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Andrew - August 13 '03- 18:50 Eastern Standard Time

You know what's great? How they somehow managed to "lose" a couple of samples of Ted Williams' DNA. Is it just me, or does that sound like some sort of PR doublespeak meant to gloss over the fact that "lost samples" probably means "stolen samples", which seems to be a much more reasonable explanation for the fact that somehow, little pieces of Ted Williams went missing despite the fact that a cryogenics lab should really have something resembling tight security, unlike this sentence, whose insurance against run-on sentences expired when I crashed into this giant period after I drank a little too much paint thinner and now I have a restraining order against using periods until they determine whether or not the act was deliberate which kind of sucks because I need to use periods fairly regularly throughout the course of typing this introductory blather.

Okay, so maybe I'll just use them anyway, since grammar jokes grow terribly old the second after you dream them up. Speaking of things I dredged out of the black morass that is my imagination, a fair number of people have made guesses at the super secret question, none of which I've read carefully at this point. You'll just have to wait until after the letters to see if anyone managed to get close enough, in the estimation of my fine judge "Folding Tool Heavy Duty" who is scathing and British and can also fix your bike if you happen to end up with a loose bolt or nut or whatever it is Folding Tool Heavy Duties fix.

Also, it appears that a number of intrepid sleuths are in the audience, because quite a few people managed to ferret out who Googleshng is. Regrettably I cannot reveal such things publicly so I'm going to have to pull a Namco on your asses, except instead of censoring out hot robot-on-robot action I'm just going to post links to Matlock pr0n sites for you to feast on.

Now that I've planted that lovely mental image, let's move on to the column. There's this sweet fanfic where Matlock and Cliffy end up having a very romantic dinner, and the sooner you read through this column, the sooner you can eat your vegetables because let's be serious - who would ever write such an abomination? Indeed, who would actually write a Matlock fanfic of any description?

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Star Ocean Resurfacing

If you could kindly inform the person asking about star ocean 3 being multiplayer that if he further inspected his box that it says right on it how many players it is. And just in case he was having some kind of hard problem doing as such I have provided a diagram here that may further help him in his quest for knowledge. And also on responce to your randomblings about some letter you got, I belive it most likely said something to the extent of "FFVII is ub3r l33t, why teh h3ll r thy remakking WIld ARMs instead. That game sux the @$$"


Gee, and here I thought you were being all altruistic and such until you tacked on the randombling part. Now I know you just wanted some filler to justify your attempts to unravel the super mystery question.

Folding Tool Heavy Duty:
That was simply hideous. I've never seen such a brutal botching of the super mystery question, and frankly I'm surprised you even think you have talent.

Ouch! That hurts, man. I know what it's like to come out second-best against an inanimate object, though. This one time I was trying to make this Q& A column and I decided it would be a good idea to have a Folding Tool Heavy Duty judge the questions to this answer I came up with just to be daring and different, but then the stupid thing got all sassy and made me look like a shameless hack who does nothing but utilize crappy gag characters in an effort to flush out his sagging sense of humour. Lousy Folding Tool Heavy Duty...If only I had a can of pop or something fresh and original like an angry squid...

Oh yeah... I guess I did solicit this kind of thing! Well doesn't that just beat all...


It's good to see another Canadian on the staff. Well, I guess Paws wasn't really Canadian, but she did move here.

Anyway, that guy who tacked on the Japanese words was saying "Thank you very much" but you've probably been told that about 50 times by now.

I just have a suggestion. Could you and weekend Andrew add the first initial of your last name to your name when writing it, or something like that? Just to get rid of a bit of confusion. Unless, of course, you're both Andrew L. But I don't think that's the case.

- Denise


Well actually we're both Andrew D, I just haven't come clean with anyone about my last name, which is actually Dangerous. That's right. My name is Andrew Dangerous, and I work in a sawdust factory, which is actually pretty fitting because sawdust is the number four cause of lung cancer, right behind tobacco smoke, coal vapour and plutonium, which I hear they have this great special on over at the Wal*Mart down the street which is going out of business for some reason. That's probably against Wal*Mart's prime directive, but I guess we do things differently up here in Canada, because personal bests are what it's all about, and if Wal*Mart's personal best is to get run out of a crappy shopping center it helped to keep afloat, then so be it.

