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The Fast and the Not Entirely Furious

Andrew Long - December 09 '03- 11:24 Eastern Daylight-Savings Time

SOMEHOW I KNEW THAT EVEN IF I asked everyone to send in quickies, I'd still get a few novel-length letters which just might go on to win Pulitzer Prizes once I hold up that no-good selection committee at needlepoint. Nevertheless, the majority of these letters are quickie goodness, so let this intro, in a refreshing change, mirror that tendency as I strive to create some sort of coherent whole. Which is pretty difficult, since my Santa Claus doily looks rather like a cancerous lobster.



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3-2 OTL
Noooooo! It's ovah!
And so, I mourn
For I would rather die
Than not have people know
Which restaurants I have visited

Multiparters: back in style while I'm less lazy

Just a quick answer to the guy yesterday that wanted to know about any Star Trek rpgs… There is actually one ST game this sorta RPGish. It’s the Star Trek 10th Anniversary Edition. It came out eons ago and is for the PC and NES only though, so good luck finding it.

A few questions now: Have you ever played any of the Harvest Moon games? Did you like them?

If I said "no" and "Yes" in that order, would your brain explode? I'd really like to convince myself I have magical powers, so any help from you would be greatly appreciated.
Is it a sin to bomb a gaming company because they have a ‘Tradition’ of pushing their games back about 3-4 times in a 5 month span? *Cough* Natsume “Cough*

That all depends upon what religion you subscribe to. For instance, if your high priest happens to be named "Lockheed Martin" then I would imagine any sort of bombing would be considered virtuous heroism.
What would be the easiest way to get a pass to get into E3? >.<

Incorporate yourself a media outlet and apply for a pass. Failing that, get hired somewhere and suck up like you've never sucked before.

All Done now, must go eat.

In Soviet Russia, columnist asks you! So what's for dinner, anyway?

More bad Soviet Russia jokes off the starboard bow!

Never submitted a question before, but I've always wanted to 'cause I like to see what I've written on websites. It doesn't matter if anyone else sees or not, I just like reading what I've already wrote. I'm a freak like that.

Me too. The only reviews I ever read are my own. Which is probably deeply egotistical, but hey, I never pretended to be anything else, except for that time I was acting all self-deprecating so I could get a few cheap laughs.

Anyway, I rented FFX-2 about a week ago and beat in that week. It took about 15 hours. I didn't really like the story or the ending at all. I was very dissappointed. Then I read about all the stuff I missed. I knew that by only going to the "Hot Spots" (I don't have much time to play games anymore so I just went along with the main story) I wouldn't get much as far as side-quests go.

I foudn out I had missed a lot, and according to the guys that work at Game Stop I also missed out on about 7 or so endings... they claim there was about eight. But as far I had read, there was only one other alternate ending. How many endings, if at all, have you gotten? If there really are that many endings, I might just buy it instead of just renting it.

Talora Flash

Having managed to stave off FFX-2 with an injection of M&L, I have no idea. That said, our resident Eastern Bloc superpower Jakob Allekhov recently reviewed the game, and had this to say:

"a lot of people say 3... which is true, in the sense that PSO has 6 endings." When pressed for further details, Jake became enraged and ordered a nuclear strike against Alaska, but was persuaded to call it off after being informed that it was no longer 1962. He then grudgingly offered this: "There's an extra 5 seconds of dialog tacked on if you waste 60 hours on every pointless subquest."

So there you have it. "Multiple endings: not bloody likely".

Yet another multiparter

Hey Andrew!, First off, what happened to Andrew Duff? I knew he was going to Japan, but wasn't he supposed to return?

Well, so far as I know, Andrew went to Japan and then proceeded to wander off the edge of the world, which as any reputable scientist will tell you is just a little west of there. If he does make his return, expect spectacularity sometime next September.

Secondly I know you're a big advocate for FFX (10/10) so what are your thoughts about X-2 seeing how you didnt get to review it.

I haven't played it yet, but since what I've heard isn't exactly encouraging me to drop 70 of my colorful dollars on it, I think it might just stay that way. Call me crazy, but it sounds like they amplified the parts of FFX I didn't like (Yuna) and took out the parts I did (Sphere grid). Still, I'll give it a chance eventually, and perhaps someday, a review, though not the uber-official-site's-opinion review, will appear under my name.

Thirdly, I thought I had answered this but isn't the quote from Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga (which is a very good game by the way).

Well, whether it was you or not, someone sure did. No tilde for you!

Finally I might as well ask a really real question it seems RPGamer is falling behind (with the lack of updates to the roundtable, japandemonium) Can this be contributed to the holiday season?

~Oh yeah, if you watch farscape, supposidly it's coming back as a miniseries I guess to patch up the unfinished business sci-fi caused~ Barieuph

Never seen farscape. As to your questions, which seem to be just about as real as the first two, news hit a lull (although admittedly we could be posting more), nobody ever seems to stick around long enough for goog to pin them down and force a roundtable out of them, and Alex Wollenschlaeger is playing at being all British and cool, although he assures me he will return shortly. If you'd like a roundtable, find four other people and send google an email... Maybe he'll take you on as panelists.

