
Oh, how dreadful.
Say, can you hear that?
It's the sound of the Reaper...

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- CiddypooKun: I am the god of Chrono.

Ok, Lardboy? Now you know what it feels like to be a Q&A host. Make one wrong quote, and you'll recieve about a dozen correcting you. This one got picked because the reader displays a disturbing amount of info about Chrono Trigger.

Bwahaha! I finally got a reference! Those lyrics are from episode 17 of Cowboy Bebop, Mushroom Samba, during the scene on the train. The song, called Mushroom Hunting, is sung by Tulivu Donna-Cumberbatch and is 3 minutes and 18 seconds long. It's track number 4 on the third Cowboy Bebop OST "Blue". Is that enough information? Do I get a tilde?

--Mr. Miracle

Great Hera! That deserves an uber-tilde. ~
I have that CD, by the way. "Call me Call me" and "Blue" are two of my favorite songs of all time.

Just commenting on the anime series you mentioned were rumored that Toonami might pick up...

Gundam - No Opinion
MKR - Dub, bad, *boo, hiss* Sub good
Rouroni Kenshin - No opinion, haven't seen it
Cowboy Bebop - friend assures me that the dub isn't TOO bad.... but still.. dubs.. eh...

Okay, that's about it....


Side note kids. My friend gave me this info and he claims he picked it up at "Slashdot." Outlaw Star premiers January 15th. It looks ok. More like a poor-man's Cowboy Bebop. Gundam and Magic Knight Rayearth appear to be perfect for Toonami. It's my understanding that Rouroni Kenshin is really violent. But if violence is the only problem, then there is really no problem. (As long as it isn't "Fist of the North Star" violent.) All CN has to do is make sure the blood is cleaned up. CN has some odd rules on what "kind" of blood is acceptable. Apparently, a trickle of blood going down a gundam pilot's face is bad. But when Nephrite's arm is ripped through and green blood spews forth... that's ok. The nice thing is, on cable, they can show more than what they're allowed to show on mainstream TV. (WB and FOX). We're "allowed" to see fists connect and such. If Cartoon Network showed Escaflowne, they could do it with minimal editing. (And start with Episode One, please.) Cowboy Bebop has me worried though. Violence is there. There are some sexual situations and even a few (OH MY GOD!) homosexual characters. I doubt they'll be able to get away with "90% of the population of Callisto is.... cousins." That's what has me worried, kids. Don't hurt my baby, Cartoon Network.

The Last Laugh:

FAN COMIC! By Lightsoul:


See you tomorrow!

Chesh"Oh my! This car can talk, Meryl!"

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