Incidentally, I'm pretty sure Paws is Canadian through-and-through, so I don't know what you're talking about. As for the Japanese, you are in fact the first and only to regale me with this priceless bit of information, and as such are entitled to bonus thanks. I was pretty sure on the "Thank You" bit, as I may have mentioned, but the "so much", which makes it ten times more hateful in my view is a heretofore undiscovered boon prize that I can now lavish my reserve supplies of scorn upon.

As for the terrible confusion that may or may not arise from my decision to use "Ask Andrew", I stand by my choice. Not only was said confusion a deliberate benefit I conceived of long before people started complaining about it, "Ask Cast" just sounds dopey, and besides, I'm rather ashamed of my Dangerous heritage - else why do you think I would conceal it with a name so misleading as "Long"?

Typer Shark Attack!

hi im a big fan of .hack and i was just wondering if u know the exact dates that .Hack Outbreak and Quarantine are coming out in North America.thank you if u can give any info.

I suppose I could, but I think I'll follow your example of aggressive laziness instead and point you towards our release database, which contains not only the priceless information you are seeking, but also parts of that highly scientific Bible code - you know, the one informing us that nuclear armageddon will occur in 2002. Yes, our programming staff is not only supremely talented, they can see the future. For instance, I was told to spread the following terrifying vision of prophecy: I will in fact be taking a sip of soda in the next five seconds, and nothing any of you can do will stop me. How do we know this? Well, if you take the fifth e from every non-monosyllabic word I've included in this column, matriculate with any dangling participles you may find here and there and then splatter them backwards across a George Foreman grill, you will find that the power of suggestion is, in fact, your daddy.

Esperanto? Die

Saluton Castomel,

Je via sano and other congratulations on your new position. Although I'm sorry to see Googleshng leave, somebody needs to provide my daily Q&A fix.

Some Questions about you: 1) Do you, in the great tradition of Q&A hosts and RPGamers everywhere, watch any anime?

Not regularly, although I have seen Evangelion in its entirety, as well as the first six or eight eps of Cowboy Bebop. That's about the equivalent of playing Final Fantasy VII and Chrono Trigger though, so I'm not going to claim any expertise here.

2) What's your favorite colour?

Supposing I was colour-blind. How do you think I would feel right about now? Blue, that's how.

3) Dragon Warrior/Quest: Yea or nay? Why?

Yea but only because the first one got me into RPGs. This is, in my view, the best part about the S-E merger: Enix games with the potential to have decent menus.

A Question about an RPG:

Is Final Fantasy IV really that much harder than Final Fantasy IV: Easy Type?

Dankon and ĝis,

~ Mauler "Congregated with souls of countless Pacific War victims, Godzilla can be killed by no weapon except three Sacred Beasts" Mithel

P.S This letter was sprinkled with fragments of Esperanto, dare to be different!

Are you kidding? Try pouring a few beers into it, you'll see why they call it "easy".

I wonder if this would flow better if I stuck similar letters together? Questions for a greater mind than I, these are


While I can respect the idea of multiple Andrews over the years, and might even live with having two Andrews run Q&A simultaneously, naming both columns "Ask Andrew" is just BEGGING for confusion. Can one of you start going by Andy, or adapt some alias, or something? BEFORE my head explodes?

