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I Am the Phoenix!

Andrew Long - December 5, 2004 - 00:35 EST

BECAUSE I AM TIRED FROM DEALING WITH insane customers at work and not getting any sleep all week, I am feeling very lazy right now. As such, I have invited the world-famous patrons of my world-famous personal IRC channel, #grumblegrumble, to aid me in answering your queries.
<Shroudie> I <3 Castomel
<Shroudie> :D
<Rob> what the
<Rob> you stole my line you bastard
<Shroudie> yeah, well, it IS my job
* Martyr is here
<Shroudie> who's the bloody stalker, eh?
<Rob> see, chim just posted whole blocks of chat

HEY! Nobody said anything about Chim, or stealing his ideas piecemeal out of laziness! I would certainly never dream of such a thing. Ever. Ever ever.


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The kupomogli LJ

Mommy, Where Do Chocobos Come From?

Boingy, Boingy!

Alright I was reading your question and answer column and saw on of the questions by morridor and was wondering two things. If students usually right persuasion/research papers on why RPG's are the better half of the video game industry and also if not I would like to get his email address somehow so I could take a look at his persuasion/research paper to try and get some good idea of what hes doing bc if so I have an idea for it. thanx for reading it if you got this far and if you send a reply I guess thanx again.


<Shroudie> Holy, what's this about posting secret government files not meant for you eyes? or
<Castomel> iunno to me this looks like some guy trying to steal someone's essay ^^
<Shroudie> jesus
<Castomel> lazy bastards
<Rob> hahaha
<Shroudie> yeah Copyright infringment is a sin punishable by stabbing!
<Rob> i would say post a listserv address, with a warning "Warning: this may or may not be his real email address"
* Castomel stabs
<Shroudie> of coursre course it's infringement but I wasn't always the greatest speller
<Rob> poor shroudie has issues with the size of his digits
<Shroudie> I'll digit you!

Boingy, Boingy!!!

just have a quick question for you. I watch video game news... RPG news in particular fairly closely, yet somehow I managed to miss when Nobuo Uematsu, and Hironobu Sakaguchi either left or got fired. How did this happen? One day I come to RPGamer and their talking about the new company they formed... how did I miss this? What circumstances brought this about?

Thanks for helping the misinformed,


<Shroudie> Joshua, while I search for Castomel's pants, I find your question quite admirable.
<Rob> probably a bit of both I think
* Castomel notes: pants have not been misplaced
<Shroudie> hey screw you, I'm the one with the nekkid fantasies :D anyways
<Rob> the game industry is nothing but project after project after project typically, so having your own company where you canaccept contracts are ou see fit would be a plus
<Castomel> if only he hadn't named it something so crappy
<Shroudie> Saka-coochiecoochie and Uematsu left quite a while ago, friend. It seems their relationship with the big S-E wasn't going aswell.
<Rob> actually that's kinda catchy
<Castomel> hehe can't imagine what the logo would look like though
<Rob> That's a No Feeling, S-E!
<Castomel> a big smile with a gun beside it? :D err
<Rob> all I can see is the Joker's smile
<Castomel> :D
<Rob> hehehe or some dude's face with a shotgun to his chin and eyes like "omgomgomg" and a fake smile

This discussion: proof of Robert Jordan's evil

Hey Long,

I usually don't write (though I read most columns), but I felt compelled to do so at this point. Now why is this so? I'll tell you, fella: Robert Jordan was brought up, and so was Terry Goodkind. In the same breath by one unlucky yahoo, no less.

For the record, I have read every Robert Jordan and Terry Goodkind book concerning either man's fantasy world. Which is to say, I've read everything in print about the Wheel of Time and The Sword of Truth, including the novels themselves. Why is this significant? Well, as an avid reader, I would logically be able to give yonder fools the benefit of my long experience.

An RPG Fan pointed out that he believed RJ's first few books were the worst ones. 11 books into the series, I laugh at the notion. The first 6 books are the best, with the climax of the entire series to date coming in around book 9. Book 10 and 11 have none of what made the predecessors so great. So poo. Poo on that guy. In other news, yes! RJ has managed to build a detailed world, although he's shamelessly scamped on a lot of established mythology and even other fantasy series to do so. His books are overly long, and he dwells far too long in each one on the details of characters' clothing, bustline, and other idiosyncratic details that the reader has grown tired of by about 5 pages in. However, you can't help but love the world and the intricate political machinations that move it. I'm a fan, in other words, if a critical one.

Now as for TG, well, that guy is a hack. RJ started his series long before Goodkind did. And if one is to read either book series, preferably Jordan's first, they would see that Goodking has ripped Jordan off time and again, and blatantly at that. It's disgusting. Although well-crafted, Goodkind's books read like a love-letter to himself as the Richard character is very obviously a pantomime of himself. I grudgingly enjoy the books, however, as TG is a superior writer of dialogue, action, and wastes far less time on meaningless details that RJ can't seem to get away from.

