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And remember.. NO death races!

Andrew Long - December 18 '03- 04:09 Eastern Standard Time

IT'S PRETTY AMAZING HOW THE EPISODE of The Simpsons from which I have stolen this quote has been played into the ground by every TV station. Granted, it's the only really good episode they've managed to roll out in years, and does serve as a bizzare reminder of times past amidst the wasteland of bad Homer jokes and worse guest appearances, but I'm pretty sure I've seen it at least fifteen times since it was first aired last year. Now I'm no big-city 104-year old billionaire, but that seems slightly excessive to me. I mean, there's episodes I've seen twenty and thirty times, but they were at least sandwiched by other, equally good episodes. Now watching syndicated Simpsons is a dicey business, which is probably why networks have hammered this episode into the ground.

In other news, it snowed a lot here today, leading me to prove conclusively that nature is a big dumb jerk. This is after every weatherperson in a fifty kilometre radius sagely announced that the little old storm hammering Buffalo into a snowy paste would just "clip" us, thanks to the accord with the dark forces of evil signed by our Mayor last year in an effort to piss off Cheektowaga. Regrettably, predicting the weather is probably one of the stupidest occupations there is, since somebody sneezing into the wind can result in hurricanes half a world away. As people have been plagued for years by our mortal enemy, the sneeze, this situation is really not very conducive to augury.

And yet, on every station we see a chipper master of deception, chirping emptily about "sun-cloud mixes", a term which was adopted after the sun announced it felt slighted by the term "partially cloudy" (strangely, nobody has bothered to mention the gross unfairness implicit in "sunny breaks"). As we well know, man has always yearned to destroy the sun, but since that isn't possible right now, I guess we have to respect its wishes until we can devise some sort of blocking mechanism. Lousy ball of gas...

In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrasts, and the Sun should learn to respect people's feelings. As for those "meteorologists"...Well, let's just say they could use a good dose of Meteo, because this weather is all their fault.



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Boingy, boingy!


I finally beat FFX-2, and overall I'm quite pleased. Today I journeyed to the center of the pecan pie for the ever elusive gold hedgehog of goldness. You see, dear children, not only with it could I control your minds, but it makes a dandy paperweight for those "unmentionables". Sadly, I can not feel the corneas of my eyes because of my gaming habits, and soon I'll be walking in total blackness. Squalls supposed to be coming in from Lake Ontario tonight. Maybe if I bring a gunblade, he'll autograph it? Heh...lame joke, I know... Anyways, in English we just finished watching this movie, "The Age of Innocence" I believe, anyways its a movie based off a book of said name by Edith Wharton. Now I'm not into romance or sappy movies, but this one showed a lot of examples of symbolism from the beginning to the end. It stars Michelle Phifer, some guy, and Winona Ryder. It showed how deeply people were shallow and self-centered even in the 1850's, and ends when Winona steals Grand Central Station. Yes, during those 5 periods I sat and drew to my heart's content. So whenever your snowed in, have tui tied up in the closet, and looking for something to make you go insane; I highly recommend this to help yourself in killing you softly...with J.Lo. As this letter draws towards the intermission, let the truth be, I can not recall any favorite Christmas gaming moments. No wait, the one year we got the SNES along with Mario Kart. Those were the days, my boy, those were the days. That had to be the best Christmas evar. Do they even make gerbil Santa suits? QC may be on to something, I'll have to find two for mine...

Remember, drugs are bad (unless mixed with kool-aid),

O' Shrouded One

Ah, drawing to your heart's content... The only way I survived high school without falling asleep in class everyday. Of course, it also didn't help matters when I actually needed to pay attention, but what can you do?



