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Andrew Long - October 16 '03- 02:58 Eastern Standard Time

IF THERE'S ONE RPG I HATE MORE than any other game, it's Rhapsody. If, however, there's one game that I hate more than any other game besides Rhapsody (and maybe Beyond the Beyond or Parcheesi) it's Legend of Dragoon, a woeful fifty-hour exercise in ascetic self-abasement. Over the course of four discs, a mildly inventive combat system helps disguise the fact that there ain't much else holding things together. The only useful thing the game introduced was its colour-changing cursor, and maybe it inspired Miyamoto to go look at the rolling blue waves to make Mario Sunshine equally pretty and unplayable. The point I'm trying to make is, anyhow, that the game was all a poorly executed attempt at style, and no substance.

The other thing I should probably mention is that for some reason, I have received multiple Legend of Dragoon-related letters today. While I can only assume that this is further evidence of the universe's comprehensive policy of spiting me, I will make the following request with plaintive sincerity and the foreshadowings of murderous rage: please, everyone, never send me a letter about Legend of Dragoon again. Ever.

That is all.



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Ah, dear
The universe more sorely hates
The poor fans of Chicago
Is terribly difficult
To pull yourself away from
.`. 3:30 >_<
Or perhaps Three Thirty Three

Yes, I'm one of those people that asks for bad news first when given the choice


I have a modified PS game system, and I bought "The Legend od Dragoon" PS game without knowing that it has anti-modified-chip-software inside. Now I can't play the game! I've tried the codes posted on your website under "NEWS" on 06.14.2000 for the "Legend of Dragoon" PS game, but for some reasons, it did not work. Is there something wrong? Are there other codes out there for this game? H~E~L~P~~~~ I really wanna PLAY!


Once again I'm amazed at how few people seem to be able to operate the magical device that is a search engine. All I had to do was enter in "Legend of Dragoon modchip codes," not even a terribly efficient search term, mind you, and I immediately got about 400 pages of results. It seems to me if it's that easy an idiot could do it, which makes me fear for the state of AOL. Well, actually I already feared for that, and besides, this particular email came from an @yahoo address. Anyhow, the results of my search confirmed three things. First, it's that any search you could possibly conceive of will in fact lead to a porn site, and probably one that involves a furry or leather fetish. Second, I was able to verify the codes we posted by virtue of the fact that other sites had the very same codes. Finally, I found a random GameShark FAQ that contains a whole bevy of other modchip codes. Here then, for your GameSharking pleasure (and while I don't see how anything else is possible, I will be very saddened if you are not, in fact, using a GameShark) are a whole bunch of codes:

DO1BF172 1040
801BF172 1000

Version 2, apparently:
C1000000 0000
D01BF424 FF15
801BF424 FD2A
D01BF8AE 1040
801BF8AE 1000

So now that you have those let me hasten to assure you guys that I'm not trying to sound condescending here. It just honestly baffles me that there are people on this here interweb who lack the skills to use a simple search engine. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's just people being too lazy, but I have to be a little insulting since it did take a whole minute out of my day. And that minute could have been better spent playing Monopoly or plotting a takeover of Cuba, so you have nobody to blame but yourselves if Castro ends up getting Boardwalk and Park Place, because I so would have rolled a seven there.

Dear Lord, may this abomination never come to pass

On The Legend of Dragoon's official website. I heard about an upcoming movie of TLoD. Is that true? Here's the website where I found it at

and in a box it talks about the Legend of Dragoon movie. But when you click on it, it doesnt seem to find the page.. So I was wondering if you could confirm the sources for me. Thanks.


Okay. Your source is PlayStation USA, which is Sony itself, which I would tend to suggest is a pretty good source, since it kind of owns the rights to all things Legend of Dragoon. My guess is that you can't find the page because somebody at Sony USA realized what a truly terrible idea a LoD movie would be, especially if it's made like that page suggests. Add to that the fact that FF:tSW came out within a year of that posted date there, and the math suggests that Sony saw Square take a nosedive in the profitability department and realized that releasing a similarly terrible movie would be nothing but disaster, resulting in the missing page being yanked from circulation before the three people who liked the game caught on to the fact that a movie was in the works and decided to picket outside Sony USA headquarters night and day.