As for either series being made into games, I laugh at the idea. Although, The Wheel of Time has supposedly been optioned for film. Which seems ridiculous. I see a miniseries on the Space channel, myself. Like Earthsea.

Anyway, that's what I have to say about that. Terry Brooks sucks, Tolkien rules, and Dragonlance isn't half as bad as the Forgotten Realms. Just so we're clear, yeah?


<Shroudie> Seriously, an string of evil? That's more likely to appear on a soap opera. "Must cut rope and make the whole instance last for 200 weeks before switching to another storyline"
<Shroudie> pfft
<Castomel> oh, it was a string of evil
<Rob> Actually if FR was executed properly, the setting would rule
<Castomel> which is why whenever someone says "THE FIRST SIX BOOKS WERE THE BEST" I say "very no"
<Shroudie> strings...blahblahblah...devil
<Castomel> EVIL! stabbing!
<Shroudie> OMG Satan's on a string!
<Castomel> not just any string, mind you a black string! in fact, let me go find the book
<Shroudie> a black string of death!
<Castomel> cuz what fun is mockery without copyright infringement?
<Shroudie> you didn't burn it already?... agreed... so Rob...
<Shroudie> looking at tuinte?
<Rob> awesome, a green cough medicine that tastes like green
<Rob> I refuse to reply to that question.
<Shroudie> green, the most delicious of flavours
<Shroudie> why not?
<Rob> besides it's well documented <Shroudie> tuinte is a rather attractive fellow... oh? where is this documented? <Rob> oh god i know, er... in my journal, far far back <Shroudie> I must search <Rob> back in the days of my meeting tui and cast at union station <Shroudie> wasn't that this summer? or something? <Rob> same entry when i ranted about cast and his oral fixation with huge sausages <Rob> no, like 2 years almost <Shroudie> ahh, <Shroudie> 2 years... crazy <Rob> old journal <Castomel> ugh <Rob> back when he had the shaggy hair <Shroudie> back on Scar, huh? <Castomel> reading this makes my brain hurt

Boingy, Boingy!!!!!!

In a parallel timeline, I would probably be very excited about the new KotOR game. Just from what I've picked up, it seems like the series does the whole good-vs.-evil thing better than Fable, and I do like games where you have a lot of choices that can influence the storyline and outcome in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. (Tactics Ogre, incidentally, rocks my socks.) Also, the KotOR battle system looks somewhat innovative, by which I mean not-a-carbon-copy-of-Final-Fantasy-combat. KotOR, Wild Arms 3, Disgaea, Shadow Hearts II, and other such games are up there on my would-play-if-I-had-time list, but for me, video games have pretty much taken a back seat to writing and tabletop roleplaying. Though it seems I never fail to find time for four straight hours of Mega Man games when I come home for break from college... Hmm. Which of those four games would you recommend for someone in search of an innovative challenge and an entertaining storyline, and maybe some choices too? Maybe I'll rent one of 'em over winter break. -Jackson Ferrell who actually managed to ask a question! wow.


<Rob> i haven't played sh2 but i have heard nothing but good things
<Shroudie> I have played none, but I too have heard good things about SH2.
<Castomel> mmm
<Rob> of course my answer has to be Valkyrie Profile, if only because I have to mention it at least once in this column.
<Shroudie> yes
<Castomel> SH2 is happiness and good
<Shroudie> yes you do
<Castomel> though KotOR is good till it gets boring
<Castomel> and if you've been tabletopping
<Rob> i played about 3 minutes of kotor and couldn't stand the interface
<Castomel> it's along the same lines ^^
<Rob> which is a shocker for me, the biowarewhore
<Shroudie> Honestly, Castomel rocks my socks among other things.
<Shroudie> hehehe
<Shroudie> subtley sexual
<Rob> rocks in your socks will leave horrible marks
<Rob> anyway of those 4, I guess SH2
<Castomel> it is so ordered
<Castomel> NEXT!
<Rob> the soundtrack rules, that's all I know about it (since i own it)
<Castomel> so... ruining my transitions, eh?
* Castomel stabs
<Rob> look, this was your idea
<Castomel> ^0^

Boingy, Boingy!!!!!!!!

Come on! Workind Designs meeting a deadline that wasn't prolonged for at least a year, now that is funny!!!!!

<Rob> It's easy to meet a deadline when you're the one that controls where it is
<Shroudie> wait, is that the letter? I demand substance!
<Rob> didn't you get put away for that?
<Shroudie> yeah, but that didn't turn out too good ; ;
* Castomel doesn't follow
<Rob> Give Bubba the Love Sponge my regards.
<Castomel> either way, this is the only way this letter's getting in :) ...evar.


Is there going to be a new Elder Scrolls Game coming out for the Xbox?

<Rob> I think the default answer is "until they say yes, it's no"
<Shroudie> maybe
<Rob> or "raisins"


Blerp. Well, that's the weekend, folks. Be sure to shower Google with love and candy canes!
Andrew Long is going through the motions!



Work has sucked the life out of me ^^;;

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