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And the Tree Spoke Colours

Andrew Long - December 4, 2004 - 00:36 EFT(Eastern FUNK Time)

TODAY'S COLUMN will be a tad on the short side, but I promise, I'll make it up to you tomorrow. Let's roll!


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Mommy, Where Do Chocobos Come From?

Whose brain shall I eat
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Stupid that boss

Hey Andrew,

How did you kill the end boss in FF2? I could barley do any damage to it, and then when I did start to beat it down it would just steal all the HP from one of my charactesr and be completely healed. I always wondered how it could get 4000hp from a character that only had 2 left.

I've never heard better advice in my life. Well, except for "Drop that cup! It's not lemonaid you idiot!"

Your advice is absolutely charming, but I promise, mine will be somewhat more useful. By the time I arrived at the final showdown in FFII, I discovered I was woefully underlevelled, which is rarely something that happens to me. Later on, I would discover that this was caused by the fact that no sane person would take the time to level up to the extent that is required to make a sufficent dent in that boss, and anyway it would have been over an hour and a half to the next closest save point, so I resolved to keep using my memo save for all I was worth until I beat the boss. The strategy that eventually worked was highly dicey, and involved a fair amount of luck; basically, I had two party members hammering away with physical attacks, while Frionel used his fairly paltry Ultima to get some decent damage in. Then I had Maria curing for all she was worth. The way it worked was, I had it basically set into rounds between the boss's Drain rounds, and if you can outlast him for around 20 rounds, it does enough damage to kill him. Bear in mind, "Round" is an entirely subjective term and depends completely upon how long goes between the Drain attacks; thus, one time I got lucky and managed to get about 5000 damage in before he reclaimed 3000, and after that I had him on death's doorstep before he drained a second time, which I followed by finally beating him into a pulp. To sum up then, it was dirty old-school NES boss fighting at its finest, and I must say, it's the most fun I've had in ages, much as I hated it at the time. It wasn't enough to salvage the game, but it was a damned good fight.

Boingy, Boingy!

Okay, in response to the post on Wheel of's not that bad. I admit, I hated the first book...and thought the second book was okay. But after the third book...I was captivated. Sure, it's not the greatest plot ever told...but Jordan DOES have a talent for world building.

A monkey with a pile of mashed potatoes and a few regurgitated peas can build a world.

Anyways....on to the question. How about The Sword of Truth series, by Terry Goodkind, as an RPG? In my opinion, this is the best epic fantasy series ever written. I think that would be great material to base a game after. Any thoughts on that? At the very least, we should all keep our fingers crossed that these novels will someday be adapted into movies.

An RPGfan

I have yet to read any Terry Goodkind, actually. I've been through Pratchett and Eddings and Duncan and Feist and Salvatore and the horrors of Dragonlance, Martin and McCaffrey and Tolkein and Herbert and even Terry Brooks, but I have yet to pick up that series. In general though, novels don't seem to make games that I like playing. As for movies, yeah, it would be kind of neat to see some of my favorite series on the big screen, but Eddings is too stuck up for film, Martin writes far too much, and the rest don't really have the bestselling stature to pull it off. Oh, well... At least we finally have a credible LotR to watch forever.

An insider's perspective, apparently

Hello, I would like to comment on the subtitles question and answer that was posted on December 2. I call myself technically hard-of-hearing, culturally Deaf.

Google mentioned that the subtitles were fine, just that they didn't match with the voice. That is not fine! Luckily I have some hearing to understand some words so that I can know what is really being said, but regardless if they provide subtitle that means the same, but worded differently, that is just wrong. It is like having an audio tape using other words or sentences that means the same thing. It just doesn't make sense and it is not right. The same concept applies to video games. The voice must match with the subtitles precisely or rather the subtitles must match with the voice. No alternative is acceptable. I might be viewed as a hardliner for suggesting that a little variation is not okay, but it is really a basic right and concept to have it exactly as it should be. In the translation of different languages, things will not be exactly the same due to the translation, but this is spoken english to written english. It is not even remotely different.

