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Shapely Kiwi
February 22, 2007

Andrew Long - 23:05 EST

I'VE HAD THIS kiwi sitting on my desk for about a week now, and it has molded itself to the desk. I imagine I should view this as a bad sign, since it probably means the insides are softer than a feather pillow, but I just can't bring myself to get rid of it. In any case, you guys need to send more mail... I had to wait till now to amass enough mail. So I wag my finger at you. Youse. You all.

Geez JuMe... You give kupomogli a run for his money when it comes to endless rambling

Sir Andrew, good day to you. I presume you have heard of the one-and-only JuMeSyn?

Yes, you'd be the "cmon Andrew, write your fiftieth review! You don't want JuMeSyn to get there before you do you?" JuMeSyn. Alas, it would seem I did want you to.

First up, I'll quickly reply to Kezzy. Yes I sleep, and no my Japanese is not good but constant practice makes it better. I find the time by having no friends anywhere close to me (they're all hundreds of kilometers away). Haven't seen King Faux, but it's now on the mental zone. Last Scott Card stuff I read was Children of the Mind, but I'll get back to him soon. And yes, the hosting was fun. Maybe I can convince Matt to let me go at it sometime.

Oh, and I believe you, Andrew, were watching Santa Claus (a Mexican holiday film). That scene with devils dancing schizophrenically sounds just like it. As for your dislike of SD 3; additional information is requested by me.

There's not much to tell; I found the gameplay a step down from SD2 and the progression of the plot to be confusing. I also didn't like the art style quite as much. So really, I just figured "why play this when I can play SD2 again?"

Now then: I ask this of everyone, and now it's your turn. Outline unto me the experience you have had with games of a Sega nature! RPG's are not essential to this, just lay all of it onto the table.

My friend was a Sega fanboy growing up, perhaps to counter my rabid Nintendo fanboyism, so I got to play all the Sega classics, never you worry. Sonics 1 and 2 were pretty good, 3 and Knuckles okay, but there seems to have been a downwards progression after NiGHTS or however you spell that, on that culminated in the utter crap that is Sonic Heroes. Beyond that I've played plenty of Shining games and liked them, from itD to tHA, and Golden Axe? You better believe I was all over that back in the day, as well as the original Sega CD Lunar. I tried Ikaruga but only found it to be so-so, had a great time with DC titles from SF3 to PSO to Grandia 2, and enjoyed SoA, though I was not wowed by it, and will not be no matter how many people insist it is the greatest RPG ever to grace us. So... I guess that pretty much covers it.

As you are apparently a Nintendo diehard, however, I shall request information you may possess regarding some SNES titles that I have not sampled. Divulge what you know about: ActRaiser 2, Robotrek, Equinox, 7th Saga, Secret of the Stars, Final Fantasy Mystic Quest, and Young Merlin. I know the popular lore has many of these being terrible - what say YOU?

I say that judging from my experience with AR2, FFMQ and SotS, your recon is probably pretty accurate.

A fellow in Gamestop several weeks ago told me that Crystalis is the best title for the NES. I can't say, but wondered what you think.

Sorry, fellow from Gamestop; I know that lots of people loves their Crystalis, but I just can't stop <3ing Zelda II: the Adventures of Link.

What the hell - Bainick and my hosting last weekend got me back into the random iTunes playlist mode. 'I Want It All' - Queen, 'Me And My Arrow' - Harry Nilsson, 'For My Broken Heart' - Reba McEntire, 'Regarde-Moi' - Celine Dion, 'Don't Eat the Yellow Snow' - Frank Zappa, 'Tip-Toe Through the Tulips' - Tiny Tim, 'Wild Boys' - Duran Duran, 'Smithy Fight 1' from Super Mario RPG, 'How Many More Times Can We Say Goodbye' - Luther Vandross, 'Got to be Real' - Cheryl Lynn, 'Lindblum' from FF IX, 'The Trees They Do Grow High' - Joan Baez, and 'Happy Tears' by Noriko Sakai. You can reciprocate, or just gaze in befuddlement at that truly random list.

I don't know whether to cry or.. be agog. About all I can suggest is lose the soft rock; that stuff will eat away at your soul, even if you don't realize it. And Celine Dion? Ew. Just ew. As for my playlist, I tend to just pick songs off my HD. None of which involve Celine or Reba.

What do you know about Shadowrun? No, not the 360 title - the Genesis and SNES titles from back when those systems were on top. Should I invest in the SNES one along with the Genesis?

Couldn't tell you, sorry.

I talk about Sakura Wars a fair amount lately, so I invite your own no-doubt incisive commentary on the games. Which of course you have not played, so this ought to be interesting.

Pick for me, if you would, the one RPG you enjoyed greatly yet never got much attention from the rest of the people, and write a little discourse on its joys.

You're lucky I need a long letter like this to flesh things out... The one RPG I enjoyed but that didn't really enjoy widespread attention would probably have to be BoF V. It got a certain amount of critical acclaim in the month or two following its release, but then it completely vanished off the face of the earth, which is too bad, since it has pretty decent replay value. Its joys include the fact that it contains Mitsuda music, awesome art design, and gameplay that not only requires some strategizing, but is actually difficult at first. The story is also pretty keen.

