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Poshul Stew

Andrew Long - September 11, 2004 01:34 EDT

I SUPPOSE THE THING TO DO WOULD BE to share my memories of where I was on that day, five years ago. However, since it was only three years ago and remembering isn't really that great a feat, I think I'll pass on all the delightful flames I could receive for even mentioning a non-game-related manner and say: I hate Poshul.

I have a perfectly good reason for this vendetta, lest you think it's one of my arbitrary fits of distemper, which I am fairly certain will one day be legendary if I can somehow get myself famous. No, Poshul pisses me off because of all the ridiculous accents in CC, his is the worst, and on top of it all, he's a giant fluffball that hops around and lisps like a toothless sailor. Besides, could there be a stupider name?

Well, a couple of you ventured tries, but I guess the topic has fizzled like so much old cola, so I guess it's another clip show (which is to say, more of my inbox leftovers.) If this is the stuff I left out, what I put in last week must have been pure gold!


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Birthday tidings


I must say, I do appreciate your present for me. Not only was the dance marvelous, but it opened my eyes (and your bathroom window) for future events of splendor! Oh-hohohoho, you scandalous man, you! Honestly, I know nothing about that CR crispy crunch, but I do love the cake. Made with love and tenderness, I hope. Least favorite names, you say? I'd have to say "Funguy" from CC. Shudder. Why have the name of that damn mushroom man just a pun of the family of molds it belongs to? Then again, most of the characters in that game are useless. Moving on... Tell me what it feels like to know that you're going to be rooming with our kickass friend of ours? Excited? Bringing my picture with you? Will I be in a heart-shaped frame? I hope so!

Delicious creamsicle cake cannot compare to you, my love,

O' Shrouded One

Alas, I have no picture of you, nor do I own a heart-shaped frame. Even so, I have a reasonable expectation of my newfound lodgings kicking a certain amount of ass, and so I eagerly anticipate my return there, with the remainder of my junk, tomorrow evening.

And happy birthday, you crazy bastard.

Speaking of conspiracies

First off, i'd like mention that the rumor below is all 100% original by me, something "i figured out" or whatever.. - i've posted it on my website quite a while ago, but really havent gotten any feedback on it what so ever, so i figured i'd share it with the masses... maybe i can start a conspiracy rumor []

Seventh Heaven:

After playing the first hour or so of FF7 you will be in the slums, and enter "Seventh Heaven", Barret's pub. You will have the option to give Marlene or Tifa the flower (which you bought from Aeris at the first of the game). Afterwards, you have the option to ask Tifa for "something hard" or "dont feel like it"... then you will go downstairs and listen to more storyline - the Arcade machine is an elevator.. here's where the interesting part comes into play..

The television/monitor-screen on the wall is that of a news cast. (the first chance you get, quit 'talking' with who-ever downstairs and walk towards it, its centered at the top part of the room, so you can get a better view.)

On this television is a man telling the news of the mako reactor blowing up.. Which is where Cloud and Barret just came from, since thats the first mission and first part of the game. Thats what its supposed to be anyway. You will notice this man is wearing goggles (and looks just like an Al-Bhed). You will notice that the ONLY word on the television is "SIN". And you will notice that the only picture on the television is a big flaming perfect sphere.. a sphere that could actually be Sin - if you remember the part at the first of FF10 when Tidus gets sucked into Besaid.. Sin was a perfect sphere of water, and then a perfect sphere of rock, just floating in the sky.

Did Square already have plans made up for FF10 during FF7's creation??? Did Square already have FF10 coded and made up years ago, and they are only waiting things out with a massive amount of games to be financially stable for the next few decades?? Is it remotely possible that it is more than just a coincidence?

This tidbit of info i've shared with you isn't difficult to verify. Since its at the beginning of FF7, it shouldnt take more than maybe an hour to get far enough into the game to get to this point.

Yes, I have indeed noticed the TV screen of which you speak, but I don't think it's an elaborate scheme concocted by Square to tip off its more astute gamers that it is sitting on six decades' worth of games, simply because technology in the video game world advances far too much for anything more than preliminary scenario planning and possibly game mechanics to receive any real attention more than three years in advance. So, I find it far more likely that the goggled dude is Cid, the "Sin" refers to Shin-ra, and, well, Spira doesn't have the market cornered on perfect spheres, now does it?

I'll show you high horse

Hey there, a,

Regarding your response to yesterday's letter about Chrono Resurrection, I think you got a bit too high on that high horse of yours. I should start by saying that, before yesterday's column, I had never heard of the CR project, and, having taken a look at their stuff, I'm rather indifferent toward it. I just think some of the things you said are a bit wack in general.

