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And the Winner Is... Catalack!

Andrew Long - August 21, 2004 18:53 EDT

MY RECENT OBSESSION WITH EVERYONE'S favorite racecat, Catalack, can be traced back to my fist playthrough of Chrono Trigger back in the heady days of 1995, when men were still men and the Spice Girls were the "bee's knees", as was the popular term at the time. When first I played CT, you see, I was sick with some sort of brain fever or possibly bronchitis, which may explain my delirious reaction to betting on Catalack and winning, which while highly sinful according to the priest I got to see at church yesterday, nevertheless managed to net me some SP which I promptly pissed away in that stupid ghost house.

Yes, this priest was hauled in from the middle of somewhere to extol the virtues of this child aid organization he was part of, which made me slightly curious as to why such obvious merchantry, however well-meaning, was allowed inside the church. Lamentably, Jesus was otherwise occupied at the time, and so there were no fits of righteous rage to save me from the promise of just a dollar a day saving a child, to say nothing of the fact that there was nobody to save me from being dragged to church for the first time in months.

So that now leaves us with a dilemma: did I mention this pointless anecdote as a means of justifying my repeated casual mention of Catalack, or did I use it as a means of posting a link to Something Awful's ALOD? Only I will ever know, unless I decide to tell Catalack all my secrets, which is a very real possibility. Speaking of obsessions, though, this voice acting craziness continues to go on and on, leading me to believe I have opened some sort of can of worms, which is really rather unpleasant since I hear worms can be hell on your keyboard if they're left unchecked. I beseech you therefore to please maybe talk about Mist Walker tomorrow, cuz Google has already had four days of this topic and I think if he's subjected to any one topic for five days he explodes and turns into a metal slime, which nobody wants, least of all that other metal slime, who doesn't want anyone cramping his runaway style.

Anyhow, the moral of the story is never bet on the Steel Runner, because anyone who can run at top speed in full armour has to be on some sort of dope. Not like Catalack - he's catnip free since 1993!


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Erecto Extendus!

Hello Agent Andrew.

This is headquarters with your next mission. This man, Shigeru Miyamoto, is known as the "The Spielberg of Video Games". He is the author of many successful franchises such as the Mario Series and Legend of Zelda series. In 1998, he created the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, a revolutionary game. But in 2000, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask was released. A game that virtually roled around in suckitude. It has come to Agent The Lizard’s attention that in the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Zelda is in fact Link’s sister. The theory prevails that Majora’s Mask is a continuation of Ocarina of Time. In Majora’s Mask, it is announced that Zelda is Link’s sister. This fact is utterly incomprehensible and will put many other agents in high-risk danger. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to seek out the truth. The answer lay hidden somewhere on a ‘fansite’. Your gadgets include, shiny objects, the 'internet', and a fake a hand. Good luck, Agent Andrew. THIS MESSAGE WILL NOT SELF-DESTRUCT.

-The Lizard's Top Secret Headquarters.

As a diligent secret agent, it is my sad duty to inform you that 'fansites' are unfortunately not the best place in the world to look for 'the truth', as they are more suited to things like insanity and posting photographs of yourself in fleshtoned bodysuits and dyed hair doing halfassed imitations of Dragonball moves, which serves as apparently irrefutable evidence that you can, in fact, go Super Saiyen. I think, therefore, that you should believe only what you see in the game, because otherwise you leave the door open to indisputably official and steamy trysts between Malfoy and Ginny or Ron and Hermione or Harry and Malfoy that never took place in any novel I've read, and nobody needs to hear about sexually-based magical spells and thehilarious chants that loved them.

I'll governate you

is that the topic? i like voice acting in some games, can't any now cuz they all suck, but still, i like to hear some poor guy poaring his heart into voicing a character just to realize thousands gamers worldwide say he can't do it, wouldn't like to be in his Dragon Scale Runing Shoes, that's for shore, anyone hear the german accents in FM4? did i hear someone say the Governator?

anywayzzz, i have a Q for your A, what's up with Unlimited Saga? i can't go trough a single level, i can't bring healing items with me, i can't retutn to a town, and, i don't die when my HP reaches 0, bleh, worst 14.83 i ever spent

This has been the first Q for A from this guy, hope it gets in, i'l be famous, shirt and shoe contracts, and maybe videogame characters named after me, yours truly, "this guy"

Unlimited SaGa is actually a lot of fun if you get used to it. I admit, I was a little stymied by the unnecessary interface complexity at the outset, but if you just bear in mind that the game is pretty much set up like a boardgame, you can figure things out okay. I'd give it a try, since you're not gonna be getting that $14.83 back.

The ground human brain is $5 per pound, not $50 as listed. Q& A apologizes for the error

"Mohoho.. Good evening. Stay awhile... Stay forevah!"

I'm almost positive it was "Another visitor. Stay awhile... Stay forevah!"

