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Andrew Long- September 16 '03- 01:17 Eastern Standard Time

I have a confession to make. I actually went and convinced my sister that it would be best if she were to get an Xbox as opposed to a PlayStation 2. Now, hear me out on this before you condemn me as the cheap whore to Microsoft that such a purchase clearly makes me. For one thing, I already have a PlayStation 2, so it just doesn't seem right for there to be the possibility of me coming home to see two PS2s sitting side by side, especially not when I could also bring along their retarded half-brother, my good old reliable PSX, creating a family reunion of truly epic, wasteful proportions.

Secondly, my sister, despite her claims of gaming godliness, does not have a history of playing the types of games available on the PS2, at least not to the extent that she ever finishes them. This type of game, of course, is RPGs, which of course discounts the countless sports games and crappy franchise knockoffs and Metal Gear Solid, but I'm reasonably certain she hates the first two types and she can play the last on my PS2, since it came bundled. Anyway, the fact of the matter is, I dearly want to get her hooked on Jet Set Radio Future. She has thwarted my advances thus far, but I am a persistent chap, and despite the fact that she's probably reading this right now, or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof, I am reasonably certain that I will win her over in the end, my damaging candour notwithstanding.

So yeah. I can now play any RPG released here in the past three years. Go me.

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Have a stupid question?
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What's Andrew reading this week?
Huck Finn, by Mark Twain
What's Andrew playing this week?
FFTA & Xenosaga, mostly

 
FFTA: Apparently, on lots of people's minds

Rather than review FFTA, I'd like to ask a question that I haven't seen answered anywhere else: What do the symbols in the Mission Items descriptions mean? Some have a triangle or circle listed by the "Att/Def/Pow/Res" entries, but there's no explanation how they affect those stats. Mind shedding some light on this?

-Mike Lemmer
I hate it when they leave info like that out of the instruction booklet.

Andrew:
My best attempts to find the answer to this have failed, but I would think that, in general, a triangle usually indicates "up or down", while a circle indicates "you want to have sex", if you believe those psychological kooks who read way too much into doodling.

 
FFTA question the second, third, fourth (from da boss, yikes!) and fifth

Hi there Andrew,
Alright, honestly, I haven't gotten a chance to play FFTactics Advance yet, but I HAVE read the manual, and it states clearly that in the equip menu, by pushing the 'L' button while an item is selected, you get to see how a new item affects your stats. Now, if this is referring to something else, then I'm sorry for writing this, but I would hate for people to be bashing a game about a problem that, well, doesn't exist.
- DynaBladeX


You'll probably get a bunch of letters saying this, but in FFTA, while you can't see the effects of equipping an item when purchasing it, you can see the effects before equipping it. In the "Equip Items" menu, simply move the cursor over the item, and hold down the Start button. There you have it.

Be seeing you,
Gregory

Hey Andrew.

You said yesterday "that you can't see how much an item improves a stat when purchasing and equipping it" in FFTA. It's true that when you are purchasing the item, you can't see how much the stats increase, but you can see how much the stats increase when you are equipping the item. When you are selecting the item you want to equip, all you have to do is press start, and it will show you your stats in blue or red. Unless of course you meant "how much" as in the difference of the increase/decrease (as in increase/decrease by 5 points), in which case I feel rather silly for pointing this out.

-ChimpsGoMoo

I noticed in today's column that you said the following regarding FF Tactics Advance: "you can't see how much an item improves a stat when purchasing and equipping it." This is incorrect.

I would like to mention that you should be able to see how much better then stats are for the item you want compared to what you already have by doing simple math. If you're using one armor that has def of 28, and the new one is 33, then you gain 5 points. -.-

However, for equipping the items you already have, press Start while highlighting the item to equip, and you can see the difference from the character's current stats in the typical red/blue fashion.