Why you gotta make me hurt you?

To who (ANDY) it may concern :Þ

Screw you, hippie!

I tend to make every game turn into a strategy RPG to the best of my ability. Now that i hate fighting games, somehow i was sucked into buying Soul Calibur 2. So i play someone and im constatly like, "move 3 squares to the right" when someone attacks me so i juke, and then attack like an archer with Link. Anywho, that game blows and there is waaaaaay to many glitches. So then i went to play gunbound, (download at which is like the most addictive FREE game in the world. I picture that game as an SRPG to becuase of depending on what move you use, you get less delay and get your next turn faster for MASSIVE DESTRUCTION!!!! Every time im like, "RPG, MY turn" and then light the people up, bunge 'em, or other ways that i cuase massive destruction. I like to use the wind. Man, i just borrowed Front Mission 3 from a friend and it's a great game. Reminds me of what a Gundum game SHOULD be like, but all Gundum games suck, so there going nowhere. Hmmm, they should make another DBZ RPG besides that one on SNES that only came out in Japan, i had to figure out which command did what and play the story without knowing how to read japaneese AT ALL, that's kinda hard to do. If I could ramble on about more stuff i would, but i'm desperatly in need of a shower, and the keyboard is getting a little greesy. Remember to take my "How to juke red shells, 101" class in the near future, and soon ill open up my "Juking blue shells, 102" class, so sign up for that too.

Peace out and remember to eat bagles,

Adam "Strategical Master (with greesy fingers right now)" B

Strategical master, eh? I will believe nothing until you either defeat Hoshigami or manage to organize yourself to the extent that you shower BEFORE greasy fingers become a problem. Seriously dude, that's just nasty ^^

hate hate hate hate hate hate

::emerges from impressive smoke cloud::

ANDY ANDY ANDY! I know how you love that nickname. -_^

Why do you crave pain and murderous stalkers?

ANYway, between the three GBA systems, it's pretty much a no-brainer. The GBA "classic" has horrid lighting, and the GBA:SP is... well... TINY. The GBA player is definately tops in my book. If someone wanted to buy a GBA console and they had a Gamecube, I'd recommend a Player as opposed to the hand-held.

The flaw, of course, is the lack of portability. My solution: Wait until they sell the GBA:MGSPHE (Game Boy Advanced Mega Great Special Happy Edition) that the accursed people of Nintendo will undoubtably unveil come April 2004 or so. It will possess not only a slightly larger, back-lit unit with comfortable buttons, it will also have a built-in battery adapter, which will cause your game to unexplainably go into extended periods of a canatonic state. Because you HAVE to have flaws. Flaws will work. Lots of flaws.

If you think I'm joking... just wait...

I am NOT bitter!

I don't, since Nintendo has already announced a new portable (or at least, non-console) to be displayed at E3 2004. Nevertheless, I have to disagree on at least one point. The GBA may be small, but the GC controller cramps up my hand better than the SP ever could. You'd think today's obese youth could at least have the decency to sprout gorilla hands so that I don't have to struggle with these dainty little controllers...

At any rate, let the quickies commence!

I don't play a lot of games,
but a friend gave me Aidyn and I just beat it, I was wondering what other games that are comparible to that one there are for the Nintendo 64??

None. The N64, you see, is a black hole that consumes all RPGs that dare approach it, and only Aidyn proved to be too undigestable for its pustulant gullet. Regrettably, that's because Aidyn sucks. Take my advice and get a PSX with FF7 or an ubercheap DC with SoA. You'll thank me later.

Quickies day, eh? This is now too odd seeing as I have my usual long letters. >< Okay, how about our next plan that includes sausage, strapping kupomogli to the back of a speeding bus, and maybe exposing that video of Google with Britney Spears? Hermmm, maybe! The scheming continues... More randomness tomorrow.

Another day my humble and sometimes confused friend,
O' Shrouded One

Hmmm, I'm glad you were forced into brevity there, because the three details you have divulged are frightening enough without further description.

Is there anywhere on the net
where I can find some official(?) art for Radical Dreamers? And if so could you please tell me. It ain't easy drawin' it with what to go on in the screen shots and of the ROM (well, atleast it was in English!).

I don't know that there really is too much art kicking around, because RD was sort of a one-shot deal that doesn't seem to have had too much in the way of visual design. About all you can really find online are a number of the few screens where there was art (and bear in mind, the game was chiefly a text-based, "choose your own adventure"-style affair), which you can view most of here.

What are you doing?!

Nothing! Nothing!

And only children of the 80s will get that, if in fact they remember that particular commercial, which apparently even I don't since the proper question was "What are you eating?" Moving right along...

What question should I ask?

"What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!"

I can't help but get teary-eyed over the mention of Secret of Mana.
It was the first video game my girlfriend at the time got into. Subsequently, she took that, my Zelda game and my Last Action Hero Soundtrack CD after we broke up.

