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Wasteful Revenge Ampitheatre

Andrew Long - November 7 '03- 00:02 Eastern Daylight-Savings Time

IT SEEMS THAT MY GRIP UPON YOUR SOULS grows weaker with each passing day for some reason, possibly due to my politically themed introductions. Take heart: I am, though it causes me great pain, missing the Daily Show for this column, and for that you shall be spared my poorly constructed ranting, at least until I come up with something to rant about. Being as how today was highly uneventful in this neck of the woods, however, this would in all likelihood degenerate into the sort of soupy morass commonly found in Livejournals documenting matters of such grave importance as Letting The Cat Out, Eating Doritos, and Slashing My Arms Because It's Fun And Seriously, I Don't Need Help.

At any rate, I have spent a decent chunk of time in Vana'Diel of late, and have come to one conclusion: my character is ridiculously cute. Each of the preprogrammed actions he is able to perform are executed in such a fashion so as to make passersby go "awww.." or "lol fagot", depending upon how annoying I end up getting - and believe me, I try for irritation. I run in circles around people for no reason, bow whenever I run into another Tarutaru, and sometimes just sit and stare at all the tallies until it unnerves them and they try to kick me halfway to Sandoria (haha, little in-game joke there! Yes, my comedic touch is both wide-ranging and topical, like the ointment cream I'm developing for people with very fat asses) which naturally fails because you can't kick people in FFXI.

Yes, FFXI is a Manners game, which is to say that Koreans would not be scandalized by our dirtified North American cheating, which is also handily not prevalent as yet. I wholeheartedly endorse that particular aspect of the game because turning characters in a game into something with actual economic value seems somehow against the spirit of gaming in my view - you level Locke so that he can steal anything, not so that you can sell him to some lazy kid with too much money and no concept of the notion of hard work.

Of course, saying "hard work" in the context of a game seems rather silly too, so perhaps there's also something to be said for not taking things too seriously. Nevertheless, I do rather wish I hadn't wandered through the Odin Gate to find one of my Tarutaru brethren humping somebody's leg (which appears to be an actual command -.-).

Oh yeah, rudy's back, and he's actually staying an extra week because MeoTwister is a filthy liar. With more on this development, here he is, Rudo himself!

rudyxx - November 7 '03- 00:17 Eastern Daylight-Savings Time

So today I was sitting in my house minding my own business when the phone starts to ring. I answer the phone and here's how the conversation basically went:

Man: Hello is Vicki there?
Me: No she's not here she's at work.
Man: Are you her husband?
Me: No
Man: Is this
Me: Yeah it is.
Man: Oh hello this is and I was calling to ask you about your business.
Me: eh?
Man: So are you the "Big Cheese"?
Me: uhh no?
Man: ummm... So are you anywhere near the top of your company?
Me: Huh?
Man: Tony Hawk Naked. You know your company?
Me: OHHHH what the hell are you talking about...
Man: Is it some kind of joke or something?
Me: You mean my webpage?
Man: Yeah.
Me: Yeah it's pretty much just a joke between some friends of mine and whenever I get around to it we plan on putting up some comics of Tony Hawk going around and attacking things with his skateboard.
Man: Oh well that's bad ass. Are you an artist?
Me: Yeah but I'm not the one that will be doing the comics.
Man: Oh...well you have a good day then and remember, I am
I'm not really sure what to make of that nor do I remember what his name was....but in any case on with the letters!

DUDE! You never tell people your parents aren't home! Now you're totally going to get kidnapped.



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What happened to all those letters RPGamer used to get?

What do you think of the .hack series?

Also, why is today's youth so damn suicidal?

-- sophie

Well, some of our older readers outgrew us, I guess, and some of the newer ones don't come to Q & A like the old ones used to, being much more interested in spewing forth enlightenment by the bucket on the message boards. Add to that the fact that I really have no means of advertising this space beyond my titles, and it's pretty much a downward cycle. Also, there is apparently a not insignificant percentage of the RPG world that would dearly enjoy it if I were to burn in hell, which seems rather extreme to me, but not even close to enough punishment for their black hearts. Finally, there've been some really lousy hosts here in the past - I mean, Andrew Dangerous? What was up with that?

