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I Blame the Internet

Andrew Long - October 2 '03- 01:23 Eastern Standard Time

SO ANYWAY, I SAYS TO MABEL, I says "Hey, I's gonna start this here column at 11:00 so that I'm not dead tired by the end and spouting off random nonsense and eviscerated quickies." Needless to say, Mabel then tried to sell me on the benefits of becoming a Jehovah's Witness, so here it is two hours later. Mabel may be impaled on a flagpole out front, but once again it is 1:25 in the AM and you're watching Perspectives.

So today was thrilling. My eye is now twice as fantastically swelled, but at least I got to enjoy some good old fashioned election TV. Well actually, it was more of the newfangled type, which would make Michael Moore very unhappy to see on account of his misinformation about the state of newscasts here in Canada. I say this because Canadian networks have picked up on the whole premature declaration thing, hearkening back to the 2000 and 2002 elections in the good old US of A, where networks were falling all over each other to outdeclare winners, going so far as to send crack teams of death journalists back and forth in downtown Atlanta from the Fox News Fortress to Time-Warner Mountain of Doomゥ in an effort to prevent each other from making the first prediction of victory for any given state or candidate.

The Canadian networks had one big advantage, however; they couldn't possibly have got it wrong, since the party that won got almost three quarters of the seats. Anyway, it's 1:56 in the AM and you're watching Perspectives. Let us now go to my column, which does not exist, and make sweet sweet conversation.



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Pining for DC Part 1

I think any gamer in his right mind agrees that the DC died well before its time. And it seems that the industry agrees, because a lot that was good about DC made it onto either the PS2, GC, or XB.

Jet Grind Radio (DC), sequel goes to XBox. Skies of Arcadia (DC), "director's cut" goes to GC. Sonic Adventure (DC), ported to GC Ikaruga (Japan DC's last game ever!), ported to GC for USA Grandia 2 (DC), ported to PS2 Evolution 1 & 2(DC), ported as single-disc for GC. Guilty Gear X (Japan DC), ported to PS2 for USA Capcom vs. SNK2 (Japan DC), ported to PS2 for USA Phantasy Star Online 1 & 2 (DC), ported as single-disc for GC and, of course- Soul Calibur (DC), sequel goes to ALL 3 !

There's more, but you get the point. I really wish DC was still going. Hell, in a way, it IS, when you consider all these DC ports that are just now coming out. If DC had done something smart to stop pirating (like GC's specially formatted DVD's, a stroke of genius IMO) it's possible that we'd still have it around. Graphically, DC outshone PS2 for a while, when DC's games were reaching their peak and PS2 still looked like PS1 (mainly due to PS2's first year being woefully devoid of NEW games, and over-ful of backwards compatability advertising). DC is still my favorite system ever, probably because it was cut short and we all like to imagine the potential it had. [GBA runs a close second, as I'm currently 89 hours into FFTA and eagerly awaiting Sword of Mana.]

-rob "hangman" mcg

See, this is the saddest thing of all - that list of games you've churned out up there that a lot of people probably didn't know existed when they first came out. Obviously, I can't talk since I never actually owned a DC, but one of my good friends has been a Sega whore since birth, so I had easy access to many of those titles, which I definitely enjoyed the bulk of (save for Ikaruga, which he has managed to become ultimately good at, while I fail to see the greatness of such a short game with such a limited hook.) Anyhow, I guess that's partly why I tossed up this topic - as a sort of reminder of all the goodness that lurks in used game stores for the truly intrepid among us who are in search of decent games.


Hey Andrew,

For yesterday's topic I didn't write in. Maybe it was the fact that I was too lazy until I got on at 10 or so at night, and the fact that I forgot until it was 2 in the morning. But anyways, I just recently got Unlimited SaGa and I enjoy it, just as much as I enjoy all the SaGa games, the thing about the game that bothers me though, is the fact that everyone whos played it thinks it sucks because of the maps, where you don't walk around on a world map and do whatever,how you move one space at a time,the game is too hard for them and they give up playing it, or the fact that HP is not a factor in whether you live or die, just the factor that depends on how much easier your LP is lowered, because anyways, it's actually pretty good.

Also, Breath of Fire 3 does not suck, and if someone has had to quit after/at the volcano in the game, then they must have just sucked at it to not decide to go any farther.

