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Tokyo Viper Patrol

Andrew Long - October 22 '03- 01:35 Eastern Daylight-Savings Time

I HAVE BEEN TO THE MOVIES TWICE in the past two days, which is roughly my annual average crammed into that period of time. While there I have come to two conclusions: Sophia Coppola knows how to portray Tokyo realistically. Quentin Tarantino does not(although he isn't exactly trying). Either way, I am puzzled by the profusion of people in #rpgamer who are professing to love Star Ocean: the Second Story (that's alliteration writ large for all you slow kids out there.) At a glance, the two topics have no connection with each other, and that glance would be essentially correct, because I'll be damned if I'm going to wring any coherence out of this rambling. Anyhow, I says to Mabel, I says "This here column has to go up soon, so let's forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream."

This brings me to my next point - macaroons suck. Specifically, macaroons not made by my grandmother, who puts in these tasty little miniature marshmallows and NO DISGUSTING CAKE FLAVOURING (take that, A&P!) This is also largely irrelevant when stacked up alongside Kill Bill and Lost in Translation, to say nothing of its utter meaninglessness to Star Ocean: the Second Story (well, I suppose I could claim that Rena makes some kickass macaroons, but I'd really rather not remember the hours I've sunk into cooking things that could have been better spent ramming metal spikes through my balls.)

Moving right along, ASV has made an eerie threat which compels me to demand that greater attention be paid to our index quote. I'll even give you a hint: the quote is not from Disgaea, which we should probably talk about sometime soon since I'm playing through it. It's also not from Kill Bill, nor is it from Star Ocean 2. It may be from Lost in Translation, but I don't think Bill Murray is available for comment right now, so you'll just have to find out for yourself, now won't you?

That about does it for this particular version of Super Happy Fun Introduction Great Wonder Music Time. Let us proceed now to Enchanting Pixie Dragonfly Snapdragon Dragontail Red Dragon Whipped Cream Happy Badger Cool Time Letters section before I run out of words that don't have anything to do with each other.



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Heyo, hockey's back
Leafs suck ;_;
No more baseball anyhow
Wonder what the score was... sez...
six to one AGAIN?
What a bore
Oh well, Kill Bill owns
although I feel violence
is, in fact, the answer
to my perplexing mailman

My governors are all general... Just like yours, funktard

I am actually a resident of the province of Quebec, Canada. First of all, i want to tell you all that our prime minister( the equivalent of one of your governors) has decided to cut by 25% the quantity of money which is given to multimedia companies. This means that our beloved Ubi Soft will be severely hit by the irrationnal decision made by our prime minister. The question I want to ask is, what the heck is gonna happen to Ubi Soft after this budget cut?

Well, I rather imagine (y)our beloved Ubi Soft will relocate to sunnier shores. That's what most businesses are threatening to do here in ONTARIO which is, strangely enough, in CANADA where I live ALSO, because our premier-elect(who is the equivalent of your premier - or prime minister, if you prefer - assuming you play nice and ignore Rene Levesque) has promised to cancel various business tax cuts which he probably won't do because people never pay attention to politics and he'll be able to get away with patronising corporations. Why, I had this one old lady come in and sagely predict a wide variety of tax cuts, which is exactly the opposite of what he's going to do, which just goes to show that if you get enough media coverage, you could make Hitler look like Shirley Temple, or heck, even make George Bush look competent.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled program

Hey Castomel,

What exactly is the A to the Q? It boggles the mind thinking about it. Ah yes! How is everything going?? Any new victims? Ah yes, my sister came home from college for the weekend, and to my excitement of agony, she was on the computer the whole weekend... She said, "I have an important thing to write for school", but obviously she finished everything saturday afternoonish... So unfortunetly, I could not get online for anything!! Bloody it all... So anyways, I feel kinda tired right now, but I'll stay awake so I can finish this email. What I do for you, and you just take me for granted. Granted I say!! Bah..... Enough ranting on that. Anyways, I appreciate your information on the HTML business on Friday. You have just this semester of college left, correct? How is that going? Any cynical schemes you planning on? How about those cheerleaders you have locked up somewhere, they doing fine? As I've said before and forevermore.. Stay cool, keep the blood flowing, and peace out.