First of all, it may be true that the project violated IP law, but I have a hard time distinguishing between such a project and general fan fiction. After all, aren't the characters (i.e., the 'internal' character, not just the on-screen representation) also part of the IP? What about fan art? If fan fiction is similar in nature to the CR project, then most fan art is exactly like it. I definitely don't think RPGamer should have covered CR, but from a rather anal perspective, I don't think fan fiction or fan art should be covered, either. Of course, I'm glad they are, because both sections produce some very interesting work; fan art is one of my favorites at RPGamer. As for whether the CR project is actually creative or not, I'm not really sure. I've never seriously thought about what I mean when I describe something as creative, but I'm glad you brought it up because it's an interesting concept. However, the implication that the only value of a project of this nature lies in its creativity sounds pretty off. Wouldn't that mean that the theater is valueless? or the symphony? Neither of these seem particularly creative to me, but they're both artistically valuable. Also, if the models in those screenshots were actually made by the CR team (I assume they must have been, or what in the world was the team doing?), then saying no talent was exhibited by the project is flat-out wrong. Modeling is non-trivial, and the models in those screens were pretty good.

I will grant you that CR is similar to fanart, but I'm no fan of that either, so that hardly changes my opinion on the matter. I know this probably does sound awfully pretentious, but I really don't see the value in copying someone else's work because in the end, all you're doing is performing a rote exercise. You will note that this does not necessarily include such venues as the theatre or symphony, because while both of these involve a repetition of a previously recorded work, the interpretative value that can be applied to either of these leaves plenty of room for creativity. Witness the profusion of ridiculous movies based on Shakespeare - I mean, I hate them all like poison, but I certainly can't argue that somebody didn't try something different with those.

The CR project, on the other hand, is just a stale recycling of old forms with little to no modification. Certainly, you could argue that three dimensions represents a drastic shift from two and thus a modification in the style of the films I mentioned, but this too is not quite the same because while Chrono Trigger lacked true 3-D perspective, it was nonetheless conceived of in such a way as to create the impression of three dimensions using two, as is the case with most sprite artwork. Therefore, the CR project, while certainly an able group of 3D modellers (yes, "no-talent hacks" was obvious and unnecessary vitriol, I was trying to elicit response) does not strike me as a particularly creative bunch of people. Note that this is under my own personal definition of the term, and as it's pretty clear you don't agree with that particular definition, I think it's safe to say we're both looking at this subjectively.

I like this whole turtle-naming contest, by the way. I wish "Iggy Koopa" was winning, but what're ya gonna do? The whole thing has thrown me into a fun contemplation of whether Koopas really are turtles or not. After all, they look a lot like turtles, but they also do many things turtles don't/can't, such as walking on two legs, flying, and wearing cute boots.

Anywho, I just thought I'd throw my two cents into the mix.


Well, I mean... The Ninja Turtles are obviously turtles, but just as obviously, most turtles can't run around on two legs, spin on their shells, be "cool but rude" or wield a variety of deadly metal implements. It's abstraction.

Messed up indeed...

Hey Cast, Uncle Stom here.

First off, your orders are all messed up on the Final Fantasy list. I don't care if they are your personal preferences. They don't match mine, so they are inherently wrong. Final Fantasy IV in the fifth spot? That's second place all the way! This is the game that brought us such classics as the sneezing karateman and "You Spoony Bard!" It should really go 6-4-7-9-3-1-10-5-11-8-2. If this was the order in which you, the readers, had on your all-important "put the bestness FFs in order" card, then you win a carrot. ^ Oh, and Cast, your obsession with FF8 scares me, frankly.

Oh, and I liked all of the NES Dragon Warrior games (1-4) better than Dragon Warrior VII, and I 'WORKED' on Dragon Warrior VII. (Granted, it was still good, but it lacked many crucial elements, like a strong storyline.)

Radiata Stories looks good. I think my least favorite character name ever is Gogo. Despite Final Fantasy VI being my favorite RPG, I just don't get that name.

Meh... FFIV is great if you want to wallow in nostalgia for a couple of hours, but I'm utterly unable to play it for much longer than that simply because it's too bare-bones. I will always have fond memories of FFIV, because it was o the first RPG I played that I recognized as such, had those immortal lines, and of course, the immortal dancers who for some reason liked to cavort about to the Sabre Dance, but nostalgia does not a place on my list earn. Well, except for FFVI, but it had higher-grade nostalgia, the kind you can sell in dark alleys to people with burned-out nasal passages.

That's a pretty big clock


I've only played Valkyrie Profile and SO2 by Tri-Ace (and a bit of the SO1 translated ROM), but I really enjoyed them both. I'm hoping Radiata Stories will be good too. I still need to get Star Ocean 3.