When you think about it, this is the type of decision that helped Sony make money that year - not only do you save on failed movie projects, you save on the security guards you'd have to hire to keep out the protestors, to say nothing of the delicious delicious pepper spray required for such an operation. Then again, the company does own a percentage of Square so I guess in the end, even Sony got dicked by the evil that is FF:tSW.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming

Allo, Ad wren!

Personally, I'd say that both Amano and Nomura's character designs are a bit redundant in certain ways; Amano's designs all involve emaciated albinos, whereas Nomura's male designs all use very similar facial features. Outside of those redundancies, however, I'd say that Nomura's and Amano's designs are all quite varied. However, it seems as though Nomura's designs have been overused for the final character models. However, it makes sense; Nomura's designs seem to be a bit more 3d-friendly than Amano's designs.

It would be quite interesting to see a Final Fantasy with Amano character designs transferred into 3d, though...

btw- your name makes for nifty anagrams.

Nog, Wren lad?
Go, New Lard N!

---"Within my penguin lies a torrid story of hate and love."---

Hey, your name's not too shabby either... Why, I can make VD.. or V.D. or D..V or...Jeremy Irons. Hey, get that red ball out of my face!

Now that that's out of my system, I'm going to disagree with you some. Amano's designs could easily be converted to 3D, but Nomura's look like Barbie dolls (who can forget the person who said "Tidus looks like Squall mixed with Pamela Anderson?" I know I sure did, at least their name...), and if TV has taught me anything, it's that people like their heroes to look like Barbie dolls or at least like Louie Anderson, who I hear likes to wear a nicotine jacket if that one joke he always uses in his standup routine is any indication.

I imagine converting Amano into 3D would involve de-floatifying the edges of the drawings and ending up with something slightly more prosaic, such as the sprites from Final Fantasy VI. Then, once they were all fitted with their very own nicotine jackets, you'd have a cast that could go up against Nomura's any day of the week, at least until the nicotine poisoning kills them en masse.

Can you tell I'm biased? ^_^

The Perils of Improper Circling

Well, I own a limited edition EGM cover from Yoshi, so he wins, I guess. = P

I'm a little...perturbed at this whole FFXI PC before PS2 thing. I was always a firm console player...I hate dealing with graphics cards, installing, updating, patching, system optimaztion, and having to boot up and kick some other family member off the computer and then finally going through another five-minute sequence before I actually get to play the game. But, as far as I can tell, FFXI PS2 doesn't even HAVE a set release date yet. I'm a bit too lazy to go check for sure, but if it does have one, it isn't till at least December then. Plus, you have to do that whole hard drive thing. So whaddaya think? Is it worth it to play it on PC? MMORPGs have a notorious reputation of sucking more than they should for the first few weeks/months...I don't know. Help me!

- Feep "Confliction"

Well, if I end up getting it I'm going the PC route, for the simple reason that I already have a PC capable of running it, whereas to gussy up my PS2 to the extent it could handle the game would involve racking up the old expense account, which da boss isn't terribly fond of. Why, this one time I was stuck in the desert with no water and I went by this random water stand which was there for some reason as these vultures circled overhead trying to drop pianos on me and I called Mikel to ask if I could possibly charge RPGamer for a bottle of water since I didn't have any money on me and wouldn't you know it, he didn't let me, so I had to rob the water stand and I only got away because the vultures dropped the piano directly on the proprietor. The moral of the story? Pianos aren't all Fugues and Symphonies and Sonatas. There's a dark and terrible side they don't tell you about at the Royal Conservatory, which is why they're able to pay for such extensive renovations.

Oh, and as for you... If you wait for the PS2 version chances are that particular release will have its very own troubulances to endure, so if your computer can handle the game just bite the bullet, spit it into your hand, and shoot anyone who tries to take the computer from you in the foot. That way they'll be able to take revenge later, and nothing is as exhilirating as a blood feud.

Just in case you thought this was going anywhere in particular...


Hey, sorry I wasn't on the subject the other day...mind has been...slipping.... Sorry to say, but I don't feel as cynical as yesterday... Must be the weather. Anyhow, onto Nomura vs. Amano CAGE MATCH!! Amano all the way!!! His style is just so awesome. Does he even use any lines? Everything seems to blend smootly. Best work was for FFVI in my own, small, humble, useless opinion. Nomura's isn't the most uniquest style...but you gotta love Lulu's design. Who can go wrong with belts?? Unless you have a sick fetish for belts..... Ehhck. Kupomoglis gettin' quite upset again it seems. Deep breaths, kupo. I highly doubt Alloy would wanna start fights with people over the internet.... Unless he's in league with Sigfried and Roy. In that case, we should have tigers eat him alive. People have different views, ya know? Oh well.... I see you're looking for new newsies. I wish you luck in finding someone good. Too bad I need to learn more stuff about HTML, coding, and the likes... If I did, then it would be an honor to apply. I guess fate works in mysterious ways. Darn, this isn't nearly as long as the letter yesterday... At least it has more intelligent content and ideas than yesterdays.

