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Mmm... Crabs, In Some Sort of Bucket!

Andrew Long - November 7, 2004 - 85:00 EDT

THAT ACCURSEDLY CATCHY SONG has been making the rounds around here, and needless to say, song titles in my titles equal shamelessly begotten hits, so tick-a-tick-a-tock, motherlovers. Anyhow, today I come to you with a specific concern in mind: the wussying up of the Jeopardy theme song. See, I was wasting time like a good lad should last night, surfing this here interweb in search of diversion, and possibly giantess porn, when I stumbled across an 80s retro site. I decided that hey, Jeopardy has really wussied up its theme song in the past decade, so I went for the source: 5 minutes of pure, ear-shattering synthesized goodness. In conclusion, I hope Ken Jennings gets hit by an ocean liner, and Alex Trebek emerges from his nightmare with his old, and better, theme song in tow.

Also, that Halloween special should not be termed as such. FOR SHAME!


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Exciting news! This guy is better at BoF V than you!

I'm almost disgusted with the people saying that BOF 5 requires leveling and that you have to constantly use the SOL system to beat the game. I did not once use a SOL Restore or Restart and did not go out of my way to get to a high level, yet I beat the game on my first play through. If you use good strategy the game is beatable.

So there! I have an echo now!

Oh and I have an actual question as well. I'm pretty short on cash and I heard Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne is not selling well, I was wondering if I wait for a price drop will the game disappear from store shelves never too return?

Being as how it's an Atlus title, I'd suggest grabbing it before it vanishes, because besides not printing large quantities to begin with, they also don't tend to do reprints unless the game in question becomes insanely successful (ie Disgaea).

RPGamer is pleased to announce it is no longer actively pursuing the clubbing of baby rabites

Hey there qna (hehe) I'll make this short and sweet, since when was RPGamer part of the advanced media network? I went away for a weekend and came back to see that RPGamer didn't need donations anymore and was all of a sudden part of a group.

Yes, Mikel has managed to achieve the goals he set out in the donation campaign without hitting the full target, so that went down a few days ago. We've been with Advanced for a couple of weeks now, and it's been working out well thus far.

Also, I've just picked up Phantom Brave, since I finished Xenogears for the second time (what a wonderful game n'est-ce pas?). Anyway, I'm trying desperately to find a use for Marona, and so far all of the weapons that use the "heart" SP don't have any attacks, is Marona destined to either A) suck, or B) heal for all eternity?

Matthew "barieuph" Russo

Ah. I hate to be a copout, but regrettably, I have yet to pick up PB, so I can't really say one way or the other. The game's predecessor, however, did have a number of necessary characters that were a little bit useless until you put some time into them, so I'd say level Marona up some and see how it pans out.

Well, if it makes sense to you, that's all that matters, I suppose


First off, thank you so much about the hyperlink to the book, I didnt know it existed and i think im going to enjoy that site pretty much!

Although i understand your argument about Xenosaga Episode 1 ( movies of 30 min was a little bit long...), it did not diminish the quality of the story, well at least not of my point of view. But it seems that your complaints have been heard since in Xenosaga Episode 2, they are doing the movies smaller and more balance, so I guess that the feeling you had with the first one, will not be there on the second, if even you will play it...

Besides, even if the movies were quite long, having prepared myself for this kind of situation, i did enjoy the game pretty much... I like RPG, especially ones with good story and I believe that Xenosaga has one, no matter the way it is portrayed...

Mydhrin Emrys

Thanks for sharing, Mydhrin, and I'm glad you find that site handy - they also have one devoted to Chrono Trigger, if memory serves. I need to steel myself and finish XG and XS sometime soon, cuz it's really rather a gaping hole in my repertoire that I should fill, even if they are entirely not suited to my enjoyment. That never mattered when I was struggling through Crapsody, so it should hardly figure in now!

A question? How exciting

Hah! This would be a continuation of my last "question", and there really WILL be a question this time..

Back to the original letter, yes, I understand. 1 DQ game as opposed to.. 9 FF games was it? Why would anyone care about DQ? Maybe I'm a little bitter about the whole thing. I kind of always have been. I pretty much grew up playing the old DQ games yet it seemed like most everyone I knew would never even bother to give it a chance.(one person comes to mind who simply refused to play a DQ game because he was such a hardcore FF fan) Anyway, I'm rambling once again, and since you effectively tore me a new one in your response to my other letter, here's my question.

