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Andrew Long - June 18, 2004 20:48 EDT

THIS COLUMN IS GOING UP RIDICULOUSLY EARLY because if it didn't, it would be going up ridiculously late. As such, I figured I could save us all some trouble (me in particular) if we got this thing up now, instead of at 7:30 tomorrow. Even so, I'd like to take a moment to thank 7:30 tomorrow for being such a compellingly bad time to post a column. Yes, without such a thoroughgoing jerk as 7:30, we would never have been able to grasp at the motivation to post this now, and I bet there's some kittens that would probably have gone uneaten as well.

So remember, next time you think about complaining that it's 7:30 tomorrow and you don't know where your kids are, just say "Oh, yeah, I don't have any kids you blithering childless cad!" and then smash a giant slab of concrete on your coffee table. Trust me on the last one - you'll be thanking me for years to come!*

*Note: smashing coffee table may not bring desired levels of enjoyment. RPGamer is not responsible for damaged caused by flying glass tops, cuz, well, let's face it, glass coffee tables are ugly and you should have gone with wood or at least something from Ikea to begin with. As always, the host of this column reserves the right to a 3-day head start.



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Do we really need political comments on an RPG site? Alot of gamers are conservatives and it's a bit unfair to us to fire cheap shots our way. Comments like "there are a sizeable number of conservatives who think that the best way to deal with things they don't like is to destroy them, or at least keep them out of sight" are not only ridiculous, but hurtful. I don't suppose, out of courtesy, you would try not bring up politics anymore(it's just as out of place here as when Rush made his comments on that sports show). RPGamers come to this site to read about RPGs and we visit your Q&A column in the hopes of haveing questions about RPGs answered. To start reading and suddenly see an insult thrown my way is slightly jarring. If you don't mind, I'd like you not to post this. I don't want to ignite anyomore discussion on something that has nothing to do with RPGs.

Here you go again, asking me to sweep things under the carpet so poor little impressionable you doesn't have to deal with them. Well, too bad. I didn't bring up the topic, my reader did, and I'm not going to pretend politics doesn't exist just so you can bask in the awesome aura of Dubya's graven image with a clean conscience. Moreover, that wasn't politics, but simply a general statement, which I feel has been more than bourne out by, oh, I don't know... this or this or this, to name just a few. Basically, this is my column and I'll speak my mind, however much it may disagree with you.

As to the whole RPGs thing, former RPGamer staff member Rob Parton puts it best: "it's like listening to an editorial you disagree with on the radio - you still listen to the station because you like the music." So cool your jets, remember that I said some conservatives and not all, and let's get on with the easy listening! Incidentally, anyone who sends in a letter on this topic will be immolated. That is all.

Anyway(on the topic of RPGs now), I'm pretty excited about the new BFM2. The first game was an entertaining experience. It's humor really set it apart from other RPGs. I hope the humor is continued in BFM2. But, what happened to Musashi's hair? It's not purple anymore!

We all did some things we regretted in the go-go 90s, my friend. Some people did mindbending drugs, others listened to new country, and Musashi dyed his hair purple. Live and learn!

Arr, my groin: part 1

Hey Andrew,

My most agrivating game moment was the last boss on FFVIII. It was 3am, and I finally got to her 4th form, just barely surviving. I think I had about 2 hits left and I would have won. Her next attack finished me off though. I was sick of the game anyway, and that just pushed me over the edge. It took all the willpower I had not to snap the disk in half.

I got up the next morning, still mad about the whole thing. That's when I went out and bought a game shark. I hated cheating, but there was no way I was gonna try it again and lose again.

Haven't had a game make me so mad since.


Ah, Ultimecia, you two-bit proprietress... Young men from here to Osaka will go to bed shuddering at the memory of your bloated and disgusting final boss sequence, especially that stupid planets collide-heads pop-everybody dead attack which was basically just Square saying "Sephiroth... plus 1! AHHHH!" A challenging final boss is nice and all, but I'm glad all the same that I didn't age a decade in the time it took to complete FFIX.

Shakespeare would be proud

Andrew it seems googlshg keeps missing my question.

So in Jade Cocoon 2 is it possible to fill all three slots on all four sides?

PS-to the guy asking about the cat's, you COULD buy that copy of FFchronicals and stay at the fair. I here you can get lots of cats that way.

If only your mastery of double-entendre extended to your powers of description, I'd be able to answer your question. However, since nobody in their right mind plays Jade Cocoon, slots and sides is inadequate description for me to hazard a guess as to what you're talking about, and since I'm operating on a limited time budget here, I'm going to throw the doors open to your fellow readers and ask: hey, guys. Anyone happen to subject themselves to JC2 and know what she's talking about?

Either way, tune in tomorrow for the shocking conclusion - I've planted lightning rods in all your pants!

Speaking of lightning rods...