- ChocoMog ZERO

I suppose I should point out one other thing that I failed to mention in the previous letter addressing this topic: If you look carefully, you'll see that my weekend counterpart's column is actually entitled "Ask Andrew!" whereas I opt to malign the heavily scorned exclamation point and appear more laid-back in the bargain. This is going to have to do it for now, because a)If I change this to Ask Drew, you'll probably think Drew Cosner has risen from the grave, when in fact he has merely relocated to sunnier pastures, b)anyone who calls me Andy meets with a swift and terrible end, and c)As previously mentioned, "Ask Cast" just doesn't sound right to me. Still, I'm not wholly without heart, so if you'd like to devise some sort of symbol for me, I might entertain the notion of retitling the column. I would, however, insist upon a multiplatinum record alongside my new cartouche, so you'd best get cracking.

Compelling conversation copyright 1990, 1997, 1999, 2001, 2002

Okay, here's a question for you:

I've been playing through Kingdom Hearts again, and, my apologies if someone already answered this question, but... in the loading copyright info, it says: "Final Fantasy chars, copyright 1990, 1997, 1999, 2001, 2002" or something to those effects... my question? Why are there five years? I've seen chars from FF7, FF8 and FFX, but no reason for five years...? The only things I could come up with: They're counting the introduction of moogles from FF6... and there are ship designs with the requisite FF enemy names...? What am I missing?

Well, I'm not entirely familiar with the entire cast of Kingdom Hearts, but since it took me three times to type "the" properly, I had plenty of time to consider this particular question, and came up with the following: 1990 is presumably the year the name "Final Fantasy" was copyrighted (in North America), 1997 was the release year for Final Fantasy VII, '99 the year for Final Fantasy VIII, 2001 the year for Final Fantasy X, and 2002 the year in which Kingdom Hearts itself came out. And where did I learn to use these fantastic powers of deduction? Ben Matlock, of course.

Dammit.. How did he figure out I was goofy so quickly? Oh, right... the goofiness

Ah, another Andrew. Perhaps this column will be like and Andrew Yin-Yang, with you being the peaceful (but goofy) side and The Rabbit being the spiteful, cruel side.

On to my questions:

1. Why exactly did Google get kicked out of the Q&A seat? He made it sound like all Q&A hosts can only hold the job for a certain amount of time before their chairs explode... or something.

Exploding chairs work, because I'm not going to go around sounding off on staff business since that would cost me both my job and my life. Do you really think I want to spend eternity with "teh suck. Could not stfu" carved on my gravestone?

2. You've told us you're Canadian, but you haven't told us your basic outlook on RPGs in general. What do you think of MMORPGs? P&P? The world wants to know!

MMORPGs are my bane. Each time I consider maybe pondering the possibility of getting interested in one, it takes a sharp turn for the worse, and I remain on the sidelines. For instance, the second I downloaded Ragnarok Online, it became a seething mass of lag, ugly character models and ass-awful interstitial artwork that appeared during loading times. Well, I guess I wasn't responsible for the last two, but I'm fairly certain I was personally culpable for the general lag soup that the game became two minutes after I loaded it.

As for P&P, I used to play those all the time. We played Dragonlance campaigns, and I was a neutral-chaotic Kender with an affinity for acrobatics and ownership of a tavern in which, I'm fairly certain, resided the largest fictional gerbil colony ever constructed. That's also where my nick comes from, incidentally.

3. I just finished FF Origins. I found it quite nice, as the remake made FF1 a tolerable game. I also found FF2 quite enjoyable, despite the fact that most people constantly lambast it. Have you played this game, and what did you think of it?

Once again, does nobody read my reviews? I mean, yes I write them strictly for my own amusement, but it would be nice to know that one or two people occasionally swing by PsoV and check my stuff out. Seriously, I don't give out perfect tens every time like Otterland, although by freak coincidence we do have exactly the same number of games reviewed. Anyhow, from what I've played of it, which is all, Final Fantasy II is a smelly little hodgepodge of fetch quests and repetitive music, with a profoundly useless magic system and very sluggish pacing. I hate it and I want it to die, unlike that creepy spam that says the exact opposite.

4. What differences, exactly, are there between the "easy" and "normal" modes of FF1&2 in Origins?


5. What the smurf are those things in your sig-pic?!

Lastly, a comment: How could anyone NOT know Googles identity? He wrote it in the Bible, somewhere towards the back.