The moon casts a shadow on your face,

O' Shrouded One

My cheerleaders are A-OK, but I actually have a full year and one semester on top of that left over thanks to some poor decision-making on my part. As a result, any and all evil schemes have been deferred until 2005. That is all.

Nintendo Power > EGM nyah

hiii! I have so much to share with you people, you should so honored.

soo! here's what i must say first: I got the new issue of EGM today (Electronic Gaming Monthy, the video game magazine obviously) and it has the SCARIEST picture on EARTH of Aragron in Lord of the RIngs. Its for the Return of the King video game so its the CG version of him. But it is SOOO scary and its scarring me for life. *runs and crys to mommy*

And the screens from Advent Children are scary too--Sephy is no longer hot and Cloud looks to real. So many scary pictures this issue!! *crys*

so horrifying. anyway! About Hallowen I think you should have a costume contest!! everyone can send in their video game costumes and whoever makes the coolest will win..err...something. It would be cool and stuff, and I good way to force people to make costumes! Go as the dog from duck hunt, even! So cool. But i doubt anyone will be cool enough to enter -tears-

err, since I need a video game question for this to qualify: Which would you rather have: a really good game turned into a really good movie (not like the Spirits Within flog (remember, worse than flop!), but a really REALLY good movie) or a really (REALLY!!) good movie turned into a really really (REALLY!) good game? And whichever one you pick, which game or movie would it be? (like, saying you wanna make PaRappa the Rapper a movie...please god don't even think that...)

I hope that makes some sense...

Wow, i can imagine a PaRapper the Rapper movie....its (almost) as scary as the picture of Aragorn on the cover of EGM! which reminds me, I must run from it before it eats my brains.

-Tess ;-)

Game to movie, although both are impossible because Hollywood is dumb. As for your costume contest, while I would enjoy having my inbox jammed to the rafters with hideous jpgs, it gets clogged enough as it is, unfortunately. Besides, I'm pretty sure that contest has been done three or four times before in this very spot, although maybe that was just other, better contests merging into other, better contests in my memory. Then again, that sounds kind of paradoxical to me, so I think I'll just forego breaking English and say "no dice."

Muhaha... I just love ar-bitin' the spendation of dollars.. or something

Hey Andrew,

So, soon I'll finally be able to have a bundle of cash in my possession. I would like to buy one game once I get my paycheck in a week or so, but my question is, what would you recommend I buy? I have a few games in mind, like Disgaea, (that choice is looking good, at the moment) Breath of Fire V, Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, or Golden Sun 2. Hrm, there have been a galore of games I have been missing on, and there's still more to come in the coming months. While I'm at it, is there a game, not on that list, that you would strongly (or not as strongly :P) recommend?




If I were you, I would drop the third and fourth titles from that list and spend my money better elsewhere. As for other titles I'd recommend, I don't know exactly what systems you have or what type of games you're looking for, but if you've got a GameCube I'd pick up F-Zero GX and if you don't have one, pre-order for that Zelda bundle. The PS2 hasn't really seen too much come out of late, but Suikoden 3 is supposed to be decent, and you could probably do worse than the new Castlevania on GBA.

Note: Rental manuals are just like doctor's office periodicals

I just rented Silent Hill 3 and on the back of the instruction manual is a teaser for the new PS2 and PC Castelvania. It's called Lament of Innocence and it supposedly takes place at the beginning of the Belmont line...or something like that. Ha! Finally another Castlevania game that I can play! Damn you GBA for taking Circle of the Moon and Harmony of Dissonance from us! But we handheld haters get the last laugh...unless the game sucks...Please don't let it, I need this! BTW, My favorite Castlevania was Symphony of the Night, without a doubt!

