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And Always Wear A Safety Belt

Andrew Long - December 12 '03- 02:32 Eastern Standard Time

REORGANIZING MP3s ON THIS COMPUTER IS A TASK STEEPED in futility, because even if I do manage some semblance of order, my sister will just come along and immediately dump a giant pile of bubblegum punk and pseudojazz for me to despair at the existence of, which makes for a rather unsatisfying project, to say the least. The real problem, however, is the fact that my own computer has been in the hands of my roommates, one of whom is an unabashed lover of everything emo and experimental (if, in fact, there is a difference between the two). As a result, every time I go home for the weekend I am treated to a giant block of mp3s of bands I have never heard of.

Some of these are decent music. Others are less desirable. The uniting element, however, is the fact that they have been scattered about my mp3 directory leaving it in horrible disarray. Now, I'm no big-city filing cabinet, with fancy folders and letters and legal assistants poking at my sensitive parts at all hours of the day, but it seems to me that a certain level of organization should be inherent in an mp3 directory, if for no other reason than to facilitate finding any given song and because someday, it might be nice to get groped by a legal assistant who can find what's supposed to be there. Regrettably, this concept seems not to have occurred to my roommate yet which means that I'll never make it in the big leagues of Law and Order.

It has always been a dream of mine to appear on Law and Order, especially in the minute or so since I came up with the idea. I mean, let's face it - I come up with a decent line every so often, but if Dick Wolf was scripting my every move, I'd be positively popping with zingers and a last-minute moral message!

On the downside, Dick Wolf is not my secret master puppeteer, and so I must press forth on my own, without a strong supporting cast and a crooked judge to help me on my way. I also don't have much in the way of letters, but I suppose that can't be helped since most of you seem acutely afraid of talking to me for some reason. I wonder what could have caused that...



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Wind turns to rain turns to snow
Turns to the old lady and says
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Sometimes I wonder about snow...

Let's all sing! GI Drew, a real A...Canadian hero, doesn't get to rebuild Iraq!

Hey G.I. Drew-

I'm not a big fan of PC RPGs for some reason. I dunno, maybe because I have a slow modem and low memory?

But there is one series that I just can't get enough of: Heroes of Might and Magic. Actually, Heroes 3 is my downfall. Gathering resources, pimping out my castle, and watching my minions conquer the opposition just gets my proverbial motor running.

I dunno, something about that game just sucks me in for hours upon hours. Then I get bored, walk away, and play something else. But I always go back. It's like a damn drug - it plays with your mind. YOUR MIND I SAY! HA HA!

Ahem, excuse me whilst I kill this horde of Imps with my legion of Medusas. DIE FOUL BEASTS!

- Quistis Chick

Sounds familiar... As I hinted at yesterday, my one PC RPG weakness is Ultima VIII, an enormously entertaining, although hideously glitchy, title that is conspicuously absent from the top-lists of almost every hardcore Ultima fan I've ever come into contact with. Yeah, it deviates from the rest of the series, but in a good way. I sure wish I could find the CD (not to mention see how horribly incompatible it is with Windows XP; ME ate it and then spit it back up. Then again, ME does that to everything, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.)

RPGamer does not condone emulation in its many evil forms


I think that PC RPG's are a stain on the gaming world. But hey...that's just me. Console RPG's rule and will always rule. But hey...that's just me. But I've been meaning to ask you, are you a fan of emulation? I think that it's the best thing since toilet paper. Having been a long time fan of toilet paper myself, I think that emulation has limitless potential, the best way to revive old games, and games that were never given to us in the United States (i.e. Star Ocean, Seiken Densetsu 3, and Radical Dreamers). So I'm just curious as to what your opinion is on videogame companies matter at hand.

"Two glasses of ice water with ice!" - My Lawyer

Well, My Lawyer Ian, RPGamer's official policy is that emulators are Very Bad Things because emulators decrease game sales which hurts the industry which we cover and so on and so forth and just as an added bonus which you, as My Lawyer, are no doubt aware of (though NOT, of course, because I happen to have any ROMs on my computer, nosirree Bob) emulation is illegal and causes hairy palms. Plus, you do have to consider: what if Square-Enix ever decides to bring those um, wonderful titles over here? They lose out on sweet sweet cash cow revenue, and who honestly likes to see a big company lose cash cow revenue?

Well, the answer is still no.

Castozilla? You're gonna have people thinking I'm a browser


Such fond memories I have on such incidents involving things like this . Granted, I did not have the internet way back then nor know of RPGamer's existence, but seeing it now...I know that RPGamer is indeed out to brainwash me. PC RPGs...well, I have not had much experience with the likes, but I did play an animosity born from the tongue of Satan himself. Yes, it is the horrid Septerra Core. A truly confusing game with 200 of the same sprites in the same corner. Not only did the storyline make no sense, leveling up being impossible, but most of it's ideas were stolen from FFVII. Granted, I still have nightmares from such a game, and will not buy another PC RPG until I have enough money for FFXI. (unless I get it for PS2 of course, which would undoubtedly continue my boycott of above-mentioned product types) Such a pity too, I've heard of some good MMORPGs.. Time to go, for if I stay one second more another random staffer will disappear!

Let's kick some ass,

O' Shrouded One

That's the other big problem you find with PC RPGs - there's oh so many crappy ones. It's not like console games, where a lot of the less-than-stellar titles are at least mediocre - When PC games are good, they are very, very good, and when they are bad they are Ultima IX.

The Lord of Annoying Chests

"Hmm...So wait a second. If you lock the first chest, how are you going to get the second key inside? How will you get it inside? You'd better work on that, because otherwise a hero is liable to wander along, point out the inherent fallacy, and watch you wink out of existence in a tremendous puff of logic."

Simple. I'll use some of those self-locking chests. You know, the kind that'll automatically lock whenever you shut them. Using those, I'll put the item that could somehow stop me and the key to the second chest in the first chest, shut it which would therefore lock it, and put the key to the first chest in the second chest, shutting it and locking it. And after that, I'll put the two chests on the opposite ends of the world, adding on a few thousand miles of worthless travel to the heros' agony of not being able to open the chests and stop me. Just to spite them. Then no one could stop me.

Lord of Chaos

Still doesn't work -the hero would just find anti-chest solvent and then hop on his airship, which all self-respecting heroes have by the end of a game, and run his errands. Besides, you didn't stipulate all these extra conditions, so you'd be long gone anyhow.


Woo! Look, they made a shrine to me at !

I wish I had a personal shrine... Oh well, maybe I'll just search for a good one and steal it.

"The same thing we try to do every night..."

"Try to take over the world!"

It's Pinky, it's Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain...
- Feep "Memories"

Well, yeah, except I screwed it up. If you check the archives or that column, I have fixed that title now. I feel so ashamed...


So for next week, let's do the old "what do YOU want for Christmas?" thing. It's a little dull, granted, but unless some giant FFXII information appears this weekend, which for some reason I seem to think it might (unless that's next weekend) there won't be too much else to talk about. Incidentally, if you don't celebrate Christmas, just send in a wishlist - we live in a capitalist world, after all, and religion or no, everyone likes acquiring things! And now that I've taken care of disgustingly PC, I think I'll go wash my mouth out with cake. Until next week, I wish you good tidings (and great tides for you surfer types.)
Andrew Longnot only dreams, but dreams out loud.



mmm... marrow

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