The crap I draw isn't really supposed to be anything in particular, but if I had to guess where it came from, I'd say they're subconsciously based off the goblins in this book my dad used to read to me when I was three. It was by this European nobleman named Ul de Rico, who made this crazy story up about goblins stealing the rainbow and then drowning themselves in rainbow juice because they got too greedy. This was obviously before the advent of Skittles made it possible for rainbow-addicted Goblins to live healthy and rich lives, so if you really think about it, the book's a bit of a tragedy.

Also, they kind of look like Sum 41.

Square Enix, Part 2: First Blood

Hey Andrew, 1) I just wanted to know if you know a way to contact Square-Enix, such as an email address or something, because for while I've been wanting to send them a letter/email of some sort. Also if I do, do you think they'll reply?

If you head over to the company's website, I'm fairly certain they have an email link somewhere or other. On the downside, they also have this giant stack of pre-written form letter responses, so anything you send them will probably come back with some sort of standard reply, possibly in the form of a Nigerian pyramid scheme offering you millions of dollars for the use of your bank account.

2) Also do you know if there will ever be a FF3j remake for the PSX? I've played it and it's really cool, and I'd love to have a "proper" copy of it (i.e. not a ROM) that I can understand.

Thanks, Matt

Various rumour mills much more reputable than myself have been churning out speculation on this particular issue lately; the folks over at IGN seem to have the impression that it's coming over with Seiken Densetsu 3 as Square Enix's final glorious PSX flameout. I would be highly wary of SD3 though; it's the only game I know that has the power to put me to sleep every single time I play it. In fact, I once wound up in the hospital for a week thanks to that stupid game, or at least due to blood sugar levels that should rightfully have killed me. I forget which it was... That whole week was kind of hazy.

Meanwhile, on another set...

Nifty random Answer. Here's a question for it.

"What is a rather lengthy rant regarding Wild ARMs F?"

Heh, I am actually QUITE interested in WAF, party because WA is one of my favorite video game series (best puzzles of any video game short of Zelda: Wind Waker.)

Talk to you later!

~Himizujin Eternia

Wild Arms has good puzzles, eh? From what I've seen so far, which admittedly isn't much, WA's puzzles tend more towards the Camelot style of doing things, which goes something like this:

Camelot Guy 1: Hey, here's a puzzle that isn't lame at all!

Camelot Guy 2: Yep. That sure is a good puzzle that doesn't make me want to pound in my forehead with a giant chunk of uranium. Let's use it another hundred times!

Camelot Guy 1: Yeah! That's a great idea! While we're at it, let's mix in this other puzzle you previously invented, the one that doesn't make me want to slam a giant bag of spikes into my groin.

Camelot Guy 2: Yeah, I know... I'm just full of them. Say, let's go sit in scalding vats of oil! It's just as much fun as these mind-bending puzzles we're so good at making.

Camelot Guy 1: Wow.. what would I do without you?

Yes, my insights into the world of game development are second only into the insights of your attempts at the Super Mystery Question. Don't think you've won yet - remember, I'm the Paula Abdul of this panel, and while I may be the world's leading authority on Vibe-ology as it relates to RPGs, you've still got to get by the scathing wit of Folding Tool Heavy Duty.

Folding Tool Heavy Duty:

You know, I had thought the worst thing I could ever see was babies being slaughtered by children being eaten by giant snakes being strangled by scorpions, but it appears you've managed to top that carnage with the injustice you've done to the Super Mystery Question. For shame!
Score... I knew all this caffeine would give me a second wind.


"What are... the chances of companies making remakes of other games like they are doing with Wild Arms F?"

"I'll take 'Thinly-Veiled Bribe for Letters' for $200, Alex."

Folding Tool Heavy Duty:
You were going good until the end there, at which point you inexplicably seemed to forget how exactly a musical note that is on-key is supposed to sound. Your question is also wrong.