As always, stay cool and I hope you find someone. I leave you now with a special treat. Instead of my traditional knowledgeable quotes.. I leave you with a verse from a song. Just think about it for a while. Time comes without break. Often a smile is no more than fake. If your mind's set, can I change it? Or are you stuck in your ways? Acts are deceiving. I speak the right things, Or so you say.

O' Shrouded One

Hmmm... that sounds suspiciously like Linkin Park, particularly since those particular lines could have been drawn from a hat. That said, there isn't quite enough about "unfair," "darkness," "life sucks," or "I am so prettier than Britney Spears you big meanie!" in there, so I can't be totally sure. I should probably tell you that you don't really need much HTML knowledge to apply; that can be taught. What we're really looking for is the ability to string two sentences together without getting run over by a train, which is, believe it or not, an ability I possess. I just like to do it as little as possible, in deference to the joys of wandering sentences that sound like a breathless five-year old trying to explain that he found a nicotine jacket out in the woods and now his puppy is being eaten by vultures which is probably a bad thing because the vultures will die of nicotine poisoning too, and this is probably the creepiest joke I've come up with in awhile so I think I'll just let it die here, like that poor little puppy and those devilishly handsome vultures.

Which is to say, if you can write, send me an application. That's what I'm really interested in.

I guess this counts as a vote...

Word up, Castola,

S'just me. Wanted to say yesterday's column (October 15) was your best yet, and not only because the design is so bad ass, but for other, more Castomel-based reasons, too.

Have a good'un, and by 'un I mean afternoon, evening and night.

Go Amano!


I really should stop printing this self-indulgent stuff... But then where would we be? In a land of self-denial, that's where! And do you know what self-denial does? It turns you crazy, like this guy in Ontario who's convinced that the government is the antichrist because of driver's license photos that are taken digitally, which is for some reason the sign of the beast. If the government is indeed the antichrist, it's doing a pretty lousy job of it, since it just got ousted and all, but you never know - after all, I hear the devil works through lies and trickery and shadows, which being the official opposition is tailor-made for. Also, evil has to be defeated eventually, so killing up a bunch of losers is probably easier on God.

Kupomogli, now 90% less militant!

Hey Andrew,

Reviewer, Reviewer!

Sure thing, giant beer!

Anyways, about which artist is better, I'd have to say Yoshitaka Amano, to me, is better with character designs. His art style is about the same, but the characters are drawn really well. Like the character portraits in Kartia, Final Fantasy 6, and Front Mission, and if you own the original FF6 for the SNES, almost every page of the instruction manual has drawings of the characters and game itself, showing the world off.

Also, other than Wild Arms 3, with beautiful character designs and such, along with all the buildings in objects of the game looking very realistic, as well as really good sound effects in the entire game except for when you're in battle, where the gunshots don't really sound like guns, but what other game has had any gunshots sounding like a gun, so that doesn't really matter.

But anyways, Thousand Arms even though it's graphics aren't really that good, even for when it was released, where it doesn't really matter because graphics dont make a game, but there is the storyline in Thousand Arms, where 40% is like any normal RPG, where you see the characters in their normal format like while running around in a dungeon or town. While there is the other 60% of the storyline, that is just like an anime movies except with alot less frames, that looks really beautiful and brings out alot in the storyline showing the feelings of the characters.

-andrew- -kupomogli-

I do indeed own that manual, and will forever wonder why Gau looks like a sassy lesbian.

Bias, Part 1

Hey, Cast:

I'm really in need of some advice here. I went out yesterday and bought myself a Gamecube pretty much on the spur of the moment. (It was $40 (Canadian) off at Best Buy and you know how often consoles go on sale: Never!) But there's only a few Cube games that I REALLY want to play: Wind Waker, Animal Crossing, and Pokemon Coliseum. I'm thinkin', maybe I should return it and sink the money into games for the systems I already have, 'cuz I already don't have the time and money to get and play all the PS2 and GBA games I want without adding a third console. (Keep in mind I'm a poor and highly busy college student.) However, I'm half afraid that something REALLY good is going to come out for the Cube and I'll be kicking myself for taking it back, 'cuz the chances of Best Buy having another sale on them seem pretty darn low.