I don't know why the Dreamcast went under though, because of the fact that it has just as good graphics as the PS2 and Gamecube, and most people here love graphics, where the graphics are the factor that they use to say if its the best game ever. YES, FFX RULES, IT'S THE BEST RPG EVER. But also, Dreamcast had some awesome games. Like, Project Justice: Rival Schools 2, Lord of the Berserker: Guts Revenge(although it did get boring quickly, especially after it was beaten), Dead or Alive 2(except after playing this alot, this has got to be easily the most boring fighting game ever besides for the Soul Calibur series), and Mobile Suit Gundam(this one sortof copying the older mechwarrior computer games).

But there were also games that weren't good for the Dreamcast. EVOLUTION!!!, and umm well, that's the only one that I can remember that I thought sucked badly, boring from beggining to end. Oh yeah, and Evolution 2, exactly the same, just a different story, in a different town, but alot more boring. Atleast there was more of Linear(drools over thinking of the really young CUTE ^_^ Linear.


So, my task of creating a Tactics Ogre strategy guide will be delayed, until I beat Unlimited SaGa, so, maybe I'll start making one in a week, unless I want to beat the game with more than one character.

Oh yeah, and you know Andrew Long, he's a moronic idiot, he just rambles on and on, it gets kindof annoying you know, they need to take him off of Q&A(by the way, this is just a joke about what that other guy wrote on Googles column and then the next day, you told everyone how you actually read it).

-andrew- -kupomogli-

Yeah, it does seem totally incongruous that the Dreamcast would die, at least until you consider Sega's biggest weakness - marketing. Sega managed to shoot itself in the foot with remarkable regularity back in the days, be it with the ludicruous "OMG GAME BOY IS SPINACH" ads to ridiculous claims of "blast processing" showing Mario Kart alongside a Sonic title, entirely ignoring the fact that the two games were utterly dissimilar. While the company learned its lesson by the time the Dreamcast rolled around, it just didn't get the publicity it needed, and I don't know about you, but those "Dreamcassssssssssst - it's Ssssibilantly earshattering" commercials sure got on my nerves, which couldn't have helped matters if my irritation was at all shared by others.

And uh... cue some pained polite laughter, now that you've explained that's a joke.

Your daily infusion of ninja hostage squads and incoherence

Praise be to Castomel!

How dare Tess imitate my Marbie!!! Oooooo, there WILL be blood tonight!!! I'm sharpening my knife, Tess!!! Nice try miss "pansy-printed panties", but Marbie is safe and sound here!!! Oh and Andrew, I only have this e-mail, so ya....that wasn't me... But, I thought you would figure that out being you as a genius and future ruler of this planet. Tess is trying to change my sex, methinks.... Blood there will be!! Ya really wanna end up like Penny Sue?? That dear old truck will never be the same....

Ok, back to the subject of psychotic rantings and things of the like. If the Dreamcast were to be here with us today, I would probably burn it along with the X-Box... Although Sega is better than Microsoft anyday... Or maybe I'm just prejudice.. *insert ninjas breaking through Tess's window and putting her in a bag* Naaaah, I doubt it... Anywho, methinks it's time to "word id up in da motha fuggin club, foo". In other words, stabbity-stabbity time!! (and time for Marbie to eat when a "package" is delivered)

For all those who try to dress in a disguise as another.......STABBITY-STABBITY!!!

O' "the one and only" Shrouded One

I fear for the patrons of whatever club you're attending tonight...

My poor facetiousness detector! You blew it up! DAMN YOU! DAMMMMMN YOU!

Zup Andrew,

I don't really have much of a question to ask, but I figured why should something like that stop me from writing into a Q&A? Such institutions like "etiquette'" and "comman sense" were created by "the Man" to keep us bound. I have no place for "the Man" in my zany roller-coaster lifestyle.

Anywho....Do you think a Super Mario RPG would be good? I think it would! Imagine customizing your little go cart before going into the big race. Imagine where you would use a command window to fight your way through Koopa's minions to retrieve your stolen....radiator?

Imagine an RPG where a mini-game was actually the main game. It would be like an RPG's macro game kind of. Imagine the possiblities.

I also have other ideas equally as good (Super Mario Tactics, Who's the Boss RPG and Final Fantasy Puzzle), so if you know the CEO of Square's phone number can you please give it to me on your page in an public forum? I'll put in a good word for you once I'm hired ;)

Tad Ghostal

I don't know if I'd want to have a good word put in for me from the man responsible for a Who's The Boss RPG. While it might be entertaining to go into battle a thousand times or so just to watch Judith Light get slaughtered by imps, I think I'd rather forego the experience of playing an RPG where Tony Danza is the hero. Think of the voice acting...