That aside, your first column of a (presumably) long tenure was... intriguing, to say the least. It was rather lengthy but the random bits of blunt humor made it worth the investment, at least in part. Potential for growth. C+

I have no "question" because, quite frankly, I never really understood the necessity of sending one in, even if this is a "Q&A." All factual questions can be answered via a simple Google/GameFAQs search, and all the rest are either asking for opinions or rumor clarification. So my suggestion is to recognize this facet of Interaction for what it is: a glorified Message Board thread moderated under the pretense of quality amusement.

So, make it amusing. I don't care if you do it via personality (Thor) or via sarcasm (Duff) - just do it.

Sure thing, Giant Beer. Well, except for the C+. You can have that back, for everyone must love me unconditionally. Unconditionally, I tells you!

Meanwhile, on another set...

So I'm trying to think of ways to spruce up Q&A...and so I'm thinking about what Q&A really needs to be.

It's not a BBS, because even though there are 'conversations' after a fashion they're once-a-day and answered by the host.

It's not to duplicate a FAQ, not anymore. Perhaps in the days when FAQS were...sucky, that would have held water.

It isn't really a rumor swapping mill, because that's what the news section is for.

So what is it then? Q&A goes to an organiized site, theoretically with more resources than the average question-asker. So Q&A could really be about those odd, goofball questions that the average person can't find out the answer to without doing tons of research. Stuff like "which FF summons are NOT based off deities?"

And so I propose adding a 'new feature'. Guess-the-quote is good, but it may be time to expand on it. Have a trivia question of the week with some cool-but-useless prize to whoever gets, say, asking the next trivia question, or something...

Hey! My newsies don't report on rumours you astro-jerk! While the occasional bit of grade A bull-plop might find its way through the cracks, it's site policy to give you the plague, and never to post rumours. So eat bubonic doom!

On a related note, that's two letters in a row suggesting that my function isn't actually to answer questions, and while that's true to an extent, I think Lrd sums it up best here. Yeah, I could easily tell you how to win at Blitzball or when .hack is coming out, but you could also easily type "Blitzball" into your handy Google toolbar and whammo - once you wade through twenty porn sites, which for some reason include this as a keyword, you'll have all the strategy you ever need. So yeah, in this respect, my answers would just be a crutch for lazy-ass readers, and while I'm personally a big fan of indolence, I certainly won't aid anyone else in its pursuit.

I think both you and RR hit the nail on the head by identifying what I should be answering - oddball questions and various other concerns that people come up with. Let me put it this way. I listen to this radio show at night on ESPN not because it deals with sports, but because it deals with things that people who like sports might like to listen to conversation about, leaving scores and the like to the regular news reports every 20 minutes. Think of this column the same way. We should discuss things which might be of mutual interest to us all up to and including various elements of games, but if you want to know how many characters there are in Star Ocean 2 or when FFXI will be coming out, we have a handy news department and information section for those purposes.

And perhaps we can start up some sort of infinite trivia loop, since that games-for-hosting bit kind of died off a long time ago.

I... am... Job. Eww... Mrs. Doubtfire quotes? I've hit a new low -_-

Greetings, I don't know much about you, and don't really care to look up your bio. So, here are some questions instead.

1. What is your favorite Jappanese RPG?

2. Favorite Pen and Paper RPG?

3. Favorite PC RPG?

And if you so feel the need, your least favorite of all the above.

Thanks, -lukethebandgeek-

1)I'm not so sure what a Jappanese RPG is, but I'm sure whatever it is, it's a real delight to play. Or not, in the case of my least favorite Jappanese RPG. I hate that game so much...
2)They're all great! All that matters is getting personal bests, like they always say when Canadian Olympians finish 52nd in a field of 60, which tends to be often since the government has better things to waste time and money on than amateur athletics, like legalizing marijuana and spiting the Pope.
3)My favorite PC RPG would have to be an oldie but goodie, Quest For Glory IV. I never did finish that game, but anything that feels the need to have a text message that goes "Snick! The door slides open" whenever you pick a lock gets top marks in my books. Also, it had a burgmeister. My least favorite would have to be Ragnarok Online, which made me cry tears of blood for the excruciating few hours I played it. It doesn't help that my only gaming contact with Koreans has largely been limited to exchanges involving demands for "manner games" and then bizarre gameplay strategies that leave me considerably deader than I was beforehand, largely due to imposing communication barriers. While the people on RO obviously aren't all Korean, everything is written in some garish English-Korean hybrid that feels like pouring acid on my eyes when I read it, which is enough to achieve a similar effect.