Hope that helps. Mikel Tidwell

Andrew:
Thank you all for proving me so terribly wrong, and rest assured: I'll have the Rolling Stones killed for this injustice, regardless of whether it was the Ramones behind it or not. Besides, death isn't much of a threat against the latter anymore, although then again, I rather doubt Keith Richards has anything to fear from death either, since he's been defying it for decades.

 
The Chee-Chee Mon makes an unexpected appearance

Hey Andrew!

I finally got a new computer!! Wooooo!! Now I don't have to wait 10 mins for the words to show up on my email.... Anyways, interesting ideas for Andrew "kupomogli" indeed. I would've put something more cynical like have him be attacked by stupid "GOD IS POWER" worshipers who attack him because video games are "evil ways for the devil to reach into youth's minds". I mean, come on! Video games are not modern incarnations of the devil's works! Errrrr.........well, Rhapsody was, but the developers are still rotting underneath the foundation for the CN Tower in Toronto, so they should calm down a little. Maybe one day, the evil that was Rhapsody will be forgotten by all people in the world, and once again the bunny children will walk off into the sunset with the Holy Nuns of Yore....in Holy matrimony..... Or, it's the fact that my head's been pulsating with each sinus.

Do I actually have a question?? Eh, not really, why not? I'll humor you since you seem quite bored. What do you think of the whole ferries between Rochester and Toronto? You think they will actually be popular? Or maybe one night when you're drunk, you'll hijack one and drive it to the states and possibly hit some old ladies along the way. Whatever you find that will fufill your boredom. Oh yea, the DMV will not allow me to get my permit yet because I didn't have my "original" social security card opposed to a copy of mine... But I have to wait for two weeks for a new one to come in....or scramble around the house trying to find it. Oh well, always time to find a nice knife to infict a stabbity death upon the woman there that served me.... Keep yourself sane, and try not to make andrew "kupomogli's" murder scene too clean. The gruesomer the better!! Hmm...maybe another job for the windex??

Stay cool,

O' Shrouded One

Andrew:
I salute you and your mad ravings, my friend. You've done me proud. To begin, then...How did you know I was bored? Was it because the lousy cable service hereabouts somehow caused the service near you to go down too, forcing you into such antiquated activities as "walking" and "talking" and "murdering hobos" like it did me? Actually, I think the problem was the fact that we had about twenty plugs jammed in an outlet designed to nurture three or four at most, but that's still no excuse, because our power system is privately owned now, and everyone knows that means it's more efficient, the occasional catastrophic collapse notwithstanding.

The ferries, I have actually been on before, surprisingly enough. I was seven, the economic boom of the eighties was in full swing, and we were just on the way back from Sault Ste. Marie, where I had managed to make stick the deliciously clever nickname of "Ashtray" for my sister Ashley, in concert with my various cousins. Yes, those were heady days, and to top off the dizzying experience, we rode home on the Chee-Chee Mon, a dubious scow that I remember very little of, possibly because I slept most of the way. I know for a fact it must have been dizzying, however, because when we arrived home my other sister, then two years old, decided to take up running for the first time ever, and ended up smashing headlong into a bannister.

And then she got up, bleeding from the mouth and giggling. Like I said, though, she's not borderline autistic. Really! Anyhow, remember: hide your evidence well, and uh, who needs a driver's license? I'm 22 and I still don't have one, although that does earn me numerous deathly stares from my friends when I get turned away from bars -_-

 
Now you get to see EVERYTHING I end up with from Andrew in a regular day (less a guess at the quote that I deem to be extraneous)

Hey Andrew,

You said you'd accept any of the ones from that Robust Stu guy. So first, I'd have to pick the one where he said turn over all my MP3 files, but the fact is, that the only MP3 files I've used to have was 10 - 20 remixes of Bloody Tears and Vampire Killer, but I deleted them months ago.