Even now, many years later, I wonder what it would have been like if things had been different. If I had been a little more mature. Maybe I would still have that Mana game. Maybe I would play through it again and finally get all my weapons leveled up to their max. That damn bow spear was ever elusive, but maybe it wasn't the spear for all. Maybe it was a cry for help.

I guess sometimes the only way to truly learn is to make mistakes.
Dat Latsohg

Or maybe, just maybe, pop psychology isn't the answer to everything, you're a wuss for letting her steal it, and anyway, you're all grown up now and can easily find SoM online, you freaking crybaby! Also, why do you talk as if losing the Last Action hero soundtrack is a bad thing?

Hello my name is Haimon
and I have a question about the radio ,in AOL ,of final fantasy...I would like to know how I can listen the musics of final fantasy in AOL?... I read your article but I didn´t understand how I can listen this musics. Please answer my question. I will be very grateful.

Having never subjected myself to the evil that is AOL, I really can't tell you exactly how. That said, AOL is designed so that even brain morons won't have any trouble using it, so it probably isn't very hard to find. I would give you exact instructions, but I refuse to sign up for AOL under any circumstances. What I do know of AOL suggests that all you have to do is type in the keyword "Radio", though.

Hey Andrew,

I forgot to email this for quite some time, but when Kazushige Nojima(whos only good story was FF8) quit Squaresoft. That was music to my ears. WOOOOOHOOOOOOO, WE'LL FINALLY GET A GOOD STORY SINCE FF6(but even though FFTactics was good, it was already being worked on before Squaresoft hired the few people from Atlus, one being the director, bastards, the game is still good).

-andrew- -kupomogli-

Atlus hire or not, you'd still be getting a good story by your standards even if Nojima was still around, because the FFT team, or Product Development Division 4, as they like to be called when they're on the prowl for the ladies, is working on FFXII and probably wouldn't have saddled themselves with Nojima in either case.

The pacing problems of FFX-2
I talked about in a previous, much longer email get worse in Chapter 4 (out of 5) of the game. Aside from a couple of small sections, you spend the entire chapter doing something akin to channel-surfing. Some of it was okay, but I was bored much of the time. The person I'm sharing the game with--a big FFX fan--quit there and hasn't come back yet.
--Beth (sans "." for brevity's sake)

Just another reason to wait until all you fine folks make this game a Greatest Hits title.

What games did you put on your Christmas list, if any?

Striking again, eh? Well, if I do ask for games, Kingdom Hearts, Wild ARMs 3 and MarioKart DD will be the likely suspects, with a possible nod to Arc the Lad.

A chill autumn night
The TV flickers--I doze,
Controller in hand

Quickies, not haiku!
Bow your heathen head in shame
Good job nonetheless ^_^

Hey Andrew,

Since you want a quickie email, here's one, to help the person who needs help chocobo breeding. But I didn't feel like writing it myself, so take a look at this comic, which will explain how to do it, even though it's not correct, but hey, it's funny, so enjoy.
-andrew- -kupomogli-

Thanks for sharing, Andrew. You should probably steer clear of Shroudie, I think he's out to get you.

Quickies, eh?
Ok, here's one. If you ever decided to take over the world, how would you go about it?

In fact, you should make this question into a topic, since it would be something different...

You're right, I should make that into a topic! Stay tuned for details. In response to your question: Coke and culture, punctuated by the occasional war on terror for when things grow boring.

Well Andrew I was wondering if RPGamer has a sister site thats not rpgames related?

Nah, we're like a hamster. If you put anyone else in our cage, we get all vicious and bite and claw and scratch.

Imagine if Square made a
Final Fantasy meets Saved by the Bell game...oh wait... they did. FFX. Enough with the overused sappy teen boy leads. Time to move on!

Confidentiality Notice: The information included in this e-mail and any attachment is intended only for the personal and confidential use of the individual or entity to which they are addressed. This message, including attachments, may contain privileged and confidential communications. If you as the reader are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that you have received this communication in error and that any retention, review, use or distribution of this communication or the information contained in it is strictly prohibited. If you received this e-mail in error, destroy it immediately and please notify the sender of this message.

Hey sender dude, am I receiving this email in error? Cuz I totally could be under those terms and conditions.

i don't get why people give games such a bashing,do you?
i mean,okay there really are some games out there that totally such,but why go on and on about it in a 5 paragraph letter?i know there is a lot of dissapointment in the latest Final Fantasy games,but can't you just say either you like it or it sucked? is my spelling now?

That's very nice and all, but if people curtailed their excess verbiage to that degree, the internet would crumble and die.

P.S. You funked up "disappointment" and "sucked".


Ah, you have made this old Italian stereotype happy with your unbridled display of quickieness. As a result, no homework tonight! Instead, if you were an RPG character, how would you go about taking over the world? Would you send only puny henchmen after the hero at first, or would you do an exhaustive search? Giant Death Ray, or Mind Zombie Powder? Slacks and mailed fist, or angel wings? Only you can decide!
Andrew Long's power trips stem from his love of an old Atari shooter called "Megalomania".



To say nothing of Miner 49er!

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