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The Lap of Laziness

Andrew Long - January 8, 2005 -01:35 EST(Eastern Standard Time)

THIS IS TRULY the most ridiculous position from which I've ever written this column, and let me tell you, I've written columns from some pretty weird positions (not that there's anything wrong with that... though the sexiness may or may not be through the roof.) You see, my sister, who sits now, arguing strenuously with me because she for some reason thinks this couch is her bed, failed to hook this computer up in its proper location, at a desk, where I could perch in my customary batlike position, pecking away like some sort of maddened vampire on an alphabits killing spree. I now recline in luxury as she gripes, and while I can't help but feel slightly guilty that she's currently sleeping on the floor, I must say I am quite gratified to have finally found a use for twenty-point font.

I daresay, however, that she will remain unamused by these developments, so if in fact this column suddenly breaks into the sounds of Double Dragon, you will know she is scoring 50,000 to compel me to get off this couch in awe of her magnificent achievement, because at that point I would pretty much HAVE to take her to California so she can place her key collection on a dinosaur statue, thus allowing the soul of her long-dead twin brother to fly off to Disneyland or something (you make up the ending - it's all schmaltz however you slice it).

So as you read this column, remember me as I am - a cruel, cruel brother.


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Just a couple of quick questions here, from what you've experienced playing WoW, and what we've seen of Guild Wars so far, which do you think would be the better buy for someone who doesn't have very much time to devote to a MMORPG (5 hours a week, tops), and who was a huge fan of DIablo 2?

On a different note, what's the most humourous thing you've seen in game in WoW so far?

Oh, and I think Goog's column title was a reference to SIlent Hill 4, but I can't understand the sympathy part either


If you're not a gung-ho MMORPG freak and you don't get great personal enjoyment out of bashing slimes for eight hours to go up a level, I would recommend you go for the more user-friendly Guild Wars, since in addition to having a much simpler system as compared with WoW also possesses the notable advantage of being made by former Blizzard staff, some of whom, if memory serves, worked on Diablo.

On the other hand, WoW possesses the notable advantage of playing almost exactly like Diablo, except with a Warcraft facelift and a few more people than you might commonly be used to in your average game of D2.

The funniest thing I have seen... I guess I miss out on a lot of unbridled hilarity, because there isn't too muhc going on that's really all that funny. There was "good lord they're dumb" funny when some high-level Alliance attacked Orgrimmar's gates the last day I played(for reference, Orgrimmar is filled to the brim with people; attacking it with only five assailants is tantamount to suicide, though they coulnd't have cared all that much about that.

There's also "Man I wish I could get out of this shame rut", when, after experimenting with the fall from Thunder Bluffs, a city stretched across a mountain top, and finding that yes, it was in fact exceedingly fatal to jump over the edge, I proceeded to fall an additional eight times in the next hour, much to my irritation. Beyond junk like that though, the game isn't really about humour; characters can tell jokes (yesterday's title is one of the tauren one-liners) but they're corny as all get out. I DID like that boars dropped apples, though; pretty much insinuating that they're ready for cooking :)

As to the mysterious sympathy...


I am angered about being considered unfit for print! (See the QNA published on the 7nd)

Just because someone's career later descends unto madness doesn't make their previous work any worse, and thus they are still equally deserving of respect.

In closing, Leonard Cohen was cool when he was cool.

Umm... no, no they aren't. If they become a zen-using shill sell-out sack of crap, they do not deserve my respect, and anyway, I don't like his earlier stuff either so my simmering rage will win the day. By a 3-2 score. In overtime. You should have pulled your goalie. Oh, how I miss hockey...

I'll sow you confusion...


3 Coments...First, whatever happened to your weekly cartoons about your bunny alter ego?

Second, have you ever done a time attack on an RPG just for the fun of it, not because it could lead to a reward like Excalibur 2 in FF9?

Third, it is true? Are you a different Andrew than the one from last year? In that case, I'm sorry.


Questions one and three can be answered in the same breath; the Andrew you are thinking of is in fact a different one, and while we briefly had him on staff again as the Japandemonium columnist, he was kidnapped by Japanese schoolgirls and submitted to all sorts of indignities, most of which will be playable in the upcoming "Rabbit Daughter Mother Tentacle Incident Schoolhouse V," available from your local Hentai dealer this June. And no, I have never done a time attack, nor do I care to post links of any sort.

He's a jokemaker... he makes jokes

Lesbian robot, eh? So, would that make her a ... robo-sexual??? HAR

Dumb joke, eh? So that would make you... unfunny? HAR indeed!


RPGAMER, I noticed that there hasn't been too much coverage on Star Wars: KOTOR II from you guys. I've completed the game and I've been waiting to hear yall's take on it in comparison to KOTOR I. Also, do you expect the KOTOR series to continue, either through Obsidian or another developer? If so, do you think it should continue and what changes should be made to improve it? For me, KOTOR is the greatest thing that has ever happened to Star Wars and Star Wars is the greatest thing that ever happened to this world, as well as Mark Hamill. My only complaint on KOTOR II is the story had so much unfulfilled potential to completely surpass KOTOR I's greatness. KOTOR II was a much darker game and should've been a total masterpiece. So my final question is... why the hell wasn't it and who do I blame/destroy...?

- Steven

Well, the thing about that is, the person who was slated to review the game and the site have since parted ways, leaving us with zero staff members who've beaten the game. This is particularly exacerbated because there aren't very many of us with Xboxes, so unfortunately, we're kind of stuck until the review copy gets sent to the next person in line. Hopefully you'll see something before too long, but I can't really promise any kind of time frame.

Moving on to your other questions, I think that as long as a video game series of any stripe retains any minute bit of marketability to be squeezed from it, a sequel in that series you shall see, and in the case of KotOR, the games have been pretty well-respected, so I wouldn't be surprised to see another. As far as the actual games go, I enjoyed pretty much every aspect; there were minor interface tweaks with regards to swoop racing in the first that I felt could easily have been made to create a more enjoyable experience, and though the detailed plot was a welcome element, it did get rather tedious going from planet to planet to planet after a while, so a slightly more compact storyline might be a good thing in my books. As to the blame game, blame yourself; you set your expectations a little too high, from the sounds of it.

Another discussion most enchanting

Since enchanting seems to be a big topic in WoW, I figured I'd give my input. I have an enchanter and would do it all again, but this profession is by far one of the most difficult. First off you have a much lower monetary gain than other professions as you can't leave your work in the AH to sell on its own. No you have to stand around and shout out your services. And since you aren't using the AH, you have no real idea what the market on enchantments is unless someone else is also shouting out there services AND their prices. Ingredients are a pain to collect at higher levels.

Now all that aside, I've got my enchanting at 215 at the moment and couldn't be happier. When I do manage to collect the ingredients I need, the enchants are very useful and, lets face it, everyone likes to see their weapons glow.

One thing I'm dreading thou is the enchanting mastery. Apparantley I have to go into a high level instance to talk to the get artisan level and any training for those skills. Joy. Anyway, thats my schpeel on enchanting. Not for the weak of patience.

-- Kalledon --

Thanks for sharing, Kalledon. While Artisan Skinning isn't nearly as troublesome, I do still dread the 5G payment required to attain that level, since that's a whole lot of auctions for me still.


And so ends the most comfortable column ever. Highlights included almost falling asleep and having my cat decide to sit on me halfway through. Sunday will be an open topic day, so letter it up, me boyos!
Andrew Long has never been to Blarney, haraichachai!



Arrharharharhar... BLARNEY!

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