The same thing is happening on Sesame Street. The captions do not conform with what being spoken and deaf children do not recieve the same vocabulary as hearing children do and that is not right. Not only that, how can children learn to read if what is being spoken is not being matched with the captions if they use it at all? That is very contradictory to the purpose of the program which is to teach children and reminds me to go to to write a letter.

So my point if you skip the last two paragraphs: subtitles must equal the voice, no exceptions!

Hobbes Lionheart

Well, I can't pretend to know what it's like to be hearing impaired, but I will say that if the children are using subtitles to learn how to read, they're making a grave mistake, to say nothing of their parents. I watch TV with the subtitles on sometimes, and it's not just Sesame Street that does this - it's most shows. I have to disagree with you, at any rate, much as I can't really claim to have the same stake in the issue as you. I found the subtitles in Shadow Hearts to be pretty spot-on to what was happening in the dialogue, and when words were omitted, it wasn't anything that would change or alter the meaning, even slightly; usually it was just superlatives, like turning "Gee, that horrible thing was really very bad" to "that thing was pretty bad", which all in all spares those who cannot hear the indignity of melodrama. Be thankful for the small things, I say!

Oopsie from yesterday or two

To my knowledge, Dragon Quest was renamed to Dragon Warrior in North America because TSR, Inc. had a trademark for a game with the name Dragon Quest already. It was a board game... not a very good one, in my opinion (I used to own it). Before you ask, no, it was not a TSR original product. TSR gained the copyright when it bought out the game's original designer in the early 80s.

Trademark categories are always changing, though. Video game and computer games have their own trademark category now. Square-Enix finally applied for a trademark with the USPTO for the use of "Dragon Quest" in video games last year. From what I can tell, it has not yet been granted, but looks to be in the final stages

R Bemrose

Thanks for sharing, Powerlord. Your knowledge is indeed correct, at least if the several other emails on this subject were also correct, which, judging from the varying array of backup you've provided, they certainly seem to be.

Unfit for Print

To whom ever wants to answer this one,

I have been surfing other sites and in my exploring I found out two very interesting rumors, One is the American Realease of DW VIII and the other is that the release date for FF XII is April world wide. I can't recall exactly where I got my Information but if you could either validate wheather its true or not that would be great, and if DW VIII will come stateside, do you have any knowledge of a possible date.

Thank you much,

Yes, that will make for a compelling month of letters.. Nothing like rumours you "kind of remember" from "some site on the intarweb" to give off that smack of truth. I wouldn't have printed this except to say that letters like this will not be printed because they are pointless. Yes, it would be super-great if FFXII was released worldwide by April, but at the rate Square Enix is going I think we'll be lucky to see it ship in Japan by that time. I admittedly have no clue as to how the localization is proceeding, but I'm pretty sure an announcement of that sort, were it true, would have reached a wider audience and fast. Moreover, if you've got this hot tipsheet, why are you asking me? You seem to believe that DWVIII is coming over, so why do you need me to confirm the phantoms of your fevered imagination? DWVIII will likely come to North America, but when it's announced, if it is announced, you can again be assured that it will be big news, which means you'll see it everywhere.

And another thing! If both myself and Google do not print your letter for a month solid, please do not forward it to yourself and then back to us - if it was ignored once, it was for good reason, and if you think I'll print diatribes against Media Play but not against message boards on other sites, then obviously you have poor logical faculties. Please send coherence and we shall respond in kind.


Again, apologies on the brevity; tomorrow will be like a fatted calf of some sort, possibly being led out to slaughter. Get your axes ready, especially your akses! Also, KotOR's out Tuesday... Is anyone else excited?
Andrew Long notes that "aks" was grammatically correct in several regions of Britain once upon a time.



I want to say... North!

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