One game for four times the cost does not a purchase equal in my shady world of mathematics, so I really don't know anything about it.

Finally, any number of reasons, but most prominently so due to the wide availability of Rhapsody.


I blame the "new look" Andrew gave the page. It makes babies cry and young women say "Dear god what is that thing?"

I might end up playing those games once they release them in a box set. Otherwise paying full price for 4 games that should be 1 games isn't my hunk of cheese.

I think it's more along the lines of the lack of availability of Rhapsody seeing as how mostly everyone has never heard of it. I blame it more on the existance of Shaq-fu

Hmm.. We actually agreed on something. This can only mean the sun will shortly explode.

Your skill with 2-edged swords increases by 0.2


You spoil me, you know that?? While I was trying to prepare another cage to capture Google, you go and write the whole page (well..intro, but page makes me sound more important) dedicated to me!! It's like getting a new, whole, silver donkey, all for my own! I couldn't be happier ^_^;; (well, I could, but that's a tale for another day) Hmm... kupomogli thinks I was asking help for the battles, nah, 'ppreciate it kupo, but I was just telling my status. Question time...or is it? All right, when will we be informed of the new "newsies"? Not that I'm impatient, but.. what the hell, you know I am. Like you, I haven't seen the new Matrix, so I will personally inflict 10 live's worth of pain on anyone that ruins it for me.. Now, I must find a silver rope to hang kupo...I mean my new silver donkey from!!

From one timeline to the next,

O' Shrouded One

Bear in mind, I did curse your name, so I wouldn't be so happy, since my curses are hurled with that special touch that makes them uniquely mine. Why, once I cursed this old lady because she touched my shadow and wouldn't you know it - her hip shattered and she almost died on my driveway!

So yeah, I'm a horrible person. As for the newsies, the decision has been made, and sorry to say you are not going to be Miss Rhode Island this time around. I do, however, encourage you to try out for the Happy Fun Lucky Club pageant in Wisconson, Nova Scotia, where I hear they make some radical crawdads.

So far 2 letters this week and like 10 last week and no one has even mentioned me. I HATE EVERYONE /cry /cry /cry

Actually, if you can do various colored text where it says /cry and replace it with "rudyxx's eye's brim over with tears!", that would be cool too.

Life is not FFXI. If this worsens and one day I find you stark raving mad running around in circles near your computer I'm going to be very put out with you.


Hey Andrew and Rudy,

First off, I have to say, now that I know the word. I umm, forgot what I said before, something about liking Vagrant Story better than FF10 with renewed vigor.

Anyways, if Rudy doesn't like FF7, then he's smart, very smart, because FF7 sucks, and FF2, but most of all, FF10. But anyways, what game did Rudy get?

And did you know they have a 15% off advertisement on RPGamer to get the Arc the Lad series, but when you click on it, it only says 10%. So basically they're trying to rip you off at the one place. I clicked on it thinking I could get 15% off, and then it's like, MWAHAHAHAHA, only 10% foo(yeah, I'm the man, I said foo), so that's the reason I didn't buy it, and it's the entire box set too, which is cool. Even though I've been fired for 4 months, and now I only have 170 dollars left, and my parents made me pay 200 dollars a month, I need another job again soon, because after this month I'll have no money.

Also, yeah, Andrew, I agree with that other guy. You suck, with your, incoherent(i think that's what he said) ramblings, and your sick illustrations of perfectly drawn hentai(I WANT TO SEE), and the fact that I just put parenthesis, with a huge joke just before this one(that you had nothing to do about, because you are incoherent, like that other guy said), and the fact that I don't even know what incoherent means so can you help me out on the word?

-andrew- -kupomogli-

Well, because MeoTwister is a soulless pirate who must be cannibalized at the earliest opportunity, rudy got zero games. As far as our advertisement goes, I'm not exactly sure what's going on there, since I seem to be unable to get the dratted thing to appear after three attempts which is pretty much the limit of my endurance. If you do want to file a complaint or anything, fire it at

Finally, you should really get moving on the whole job thing ^^

First off FF VII is basically about a group of radical left-wing militants who are fighting an evil corporation for its misdeeds against the environment, ultimately resulting in the deaths of many innocents and employees of the company all for "the greater good".

