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Kleenex Your Lego October 10, 2005

Andrew Long - 04:52 EST

A FANTASTICALLY INSIPID THING HAS OCCURRED on this wonderful bastion of reason we call the internet. Yes, Adobe, apparently having taken leave of their senses and several hundred thousand dollars' worth of consultancy fees, has posted the following claptrap on its website. You heard it here first - apparently there is some harm in its brand name becoming a household term, and woe betide the internet goons who deign to utilize it incorrectly!

I honestly cannot fathom being as out of touch as the person who wrote that drivel, so I must therefore conclude this campaign is nefarious in nature. I think Adobe (oops, MudhutŠ) is hoping to use irony to advantage and trick all of us into using its trademark "properly" through the natural power of teenage sarcasm. I for one will have none of it. Fight the power of stupid Adobe garbageface and continue to use photoshop as a verb. Noun it up! Heck, if you can somehow work it so that that bidness is a dangling participle, I will personally deliver to you an entire truckload of gold stars, because there are few things I hate more than corporate wags attempting to mess with forces stronger than them for no other reason than to prove they can do so.

So to Adobe: boourns. I recommend reading those aloud in a falsetto British accent for added goodness. If you've ever seen Kids in the Hall, you'll know the accent I mean. Also: in case you're wondering, I'm covering for Matt because it's Thanksgiving and his mother is apparently fattening him for slaughter or something. I don't know, I didn't catch all the details. Suffice it to say his farm is doubtless a hellish abattoir, and he will be lucky to escape. All I know is that Leamington was always a little too verdant when I was driving through there, so there's gotta be someone up to no good. I mean, come on. THEY FARM TOMATOES!


Hey there sailor!

I very much hope that this is the last time that greeting ever appears.

I've recently been playing FFVII again, and decided to breed chocobos to get to all the caves which apparently contain a lot of pretty handy stuff!


i followed a walkthrough exactly. and still NOTHING.

I understand this must be one of the most stupid letter you recieve heh heh


Not at all, Stephanie. You have a valid concern, though I still have to say, if you're following an FAQ and it still didn't work, you must not have followed it very well. While getting the desired shade of Chocobo is not necessarily easy(I should note here that I've never done so; me and that particular minigame did not end on amicable terms, which is to say, I skipped it entirely due to pointlessness) neither is it the gargantuan task you are proposing. I must therefore suggest that you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. Or maybe you can just photoshop a yellow one gold.

Angels in the Outfield


Write you a letter, huh?
I never was good at those open topic things.. ever. A person can spend hours wondering what to write about and end up writing about nothing at all.

I just remembered that I wanted to make a statement to the person who wrote you last weekend about Wisconsin gamers.

"I've been severely irritated by the lack of RPG players in my part of the globe (Wisconsin), most people I know play Mario and Football, it sucks. Any suggestions on what I can do to make this turn around, since these people seem to be completely clueless about games in general, I've listed half of my library and they never even heard of them."

Well, I am a Wisconsin gamer that plays more than Mario and Football(yeah, like I'd be caught dead playing something like that). While I WILL admit to playing Mario games, I am more of a traditional RPGamer myself ^_~. That said, don't get your hopes up. The majority of the "gamers" in my neck of the woods are MMO players that don't even know what MMO stands for.

Anyway. I have no questions. ^_^



Well. I am highly disappointed. Just for that, tomorrow night when the Leafs lose miserably to Ottawa, I'm going to go on about it in #rpgamer until you BEG for mercy! Hmhmhm. Also, thanks for sharing, Angel.

Sounds spine-tingly-dingly!

Hey andrew,

Im a huge suikoden fan, and i know that between each of the suikoden games from 1-4 to the most extent it was about 3-4 years in between each game. Now they got suikoden tactics and suikoden 5 coming out in a matter of a half of a year of each other, whats the deal? Why are they pushing two suikoden games out in such a small period of time? Will the games storylines still stay as good as the others? And why do the graphics for suikoden tactics look like very bad drawings? it comes out in another month and the graphics look worst than my drawings, and thats saying something. then you have suikoden 5 graphics that look amazing, you dont down grade your graphics for a game usually. even suikoden 1's graphics look better than suikoden tactics. hopefully something is fixed for that game. whats your opinion?

The Unyeilding Umber Blaze


My opinion is that graphics don't make the game, whatever that game may be. Even so, your comments intrigued me enough to actually look at the art for Rhapsodia, something I hadn't previously bothered to do, operating on the theory that since Suikoden games have been heading into the dumper since Suikoden III that it wasn't too likely to be that great.

At a glance, I must agree, some of those shots do look pretty rough. That said, that roughness appears to be an attempt at something resembling an artistic style. I will grant that it's a pretty iffy artistic style, but since we haven't actually seen it in action it might be best to wait and see. You should also consider the fact that most tactical RPGs do not put an emphasis on graphics; while stuff like Disgaea may look nice, technologically speaking, it's still far below what the PS2 is capable of, and often, in a T-RPG graphics are sacrificed for gameplay, which in my books is a transaction that's all to the good.

In any event, Suikoden V may be as pretty as can be but until there's some evidence that the overall slide into suck the series has experienced is abating, I won't be paying too much attention.


Yo weekend Guru another question.

you said this in saturdays q and a and i want it clarified

but I doubt you'll see Secret of Mana, a) because it's already announced for the GBA and b) because another Mana game is currently under development for the handheld

is it really annouced for the gba? i mean or do you mean seiken densetsu DS:children of mana?

you said gba so i was wondering if it was a error on your part



Yeah... I'm not too sure where I came up with that idea. I think it stems from the fact that it was once announced way back in the WSC days for that system, and my memory, being somewhat prone to leaks as it is, confused the two. I also seem to recall some sort of announcement pertaining to SoM, however, so I'm not entirely certain that I'm wrong. We'll operate on the theory that I am, though, and I will apologize for the confusion.

Unfit for Print

My name is Tony Franklin and I was wondering if you think Knight Rider will come to America besides on the pc because im a big fan of the show and can't understand why we can't get a playable American Playstation 2 version, it just bogels the mind, thankyou for the time.


Okay, first, this is an RPG website, so I don't know where exactly you thought the talking cars, budget-bin PC titles, and bad 80s hair came in, but you can leave by the same door. Secondly, this column is a Hasslehoff-free zone, and will forever remain thus. Good day to you, sir.


Glerm. I do wish mail had been a little less anemic this weekend; it's a sad sad state of affairs when I have to print something like that last letter. In any event, your good pal Matt will be back tomorrow, and I have it on the best of authority that he will be having turkey sandwiches for lunch! Sounds delicious, yes, but not as good as a creamsicle! Until next week,
Andrew Long is planning on introducing a partridge in a pear tree as an acceptable Thanksgiving alternative.

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