The only videogame-related present I ever got for Christmas that I could recall of being absolutely shocked and thrilled at the same time would have to be that Christmas I got the Nintendo 64 with Mario 64. It had to have been shortly after it launched, but that day I would never forget. Of course, that came at a time when I was young and unemployed, thus, I had no income to spend. Otherwise, I would have bought it the day it launched. =)

By the way, what was yours, Andrew? (I don't think you'll get a counter-reply to your topic of discussion, so I figure I'll throw this out in the open)

As always,

Crap. I knew I had a ready-made intro for today. Oh, well. I guess my favorite VG Christmas present ever would have to be the SNES, because despite the fact that my mom frigging banned me from it for the next week for some lame malfeasance, those first couple of days were pure bliss. Later, I found out that my Grandma regifted it on me, but that didn't even really matter, because my idiot cousin got a Genesis instead. I mean... A GENESIS! What's up with that?

Actually, I should thank that cousin. In later years, he would go on to lose Secret of Evermore for me, which also rates up there among my Christmas memories. Why, you ask? My Grandpa, knowing what an acquisitive little bastard I was, devised a fiendish scheme, placing a box of straw and a little card inside an SNES cart-sized box. On the card, he wrote something like: "Andrew - I bet you thought this was 'Secrets of Evermore', but boy were you wrong. Maybe if you behave nicely, Santa will bring it next year." This was evil, because we were each allowed one present on Christmas Eve, and of course I chose that one. It came down to the wire the next day; the last box, shaped like yet another shirt, was instead a cleverly-concealed Secret of Evermore. In retrospect, SoE wasn't really worth worrying over, but the message was, and both it and my grandpa's sense of humour live on to this day in the form of that card.

New Year's Resolutions waiting to happen

Dear Andrew Claus,

Here is my X-Mas list

1. Every RPG made for the PSX and PS2.
2. 2 Kegs of Molson triple X.
3. 5 cartons of Newport cigarettes.

and last but not least a small tactical Nuclear Weapon


As charming as announcing your preferred brand of cigarettes is, did you have to go and top it by mentioning Molson beer? Molson contains so many chemicals it's a wonder those UN inspectors didn't come here first last winter.

Spyware, irritant bloatware... Whatever you like to call it

I suppose it was asked before, I swear I even looked for it in the archives but I've had enough of it... Anyway, I wanted to know what's the name of that song on Xenosaga 2 trailers? You said somewhere that you refuse to download "Gamespot spyware" but then again there are other ways to download those.
- Glass

Well, I couldn't find the name for you, but if you're dead-set on finding it, the song was composed by Yuki Kajiura, so plug that into your friendly neighbourhood p2p and maybe something will come up.



I would have to say that my favorite holiday gaming moment would have to be getting Final Fantasy 6. Oh how I remember the glorious rejoicing that was made that day. I can still remember the opening screen on our old discolored TV. Sadly that is also the only holiday gaming memory that I have as soon after my brother received some Ninja Turtles game that he beat in three hours and my parents refused to buy games as gifts since. Hopefully this will be the year that they change their minds.

The Sky Turned Black (damn parents)

Yikes! That's like refusing to buy books because of Dick and Jane. I feel for you, especially on the TV side; I too know the joys of a crappy old TV. Well, the picture was mostly all right, it was the knobs and case that were busted to hell.

Unfit for Print

hi I was wondering in legaia 2 where and how do you get eben silver ore and need to know plz reply asap

I have never played Legaia 2, have no wish to play Legaia 2, and cannot fathom why anyone would want to, nor why you would be unable to find something that seems to be required to make more than a dozen different items. Nevertheless, I'm not wholly without heart, and if questions like this could possibly never be sent to me again, or at least worded so that I don't want to break my monitor, I could see fit to answer this question. Since that will never happen: I'm guessing you get it as a drop, and according to your friendly neighbourhood FAQ, it's located "Somewhere around Drokonia." How about that.


Remember: tomorrow is reserved for tales of woe, but since tales of joy didn't seem to be so popular, send in anything.
Andrew Long needs sweet sweet tomatoes to live.



Seriously, provide them!

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