Drawing comparisons to Palestinian militants who hide out in residential areas, Barrett at one point tries to disavow any responsibility for the deaths of the residents in (insert name of undercity section) after Shinra (Israel) brings down a section of Midgar to put an end to the terrorist group.

Ultimately in the raid on shinra HQ, dozens of security personnel trying to earn a paycheck to feed their family with the jobs that Shinra makes available are mercilessly slaughtered in the liberals' lust for environmental justice. All of the characters in the game are your typical "social rejects" and I don't understand how anyone could remotely like that game. I wrote a 5000+ word paper on how horrible the game is but I can't seem to locate it now to link it. In any case, only Mr T. can say "foo" and don't look at hentai, it is bad for you. btw this has nothing to do with my answer but is funny non the less.

How can you sleep at night?

Robust Stu mongers something, possibly war

Yo baby, yo baby, yo! I decided to take a break from payin' the bills with my mad programmin' skills to write you what may quite possibly be the worst and most meandering letter I've ever written! And, of course, it's a multiparter.

1)You Canadians do everything funny. Any word that's supposed to end in -or is spelled -our up there. It's like Weird Al Yankovic said, Canadians speak a language very similar to English. That said though, pretty much everything else you guys do you do better than Americans. But we can nuke you. :)

You COULD, but really, why bother?

2)Speaking of Canada, is it true that you're technically still owned by Britain? I was curious, because I never heard of a revolution with Canada winning their independence from Britain, so I did a bit of research, and all I could come up with regarding the formation of Canada as we know it today is you guys basically ARE one country instead of a bunch of independent territories because the US Civil War just ended and you saw us moving west taking over land, and were worried we would turn north next and start overrunning your land, or something like that.

Yeah, we're technically still part of the Commonwealth, and the Queen hams it up on each of our coins, leaving monarchists delirious with joy and terribly bitter at ten-dollar bills. There were a few rebellions here and there, but they usually ended with everyone remembering how drunk they were and wandering off to go pass out. Still, up until 1982 we had to have all our laws approved by the Brits, at which point they decided it was far too tedious to maintain the practice and gave us a charter of "rights and freedoms" which just happens to be a document conducive to a dictatorship.

3)This is MAD FUNNY YO, check it out. The End of the World

Yes, yes it is.

4)Okay, I suppose I should ask an RPG question while I'm here. Is there any way to revive General Leo or Aeris? No, just kidding.

I cannot answer this question without stabbing you, and I like you too much to stab you, so I think I'll pass.

5)What's your thoughts on the announcement of Dragon Quest 5 being rereleased? Am I alone in thinking it would have been cooler if they also rereleased DQ6 and bundled them together?

Well obviously, the more unreleased Dragon Quests they throw our way, the better. Even so, I'll settle for one for the time being in the hopes that S-E will continue to relive the past.

6)Do you think a Final Fantasy 3j/Seiken Densetsu 3 bundle would be a good idea? Am I an idiot for asking?

FFIII yes. SD3 Never. SD3 just doesn't whet my whistle, if you know what I mean.

Okay, that's enough. I'm off to watch the face sitting classic entitled "Four Teens Fight". Knock before opening the door.

Robust Stu
Gold Reviewer/Swell Guy

I think I will spare myself from having any knowledge of that venerable genre, and leave you to your enjoyments.

That's dangerously close to me hating you forever

Dont get your hopes end, the ending of Revolutions was evvilll. And sad!! *tears!*

Anyway, I was wondering umm..well nothing. I just wanted to rub it in your face how I got to see Revolutions before you!! BWHAHAHAHHA!!!

umm yeah ^^

actually, I do have a question. How soon can you get a new subscription to Nintendo Power for the Zelda Bonus Disk? Can I subscribe right now and get it? Or must I wait until after they start releasing it with the Gamecubes? Thank youuuu!!!


Well, I think the GC registration starts on November 11th, so I'd play it safe and wait until at least then. The only timeframe information we really have is on the GC game registration, which oddly enough begins before all the titles listed are even out. How very odd...