Pining for the Saturn

What about the Dreamcast? How about the Sega Saturn?! Not only was it still going strong in Japan when Sega of America decided to abort it here, but it had some of the best 2-D graphic processors at the time. It also had some good series, since Sega has some of the best licenses (IMO, at least--Shining Force [which I really hope gets updated/rereleased as a Shining Force III 3-pack], Sonic, Panzer Dragoon). Sega also had Working Designs, which gave us the wunderbar Dragon Force (Goog speaks praises of this game--it is well worth the hype). Dreamcast actually had more potential than the Sega Saturn because it's graphics were on-par with the PS2's, but I feel it was doomed from the start because of how SoA handled the Saturn over here. People were pretty wary of the Dreamcast just because of the Sega label, and at the time they were all waiting for the PS2 to come out.

But as for the question...I think if the Dreamcast was around today, it'd have a bulk of fighters, all the Sega licenses that went to other platforms now that Sega is a third party, my dreams, Shining Force 3 would be rereleased in its entirety on the Dreamcast.

FFTA is way too easy for my tastes--99 hours with FFT spoiled me and gave me GODLIKE ABILITIES WITH STRATEGY.

Smart "It's youth! Power! And explosion!" Laine

Yeah, the Saturn had some pretty decent titles, although I'm not so sure it didn't deserve its fate aside from those titles you mention. You're right when you say it played a large part in contributing to the demise of the Dreamcast, though - creating a negative perception like that is pretty much guaranteed to wreck any chance you have of future success (although for the life of me I can't think of a parallel situation, save for the N64 and the GameCube - and the GC is probably going to redeem Nintendo's chances in the next generation.)

Can you say "sleeper hit?" Good. See that you never do.

Greetings Andrew.

I'm one of those elusive long time readers first time writters people.

Anyway, I have to say that Breath of Fire: Dragoon Quarter is an awsome game, even if it's just a big giant dungeon of DOOM. It's a shame i haven't gotten myself motivated enough to finish it, being killed around 5 times in the same "dungeon" right before the next telephone thing, doesn't help things either *sigh* well that, schoolwork and alternating between StarOcean 2 & Dark Cloud 2, but that's another story.

I have to say, the battle system is great. Every thing you make costs AP, wich forces you use more strategy and actually think ahead, that's a plus in my book. Add that too limited item storage, and the lack of healing spells (atleast as far as I have seen), increases the overall dificulty of the game.

Now the fact that the game encourages you to go all GameOver. That really doesn't sit well with me, although it could be usefull when you are in a hopeless situation, or when your D-Counter is very very close to 100%, I'm not fond of the idea of going through the same "dungeons" all over again, just for little bits of extra story.

I'm absoultely sure that after i beat the game once I beat the game, it'll be a long time before I replay it. Don't take me wrong, I like the game, I just find it a little frustrating at moments.

Well that's enough for my semi-random rant. I have a question though.

What do you think of the game's plot? Because to be honest I haven't found the plot all that interesting.

Peace Out, Andrew #2156


Dark "Need Money to Buy Disgea" Shin

I'm torn as to what to think of Dragon Quarter's plot. On the one hand, I'm very glad that it's not your run-of-the-mill "spikey-haired head case saves the world from utter destruction or maybe intergalactic kittens, depending on whether we watched Mothra last night" RPG. On the other hand, the story isn't terribly elaborate, and things seem eerily like Evangelion for some reason, although that's more of a superficial impression on my part than anything I can really back up. So the jury's out for me until I finish a playthrough or three, but I'm leaning towards "a-ok."

Rumourmongering: for my money, the best part of this job

Hey there,

That guy talking about the Morrowind Game of the Year release got me thinking.

First off, have you heard anything about them fixing the *rampant* bugs in the previous Xbox version? They were game-destroying to say the least. Luckily, most of them didn't surface until you were close enough to the end to just hurry up and finish. That said, I could have put another 50+ hours into the game if it hadn't gotten to the point of crashing every 30 minutes.

Second off, I have to say how surprised I was about not really reading about most of said bugs in most reviews of the game. As anyone hanging around Bethesda's boards knows, these problems were by no means isolated. Everyone I've talked to had similar issues with their respective copies. Seems strange I didn't hear about them in more than one of the 8 reviews I read of the game...

Third off, if they have fixed the bugs, I heartily recommend this game. It's great fun, and having the expansions (previously unavailable to Xboxers) built right in will be awesome. If they didn't fix the bugs, I'd avoid the game. It's still good, but the problems are just too frustrating.


