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Andrew Long- September 19 '03- 02:03 Eastern Standard Time

Just the rest of this column to go before I reveal the super secret surprise. Actually, since I don't want everyone scrolling past everything to find out, I guess I'll level with you right now: Paws is going to be taking over weekend Q&A, effective tomorrow. The decision was made because of difficulties in getting Andrew's columns from Japan on time, which actually wasn't his fault (he always put things up on time), but them's the breaks in the world of high-stakes decision making, which resulted in some serious shuntage for me and doom for him.

Not that I'm complaining - I like my new days just as much as my old days, and you lot better too. For the record, those days will now be Wednesday through Friday, while the other four days of the week will be taken care of by the aforementioned lovely lady in cat fur. Incidentally, we're not just casting Andrew to the curb, but due to various bureaucratic details which I won't bore you with, I can't really say what the future holds. Let's just say America's favorite family might just show up once in a while to help him out!

So back to today's column: Andrew's along! That makes two Andrews, and hey, if I was evil and decided to resurrect Andrew Dangerous, that'd make three, but regrettably, cancer of the lung turned into cancer of the everything and he's currently undergoing some heavy chemotherapy in a secret underground lair beneath the North Pole. Unfortunately, there's asbestos in the insulation, so he's still as exposed as ever to millions upon millions of carcinogens. As for non-cancerous Andrews, here's this one to offer up an introduction:

Andrew kupomogli:
Hey, I'm Andrew, and I'm doing Q&A with Andrew. A little about me is that I love RPG's as most everyone that goes on RPGamer does, and that that's almost all that I do in my free time is play RPG's and rarely any other type of game. If I ever play any other type of game it's usually a fighting game, Anyways, so here I am to help Andrew answer your questions or comments. Enjoy!

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Moogle fashion tips and minor FFTA spoilers

To the Andrews of Ancient Lore:

FFTA: Don't you feel the love?

OK, first question: What's your favorite race? I found the Nu Mou to be crappy and underpowered, but the bangaa had a nice mix. Most fun is the Gladiator class and their spell sword.... kind of like the Sorceror class of FF5, probably my favorite.

My favorite race on Final Fantasy Tactics Advance would have to be the Viera, because they have good speed, attack, and with the Assassin class and the concentrate ability, they can kill anything 95% of the time. They also have the Redmage class, which can get the ability Double Cast, not only casting their Red Magic, but also any White or Summon magic they've learned. The Bangaa race is strong, but it has the worst evade for its best classes, and is also the slowest of all the races. The Nu Mou are excellent magic users, and are the only ones able to get the 2 best magic classes in the game, the Sage and the Alchemist (who has the ability to use Item without it being equipped). The Humans are decent, and Moogles are the worst race.

Second question: Someone asked about the FFTA commertials (the american ones). I've seen two seperate ones, one of which made both my brother and I laugh out loud. It was the one with Mewt as a TV psychic... have you seen it? I'm not sure why it made me laugh, I guess it was just 'cuz he's a brat.

Apparently, Canada does not rate FFTA commercials, because I have yet to see any for the game. Then again, the only TV I've watched recently has been the Simpsons and brief snatches of various baseball games, so I could easily have missed it. At least that answers the pressing question of where Miss Cleo has gone; they've clearly cast some sort of spell on her, Roald Dahl-Witches-style and popped her into FFTA. I was beginning to wonder...

Third Question: What do moogles use those red pom-poms on their heads for? I mean, they must serve SOME purpose, or they would have fallen off years ago. My theory: a primitive radar.

Nowhere in any Final Fantasy the Moogles antenna was said to do anything or be for anything, so I think they put it their for just looks.

"This is the way!"

Actually, if you look very closely, Moogles are actually just members of the Illuminati, and the antenna is a vestigal part of their evil lizard selves that they can't quite cover up. Seriously, it's all here, as long as you take the appropriate pill, and overlook the fact that David Icke is an utter nutter.

Lowered Expec-ta-tions!

Dear Various Andrews (or whoever...heh heh),

Did FFTA live up to what you expected it to be? All my friends and I picked it up and have to say it's definitely not living up to the hype. We're all fans of the original FFT, and we're saddened that FFTA doesn't really have the same feel. Although this is to be expected, it just doesn't feel "Tactics-ish" enough for our liking. And on a personal note, the whole 'real world-becoming-game/dream world' story is very sub-par for Square. The game is enjoyable though. Noticed I said Square without the Enix. That's because, although we are fans of Enix also, if the company does something we don't like, we blame it on Enix. I guess maybe because we're mindless slaves to Square, but we're proud, so so what? Anyhow, what's your opinion?