So, should I return the Gamecube? (I've got 2 weeks to think it over.) Is it worth owning a system if you're only going to play a few games on it, provided they're really good ones? And, do you know of any really good Cube RPGs (or pseudo-RPGs like Zelda) that I can add to my list?

-Dazed and Confused in Edmonton
(more often known as Kitsune)

Crystal Chronicles. Baiten Kaitos. Tales of WhateverFancyWordNamcoDreamsUpInItsSpareTime. Heck, even Mario Kart looks pretty good, and if you dare to call yourself a gamer, you will heap mountains of love upon the glory that is F-Zero GX. In conclusion, keep your GameCube because I'm a raving Nintendo whore and fanboy. Also, I would be highly wary of trying to take something back to Best Buy, as I've heard various and terrible things about their customer service. Of course, I could just be more inclined to believe them because I work for a competitor, but over the past few years I've seen my store's policies gradually lean towards the draconian goodness of Best Buy's extended warranty-maddened approach, so I think I have good reason for that.

Bias, Part 2


It looks like FFXI is just around the corner, and I've seen a few more MMORPGs in the works as well.

What do you think about MMORPGs? I've got mixed feelings myself, with so many telling me that they are awesome, and others that say they suck. I have too little experience with them to make a solid decision myself, so I'll let you make it for me.


I think they're the purest form of pestilence, but since I'm an unabashed lover of all things Square (...Enix) I'll probably give XI a go just because I still haven't learned the lesson that Chrono Cross, Vagrant Story, and Legend of Mana should have taught me by now.

Unfit For Print

Evolution stinks, quest 64 stinks, final fantasy 2,mq,5,8, stinks, lufia ruins chaser stinks, beyond the beyond stinks, phantasy star 3 stinks, magic knight rayearth stinks, all pokemon stinks, secret of evermore stinks, kartia stinks, 7th saga stinks, chrono cross stinks, elemental gimmick gear stinks, and i give up.........

Why? You forgot the two biggest stinkpiles of all: Rhapsody and Legend of Dragoon. Also, you stink. Never send a letter like this again.

Cubs lose. :(

-- Hall of Fame Announcer Harry Carey

Good thing you weren't alive to see it, cuz it was truly painful to watch. Especially the looks on all the old people, who you could almost see thinking "Will I be dead before this happens again?" I don't know exactly what being a Cubs fan feels like, but I can sympathize somewhat, since my favorite team hasn't won in 36 years now, which is long enough to embitter two generations or so.
Is there a problem with me if graphics is a significant factor of whether I enjoy an RPG or not? I get heckled for it. Yes. Yes there is.
Is it just me, or do all of Amano's character designs look like anorexic zombies? -m Yes. Yes it is (just you, that is.) Also, that joke has been driven into the ground so deep you could build a bomb shelter out of its remains.
are they going to make a sequel to the legends of the Dragoon for the ps2 I certainly hope not.


Well, I guess we've settled nothing, but then again, that was never my intent. All I really wanted was some way to sneak from Wednesday to Friday without anyone noticing. Now that that's accomplished, I should probably remind Alloy that he's sposed to be back to cohost again tomorrow, and remind you lot to dig around and find a copy of Megaman X3. Surely someone has it! As for the topic... Well, all this talk of FF:tSW and FF7:AC has me wondering: will you be willing to forgive S-E if they churn out a crappy story if the new movie looks as good as or better than tSW? I know I wouldn't be, but there are the few, the proud, the batcave insane who stubbornly refuse to admit that the movie is terrible, so I'm wondering if their number will grow at all with a movie featuring recognizable characters that years of devotion and terrible fanfiction have been lavished upon.

Oh, and uhh... Alloy likes that stuff he said he likes, and since I haven't managed to get into contact with him, I don't really have much for you to ask him. Just try and remember to put him in the letter titles, ya punks.
Andrew Long can't quite shake the feeling that somebody's watching him.



Paws is a cameo-hungry machine, but far be it for me to deny her a day in the luxuriant shade provided by the shelter of hidden text.

The Mark of tuinte
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