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Jazzy Mushroom Combo...Yum!

Andrew Long - November 25 '03- 02:51 Eastern Daylight-Savings Time

SO IT SEEMS THAT THE TICKET SCALPERS HEREABOUTS are in fabulous cahoots with one another, a veritable pyramid scheme beginning with the equal parts frozen and dodgy characters ringing the Air Canada Center and demanding $250 for cheap seats to the large dude in the vaguely official-looking parka with his vaguely important-looking cellphone and finally the shady-looking characters of whom only fleeting glimpses were possible, seated as they were in cozy SUVs lining the curb outside the arena.

What I'm talking about, incidentally, is the attempt I made last night to actually go to a Leafs game, as opposed to just whining about them here to the general disinterest of all, which I suppose makes this introduction virtual suicide. It may, however, offer some explanation as to why I'm a little out of sorts today, because I got to sit out in that freezing wind trying to outwait this dude in a thin leather jacket with no hat or gloves (it is absolutely impossible to get tickets to games here because everyone wants in and in an area with 10 million people or so, 20,000 seats only go so far). I was well-equipped; I had both a sweater and heavy coat on, which I'm fairly sure I could have stuck it out in for a little longer and maybe even managed to get some tickets cheap. My friend, however, was in roughly the same boat as the scalper and so it was that we went down to ignominous and windy defeat. A particularly annoying defeat, that one, especially since the game was pretty entertaining.

I also got to enjoy some malfeasance from my school today, a little taste of the runaround they're so fond of inflicting upon us cash pillows. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say: if I ever acquire the means to donate money to universities, I will donate large sums to every university within a 200 mile radius except my own school. Screw you, U of T!

Now then, back to cases: I'm a little pissy, but I'll try and keep it under wraps. In the general spirit of restrained irascibility, then, let us proceed.



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2-1 win over Vancouver
I coulda been there
If only greens didn't fetch $250
Purples $125
Golds: cue Austin Powers
And hear: Five HUNDRED dollars
For a stinking hockey game
Hate hate hate hate
Time for a little Magitek mayhem!
That'd be nice
I definitely could have stood to toast a scalper or two into being a little more reasonable
Like in this dream I had
Where I could set stuff on fire
Just by thinking about it!
Now THAT was fun
Mmm.. Sounds psychotic!

Now how did this end up first...


Let's go Christmas shopping for nuns, we'll test each one out with rocks. Gotta make sure they're ripe enough for the stew. We could then sell the stew on Ebay for cash. If not..we could always make tui pose naked to rake in some dough, cause tui's so sexy. ^_~ We could just rip one of the net, but that's not as schemish. Anything to get enough money to buy a donkey... Donkeys are the way of life, my friend. One day, we'll ride across the world on donkeys. A donkey for every man, woman, and Castomel.

With deep affection and something or another,

O' Shrouded One

Hey! I'm a man and/or woman! Besides, I don't think tui would take so kindly to becoming RPGamer's very own Paris Hilton, especially not if it meant foregoing the opportunity to make some delicious nun stew which, by the way, I am an expert at the concoction of. My wimple-balls are to die for!

Mmmm... red goo

::emerges once again from Materia::

To the dandy Andy:

Why do people continuously condemn a video game before it even comes out? People already hate FFXII with a passion, just because of the estrogen-based Vann. People, at least WAIT until you play a little to say "Teh g4me suxx0rs" and all that.

Then, of course, there are people who know practically everything about a game prior to its release (via screenshots, etc) and are disappointed by the game after buying it. Well, peeps, it only makes sense that you'd grow bored of it. That's why I try to avoid reading too much into it. Basic gameplay details, and maybe a screenshot or two is all you need. Anything more, just rent it first.

Anywho, I'm looking forward to Xenosaga II, having been revved on by an enjoyable prequel. Same with FFX-2, although the recycled game environs I've heard about in previous posts sound a tad boring. Still, I'll just have to wait and recieve my holiday bling-bling!

Oh, sweet Bahamut, did I just say bling-bling? I must leave now.

PS. The jewel in my forehead? It tastes like strawberry cordial... but you'll never get it! NEVER! BWAHAHAAAA!