I apologize if I was a bit harsh, but the whole issue just seems a little cut-and-dried to me. Sure, I cut my teeth on Dragon Warrior too, but when subsequent titles in the series failed to appear, I did what any sensible addict would and switched to the next-best thing available, a highly addictive smack known as FFIV. Thus was my fate sealed.

DQ7 certainly did not launch the DQ into the mainstream the way, say, FF7 launched that series(Maybe FF6 did that? I don't know). With the graphics overhaul and general system enhancements, do you think Square Enix can push the DQ series with DQ8?

And there we go, thanks


I think Square-Enix can and I hope Square-Enix will, but whether or not they'll pull it off remains something that will depend on a couple of things: first of all, whether or not they're willing to actually shell out for some TV ad space this time, and two, what effect Square's presence has on the interface. As Square Enix has generally produced lower-quality interfaces than Square did, I would tend to suggest Enix is the partner with more sway, and so I think, unfortunately, that we'll probably see the same old "push button to go down stairs" that has been plaguing the series unnecessarily for years. Granted, there's something to be said for sticking to your guns, but part of the reason FF changes it up every time is because we'd be getting frightfully bored of strict ATB right now if that's all they'd ever served us, and I just hope that some innovation will be introduced into DQ before it's too late.

He's a complicated man, and no one understands him but his wo---man... SHAFT!

On Saturday, Naia said "I love Uematsu's earlier stuff. In fact the only two video game soundtracks I own are both Uematsu's music (Chrono Trigger and Final Fantasy VI)." Naia also said "I also feel bad for other video game composers who get the shaft (Mitsuda, Shimomura, etc) who write really good stuff and get ignored because of Final Fantasy being such a flagship."

Guess what! Uematsu getting credited for their work is another way they get the shaft! Chrono Trigger is a good case in point. Referring to the Chrono Trigger OST, which has 64 tracks, Uematsu is only credited with 10 tracks (9 in reality, see note for Disc 1, Track 18 below). The remaining 54 tracks are all by Mitsuda.

Here's the list of tracks Uematsu is credited for. Keep in mind that these names are translated from Japanese, and thus may be approximations:

Disc 1

  • Track 17 - Silent Light (Media Town, the back of the Cathedral, other game areas)
  • Track 18 - Boss Battle 1 (written by Noriko Matseuda, arranged by Uematsu)

Disc 2

  • Track 2 - Mystery of the Past (The short theme that plays when you try to open a sealed chest or door)
  • Track 4 - People Who Threw Away the Will to Live (2300AD Domes)
  • Track 8 - Bike Chase (Bike Race would be more accurate)
  • Track 16 - Underground Sewer (Sewer in 2300AD)
  • Track 18 - Primitive Mountain (65,000,000BC village)
  • Track 21 - Burn! Bobonga! (Primitive dance)

Disc 3
  • Track 2 - Tyrano Castle (Tyrano Lair)
  • Track 7 - Sealed Door (Belthasar's Theme)

On a side note, I think that Lunar 2: Eternal Blue would make a better movie than Lunar: Silver Star Story (or Silver Star Story Complete).

R. Bemrose

Your aside cut out there, so I had to eliminate it for sense-making purposes. I had always been under the impression that Uematsu and Mitsuda worked together on most of the tracks, with each providing a few solo efforts, because there aren't very many tracks in the game that have a distinctive sound that you could pin on either composer. That said, several of those you've listed here definitely do have an Uematsu-ish quality to them. And I think that no Lunar movies EVAR would be the best scenario of all.

And I think while all you pussywillows are floatin' around in the breeze up there, I'm toiling in the secret schnapps mills of Bermuda, so the last thing I need is the prospect of a Lunar movie trailer findin' its way into our motivational video. Miners, in! Pure schnapps, out! That's what Grandma McGillifeather Schnapps concern is all about! Not some dandypants treasure hunters wandering around the moon!


Hello again wonderful people of Q&A land, and of course to you too, the ever presence Master of it all as well, Andrew. Alil late to probibly post, but reading the last Q&A brought back memories, my first video game experience, infact also my first rpg experience (no it wasn't a certain fantasy that was final), was on the old Adam home computer system, with the lil tape deck, yes, that doohicky that used behemoth versions of music cassette tapes to read and play programs. It was a text based 2001 space oddessy game, very beautifully done and filled with rich story and a core (also none combat) rpg thrill, after that came a game on the same system, a DnD text based game and dungeon crawler, first edition dnd as well.