The second I'd do is that he said make him play Breath of Fire 3 nonstop for a month, infact I've probably already have done that(because I like Breath of Fire 3, and the fishing mini game is awesome), but there is no way you would know, except for the fact I couuld tell you about the entire game(or if I still have my character on my memory card, which I probably do, I could take a picture of it and send it in).

Then, the one where I should have to pay for all the bandwidth that day, well, first of all, RPGamer is a nonprofit site, meaning everyone on here doesn't get payed except maybe the person who owns the site. But the bandwidth cost for a day wouldn't be that much at all, but since it's nonprofit, it of course could pay for its own.

Then, I wouldn't really mind about deleting my favorite FF save file because, it would be either my character on;Final Fantasy Tactics, where I have every class mastered with Ramza, I've gotten every weapon in the Deep Dungeon, and every secret character; or my character on Final Fantasy 6, with all Mog's Dances, every esper with Odin instead of Raiden(because I think it looks kindof stupid when you change him to Raiden and then theres an empty spot where Odin used to be, and the fact that I'd rather have Odin so if I decided to level up anymore characters to level 99 I could add speed +1 each level), the Paladin Shield, and 2 Snow Mufflers so that both Mog and Gau can get 255 defense without changing to an Imp, as well as every character having 9999 HP and 999 MP because I stayed low level throughout the game, going exactly where I'm supposed to go because I know the entire game, and getting the Bahamut Esper and getting every character while on low level so there levels don't raise, and then fight the Tyranosaurs and Brachosaurs that are across the mountains close to the Veldt, and Umaro and Gogo don't have 9999 HP and 999 MP because it's impossible for them to equip espers.

So those are my ultimate Final Fantasy save files, so I'd delete one, because I want to play the games again anyways soon, so it wouldn't really bother me, but I think I've already done the Breath of Fire 3 one, but I can delete one of the FF files, and if you want to know which one took longer, it would be Final Fantasy Tactics.

Anyways, I also have my Tactics Ogre character, and that is the ultimate save data for any game I own, even though I accidently saved over my better file and have another one which is still the ultimate save file for any game it's just in the Law route, but its in Hell's Gate and I haven't been through Hell's Gate twice and have every item from there(including the Fireseal).

Plus the other ones are impossible to do, especially the thing involving other people and celebrities, as well as send Disgaea because a Q&A isn't 49.99 + tax, even if it is for an entire year, especially at a site that doesn't pay the people who work for it, it would just be for fun, which is why everyone is here, because they like the Q&A.

-andrew- -kupomogli-

Andrew:
You disappoint me, friend, although I honestly wasn't expecting you to select any of the bribery options, however I might have liked them. I will discard the RIAA one out of hand because the RIAA is the purest evil and sponsors the success of talentless hacks rather than real musicians who deserve the exposure all the Justin Timberlakes and Celine Dions of this world get instead. Incidentally, Celine Dion got carved up fantastically in a Vanity Fair editorial, with flair and acid that only a British fashion critic could possibly combine into one acerbic little ball of pure hilarity. I think his crowning line was this one: "She is a woman who looks good for an age she won't reach for another decade or so." As that more or less sums up my opinion on what has to be one of the least sexually enticing women in show business, I salute this author.

Moving along, no dice on the BoF III front, since if you played the whole thing you probably didn't hate it all that much. If you're still entirely unwilling to consider hanging upside down, I suppose I will accept the deletion of your FFT save file as a last resort. That said, I hope you'll reconsider, because then you'll be giving us a hilarious picture to remember for always. Since I have no particular interest in seeing you naked nor do I have any delusions of grandeur, you can even change the message on the cardboard to something of your choosing (although it must somehow relate to this column) and put on some shorts if you want.

 
Kupomogli II: First Blood

Hey Andrew,

Also, I'm sorry for not picking the one hanging upside down in a cardboard box, but the others are alright, so if you count Breath of Fire 3 then ok, but if not, it wouldn't really bother me since after I beat FFTactics Advance, and replay Disgaea I won't have anything to do so I can just replay whatever game I had to delete my character from.

