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Patience Is A Virtue March 26th, 2005

Andrew Long - 16:11 EST

DAYLIGHT SAVING'S TIME is something I approve of in general, as it means that my nocturnalism is, for a few months, briefly exposed to a few more hours of daylight than normal. On the downside, it also means that tonight will be the crappiest night on life, since I just woke up at 3:30 in the afternoon and I work tomorrow. I do believe, therefore, that I am screwed.

At any rate, I hope you enjoyed Steve the Monkey's kick at the can, and I'd like to apologize for the lack of a column Thursday, but I'm gonna peg that one on you guys, because almost everyone who wrote in for that day addressed the letters to Goog. I do Thursday now. Try and remember that this week >_<



AFD trickery

dear 'drew: um...great April's Fool joke that one of Sakaguchi "buying" Square-Enix guys. I just wondered whose idea was it. seriously. very clever. Oh, and if by any chance THAT wasn't a joke, Final Fantasy VII on DS is. Where's the DS's bottom screen for those game screenshots? huh? Who knows, maybe BOTH are jokes. Any way, i'm eager on both upcoming Fire Emblems (although the gamecube one hasn't been confirmed yet...) What's your take on the series? rocker-otaku


Yep... You got us. They're both jokes, and I honestly don't know how anyone could have gone for the first one. Hironobu Sakaguchi, while no doubt a wealthy man, probably doesn't possess nearly enough capital for that kind of investment and anyway, does it really make sense for someone to leave a company for philosophical reasons, and then turn around three or four months later and snap it back up? I guess what I'm saying is, meh meh meh meh meh... suckers!

Another disappointed gullion

Hey Andrew/Google/Steve the Monkey I was reading the news on the web site today and i came across the new final fantasy ds game and the news about hironobu taking over squeenix. I gotta say this is great news, but if its an April Fools joke then im going to be so pissed. So one of my questions is (obviously), is this an april fools joke or not?

Also have you ever played the original Lunar (sega CD) and what do you think this new one for the ds is going to be based on (before the 1st one's events or after the 2nd lunar)?

Oh yeah and also the new dot hack looks freaking sweet and PSP is great (especially darkstalkers!!!!!!!!!!!).


Welcome to so pissed, chucks, cuz both those stories are faker than Joan Rivers. I have in fact played Lunar for the Sega CD, and in my estimation it's the only one worth playing. I just didn't like the music or the changes to the storyline in the PSX remake, and while cloth maps are all very nice, I'm an old-fashioned curmudgeon and that's the way I likes it.

Incidentally, you are three times fooled, for that new .hack is as bogus as Sakaguchi's sudden acquisition. Also: please never use that many exclamation points in the same sentence again.

Imperial Mog emerges from shadow

Greetings whoever is hosting and I have no name for

I should remember that it seems designers have few variances in NPC appearences, and this to some degree still exists to this day. Maybe they're all inbred and would explain how they can be rather stupid at times.

I'm thinking on who this "steve the monkey" character is. I've come up with some theories that maybe reval who this is. Especially since it's a post on April 1 and I know how strange the internet is then. If I recall someone referred to people as Steve in the past as a past Q&A host. So I have an idea that it's Brad Lohr back from the grave, or quite possibly even Thor.

Your idea is most certainly wrong... or is it?

...Yes. Wrong.

What is really odd is that the first letter was NOT from me, but from someone who apparently is a clone of me. The idea of a me clone is amusing, where they found my DNA is one thing, espcially since I have only a handful or less people on here who has ever met me in person. If I really wanted something would be a fangirl, especially since I can't find a girlfriend for the life of me.

I'd be suspicious of anyone online with financial advice, or selling things as well. Though putting some cash in oil exploration would be a good idea these days due to potential for high-value return. At least the letter didn't involve increasing size of parts of your anatomy.

What April Fools Jokes online did whoever is hosting liked? I was expecting something involving the erotic dragon up in the left-corner with a lewd animation.

Imperial Mog (that's how I spell it as people)


The person who was hosting yesterday was an avid supporter of all of our site's many jokes. That's the only clue you're getting out of me though.

Hmm.. Looks like I get to take all the flak x.x

Well, you got me. *angry face* I mean, it's pretty bad when you see an article like that and then go post it on 5 message boards only to remember it is April 1st, and then proceed to delete all the topics. Good job. You got me, you got me good- but you also destroyed me.

I read the article on Square-Enix, jumping for joy, but also scared- would S-E now go the way of Mistwallker to the Xbox? My stomach churned at the notion... then I saw a new Chrono game... you're good, oh... you're too good. But that's just the problem, it was too damned good. You've probably broken many a gamer's heart who saw that, myself included. Good April Fool's jokes should be funny to everyone involved, even those who got the joke on them, but I'm just mad.

I know I'll probably just get laughed at for this. Big deal, I just wanted to say that there's a line between being funny and mildly embarassing, or being just downright cruel. Sadly, this was the latter.

Very depressed fan,


I'm not going to laugh at you, but I am going to question why everyone is so eager for Sakaguchi to return to the helm of Square Enix. By all accounts, he was still around for most of the crap titles that have spewed forth in the past couple of years, and even if that was in a steadily declining role, the fact remains that he is as equally responsible for the diminishing quality of Square Enix as any other scapegoat you might name. I'm not saying that Mist Walker is going to suck or anything, but I think it would be wiser to leave the jury out until we see exactly what the studio is planning, because while Sakaguchi could certainly rest on his laurels from his earlier work, I haven't seen anything in the past three years or so to make me believe in his magic again...yet. Here's hoping that a fresh start changes that.

I give up

You know, it's actually unfortunate that the story about him wasn't true. S-E returning to its roots and developing truly innovative, deep, addictive games again would be great. If only...

I guess it just means I'll have to pick up an Xbox 2 and play those mist walker games when the time comes.



You make that sound like such a death sentence... Is everyone so addicted to Square Enix / Sony brand loyalty so much that the notion of jumping ship when a better deal comes along is this repugnant?

And now, for something completely different *footstomp*

Sony knew exactly what they were doing when they stole the techonology used for their Dual Shock controler. The fact that Microsoft did the exact same thing and then settled out of court for a relatively smaller 25 million, shows that the company was willing to work with the thieves.

Most likely, Sony will get the amount owed substantially lower in appeals, as appellate courts love big business, and then just have to start paying a couple of bucks a PS2 unit to them for now on.

I'd love to see them lose all access to the technology and then have to start from scratch on their PS3. Sony has done a lot for the gaming industry. They've almost single-handedly made it cool to be a gamer. EA Sports is probably a close second for contributing to this attitude shift. Long gone are the days of people hiding how much they love video games in school in fear of getting their clock cleaned.

Still, for the sake of quality and innovation, I hope NIntendo or Microsoft wins the next round. Sony has done little to promote inspiration and much to support mainstreaming sequals. Sony is the Hollywood of the gaming field. The dried up, lets make nothing but sequals and remakes starring Ashton Kuscher Hollywood.


Amen to that. It sucks for Sony that they didn't think of buying out the offending company before Microsoft exercised its right to be diabolical, but hey - anything that forces them to put a little extra work into their console is probably a good thing (Well... aside from all those games that will no longer be sold if their last appeal fails.)


So, sorry this is going up late; your American beer and I do not mix, and why I even attempted to drink it is a mystery that I will be years in the solving. I leave you now with Google, and remember: my next column is Thursday. Your letters Wednesday night should be addressed to meeeee!
Andrew Long is hunting the elusive Budweiser frogs because they must die.

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