Another Clever Trevor strikes!

I know google's name and gender... goog even spelled it out in his last post. visit goog's site

for god sakes, do you people listen?!?!? (read!??!?!)

Also, to make sure this gets posted... I need ask a good on-topic question.

So, uh... Andrew... what kind of question should I ask to qualify as good material for print?

Or should I ask a rhetoric or as I call them "dumb" question about "when is xxxyyy coming out?" to which you should answer: "RTF web site!" or "when it comes out"



That sounds like a pretty good plan, but I have an even better idea. Next time you think about sending a letter, proofread with particular care to that tricky "I sound like a condescending ass" rule. It'll do wonders for everyone involved, and as an added bonus I won't even boot you in the colon.

Is he hitting on me? o.O

Ey Castomel (it's me again =P),

1. How come you guys decided to change .hack//outbreak's release date to September so late? The September release date used to be a rumor, and the dothack website didn't even bother announcing it officially until last August 11. Did those guys e-mail you guys? While were on that, what are your thoughts on Bandai not bothering to confirm the delay with the public until very late? You can't imagine the chaos in message boards about the REAL relase date.

Well, being a somewhat frequent visitor to those message boards, actually I can imagine. As for the change - well, it might have been nice to have more advance notice, but in the end, the difference of a month isn't so earth-shattering that you won't be able to pick up the remnants of your life and move on eventually.

2. I saw that pic of yourself that you posted on the Q&A, and you don't look so bad =). You kind of remind of a cross between a rocker and banged-up hockey player.

Banged-up hockey player indeed... I know my mouth wasn't open or anything, but I assure you - I'm not missing any teeth.

3. Are you planning to get Final Fantasy Tactics Advance? Personally, I don't really mind if it's really similar to FFT, I want it for Job System.

Yes, yes I am.

4. So.... with you "apparently" working on Q&A, and with Rage gone, who's..... going to handle news? Since it's one of the most important functions of the site..... >_> <_<


-- Gabe "Never put a calculator in the freezer" Ang

The news department probably. In response to your blatant hinting: no dice. You had your chance ^^

Logan's Run: No longer the most popular conspiracy in town


I've got a reasonably sound theory on Google. Whether people have had this theory before and not been printed, I don't know, because after looking at it, it's really simple if true.

First look at these two RPGamer bios...



Similar aren't they. But this was the second piece of evidence that I got of Goog's identity.

The first was on his website. If you look down at his copyright at the bottom, it says Searching 3,083,324,652 web pages. Now, I've always assumed Goog does his own HTML coding. So isn't it reasonable to presume that Matlock and Googleshng are one and the same? This would also fit in with his clue given yesterday.

Next time I promise I'll send a question about an RPG.


I could say something in reply, but I think this letter speaks for itself.

Hmmm... this confusing introduction sheds some light on what you guys are complaining about...

Hey Andrew(maybe I should call you Andrew2, you know, Andrew and Andrew2, but then that would make me Andrew3. So I should probably call Andrew Andrew2 and you Andrew3 which would leave me as Andrew),

Anyways, since no one was nice enough to invite you as being the Q&A host. Congratulations and I hope you like it. And also, for those of you who really want to know, Google is a small-town lawyer with big-city smarts, and his name is Ben Matlock, and if you actually read all the credits and everything to the show, you would have seen that.