-andrew- -kupomogli-

Andrew:
Pick it.....

 
Kupomogli III: The Search for Spock

Hey Andrew,

Sorry for emailing once again, and hey, I just remembered what I could do to prove how much I've played Breath of Fire 3, because recently I got an Ebay account like, a week ago, and then I put Buy It Now for Breath of Fire 3 because I really enjoy that game, and it would tell the date that I put it Buy It Now for, and I can also take a picture of the Money Order I went and got from the bank to send to the person for the game. Because I used to own Breath of Fire 3, but I traded it, and you might think, if I like it so much why did I trade it. The game that I got when I traded it was Tactics Ogre for the PSX and the person hated it which is why he wanted to trade it, and I've already played it because my friend owned it, but I wouldn't want his because his was really scratched up, so thats how I own my Tactics Ogre. Anyways, the address to the Breath of Fire 3 is (deleted), and if you look at when it ended, it says September 10th, and that's 5 days ago, and so the only way I'd know the guy would put anything about Breath of Fire 3 is if I could tell the future, and if I could, then I should win to be guest Q&A host as well.

-andrew- -kupomogli-

Andrew:
Futuristic or not, I still want you hanging upside down, dammit!

Quickies

Whatever happened to the new guy/gal they hired to do the Music section, and are they ever going to produce an update again? Q&A, Themes, and Music are my favorite parts of RPGamer, so I'm anxious to say the least.

GoodThings2Life

Well every novitiate into the interaction department here at RPGamer has to undergo a rigorous balloon race around the world, racing against time and possibly Michael Palin if we manage to kidnap him, which is usually the case, except last week when we had to make do with the left arm of Jules Verne, which took a lot of explaining when the bobby stopped by with the Union Jack near the tower of London. Anyhow, there was some sort of administrative snafu that left our incipient newbie floating above the south Pacific for eight days with robot sharks circling beneath him surrounded by eels and anti-escape orbs, so extricating him and giving him proper site access took a little longer than anticipated. Rest assured: You shall have your music in due time.

This week's quote is from some game (almost certainly an RPG) for some system. Even though it's very broad, it's technically right, so I deserve a tilde, dammit.

Kaiju Munky

Actually, you deserve nothing, and nothing is what you shall have.

I think I should guest host with you because you hate me dearly. :)

~rudyxx

Works for me. Does Thursday sound good?

This week's quote is from the original Final Fantasy for the NES, and it's from the brooms in Maytoya's Cave. Read it backwards, and it's a hint on how to display the world map. Can I get a tilde, or whatever is given out nowadays?

Thanks,
Dragonstrider

Now that's what I call spongeworthy, or at least I would if I was female and in a quirky sitcom. As it stands, neither of these is the case, so I'm afraid you get nothing, since in addition to being last week's quote, it's already been guessed about four times.



The Final Grumble:

I seem to have inadvertantly deleted the email of the person who first correctly guessed the quote, which is actually a hilarious story if you think about it, because he was actually the first person to guess it correctly but then, because I read his response earlier today and thought he was someone else, I subsequently emailed him back saying someone else had guessed it. So, to DynaBladeX: ~~~, and an extra ~ so you don't sue me for something that you probably can't sue me for, but hey, these tildes don't have any cash value (although their sentimental value is through the roof, folks) so occasionally, I can hand them out like hotcakes. Like now: ~~. ~. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.

<.< >.>

For tomorrow, I'm going to leave things directionless, since this week doesn't rub me the right way. Incidentally, did you notice I said "Thursday" up there? That's right, that little day we've been neglecting is now mine, all mine! Isaac Newton, however, is a pesky fellow and discovered various laws of physics which result in me now having a super secret to be revealed to you later this week. Oh, and the president was arrested for murder... More on that tomorrow.

Andrew "Hang upside down, man.. you know you want to" Long

I'll never tellllll....Well, until later this week

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