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Wait, He Says... Do I Look Like A Waiter?

Andrew Long - November 13, 2004 - 1:57 EDT

I SUPPOSE I'VE BEEN HITTING UP THE SIMPSONS TITLES A BIT MUCH LATELY, so I've given you a reprieve today. Even so, when there are only crappy episodes on, I pine for the good ones, and those titles result. Speaking of crappy, I hate Nintendo. And when I say I hate Nintendo, it's not a hatred of hate, but a hatred of sweet, undying love, which is why I hate them all the more. Basically, my problem is this: I have zero dollars, and Nintendo, by the time January 1 rolls around, will have released roughly $500 worth of crap that I will pretty much melt if I don't get. As such, I will be writing upcoming columns from underneath a local bridge, where I will be taking up residence with my computer, GameCube, TV, and of course some sort of death bomb to dissuade thievery by hobos, in order to save up the money for the various games (and NDS).

Okay, so maybe it's not realistic, but Christmas is so very far away ;_;


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Katamari Damacy the First

Hi Cast.

I haven't played Shadow Hearts and won't likely do so in the near future. The reason being I started going to University here (we don't have "colleges" in Israel...), and I hardly find time for anything. I took my friend's copy of Katamari Damacy though, and that's always short and sweet, so that's good.

It's a good thing I'm almost never interested in anything other than console RPGs, and that I only have a PS2. The only two RPGs I really look forward to this year are Star Ocean 3 (which I already have, so I guess I'm looking backwards... And whoever wrote in yesterday is right, it's not as fun as SO2) and Xenosaga 2. Well, there's always summer break.

Oh, a question? Um... Do you happen to know a way to stop time? That would be very helpful for me. But I need a way that won't *really* stop time, just the progression of it, otherwise I'd freeze to death and won't be able to move because of the atoms frozen around me.

Zohar Gilboa

Regrettably, I have no such technology, but if you'd like to make it feel like time is at a standstill, at least, pop in Dual Hearts and give it a whirl. That game can make five hours seem like a lifetime, and not one well-spent.

This one really is a secret

Not sure if this has been asked recently or not, so... apologies if it has been and I'm just repeating. Months ago, 2 or 3 perhaps I saw a picture in one of those next Gen gaming mags (or perhaps it was your website... can't remember) for a new Seiken Densetsu game (Mana, i.e Secret/Legend of Mana) and it looked great: same old water color-type sprites art design. Well, that was all I ever saw or heard of it. I frequently checked here for more info but sadly never found any. Can't remember the system it was slated for, or any of that junk. Sorry, I guess my question's rather vague but I was just hoping maybe you had some info on any new SD game coming out. Thanks muchly.

Hmmm... Well, at 2 or 3 months, I have to doubt it was Sword of Mana, but I honestly haven't encountered anything to suggest there's an upcoming sequel either. All I can really suggest is that maybe they confused it with the recently announced Romancing SaGa: Minstrel Song, which features a somewhat similar visual style to the Seiken Densetsu series. VG mags have made worse mistakes.

Ooh, my first tilde in oh, quite some time

Hey, the new quote on the main page is from the G.Fly in Breath of Fire right before he attacks you. And afterwards you get the satisfaction of feeding him to a frog. ;)

watcher...needs more tildes =D

Well, watcher, then tildes you shall have. Or at least, tilde you shall have: ~

Starting tomorrow, I'm renaming this thing "Uncle Andy's Fun Time Playland"... though that'll prolly get the FBI on my case <.<

This is for all the kids out there...and I dont know how old you are Andrew but...what should you tell your parents if they catch you playing an RPG game for longer than 30 mintures and tell you to get off the game? Now everyone knows you cant get anywhere in any RPG in 30 mintues...when I was younger...i remember my parents yelling at me to go read a book instead of playing a video game...but...RPG's where always better if not the equivilant too books, not only was it visual but you had to read as used to anyway and sometimes still do...i tried to tell my parents to try it...and my dad who is a big fantasy reader would never touch Final Fantasy for his life...So i guess the question is...what should those little RPgamers tell their parents when they say, "Get off that video game!"?

Also...on another still waiting for the online pokemon game...that sounds sweet...just like the Hello Kitty MMORPG...-_-;

Ah, alas, my mother was quite relentless in her hatred of video games, and delighted in grounding me from playing at the slightest affront. Handily, my dad would often relent, but basically my only solution to my mom was waiting for her to leave. Which she did. Forever. On the first day of high school. Well, actually she still lives up the street, but the point is, there's really no convincing a videogame-hating parent that videogames aren't the purest poison for your brain, body, and soul. Unless you're some sassmouth kid who feels comfy going "screw off, mom", in which case this probably won't be an issue anyway, deal with whatever petty restrictions are put in place and do what I did: make a Nintendo friend.