And yes, I agree that it's pretty strange for a game character to be the name of a dog breed. No stranger than having a character named "Cloud" or "Squall" though, I guess. As for bad character names, "Balmafula" from FFT springs to mind. It's just a bit... stupid.

I'm attaching a picture of a giant clock I saw in a centuries-old church in Florence when I was in Italy last week. Not only does it have numbers going up to 24, instead of using IV for 4, it uses IIII. The same with 9, 14, 19 and 24. Weird.

Zohar Gilboa

Thanks for sharing Zohar. Regrettably, your clock is far too ungainly for public display, but rest assured, its strange usage of archaic / stupidity-infused Roman Numerals did in fact freak me out.



I occasionally read your letter column from time to time and recently I've noticed that many people are debating whether to get Star Ocean 3 or not.

Well, after having played the aforementioned game for about 4 hours, I've come to the conclusion that Star Ocean 3 is THE BEST rpg to have come out in a long while. So, for all of you who are still having doubts, cast them aside and BUY THIS GAME. You will not be disappointed.

As for a question, what do you think of the Nintendo DS and the Sony PSP? Which do you think has the greater potential of being a great rpg system?

Sincerely, Peckmoe Gallant

P.S. In Tales of Symphonia, Sheena didn't join me after I beat the Wind Shrine thingy (near the begining of the game). Now I can't progress in the game because Lloyd refuses to go near the Human Ranch and I can't get in to the mana tower. Is there any hope for me at all? Help?

I think the NDS will be the one to watch simply because the PSP is being touted as many other things than just a game system, and we saw what happened when Nokia tried that out - price drops and ignominy. Unfortunately, I cannot help you with Sheena, as I am currently trying to find the wind temple myself, and have run out of free rentals with which to experiment. I am, however, informed by Martyr, our news assistant head extraordinaire, that you should go to Luin for scripted events and cookies.

Unfit for Print

Okay. My question. For being a person who answers people's questions on was Ultimecia a bitch to defeat? Are the words "aura" and "Lion Hart" ringing any bells?

And yes, to add my two cents in with the earlier question if there are male fans of FF8....I shall raise my hand and wave it like a maniac.

Arashi Leonhart

Okay, this isn't reaaaaally unfit for print, but I'm feeling spiteful, so it is now. The words you speak of ring only a single bell; I did in fact Aura my way to glory with Squall, but since I grew bored trying to find that monster on the island closest to hell after ten hours of trying, I made do with the level 7 sword. SO THERE!

Hi u wrote
"such subtitled versions of a game generally don't appear until either the actual English localization, or until a Japanese "International" rerelease, as in the case of FFX. I would expect to see the latter, since that's the route Square went last time"

Just wanna say that Final Fantasy X-2 International neither have english subtitles or english voice acting. It's all Japanese. I havent found any English stuff in it yet. And I ordered it from in hope of it being like FFX International. But I haven't seen anything that can be called "International" in it yet :D

Thanks for sharing, Peter. Since as far as I'm concerned, there IS no FFX-2, "last time" sounds about right to me, and the fact that they skimped out on giving Japanese gamers yet another language to listen to Yuna squawk in only reinforces that opinion.


In reference to your response to someone's question about defeating Odin in Bal Castle.
Quote: " to the conclusion that it's bastardized english..."
Oh if only you could see the irony of that statement.
Anyway, may I just say that I agree with you regarding Shadow Hearts; it was, unfortunately, a vastly underrated game. I had a lot of fun playing through it, although doing that 20(I think)-ring to get Yuri's best weapon was possibly the greatest challenge I have faced in an RPG. Regarding it's sequel does it have any new gameplay-mechanics to set it above it's predecessor? From what I've heard it is very similar, gameplay-wise, and it may have even lost some of it's appeal thanks to the lessening of Yuri's fusion powers (I have heard this is a central plot-element).

Thanks, Nick

Does this vast irony perhaps come from me having misidentified the language being bastardized? Cuz if it doesn't, I'm afraid the joke is yours and yours alone.


So, tomorrow is the column for all the marbles, when Locke stops by to christen his turtle and I reveal the next fabulous prize*! Since a topic will help to oil the guts of the coming behemoth, I ask you: do events like the upcoming FFXI expo in New York (why, this evening, in fact!) interest you at all? Would or do you ever attend them? Do you think there's any entertainment value involved if you don't participate, and if not, is such a scheme at all viable? I mean, a giant LAN party's great and all... But the question is, will there be looters?

As for me? I'm off to loot me some pants!
Andrew Long is represented by two separate, yet equally important entities: the police, who investigate crime; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are his stories.



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