I offer the following solution: Microsoft really, really needed to have a successful Xbox game, and people with the system were similarly jonesing for one. As a result, I think there may have been a certain willingness to forgive the title a few incidental shortcomings, because at the time of its release there was precious little else available for the mutant paperweight of death. And let's not forget the previously unspoken suggestion I'm making here - namely, that I think it's possible Microsoft might have bought some of that popular support. Sony created movie critics after all, so in comparison buying off a few real critics is hardly even despicable.

Well, okay, it's pretty despicable, but Microsoft is capable of far greater evil, so I'd be willing to forgive them if this was in fact the case. Which it probably isn't, but what good is a column like this if you can't start nasty rumours every so often? Speaking of which, I hear that Jamie Lee Curtis used to be a man. Yowza!

Still harping on poor ol' S-E

I'm bored, and to cure that boredom, I've decided to write this mysterious Andrew person just for kicks! Don't you feel special? I know I do... What to ramble about? Hm... FFVII : Advent Children! You know, most people(The advid fans at least), say how they hope that Square doesn't mess the movie up and ruin the game... But truly, would it really ruin the game? I guess in some aspects it kinda degrades the whole legend of FFVII, if the movie does bomb(In the terrible way). I'd have to say that, in responsive to the one who said "Those pictures we're seeing of Sephiroth had better be from flashbacks (doubtful), because if they go against everything they told us about the nature of the Lifestream and revive/reincarnate him, they're going to prove once and for all how cheesy they've been getting." should be well aware that without Sephy, there is no movie! After all, if you didn't notice, he is on the poster, and what not. No doubt that he will be in the movie, but when he's in the flames, I'm sure it's just Cloud's flashback, like usual... Cloud and his flashbacks... He's got a crapload of those I must say... Back to the point - I'm sure Sephy is in the movie... But how? Well, I'm taking a wild guess here, but I'd say... CLOOOONE! Lol... I mean, just think of all those "projects" in that lab place where Sephiroth realizes he's not "real"... Either that, or Sephy never died! Muwahahaha! Or maybe the black materia kept him alive for a whole year, and regenerated his wound or whatever... O.o;; I love to ramble, I really do!

Hmmm, but on to something else... Kingdom Hearts 2... Truly something not surprizing, after all, look at all the room they left for a sequel, and the little teasers(Special Secret, Deep Dive)... Let alone the VERY ending where it shows Sora, Donald & Goofy... I won't spoil it though... Regardless of how I love to spoil things... I'm sure everyones bought, played, and finish KH already anyway. Anyways, I'm not too worried about KH2, considering how great the first one was... I'm a little ancy to find out what twists and goodies could be in this one... I truly hope there's more Final Fantasy characters, and oooo! Playable Sephiroth ::drool:: Haha, what a dream... Like I said, I'm not too worried about KH2, but more rather KH : Chain of Memories... Being as there's no info on the games direction and what not.

Square sure has gotten me all hyped up again though, that's for sure... If only that didn't go that extra mile to piss me off with FFX-2... It might not be so bad if it didn't seem so... Lame? What with the half naked girls, lack of extra characters, and what with the stupid lookalike bad guys that look like Yuna & Tidus... Don't get me wrong, FFX was nice, fresh, new... Little stupid things that irritated me(The last boss who was nothing more than a dust bunny with 2 evil tower sidekicks? The whole idea of knowing what's gonna happen at the end just about half way into the game? The happy little main character with a nausicous dense oblivious jock wannabe feel? The stuttering love affection with a horrible voice actor? The lack of depth to the characters?) the best part was the ending... Perfect ending for a craptacular happy feeling game! And now a sequel? What the hell! TIDUS GONE, NEVER COME BACK! Or... not? How grossingly sad, wouldn't you say? Well, no matter how much the sequel turns me off, Square still has a place in my heart, and true hope for the company. Let's just say FFVII AC & KH2 just boosted my hope... Let's all hope that they don't turn a stone and never turn it back. - Vai, いちがつ てんし

I think your hopes will go sadly unfulfilled, given what I've heard thus far of FFX-2. I do, however, think your worries about Square Enix's current direction might be a tad misplaced, because beyond FFX-2, there really doesn't seem to be much on their slate that's devoted to the display of female bustage. Drakengard is about dragons, FM4 is about robots, and Kingdom Hearts 2 is about a 14-year old boy and his imaginary friends; herego, unless S-E suddenly decides KH2 needs to pander to pedophiles, I don't expect the shallowness factor is going to be quite so high as it has been with some of the company's recent offerings.