So I'm thinking about picking up a Gamecube sometime in the near future (you were right, Boojum!) It's dead, which means I can immediately acquire a respectable library at a reasonable price. With regard to the GC, there are a few iffy titles I wonder about. What can you tell me about the two Lost Kingdoms, Evolution Worlds, whether Pikmin is worth seeking out or not (and if it's sorta RPG like), and whether Wind Waker only gets dumped on thanks to its looks? Certain other titles not mentioned here I will seek out regardless when the time comes. As you are a Nintendo lover, I'm expecting you to have answers here!

Well, since to the best of my knowledge the Wii can play GC titles and has or will have a gamepad-like attachment, why bother grabbing a GC? Just get a Wii and get the games you want. The two LKs come by their terrible reputation honestly, from what I've heard, but I've never played Evo Worlds, so you're on your own there. Pikmin, meanwhile, is ten different kinds of awesome, so you would do well to pick it up since it's probably pretty cheap by now. As for WW, I love its looks. So do many people. What stuck in my craw, and otherses, is the fact that the backend of the game involves a whole lot of pointless sailing that serves to artificially increase the game's length without significantly contributing to its enjoyment. Were it not for that nonsense I probably would have scored the game a 9; but that nonsense dropped it to a 7 in my books, coupled with the fact that the gameplay really didn't progress much from OoT / MM and the camera view actually got worse.

So you want to hear me diss the PS3? Okay. I wouldn't pay a quarter - nay, an eighth! - of its price for the thing right now. I could get Resistance for $60 US - ooh, aah! And maybe Virtua Fighter 5, if I had anybody to play it with. Wait, RPGs? There's Oblivion (which I can get on 360), Enchanted Arms (supposedly pretty generic) and some stuff that won't come out for a long time. FFXIII is not enough to get me to plunk money down on the thing. And what else is there, save 'potential?' What else is guaranteed to be on the thing and nothing else?

I didn't send you any links to music from games you haven't played (because I write this on dial-up with a Bittorrent download going). Was that a bad move? Would you like some?

I shall end now with a fine MST3K quote: 'Introducing new, faster seconds!' Said during Future War as a timer QUICKLY counted off.



Heh. No need for the music, my friend, and fine work on the PS3 slagging. I award you one (1) gold star. Thanks for the letter.

:o are you implying I'm sabin?

Dear Mr. Thou,

Please enjoy the following broad sweeping statements with the assurance of upsetting someone. What better to send into Q&A? Eh, I guess I'm better with random comments.

I've been playing way too much Final Fantasy lately. I started with Final Fantasy IV Advance WAY back in 2005. Yes, when dinosaurs still roamed Wisconsin. Being the slow person that I am, it took me forever to finish it. After it was done I restarted on Final Fantasy I & II: Dawn of Souls, playing through both games completely.

I might have played a couple other games in there as well, but I then was given a copy of Dirge of Cerberus for my birthday. Now, I wasn't going to buy this game, but it since it was free... Well, I can't complain about free. It turned out to be a better game than I expected, but how good is better than crap, really?

After that I tossed a Xenosaga episode in somewhere, but then the flood gates opened. Final Fantasy flood gates, that is. FFXII, FFVA, and FFIII all came out within a two week time frame and it took me from then until the end of January to finish all three from them. Great, just in time to get Final Fantasy VI Advance. That's what I'm still playing right now. I remember this game being a piece of cake, but I've seen the game over screen quite a few times. I guess I just suck compared to back then.

Well, that's about my last year in gaming. What has yours looked like?

- Macstorm


Much the same.. Beyond switching your first two FFs with Disgaea 2 and a whole pile of Suikos, I too have been drowning in a wave of FFs, from XII to III to VIa now. And to think I used to decry S-E's whoring out of the FF name.


Dear Q&A:

Wow. Yesterday’s column rocked my face off. You guys truly are teh haxx0r.

I’ll make this as brief as virgin sex. In your opinion, what’s the number one RPG to watch for in 2007 (disregarding whether or not you have a particular console)? Is it Blue Dragon, Final Fantasy XIII (if it ships in ’07), Dragon Quest IX, or some other game? In other words, if you could only buy one RPG in ’07, what would it be? I’d also be interested to hear what your pick would be for last year.



I'm gonna go with DQIX, just because it will be interesting to see what will happen when one of the biggest and most venerable series out there goes to a handheld with a main series entry. I doubt that XIII will arrive this year, so it's not a factor, and Blue Dragon is getting okay reviews but doesn't sound like it's going to be the next big thing.

Unfit for Print: the Return

hi ive been looking for the inuyasha rpg for about a week i have the iso for my computer and i was wondering there are any english patches that you know about?

We don't do that stuff. Don't ask.


Okay you lot. Send me some letters for tomorrow or the moogle gets it!

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