I have no friends so I won't be seeing Revolutions till it comes out on DVD. Cause there is no way I'll ever go see a movie in the theatre by myself. Although I'm sure Andrew would go with me but he's canadian eh. I'm sure if you look on the first page of any nintendo power magazine they sell in stores you will see that they always have some magical deal going on if you subscribe for their magazine. So I imagine if you wait until that says something about it, you might have better luck then than now.

Hey, jerk, the jerkstore called and they're all out of you! AND YOU ARE THE BESTSELLER AHAHA

To Marvelous pair known a "Rudy and Cast",

1. Unfortunately, due to unforseen circumstances such as mail expenses and my tendency to be a pathalogical liar, I will no be able to send rudy a copy of any game he wanted. I'm a selfish sunofabich, I admit, and the day you guys get my games from me is when you pry it from the clutches of my cold post-mortem fingers. Unless you want them for $60 a piece, then we can talk. Sorry, I'm keeping Rhapsody for myself! ^_^

It's okay. You're just a big jerk who goes to a stupid club for jerks and is a jerk. Jerk!

As long as someone gives me what I want I'll be happy. I didn't even know you said you were going to send me a game...

2. At the risk of Castomelian Castration, what are your opinions about the plans for the local release of the games in the Marl's Kingdom series? I'm sure Castomel is at your neck right now for even thinking about Rhapsody, but worry not rudy, we'll be laughing in the end when Castomel gets addicted to the games! BWAHAHAHA! Join us, Casto.... be not afraid....

Never! Even if ordered!

I never even knew they had plans to bring any of the other Marl games out over here...In any case I own all of them except Marl Jong....

3. I'm pretty sure you guys are plastered all over FFXI for God knows how long, while Asians like me are only able to cower in anger at not being included in S-E plans for FFXI distribution. Is the retail version as good as people say it is. I can only watch at your window like a poor beggar as you people enjoy the series' online brethren. Do not be surprised if one of S-E's CEOs "disappear" all of a sudden.

Yeah, you would kill someone you big dumb jerk.

I like the game a lot :> I just wish it ran better on my computer.

4. Is it just me.... or is rudy guest hosting on a very regular basis. What does he do to get your guest hosting spot..... or are you the same person?

As part of the games-for-hosting deal, rudy has hosted two weeks straight. As a matter of random spite, I let him cohost for no reason because a certain someone would not perform the task required of him to gain a cohosting. That makes three times. So there!

....... nah. Impossible. Anyway, what does it take to guest host anyway? =)

-- Gabe "I'm hot off you!" Ang

All it takes is for you to unjerkify and send rudy a game. Hmm, that felt good. My anger has dissipated like heat in my backyard. I guess I'll never call you jerk again. Well, maybe just once more for old time's sake. Jerk.

4. I'd like to guest host every day but they won't let me because they are ugly. :(

We can't all be as pretty as you...

Boingy, boingy!

Subject the first:


Now that we have that out of the way, let's enjoy happy fun times with questions concerning whatever happens to flit into my cute widdle head.

I've discovered, through an intense process I call "Staying Up Real Late and Staring at a Computer Screen", that the overall quality of available RPGs at any given time is directly related to how many of them involve killing God. For example, the SNES era, considered by all but the FOOLISH CASUAL GAMERS SOON TO BE DEVOURED BY MY SHOGGOTH ARMY OF DOOM to be the great Golden Age of games that are role-played. At that time, despite a heavy burden of Nintendo censorship, there was born in the land the Breath of Fire series, possibly the first games filled to the brim with theology that would make a priest choke on his communion wafer(were there any before BoF? Let me know, O Wise One). Then there was the PS1 Age, wherein there was another Breath of Fire, Final Fantasy Tactics, and the great, venerable Xenogears. Yet now, when there is a great volume of entries in that greatest of genres, the overall quality has flagged. The reason: few companies, if any, have dared to set dragons, medieval teenagers, or giant robots againt the Almighty. Repent, if ye wish to be saved from this onslaught of the mediocre! Repent, I say!

If you say so ^^ Your math doesn't really add up, though - You said the SNES was the golden era of RPGs and then to back it up you listed two of the most mediocre of its offerings, which, God-killing or no, still don't exactly rock my socks in that special way that only FFVI and CT can. As you can see, my criteria has nothing to do with killing God, since reading altogether too much David Eddings for my own good rather neatly erased any impressions of neatness the idea had upon me. Call me crazy, but I like games for the gameplay :)

I'd have to say there are more RPG's with pirates in them than there are with God in them. And most of the time you ended up killing the pirates which in turn means that you have been neglecting pirates!
Come to think of it, I haven't gotten far enough into Xenosaga to see if it has any neat theological premises in it. Does it?