Don't know what a Nintendo friend is? It's actually quite self-explanatory. You simply make friends with someone whose parents don't give a damn about videogames, and then go over to their house every day. The third grade was great fun cuz I went to that friend's house a ridiculous number of times. It got to the point where we'd meet at school in the morning and go "your house or my house", and the answer was never my house, since my mom made sure that there wasn't anything fun to do. I lost touch with my friend after sixth grade, though. I found him on ICQ a while back, but his message said "I said no, but the drugs didn't listen" so I doubt he would have been particularly interested in renewing acquiantances for old time's sake.

The first in our "why the youth of America must be stopped" series

You obviously didn't receive my last letter,but whatever.First off,why is there no section for Harvest Moon:A Wonderful Life for Girl?Also, would anyone know what HM:OHAWL stands for,and what the differences are between that and just normal A Wonderful Life(besides it being for PS2,and being able to marry Lumina)?Thanks in advance.

Hold up there, skippy. We did receive your first letter, it was just pretty much unprintable, as you'll see shortly. Anyhow, we don't cover for Girl because the likelihood of such a sexist product making it past the censors hereabouts are slim, and it's kind of unecessary anyway, since girls I know like the regular Harvest Moon just fine. Harvest Moon: Oh, A Wonderful Life, the source of that crazy acronym you're toying with up there, is simply the PS2 version of AWL. I don't know if there are any differences between the two versions, but I'm going to guess that its likelihood of arriving here is slim, since games that come out first for GC don't tend to be geared towards mass popularity if they're not made by Nintendo.

Also, awhile back, someone said something about playing the Shadow Hearts trilogy,'like former writer rpgdudeboy'.I was talking about how Japan gets better versions of the American versions of games,because their versions suck.I said nothing about playing anything.

Well, thank you for clearing that up. We certainly wouldn't want anyone thinking you were playing good games, or you know, not talking out your ass.

So, be off topic,what was the first time you bought something for a girl know...liked? Mine was today.It was her birthday,and we are both in Choir,so I stopped by the vending machine at school and got her a soda and an Air Head candy.Yes people,I suck at gift-giving.But all I had was a dollar a friend owed me,and some vending machines.Oh,and realize that I am only a preteen(10-12),so this stuff is still new to me,plus I only found out today.And she is NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT my Gf.She doesn't like me.I did it because I wanted to.

Anyone else who wants to tell us about the first time they gave a present to someone they like,we lend you our ears.

Because I felt like it,


HAAAAA HA! rpgdudeboy's got a girlfriend, rpgdudeboy's got a girlfriend! Also, the first time I did something like that was back in 8th grade when I bought this girl I knew a raffle ticket to some crappy raffle. The whole experience was horribly embarrassing, so I'm happy to report I've never given anything to anybody since.

I should probably say now before you read any further that I'm sorry if it seems I don't like you very much, but I've spent the better part of a year and a third begging people to send me well-thought out questions, and instead you give me cooties and message board antics. It's not that I'm trying to be mean, mind, I just do not want to spend time going over these things in any sort of detail ever again, so if you're going to write another letter, please try and restrain your more childish impulses (like, say, writing NOT 15 times as though having a girlfriend is some sort of federal offense. )

Unfit for Print

Happy Halloween!

Sorry it's a bit late.But since no one said it,it was my duty to say so.

Now,before we get to the point,I must seriously flame someone.His name? ****SNIP****


...No. No, no, no, no, no. I'll tell you right now why your letter wasn't answered - because it was a stupid letter, which you'd quite frankly have to be a real dumbass to even think about sending. I am not propagating some ridiculous feud from another site's boards, however indignant you may feel over the insult to your geekdom, because the situation you have described, while highly pathetic, only makes you look worse for bothering to complain about it to me. Believe me, I am sublimely indifferent to the antics of a braindead 15-year old who goes drinking, and am even more apathetic towards the moron who would OMG at an unrelated third party about it. You, sir, are an idiot.


There shall be no quickies tonight, but take heart! I have a fantastic surprise planned for tomorrow, so be sure to send me extra special letters and stay tuned, cuz it's going to be fun... I hope. Topicwise, I throw open the floor to you. Wow me, and make sure it's either a really good letter or a really bad one. Those are my only requirements.
Andrew Long will never stop doing the monkey!



Even long AFTER that joke is dead!

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