Dreamcast Pining, Part 2

Greetings Castoromi,

It was such a shame when Sega decided to throw in the towel on ditching the console business. But I can say that I will never, ever let this system be sold or even damaged. (it's going strong so far) If the DC were still in the game, eh, I do not think that it would do very well. I mean, I for one saw lots of potential in the damned console. I had loads of fun playing through Shenmue, Grandia 2, and ESPECIALLY Skies of Arcadia. (here's hoping for a sequel) The problem is, (at least I believe) game companies don't put any faith in the company that has failed on most of it's past consoles. I wouldn't so much say failed, maybe I'm wrong, the Genesis had a decent legacy.

I was hoping for Phantasy Star V to be made since like the beginning the Dreamcast premiered in Japan! Was that a lot to ask for? It would've sold like hotcakes anyway, given the RPG series' popularity. Ah well, here's hoping for that game to be made one day... *eyes Sega*


Well, you got PSO and its multitude of incarnations instead, so I guess that'll have to do for the time being. As for the Genesis- it had some decent games, particularly fighters and side scrollers, but its credibility problems began as soon as the SNES came along and didn't end until the Sega CD and 32X met with ignominous failure and subsequent evaporation from the videogame scene. Oh, well. At least they brought us Lunar - and the only good version, at that!

Actually, there's a good contrast there - Working Designs, by cultivating a good fan base with the original titles and getting fantastic word-of-mouth advertising, has managed to coast through the past ten years or so mostly on the strength of Lunar, while Sega, try as it might, was unable to generate even a modest following for anything after the Genesis. I guess it just goes to show that treating your customers credibly and having some business acumen can make even a mediocre product work for you. Too bad Sega didn't figure that out (at least, in North America) until it was far too late.

Conversion Woes 101

Hi Cast/Andrew

I like the new layout, it's much more eyecatching and easier to read than before.

Anyway, down to the nitty gritty. I've just imported Arc the Lad Collection (I live in the UK), and I'm having trouble saving in Arc 1. I'm playing the game on a (modified) PS2 and every time I go to save the game freezes on me. Does anyone else have the same problem. Should I be playing on a PS1?

If that's the case, I think I have one of two options: a) try and complete the game in one sitting, which from what I can gather isn't entirely impossible. I'd just have to be very careful I don't die.

Or b) import an NTSC ps1 from ebay, which shouldn't be too expensive. I can also use it to play the rest of my NTSC collection (Lunar 1 & 2, Valkyrie Profile, Xenogears).

So what I really want to know is, is this a crash glitch that happens when you run the game on the PS2, or is it just my copy being weird?

Many thanks


Silly European gamer... Real games are for North America! Muhahahaha...

Which is to say, that sucks. After searching around online and asking around among staff members, I have, regrettably for you, determined that your problem is either exclusive to your PS2, or indeed caused by regional restrictions. Since you're already sitting on all those PS1 titles, you may as well go for the eBay option, if you want my opinion. PSX units are dirt cheap these days, so it's not like it'll cost you much. Then you'll be able to enjoy all those hard-earned titles and tell me to take my Trix jokes and shove them.

Of course, that won't stop me from making them, but I'm sure there'll be some satisfaction involved for you - at least, more satisfaction than staring at an ugly screen of death every time you try to save.

Hidden text is back
'Drew, stop being so lazy
I'm bad at haikus.

Quoth the

Au contraire, my Hindu friend. I find your poetry to be worthy of this stale old prozac cookie I found wedged in between the staff cactus and a bookshelf. Eat and be merry! Grow large with food! Then spend a week being depressed once the cookie hangover kicks in, cuz I'm just that double-edged.
I'll guest host with you tomorrow or today depending on when you read this. And to answer your responce to what you said on irc. Yes, I dare to make fun of your "beautiful template." It strikes fear and terror into the minds of young children and causes them to convulge in a very dying manner. :P~~~


Fine. In that case, you will host NEVAR! Well, unless that other guy ends up settling for Guilty Gear.


As the final quickie suggests, I have located my erstwhile guest host, and will hopefully nail him to the floor in time to host Wednesday. He still hasn't told me what he'd like to talk about though, so I guess he'll have to settle for... A Celtic Wednesday!

Ohohoho... That'll learn him to never email me back. So send me your randomness, and we'll talk again next week. For now, I throw you over to the capable hands of our resident slime, who I hear is just itching to talk about Disgaea. Well, I made that part up, but he is playing it, so now's the time to bombard him with Disgaea love.
Andrew Long is itching to get started on Disgaea himself, but will probably just end up playing Warcraft until the sun comes up.



Damn right Tim Meadows is underrated

The Mark of tuinte
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