I haven't either, and like I said, I like games for the gameplay so don't expect to hear anything different from me in the near future ^^.

Not as much as Xenogears. They may have randomly added something in the American release but I don't really know, I only played through the japanese version.
You still have "Castomel" as your e-mail address. Where did that name come from? Why do you use your (presumably) real one now instead?

Castomel came from my pen-and-paper days, and I always used my real name in this column, at least. In fact, I've pretty much used my name in everything since some very old reviews I have kicking around. I kind of have to, since site policy changed to that shortly after I was hired.
What is your opinion on people who, in a fantasy-based MMORPG, name themselves something clever, cute, or relating to pop-culture instead of the regulation collection of random syllables? Keep in mind this does not include the 4,000 "Dreizzzzzit"'s on every server of every game ever created, who need to be hit over the head with a shovel.

Meh. It's pretty much unavoidable, and on balance I'd much rather see uncreative names like "Shovel" and "Pail" and "JustinTimbertaru" than horrible attempts at fantasy-sounding names like "Esgarthenalon" or "Bob Dole".

I think names where it looks like the person is actually trying to Role play are pretty dumb. Most of the time in MMORPG's I end up naming myself after random items like Hairpin, Shovelface, Anklet_weights, etc. Those kind of names to me are a lot funnier. That and you get asked random questions with names liKe Sailorkatie and Tonyhawk (my two character names). I'd say at least 30 people have asked me to do an ollie and maybe 6 have asked me if I'm in the navy.
Excuse me sir, but have you made Terry Pratchett your personal really-cool-author-guy? If not, you should. I don't have any bad places you could go in the afterlife if you don't, but I can glare at you pretty hard.

Terry Pratchett's a-ok, but um.. My favorite author dude remains Kurt Vonnegut, who is and ever has been a super-cool fellow. He also writes good books!

I don't even know who that is lol Last time I actually read a book outside of a strategy guide was in first grade.
Do you happen to have any words of wisdom on how to survive high school without experiencing the desire to climb up somewhere high with a shotgun, assuming that one's teachers are too sharp-eyed to sneak a GBA past?

Ignore people, they're idiots. And remember, once you grow up you can move away from them and then laugh from afar.

Try to be as loud as possible when anyone asks you anything. It's rather funny to watch everyone elses reaction. That kept me going for a good 4 years.
Have you played Golden Sun? If so, by the end, could you remember why the hell you were suppossed to stop these vaguely-threatening people from lighting lighthouses?

I think that's enough for now. I shouldn't bug you too much. Last thing I need is more hit men knocking at the door.

This letter was from Dahne, dood!

I figure it was because they had dark schemes involving Parcheesi and its potentially deadly side, but who can tell...

I even beat the second one and I still have no clue what the heck is going on.

Hey, your sig pics are sweet.
Who makes them?


You have indeed asked that before, but maybe rudy would like a chance to answer ^^ I make mine, at any rate.

I make my own sig too. I also do a lot of other 2d graphic design for fun...maybe one day i'll upload my stuff somewhere and people can look at it and bask it it's horrendousness.


And so we draw to a close, bringing another week to its end and damn, I have to go to bed. For next week, we'll hop back on the topic bandwagon again and talk Zelda compilation disc. Specifically, I'd like to discuss the quantity of good old fashioned Nintendo-style corporate evil being employed. The Big N's market share has, in a Nintendo-issued report, doubled and given it a solid #2 spot in North America (it already holds #2 in Japan where Xbox sales are pathetic.) Think we might see some of the shenanigans of old repeated as Nintendo gets a taste of its old dominance?

Someone send me games or Andrew says he will eat me for breaking the game giving chain.

He's right, I did!
Andrew Long is getting sleepy, sleeeeepy... and wham, he was suddenly aware that in a past life, his name was Otto van Bismarck and he ruled.



Can't talk, sleep

The Mark of tuinte
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