There, there. Bling-bling catches all of us in our weakest hour, like that time I was pawning off all my bling and damned if I didn't see some more bling lying in the gutter. So I says to Mabel, I says, "Fo shizzle ma Mabizzle, I be grabbin' me some pirates' gold! ARRR!"

As you can see, I have a limited grasp of dialectic differentiation. It's a problem I hope to correct someday, possibly through horribly disfiguring plastic surgery. The way I figure it, if my nose is shaped like the state of Texas, nobody will listen to what I say anyhow, so I can get away with perjury! PERJURY I TELL YOU!

As to why people enjoy ragging on a game before it exists? It's the same reason people enjoy ragging on Radiohead now that everyone knows who Radiohead is: it's COOL to be an elitist jerk. For instance:

I can't stand the freaking letters I get here you people! I mean honestly, would it KILL you to read a book once in awhile instead of coming to me with braindead questions about deserts and airships? HONESTLY...

So yeah, that's not exactly the same thing, but I never was a master of analogy, so I guess we'll just sweep that last little example under the rug, since I'm almost positive I don't secretly think that about letters like the rapidly approaching Unfit for Print. Also, there's the small problem of "Innocent until proven guilty" generally operating in reverse, kind of like that Job character Margaret Laurence just couldn't get enough of (ha ha, little obscure reference there for all zero of you Stone Angel fans.)

I've heard the only dumb question is the one you don't ask

Hi, This might sound like a dumb question. I have been a fan of the Final Fantasy series for as long as I can remember. I have collected everyone since nintendo, to playstation and playstation 2, and now gameboy advanced. My question is when the Final Fantsy XI game comes out for playstation 2, is it going to be like Fantasy Star Online were you are able to play online and as a single player? I have collected every game of the Final Fantasy series and would like to get this one, but I really don't spend to much time playing online games. The game looks amazing and I would like to get it. I ahve tried to get this answer from different sites with no luck. So any information would be appreciated. Thank you in advanced. Your site ROCKS by the way. Love the information on Final Fantasy XII.

Jose Amador

Well, you can play Final Fantasy XI alone to some extent. If you choose the "Comedian" job skill I can almost guarantee you you'll play to empty alehouses every night, unless you're in Windhurst, where those crazy little elf-dudes have this improv night that's just killer. Make sure you brush up your material though, because if you ever want to graduate to "Stand Up" class you'll need to tell some killer Beastman jokes, or else you'll end up like me, trying to stretch a terrible joke as thin as I have this one.

Speaking of monks, I think that might just be one of the job classes available; whether or not you decide to become a pugilistic holy man (or woman - there are many and exciting female characters whose role you can assume) you can do plenty alone while you're waiting for party members to come along so you can survive some of the tougher quests. In fact, you're pretty much stuck alone for the first few levels unless you know somebody or happen across a Japanese white mage. I say Japanese because there seems to be a wealth of white mages from our neck of the woods who delight in telling people tottering on the brink of death to screw off and die because they're too busy saying something to the effect of "LOL river crabz!!1", which can be terribly infuriating.

Oh, yeah, and auctioning, fishing and stitching oh my! All these and more can be yours if you only choose the righteous path of "sad, bored little man." Even so, I shouldn't give you the impression that it's all solitude and derangement, because if you want to beat the game you'll have to team up with somebody eventually.

Well, "little" only because it sounds good near "sad"; Judging by my email inbox there's absolutely no excuse for being "little" anymore

Dear Sir,

Just want to ask if ff12 will no longer have random battles likle xenosaga and cronocross. I think that will be great. Also will there be back ground music this time around in explorations and map since I observe that Rpg's of today lacks background music during gameplay but only in cut scenes.

About Xenosaga 2 just wnat to ask if this time they will have 3D camera angles where you can manipulate it just like in dark cloud and also the same question about the background music will Xenosaga 2 have one.