Ah. Impossible mission, how I loved thee. Until my sister decided to sit down with it and master it to the point where the entire high score board was within seconds of each other, and all her name... Sheesh! At least I beat her a tetris.

-- Shadracht

Ah, indeed you are correct. I have this tendency to remember only a specific part of a quote, and then insert random gibberish around it to fill things out. Thank you for pointing that out, and I shall immolate fifty Commodore 64s in repentence.

Residual lizard

"Okay, basically any ad involving an FF title will do it for me, but perhaps you are made of sterner and sturdier stuff?"

Nope, I'm a marshmallow (an amphibious marshmallow, of course). Actually my first official game was FF8. I saw the commercial one day and I said to myself that I'd do whatever it took to get that game. Come to find out I needed a Ps1, a memory pack, and the game. To make a long (very long) story short, I got the stuff and proceeded to spend two months in my bedroom. No joke. I can't do that now (I have a life now, darn it) but it was fun to haul myself up in my room for so long, enjoy the game, pump up the music, have the neighbors complain about the music, and train my characters to a ridiculously high level. Only to find out that the more you train the tougher the bosses got. Good (yet evil) times.

Speaking of the junctioning system in FF8, what are your thoughts on that? Later in my sad life, I found out that Squeenix was trying to eliminate the need to train your characters. I never liked the system. I'm all about statistics. I want to be able to train my characters to a higher level and have the upper hand. With the junctioning system, it felt as if no matter how hard I trained, the bosses were always one step ahead of me.

I actually quite liked the junction system, actually, because it allowed for a high degree of customizability, while also providing a fair degree of challenge to those who wanted to beef up their characters to the maximum. It perfectly integrated the card game, the battle system, and even the item system, bringing them together into a complete whole. It's just too bad most people chose to overdo it with the summons, because in reality they're not really necessary to complete the game.

For my final question, What's the history behind your name (Cast)? How did you come up with it?
-The Lizard

My name is stolen source-direct from a Dragonlance novel, though I am ashamed to admit it. I subsequently used it in my D&D days, right around the same time my Mountain Dew consumption peaked at age 14.


::Emerges in a fanfare of color and music::


My biggest beef with advertising is when they only show CG videos and call it a "demo". Nowhere is this better illustrated than the Chrono Cross preview that came as a bonus disk with Vagrant Story. In case you've never seen it, it's basically the intro movie to the game, with "Scars of Fate" playing in the background.

At any rate, the CG almost brought me to tears, and I instantly went out and got the game. Playing through it, sure, the graphics and music were UBER, the gameplay was interesting, but not much else. As you said, thank Deus there was no voice acting in THAT game. The plot was incomprehensible ENOUGH without having some secondary character explain it in a ridiculous accent...

I guess the point of this story is, unless you're specifically looking for eye (or ear) candy, just ignore commercials and "demos" with no interactivity..

One last note: Tales of Symphonia has one of the oddest plots I've ever seen.. Every time you THINK you know what's going on, some character you THOUGHT you knew suddenly seems to have a change of heart. Of course, this isn't exactly a complaint: it's nice to finally have a story where it's hard to predict how it's going to end. I'm currently nearing the end of the first disk, so I hope the trend continues...

May all your creamsicles be merry and delicious!
P.S. Kratos has a LOT of explaining to do...

Yes, Harle made me want to vomit with rage, but fortunately, I settled for vomiting with inebriation, which was much easier on the carpeting in my dorm room.

Unfit for Print

umm i was wondering are the australian release dates the same as the U.S release dates?or they different?

I shouldn't really call this unfit for print, but I mean... If you've been playing video games for any length of time, or going to your friendly neighbourhood Australian equivalent of EB, you should probably have clued in that some of the games we talk about on the interweb, which you appear to have access to, are talked about by fans before they arrive in that friendly neighbourhood Australian EB equivalent (if, in fact, they ever do arrive in that store). At any rate, due to my sudden commitment to niceness and green lawns, I will answer without a trace of sarcasm and inform you that in fact, American release dates are generally earlier than those in Australia.

There is one RPG that had a floating island and didn’t suck-
FFIII, for the original NES. The first FF to include the job system, which would later go on to be FFV’s main saving grace, along with Gilgamesh.

I never said there weren't any RPGs that didn't suck that contained floating islands - my two favorites of all time both contain them - I just said that there weren't any recent ones, which FFIII certainly doesn't dispute.


So ends another weekend. For Friday, we will have an open topic day, as for the life of me, I can't think of anything worth talking about at the moment. Surprise me, people! At any rate, I leave you now in the hands of Googleshng, and I wish you a week of happiness and difficulties limited to creamsicles.
Andrew Long has provided safe haven for rumrunners since 1950.



Green pen, blue pen, I should send this fabulous prize which has been sittng on my desk for oh so long...

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