I haven't really enjoyed any of Squaresoft's recent RPG's, and even though FFTactics Advance isn't as good as FFTactics, it was certainly a lot better than every recent game Squaresoft has released put together. That's not saying I think its really good; it's a decent game, but I still think it kind of sucks, mainly because of the way you learn abilities and how long it takes to learn them. The game is also way too easy, and the fact that only certain races can be certain classes makes some races(mainly Moogles) suck a lot more than the others.

As I am reasonably certain Enix is responsible for all the evil in the world, I will blame it for any and all shortcomings in Square Enix products, because I'm just that big a Square fanboy. Also, the only good RPG is FFVII.

Hurricane force letter writing!

Hey Andrew (and kupomogli.....)

Hurricane's commin soon, I should find kupomogli and knock him keep me preoccupied of course! My knife's all sharpened, kupo!! (Maybe one day I'll have the oppurtunity to guest host with Andrew...)

Wow, news channel 2 in Buffalo keeps on covering Issabel in the south with stupid people outside WATCHING the storm, who ever said that humanity was evolving was sadly mistaken... Who would stay outside in a hurricane?? Curse you Mary-Alice Demler for lessining my faith in humanity... Oh yea, there is definetly a difference between a hurrican and tornado, kupomogli. I would explain them, but I'm too lazy. I can't believe I still remember stupid earth science stuff. God, I'm surprised I passed that class 3 years ago...

I already know what a hurricane is, as well as what a Tornado is, which is why I put on the email I last sent "Hurricane(not Tornado), because I was too lazy to erase and retype what I've already put down. Then there is the fact that if you thought Earth Science and school is so stupid, then you wouldn't have put the other half of your conversation on nothing about school. And don't say you would kill anyone, because it is a sin. And God is watching all of us, if there is a God. But of course their is, except for the fact that he hasn't been doing his job for the last couple hundred of years.

As I explained to my sister, who professes to be terrified of weather in all its forms as a mildly misguided attempt to gain attention, I think of it like the difference between murdering someone by dropping a piano on them versus stabbing them through the eye with a hatpin. Such analogy, of course, is designed specifically for the purposes of increasing her fake terror, so feel free to insert something more pleasant if you're squeamish, like, say, one of those "This is your brain... This is your brain on ACID!" commercials. Yes, fried eggs - delicious AND euphemistically pleasing for all the stupid kids in the audience! Incidentally, the preceding opinions are those of the sponsor and do not necessarily reflect the views of this station, or the Global Television Network.

Get this... We didn't have any math homework because there's a FOOTBALL game tonight.. So, of COURSE we don't get homework because of THAT!! Don't you hate that? You know, where teachers always do special things cause of a football game or some sports activity?? But when something like an awards ceremony or school concert, or something that involves actual thinking is involved, they overload you with homework and act like it's not important!! Some even condem gaming as a waste of time. Speaking of school, I recently I found out that 2 teachers are actually into rpgs! The good thing is that they are actually teachers that aren't biased and actually have intellectual conversations in class. (in other words, teachers I like) My english teacher for 9-10th grade is 28 and engaged, so that's not really surprising. But my 11th grade U.S. Hist. teacher is in his mid 30's, has two kids, and is married. I guess that proves that gaming never really leaves ya, huh?

Enough rambling I guess, it should rain later, so expect some rain soon after me Andrew. And kupomogli, I will have my vengence!!! (or at least stab ya...)

lolz I <3 in da tha don OMGz goinz to panama rat-a-tat-tat foo!!

Keep your head high, and mind alert,

O' Shrouded One
(maybe one day, a guest host)

Obviously you've never read John Hummel's column over at That site I can't name, eh? He's in his mid-orsomething-twenties and is married with a daughter. Therefore, take heart - not only is it possible to be gainfully employed and enjoy RPGs - it's also possible to do both while talking about them on a regular basis, and as an added bonus, he's not even limited to our little old genre. Doesn't that just beat all?