I hope my letter be given attention. More power to you

Sincerelt your's


I find the manner in which this letter is addressed slightly strange, since it was sent to as opposed to my own personal sexy email love shack. Even so, I suppose I must regretfully assume the mantle of "sir" and dish out the awful truth to yours sincerely Charles. To elucidate, then:

At this point in time, both Namco and Square Enix have been jinxed, preventing either from speaking which naturally means no releasing of sweet, sweet details. A word from either will send a giant mechanical robot crashing through the streets of Tokyo with a single mission in its metal brain computronix: to punch the offending corporate headquarters, leaving the culprits in hateful tears and the other company free to unleash a wave of unopposed propaganda.

To put it another, more lasciviously suggestive way, both Namco and Square Enix have blown their information loads and are now saving up for the next seamy encounter with Janie Q. Public and her ravishing thirst for knowledge. This Public character is quite the fiend in this respect, but since it wouldn't make for the good kind of three-way, we'll just leave it at that.

To put it another, more accurate way, however, both companies released a whole bunch of vague details not too long ago, and specifics should be along shortly. Bide your time, my friend, bide your time. Otherwise PUNCH BUGGY NO PUNCHBACKS!

I win.

Guess I'll cut out the disturbing imagery for now

Hey Andrew,

I totally forgot the reason I emailed in the first place. I was going to answer the quote.

"Knowing is half the battle!"

Well, this is just a guess because I know I've heard the quote, but it sounds more like on one of those drug commercials(also, drugs are bad, do not use them, you will go stupid). But, seeing as it's probably not from a commercial, but a video game.

I know I've heard it before, but I don't have a clue where, so I'm guessing Xenosaga, because it sounds like something Ziggurat would say.

I'm probably wrong, but hey, it's a guess, then I'll see the right answer and be like. AHHHHH.. I've played that game too, that's where it must have been from. But then if I'm right, then, yay for me I guess.

-andrew- -kupomogli-

I will give you a conditional tilde, since I can't remember whether Zack said FFX-2 or Xenosaga, and being the conscientious soul of wisdom that I am, I deleted his email in one of my periodic spam purges. Yes, I know, it wasn't spam, but sometimes if you wanna make an omelette you gotta break a few eggs, you know what I'm saying?

Wait, that doesn't make much sense at all. Just take your tilde and go. To sweeten the deal, I'll even put it on its very own line.


Unfit for News@, and rpguides too

i am in the second dungun with the one with sand everywhere sand every where and there are these stone monsters with eyeballs that shoot lazers how do you kill them and get th pendant? PLEASE TELL ME

I don't know whether to laugh or cry that you managed to get as far as RPGuides, but not as far as the FAQs that would contain if not the answer to your bonehead question (run by them - you can't kill everything, Rambo) then at least a map which might implant the idea in your head for later use once you break free of the horrible arms-tied-above-head torture the machines like to use every so often. Since this world has its share of crying, I think I shall laugh. In fact, I'll point too because I'm feeling just that mean. Well, not really. In fact, I feel rather ashamed of myself, but the secret to good composure is never letting on when things get to you. Which is all well and good, in theory.

for Ashe try

"ah" plus "shu", not "tsu"..."shu" is "shi" plus a small "yu"... ^_^

Ah, excellent. See? I knew I was dead wrong, but you know what they say about live TV - it's secretly run by Ricki Lake, and my fear of being eaten far surpasses my fear of incorrectitude. Which would help explain that error if this were a TV show.

yeah, i'm kinda stuck.

Could you recommend a gamecube game I could get for Christmas, cause I have no clue...o_O . anyway, sorry for the randomness and shortness.

Think nothing of it - I suggest Mariokart DD, Metroid Prime, Wind Waker, F-Zero GX or SoA:L. All will bring you hours of wholesome entertainment, assuming you can't hold out for FF:CC.


We've come to the end of our guessing game - Rumplestiltzkin is my name! AHAHAHAHAHAH!

Also, for tomorrow I will shamelessly pillage index and ask if anyone cares about FM4. For those who say no, a small currant cake is required along with any other musings you might have to offer. Please mail it, c/o Currant Cake Fiasco Fund, to the Salvation Army. Just think of the tears of joy your currant cake will bring!
Andrew Long has never actually eaten a currant cake.



We've got the wrong bloke/Life gets sucked from a box/drink from the box/ the juice gets up/drink, yeah/Bruce Lee

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