Well, the thing that inspires deadly rage the most when im playing is not really an event in a game but a general event. I live in an area that has alot of thunder storms so when im playing an area that you dont have a chance to save for a while, it really sucks cuz at any second the power could go out. Ive had to replace a few controls because of this.(Yep, im a thrower). Also, make sure not to buy this memory card for the PS2 that has 16mb on it instead of 8 cuz for some reason when i moved files to the 16mb card from an 8mb card, the 8mb card gets corrupted and when i emailed the company about it they said "Oh yeah that happens, sorry" Its called the Memory MAX, dont buy it!. Thats all i have to say about that.

Thanks for sharing, disgruntled goat. I feel your pain on the memory card issue - I once lost 40 hours of FFVI due to that problem, only to have a corrupted file, when copied to another card, magically start working again.

Wait, I guess that means I don't feel your pain. Oh, well, guess I'll have to compensate the only way I know how: by being a giant asshat! Way to break your controllers, Throwie McGee! Mohohohoho!

Muh Groin, part 2: First Blood

Hey Castomel,

The one gaming moment that brought rage was in FFVIII. I got to the end of the game, with certain characters at high enough levels, but the rest, at about level 10-20. I get to the end boss, with only one save file to find out, I can't go back and am stuck on disc 4 unless that is, I re-start the entire game. So needless to say, I tried to beat the final boss...and miserably died in the process of trying. What was up with that game anyways? Oh, the monsters level with you...oh I see, cause they too are on a quest to save the world and must fight hero's like Squall and the gang to foil get where this is going....stupid here's my question, since this is a Q&A....I noticed many of you rpgamer workers own cats...what's up with that? (stupid question, but it's true!!! a few of them own cats! heck, more then a few...I see what they base themselves on to hire at that place all makes sense)


See, everyone laughs at me for my policy of keeping all characters evenly leveled up, but in FFVIII, it enabled me to beat Ulty on the first try, which I thought was pretty decent revenge. As to the cat conundrum, well... Paws has this way of being very persuasive, and before you know it, you're up to your ears in her long-lost cousins just trying to make their way in a strange land.

Why must everyone I run into today irritate me?

I've studied Japanese for considerably more than a semester or two, thankyouverymuch. I wasn't trying to be holier-than-thou; I was just pointing out an error. I'm sorry, but nippon-ichi simply does not have the meaning that Japan is number one. It means best in Japan. I would've been nitpicking and being a jerk if had sent in a correction because the letter said "#1 in Japan" instead of "Best in Japan," those are both valid translations, but "Japan is #1" or "Japan is the Best" is an entirely different meaning. "A1" could also be a valid translation, I suppose, but that doesn't mean J@p@n R0XORZ, either. The word is in the dictionary: Which do you think a company is more likely to name themselves, anyway? Similarly sekai-ichi means "best in the world" or "on the planet" or whatever. Goog and the guy did point out there were variations on the way of saying "Japan is #1," using either wa or ga and by using/changing the verb at the end, and I could've mentioned that, but to be blunt, I didn't expect to be nitpicked by somebody with a holier-than-thou attitude. I notice that, at least concerning nippon-ichi, the guy yesterday says "I guess" and "could mean," which shows that he himself isn't familiar with the phrase. I don't exactly enjoy getting nitpicked on by people who don't know what they're talking about and are only guessing that I might be wrong.

-The Increasingly Frazzled and Nameless Translation Dude

Okay, you win, Increasingly Frazzled and Nameless Translation Dude. I care deeply and meaningfully about what certain Japanese phrases translate to, as do all other right-thinking and free minded citizens, and I solemnly swear that whenever I go to a distant land and speak to its inhabitants, I will read from a dictionary for every phrase, because people the world over know that that's the best way to communicate, NE?

In other news, the next linguistic poindexter to send a letter on the intricacies of translation will be hunted for sport courtesy of yours truly, because I hate you all. Thank you.

Boingy, boingy!

was looking at the news archives, trying to see if there was a shred of evidence as to a Lunar 3 and then, I found it! A news article that barely helped me at all.

It was actually an interview with Working Designs close to the release of Eternal Blue Complete, and whoever interviewed them asked about Lunar 3. WD replied that one was being made for the PS2, yet no details were available.

I found absolutely no other articles on the subject. Extremely disappointed, I come to you with this question: is Lunar 3 still being developed? Or am I srtiving after the wind?

Lemina Fanboy

You're striving after the wind at this point, because not only does WD have nothing to do with the actual making of Lunar 3, but Game Arts has been surviving on a steady stream of Lunar rehash for the past ten years, so why would they stop now?


Anyhow, the remaining tales of rage will be shared tomorrow, along with our new topic: moments of gaming bliss! Oh, my fire and ice tactics never fail to please!
Andrew Long probably shouldn't have written this so close to a lousy day at work.



Seriously, NTD, I have nothing against you in particular - I just hate arguments over translation because as you say, I know nothing and I'm not willing to hazard half-baked guesses.

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