If you're in the market for a guest-hosting, incidentally, I shall require a copy of Valkyrie Profile. Yes, this is pure extortion, but I do have an honorable purpose in mind: restarting that games-trading chain that Google kept going for so admirably long. I mean, come on - there's a brand new bevy of systems out there just packed with games. So yeah, I'm also aware VP is disgustingly rare, so I'm sure I can work something out with you besides the column, if you catch my drift (no I'm not propositioning you, that's a wad of cash I'm waving in your face.) Anyhow, the offer is open, so anyone crazy willing enough to kickstart things can fire an email my way.

Unfit For Print

My Question is, How come i see nothing of Legend of Dragoons? its a great game. Personally i like it a little more than Final Fantasy.

Do you guys have some sort of obscure contest going on to see who can sound like the hugest jackass? Because if you do, I'll have to destroy you all. Only I may create contests, especially obscure ones!

I've played Legend of Dragoon, and even though I hate FF7, I don't know how you say it's better, because Legend of Dragon is more boring and repetitive than FF7, so much that I quit halfway through and never finished.

See, that's what's wrong with kids these days - no gumption, no sticktoitiveness, none of the great buzzwords that made our generation realize how lame so very many of the people teaching us were. These days, it's all about "best effort" and "terrorism" and "please don't come into school and shoot us with big guns." Where's the love, folks? WHERE'S THE LOVE? Let me tell you, I finished LoD and I hated it. That's right, I detested that hateful, drawn-out, overwrought, badly translated sack of crap, and you know what? I enjoyed detesting it! That's what it should be like, none of this namby-pamby school busing and half-way quitting and such. If we'd quit halfway in my day, where would we be in the War on Drugs? HUH? HUH?

Well, okay, so I didn't actually have anything to do with the War on Drugs. Had you going for a minute though, didn't I?


Any tips on kupomogli's timely stabbing?? How bout stabbing him while he's forced to play Rhapsody?? O' Shrouded One

Doubletorture isn't nice :P

I've been playing so much FFTA that this was all I had time to write.

Good then, hurry up and finish it, or else I'll finish it a second time before you're done with your first.


So what is the new schedule for Q&A? The "News of Much Goodness" really made me smile, just as he said it would. Hmmm... I just can't wait till see just how you will explain the secret surprise! But I also wish Courtney Stone would come back to Q&A too...

"CS's #1 Fan!"

Cortney had good topics on Q&A,and was pretty nice I guess. But as for the secret suprise, if it would help is....... I GET TO BE GUEST HOST FOR THE NEXT YEAR. WOOOOHOOO!!!

For the second time, I'm telling you, it's PAWS! Wait, no it isn't. I lied up there so you'd all read the rest of the column. Actually, the guy with the hundreds of columns and the slimy complexion, after graciously reminding me what a terrible decision it was to remove him, has reassumed the reins of power. So yeah, enjoy Googleshng (or should I say Jake?)- he's There©.

The Final Grumble:

So, yeah. Googleshng is returning, Andrew's leaving (despite all previously professed concern over such things, to the best of my knowledge no sappy farewell column is forthcoming), and I'm moving down the street to the comfortable confines of wtf. By which, of course, I mean, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Google, meanwhile, will be holding down the fort from Saturday until Tuesday. I'd give you some sort of topic request, but since he's been feverishly collecting indignant letters since August, I'm guessing he'll either print those, or else all the delightful vindication the previously indignant are probably just raring to unleash. Keep it away from me, though. I have nothing to do with this particular decision, other than my general support for the fact that it does not result in me being sent packing.

For now, it's international Talk Like A Pirate Day, and if you value your lives, you will all follow suit. Else I'll be by in me fine ship o' war t'be keelhaulin' ya scurvy dogs! G'arrrrr!!!! Also, for Wednesday, let's talk about that whole sports versus academics conundrum that tends to set apart the teachers that went to Lakehead from the ones that went to Teacher's College. As I was in the gifted program from grade 4 through 12, I'm not too familiar with it, but from what I'm hearing it's a bit of a pain in the ass. Share your tales of woe. Until then, may all your troubles be creamsicle-related.

Anyways, it was cool being guest host, and I liked answering the questions, so I can see why Andrew usually answers all of them all the time. So just send in your emails for us to answer next time with your questions or comments.

Also, I lied about the secret suprise. I don't get to be guest host for a year, but it would be really nice.

-andrew- -kupomogli-

Andrew "G'arrrrrr!!! I'm the captain!" Long

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