On to brighter and more recent things, I was curious to know the rpgs you were most hoping for with in the next year or two, or perhaps some with vague details you hope will turn out very well. As of late I've turned my attention towards more pc based rpgs, less about consoles, I have my sights fixed on the dungeon lords game, mostly for a new multi player experience with my friends, and the new Elder scrolls, they've taken everything I loved about the first person king's field series and used their own unique sl and innovation to take my breath away, I can't wait til this year passes so i can have a copy of it.

I had been hoping that FFXII, by virtue of being a multiple of six, would be the greatest FF in ages, but having heard about S-E's decision to insert stupid FFXI garbageface's battle system into the mix, I've decided to pin my hopes on DQ8 instead. Yes, I know I just expressed grave reservations above, but if I can't hope for FFXII, I have to hope for something, and it sure ain't gonna be a new Breath of Fire or Chrono title, however likely it is that one of the two will pop up in the next year or two.

And onto a more taboo, and surely a topic to get my hit over the head by much of your readers, Final fantasy.. dun dun dun... What I can't seem to understand is, why everyone is so annoyed, upset, ranting, raving and spewing nonsence and garbage and giving S-E such a hard time over all the new FF projects and what they've been doing lately. Granted you'll answer that, and it'll make sence, but bear with me before you set your phasors to kill. Step back and take a look at the entire series with me, right from the first on up through.. say FF x-2, everyone is different, some copy things from old, some carry over similar story lines, combat systems, even characters.. atleast for the spin off side series with the name attached, but what most people don't realise is, we asked for it, litterally. They sit and mumble, whine, complain and spark off year long aguements about every lil FF topic they can find, in chatrooms and most especialy forums, and they think no one is watching. Think I'm wrong? How long and how hyped has a FF 7 sequal been? How about people wanting square soft to take another crack at movies, this time using an actual ff world.. sound familiar readers? Don't try to hide, you know who you are.

I think the problem most people have, my longwinded friend, is not the fact that S-E has decided to declare creative bankruptcy and go back to FFVII for more teatsuckin' good times, but rather that they've decided to take that teat and grind it through an industrial strength garbage compactor. One sequel, I could handle. Two would make me cynical. Four, on the other hand, if you include the movie, makes me indifferent and certain that all will fail, and sadly, FFX-2 does nothing to dissuade me from that particular sentiment.

It's also worth noting that some people are probably concerned precisely because of how questionable some of the choices made in X-2 were. It's all well and good to dream up sequels to FFVII, because when you're dreaming about them, the cold, hard, rational light of suck has no chance to shine on them. Now that they're reality, however, they've taken concrete form, and some of those shapes aren't exactly what people had in mind. The fact of the matter, in the end, is that you can't please everyone no matter what you do, and people change their mind from time to time. Sure, it sucks if they try to become president, but nobody ever accused message board users of possessing that kind of capacity. Also, your letter is far too long. I am cutting it here, and whatever you think, putting a card game into FFIX does not equal putting a good one, which is my problem with the idea.

There is a third dimension beyond that which is known to sprites.
It is a dimension as perfect as a triangle and as timeless as the sketch glitch. It is the middle ground between daylight and shadowy caves, between clearly labelled tombs next to Kohlingen and superstition, and it gogoes between the pit of man's status screen and the accumulation of all his knowledge. This is the dimension of mimicry. It is an area we call... The Twilight ZoneEater.


Actually, the dimension you have described is the Sultan Ali dimension, a mythical realm where furniture salespeople hide when doing their level best to keep me at work hours past closing time. They escape to this magical plane with their customers so that they are invisible to the naked eye when I check the floor, and then re-emerge just as I'm putting my coat on to walk out the door. It's really quite irritating!


Be nice to the slime and send him many letters, for he grows wrothful when I delay his Monday column so. For Friday, I shall be orgasmically embracing WoW, so you'll have to send me shockingly amazing letters to divert my attention. Good luck, and P.S. - Creamsicles are a big attention-getter!
Andrew Long joined the army. Saw the world. Would rather be sailing.



I got axe for you!

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