Since it's up to us to write about the topic, I just wanted to say you're right, that Wild Arms 2 is a very good game, and not that they messed up with the translation on the dialogue so badly, just that the game was always in a serious mood. Also I think it's stupid that they are rereleasing the first Wild Arms anyways, where they shouldn't rerelease any of them. Yes they're letting people play the first one with, but with dramatic changes, like having 8 characters instead of just the original 3(and I'm pretty sure Boomerang/BFlash and Calamity Jane are going to be two of them).

One reason I hate them rereleasing most games besides the fact that they ruin all of them by doing it(namely Squaresoft on FFOrigins/1) is that the originals are rare and collectors items. If they release Wild Arms for about a year again, almost every new RPGfan there is will have the game making the rarity of the game drop.

Also, yes, Final Fantasy 7 is more popular than all the Wild Arms games put together, but mostly because it's the first RPG that most people have played(which you should make that a question by the way, "what is the first RPG you've played"). Another reason is that the amount of ads and commercials Squaresoft released on TV and in magazines would of course make people purchase the game, because at that time FF7 had the best graphics imaginable, and most people go for graphics when they look at pictures of a game and not for how the games gameplay looks or previews of what the gameplay is like.

In fact, my opinion, is that(other than Squaresoft making so much money on their newer games) Squaresoft's newer games are pathetic. Simple gameplay, always the same the entire game(namely FF10, FF7, and Kingdom Hearts). Storylines based on one element in the entire game (on FF7, chasing sephiroth from place to place to save the world, or FF10, going from each point in the game collecting summon spells to kill Sin). But people are buying the games because "it's a Final Fantasy", or "it's from Squaresoft" and many people never bothered trying to play Wild Arms because the beggining of each game in the series starts off really slow, until you get All of the characters together(or on Wild Arms 2, just the main 3).

Anyways, maybe the next Q&A's question could be along the lines of which is the first RPG people have played, or their favorite RPG of all time and give a detailed description on why they like it.

-andrew- -kupomogli-

Folding Tool Heavy Duty:
Amazing! You've completely missed the point of the Super Mystery Question. I thought the past few contestants were bad, but you brought things to a new level. Thank you for totally destroying a classic.

Um, what that thing said. I know it seems fun to try and think of outlandish reasons why Wild Arms is so much better than Final Fantasy VII, but your argument loses all credibility when you claim that FFVII has objectively lousier gameplay than Wild Arms. Now, I'm no fancy big city lawyer, but it seems to me that Final Fantasy VII took WA's gameplay, chewed it up, swished it around inside its mouth, spat it into a vat of gasoline, threw in a match and then dropped it on Cuba just ahead of a nuclear warhead. I've played both, and FFVII never made me struggle to want to continue, while Wild Arms requires superhuman strength to slog through. I'm no new-schooler, either - as stated somewhere long ago up there, my first ever RPG was Dragon Warrior, so I'm well-accustomed to lousy interface and mediocre battle systems. Hell, I've even played through both Beyond the Beyond AND Rhapsody, so believe me, I have tolerance. I just don't care to waste too much of it on WA, however much you might like hugging your not-actually-that-rare copy at night. Final Fantasy VII is more popular than all the Wild ARMs games put together because it's better than all the Wild ARMs games put together.

Anyhow, thanks for the rambling letter and the super-great idea for a topic for next week.


You realize you're stuck with all us loonies that worshipped Google as some sort of demigod. Right?

- Galvatron

Yes, which is why I had to think up a counterattack as fiendishly clever as claiming he's Matlock repeatedly. Stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it! How d'you like them apples? Bizzam! Owned! And so forth.

Well, I haven't written to RPGamer in several years or so... I think the last time I did, I was midway through high school. (I am now midway through college.) But I wanted to request a shout-out to all my fellow collegians around the world who will be taking the MCAT on Saturday... Could you wish us all good luck? Many of us need it. Thanks! :-)

-- Nine Billion

Welcome back, and good luck! Many of you need it.

Your sig pic is ugly as hell. Please use it on the boards so I can replace it with my far superior Master Belch one.