Jamie "What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk! Have at you!" Harper >8^()

Your favorite is my favorite, but I'm kind of surprised you haven't heard of LoI. It's been around since E3, I'm pretty sure, and if I'm not mistaken, it has already shipped. That quote is the best quote ever, by the way, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, regardless of whether I say every quote is the best quote ever.

Al Gore != exciting

Hey Andrew,

Ok Ok, but so it is impossible, but somehow I managed to get a picture of me like that, so enjoy!

Anyways, you already know my favorite game, or well, favorite games, because you've seen the list of games I've put in order, that I don't enjoy them all, and it's missing quite a few games I've beaten, actually alot but anyways, since I like the first set of games equal, and they're all basically my favorite games, they are; Super Castlevania 4, Final Fantasy 6, Tactics Ogre, Tactics Ogre: Knight of Lodis, Tales of Eternia, Xenogears, and Front Mission 3. Oh yeah, and the best game of all time, that better than even my favorite games, CHRONO CROSS(which I'm kidding, it's not even close).

Super Castlevania 4 is for the SNES, and the best Castlevania in existance. The game is played by stages, instead of the recent Castlevania games that have RPG elements along with free roam. Although Super Castlevania 4 doesn't have free roam, the gameplay is going from place to place, there are enemies everywhere in the game, where you have to fight many monsters all at once almost entirely through the game, added with a timer where you can't be slow and try to fight one monster at a time or you die. After finishing the game and once the credits finish, you'll automatically restart in a harder mode, but after beating it on the harder mode, then it's just the same harder mode, no other harder modes, but it's really great if you can beat the game on both the normal mode and hard modes without continuing and seeing how far you can get with one life. So anyways, this game has immence replay value.

Final Fantasy 6 is for both the PSX and SNES, and has the best story for any of the Final Fantasy games. The multiple characters which are actually useful, as they aren't like in every Final Fantasy released after FF6(except of course FFTactics(sortof) and FF9), where every character is basically the same, and there are no differences in anything that they do, just the abilities they have equipped, but you can easily change them(or in FF10, learn them all, but why, they're worthless). Final Fantasy 6 has alot of character development, telling in detail about each of the characters, and actually give you a feeling for the characters(unlike in FF7, where as when Aerith/Aeris dies, their is no feeling, you knew nothing about her). The last boss is probably the greatest enemy on any RPG, because of the desire he has for power, and how he shows it.

Tactics Ogre is for the PSX and for the SF, with three seperate yet intertwined stories, with a great deal of background on many of the main characters. Like the original Ogre Battle(and the entire saga), the game involves a huge amount of strategy, yet infact this one involves more. A very difficult game, that has awesome gameplay, and a perfect class change system, where each class gives you a certain amount of stats, and you can find the best way to level a character up, adding more strategy to how you level your characters up as well. A training mode where you can choose characters to face against each other, and even play against a friend, where the main reason is for leveling up(even though the training mode isn't needed as much until late 3rd chapter or 4th chapter, where if you think of a good strategy you can get up to those points in the game with enemies higher leveled than you are, making you use even more strategy on making which of your characters to kill which enemy, so your level's stay the same). The game also features a huge amount of secrets, and over 30 hours of gameplay.

Tactics Ogre: Knight of Lodis is for the GBA, just like the original Tactics Ogre with multiple paths, this one having two, the gameplay is about the same, except the battles changed from how much weigh the character has to how fast they can go, to a turn based system, where the entire party attacks, then the enemy attacks, which bring's a different type of strategy to the game, making it easier on some occasions, and harder on others. With a training mode for when someone gets stuck, and a huge amount of secrets just like in the original(which is a sequel of this title), and is atleast 15 hours.

Ok, well, anyways, I love Tales of Eternia(PSX), Xenogears(PSX), and Front Mission 3(PSX), which are my favorite games as well, but, seeing as this email is getting very long, and I don't really want to type anymore, or think for that matter, I'll end it right here.