-- LordBrian

YOU'RE ugly as hell! Good one, eh? Besides, I cycle through various sig pics, of which that is only one of many, so I can just switch it, while your face is stuck right where it is. Damn, I'm good...

Bling all panty to Happosai for HAPPI PRIZE! Avoid direction of Tarou in to Happosai! TSU~BABABABABA!


"Happosai-sama wa SU-GO-I!"

Well... at least it's not someone offering me an army of unholy animal minions...

All Hail King Andrew the LXXXV!

I place my legions of killer squirrel warriors at your command, oh great one. I only wish to be second in comand in your Imperial Kingdom. If not, expect the full fury of fifty million flying fuzzy squirrels and many of other varieties!

Lord Karl, Ruler of Killer Squirrel Warriors and Prince of the Kingdom of Duff!

..Oh wait.

Do you know of any video game cross-word puzzles? And if so, where are they?

Thank you

I see how it is... First you offer me minions of doom, then you try to bore me to death with crosswords so you can assume power? Not likely! I spurn your death squirrels, regardless of whether you were offering them to me or Andrew Duff!

Let's see's a 50-letter condemnation...

"Googleshng, a genderless slime, has opinions of golden value."

I wonder how many people just sat there and counted all fifty letters?


- Feep

Err.. that wasn't quite what I meant, but I am at least moderately frightened that you actually made that fifty letters long...Anyhow, if you can't say something nice, say it to Duff... He probably won't censor you like me <.<

Googleshng is Matlock?!? I KNEW it! All this time it's been right there, infront of my face, and I didn't see it! It's so obvious now. Wow, both an actor and a Q&A host, that's pretty impressive.


Did I not just spend an entire column pointing out that fact? Yeesh.. You people need to pay attention more ^_^

Greetings non-evil Andrew

I heard that Googleshng was forced to relinquish his Q&A position

so she could focus on the California governor race.



Like anyone stands a chance against Gary Coleman...

The Final Grumble:

Well then. Thanks for the response - I knew there were more people lurking out there somewhere. Anyhow, I think I will steal the idea provided to me by that extra Andrew fellow and toss up next week's topic as: What is the first RPG you ever played? Since multiple topics means branching plotlines like in good episodes of the Simpsons and Seinfeld, however, I'll also give you this second topic: Is there any underrated game or series of game you think doesn't get the respect it deserves? Explain.

As for the weekend, like I mentioned yesterday, Duffman is on his way to Disneyland for some good old-fashioned wholesomeness, so Cortney Stone of editorials and newsie fame will be bringing some good old-fashioned wholesomeness here as well. I tried to get her to give me a topic, but apparently she's "busy" with junk like school and news, so she thinks topics are for suckers. Still, she does like getting lots of letters, and she even put a new pic in her bio, so you can ogle her AND then spend the rest of the weekend dodging her murderous glares after you write in like I will be now. On that note, time to get a headstart...

Oh, and nobody wins the guessing game because you all missed it horribly and have disappointed my Folding Tool Heavy Duty. It will now be making guest appearances on the Outdoor Life Network in some show involving bikes and cliff-jumping, with bikes. For posterity's sake, here's the question:

So yeah, don't you think Wild Arms Episode 1: Reloaded is gonna be the sweetest? If you don't...then...umm...oh well. Well after all that time with fanboys crying over an FF7 remake it's nice to see a game that really deserves a remake get it's comeuppance. I mean, I like FF7 as much as the next guy, but does it really need to be remade? That's like a rewrite of Dickens or the Bible (wait, the second one's been done, but you know what I mean).

Wild Arms deserves this though, because it never really got the opportunity to shine on its on, partially due to the soon-after release of FF7 and partly due to it's poor translation. It's nice to see the underdog get a second chance.

Andrew "Read the Matlock Bio or I May Weep Like The Broken Man I'll Be" Long

I poured my heart and soul into that fake bio!

Old Issues
  • Matlock
  • Canadian Olympic Success
  • Wild Arms
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