And, their are four more days until Castlevania: Lament of Innocence, let's hope that it's good, and doesn't follow the path of Aria of Sorrow, by being a game full of boredom.

-andrew- -kupomogli-

Smile, nod. Please write shorter letters or I'm going to have to start snipping them - if I get bored trying to wend my way from the start to the finish, you know everyone else probably will be too. That is all - and that picture doesn't count. I DEMAND REAL PHOTOGRAPHY!

Well, okay, I don't even remember why I was asking, so you win this time.

Halloween fun


Hmm.. Favorite Castlevania.. I just recently bought Castlevania SOTN brand new (for a low price too) and beat it a few days ago. Even though SOTN is a great game, I'll have to go with Simon's Quest as my favorite. I found it fun even though most seem to hate it. It also has a nostalgic factor of MONSTROUS PROPORTIONS.

Alloy is 6' 4" and going out for Halloween? My brother and I went out as ninjas last year.. Only to have some lady open the door, look at us, shake her head and say 'No', then close the door. I was crushed. What does she mean NO? If you ask me, you're not too old to go out for Halloween at 18 years. Oh yeah.. 2 separate people also said something like, "Hahaha.. Are you supposed to be terrorists".

I wanted to send this into RPGamer's Fan Art section, but I don't think they'd take it seriously. I know I didn't. Just thought I'd have a better chance here.

Pfft.. No!

-Teh Village Eldar

Good old nostalgia games... I still can't play CT without thinking of being home sick in Grade 8 and milking it for three extra days just so I could get to the Underwater Palace. If you think getting shunned at 18 is bad, I once ran out of candy when I was 14 and decided to refill by doing some trick-or-treating of my own. Let me tell you, I got a lot of funny looks, although my idea of a "costume" was walking like I had syphilis and not speaking under any circumstances.

Unfit for Print

Hi, this is Daniel from the U.S. I just want to say that I have beaten all the Shenmue games 1 and 2 and I love to play Shenmue. I would love it if you made the third Shenmue for X-Box.

Well Daniel from the U.S, since you're a bloody idiot, I hereby promise never to make Shenmue 3 for the Xbox EVAR. In fact, I hereby promise never to make Shenmue 3 at all, since I don't work for Sega, have no connection to Sega, have no desire to work for Sega, and can't fathom why you would think that I'm Sega.

For Halloween I really want to dress as
a naked character of Final Fantasy. Who should I go as? Who would the average partier find the most favorable?

Tad Ghostal

Well if you can pull off a naked Tifa, I'm sure that'd get you attention from all the guys, but I can't be certain if that's what you'd want, so I'll just recommend Queen Brahne instead.
I have beaten Shenmue I and II.
I would like to have the Third one for X-Box please, i am a big fan of Shenmue.

P.S. And of course my name is Daniel just to let you know.

For the hundredth time, NO! And yes, he really did send this twice.


So I guess what you're all saying (except for two of you) is that you don't want to talk about Castlevania. Well, that's fine - I can see a trend when it's staring me in the face. Instead, let's talk about Star Ocean 2. I'd say Disgaea, but I'm only on chapter 3, so I rather suspect the deluge of spoilers I'd be subjecting myself to would be enough to put Uma Thurman to shame after the revenge I would wreak. So, Star Ocean 2: did you like it, hate it, want to bear its children? I sure can't get enough of it - why, I'm so enthralled that it's taken me three whole years to struggle through it, during which I have only seriously considered microwaving it twice.

Never fear, though - I'm not biased! Anyhow, I appreciate all the letters - I usually don't get this many on my first day of the week. And now I must go...for sleep. I will also go for sleep. Hmm.. that just doesn't work without two people. Makes me wish I had a guest host or something...Oh, well.
Andrew Long has to work tomorrow and is terribly bitter about that fact.



Do-do-do-do-do-do-do, I am watching you from a camera!

The Mark of tuinte
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