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Well, It Worked For Clint...

Andrew Long - March 13 '04- 18:47 Eastern Standard Time

SO ANYWAY, THERE'S THIS keentastic burger joint in my town run by an honest-to-goodness burger nazi, who actually forces people to buy combos. This story is going nowhere fast, but anyway, I saw a real-live gravy spill today and couldn't help but be transfixed with the sight of toasting buns being submerged in sweet, delicious gravy and wondering if it would taste good on a burger. As it is, the burgers are a severe gut-rot AND rock-gut risk, so it probably wouldn't have been a good idea, but still, a rare disaster such as that deserves some form of experimentation coming out of it. Lamentably, however, one does not request new things of a man such as Johnny, who is friendly enough, but stern when it comes to messing around with the food. As such, I beseech you: if you ever get this opportunity, seize it. Drench your burger in sheet after sheet of molten gravy, and let me know how it tastes.

Mr. Greder, in the meantime, has stirred up a minor tempest, as has Bubsy the Cat, apparently a more popular game than everyone thinks. All of this makes me wish I could drench my letters in gravy and eat them, but since I'm obviously just writing on an empty stomach again, I'll just smack myself upside the head and get on with this so I can eat some lasagna, throwing Garfield into the equation.



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Curse the White Stripes
Curse their song
Curse the salesperson
Who plays their song
Curse everything
Curse, curse, curse!
And don't forget to eat your carrots
They'll make your eyes strong.

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times - casinos are bad news

Salutations Casty,

Er, I've looked in every faq and I've asked around at the message boards, and I still can't get an answer, so I've come to the "final authority" on these matters ;P At this point, you're kinda my only hope...

Anyway, I just beat Proto Dora in Xenosaga, and I've gone back to get the very last promo card set, Promo Card Q, from the Casino, so I can complete my collection, but even afer beating her and heading all the way back to the Elsa, I can't seem to find it at all in the Casino. Am I doing something wrong? Do I need to beat another boss too?

- Many tanks!
- WaterFiend

Hmm, that's strange. As far as I can tell, you've fulfilled the requirements and should be able to buy the cards from the Casino. All I can suggest is finding a save you have before that point, and trying to do it again. Other than that, the only thing I can think of is that you've overlooked it or something, but that doesn't seem likely, so I guess your last hope is to hire that deadly tiger from Roy and use it to show that no-good Casino brass who's their daddy.

Consolation prize

Hey Andrew,

I can definitely understand your frustration with Unlimited SaGa. Even though Iíve not played the game (itís low on my to-play list right now), the only SaGa game Iíve actually played and beaten is the first one (Final Fantasy Legend). Iíve played SaGa Frontier, but I could never get past those stupid roller-skate enemies towards the end of the robotís quest. Hopefully, one day, Iíll actually find a way to beat the game.

-Jeremy, the Duke of Otterland

Don't get me wrong - I like USaGa now, I just don't understand the need for a prohibitively terrible interface and a learning curve steeper than this gin and tonic... I mean, grape juice.

Do people ever think before they send you letters?

Because I'd think not.

Mr. Greder's comments about Video Game music (VGM) is really rather close-minded. As far as I understand what he's attempting to get across, he's essentially saying that he doesn't understand people who like different types of music than he does.

I, for one, am a pretty big VGM fan. I'm sure many that visit RPGamer are too. Heck, it's pretty evident, considering you have your own music remix section. Being "confounded" by seeing others enjoying music is equivalent to being confused because someone has a different favorite color than your own. I like blue. You may like green. I dunno, but I certainly wouldn't be amazed by it if you did.

Actually, my favorite colour is also blue, and I think anyone who likes green should go sit in poison.

It's all a question of taste, really. I personally can't stand rap, but you won't see me sending in letters to rap related sites and asking what people see in the stuff. What they like is what they like. And about buying a soundtrack to a game they have never played? Has Mr. Greder ever bought a music CD to which he has not heard all the tracks? He may not have, but many people do. It's no different than that. And lastly, I'm confused as to how listening to music means we have nothing better to do. I guess listening to other kinds of music is a better way to spend one's time. -____-

So, yeah. This is a Q & A column, right? I need a question then. Hmm...are you looking forward to Front Mission 4? As a big fan of the third one, it looks quite neat. Do you know if it'll have branching storylines like the third one did? I enjoyed being able to replay the game and see the story from a different perspective in Emma's and Alisa's storylines.

Thanks for listening to my rant,
Colonel Skills

Hmm.. You know, I don't always demand questions. While I appreciate the notion that I'm an infallible font of wisdom, I like discussing junk as much as I do my sagely guru imitation, which by the way doesn't get much work with these subjective-type questions. Nevertheless, the meaning of life as it relates to Front Mission 4, I fear I am unversed in the ways of the 3rd, and so I view the arrival of FM4 with a certain level of disinterest, or at least, lack of adequate background knowledge. The problem, I think, is that I'm getting strategied out, so hopefully by the time FM4 gets here, I'll be ready for it. As far as storylines go, meanwhile, if the MagicBox can be trusted, which it can't, there will indeed be two separate storylines following characters named Darril and Elsa. Much to my dismay, the character art appears to have been done by the person who did Unlimited SaGa. Everywhere I turn that game spites me!

What could possibly go wrong?

Wow, I didn't think anyone on Earth had played Bubsy: Claws Encountered of the Furred Kind besides me. At least, I hope you got that quote from there, or I'm red in the face.

I did indeed, and you're not the only one to nail that quote, so unred that face up. I hear there's a sale on silver glitter down at the Bulk Barn if you'd like to do your best tin man impersonation!

Anyways, in response to Mr. Music Critic from the last column, I have a question of my own: why do people have to gripe about the music so much? I find it to be a very enjoyable part of the experience, and yes, ocassionally indulge in some soundtrack stuff. But every console out there has a way to turn the sound off, so why not just let those of us who enjoy it listen, and the rest can just listen to their radio.

So far as I can tell, people have to gripe about music to let you know that they are superior in every way. Except me. When I gripe about music, you can be sure it's terrible. Or so everyone says.

So of course, this begs the question: what is YOUR favorite/least favorite soundtrack(s)? I particularly enjoy Fire Emblem and FFVI, while the Harvest Moons get...repetative...quick.

With hopes of a full inbox,
Chris R.

Well, Final Fantasy IX gets my nod for favorite soundtrack all-time; as far as I'm concerned it was Uematsu's best work both musically and as a memorable set of songs. I especially realized this when I flipped through that soundtrack a few weeks ago, and while the game doesn't give me any particularly pleasant memories, I found myself nostalgic at hearing them for some reason. Least favorite could go to any number of games; Onimusha Tactics because the composer is seemingly tone-deaf, Legend of Dragoon because the composer seems to operate on the theory that more notes makes more good, or even Paladin's Quest for all-around suck.

VGM - not to be confused with EGM

Hey there,

Since you asked, I thought I'd throw my two cents into the discussion about video game music. I don't consider myself a connoisseur of VGM exactly, but I will admit I listen to a lot of it. In fact, around 85% of the time I spend listening to music in general is spent listening to VGM. The reasons? Well, for one, it's got an air of nostalgia, as you mentioned. Much of the time I spend listening to music is during my work, and I find VGM entertaining without being distracting. Also, some VGM is quite technically advanced, particularly some of the Dragon Warrior and Final Fantasy symphonic albums.

That's actually an interesting point for yesterday's commentor: when people buy video game soundtracks, they aren't always buying the exact music you hear in the game. Sometimes the music is the same, but often you're getting beautifully orchestrated versions. Of course, there are fan groups out there who prefer the real in-game stuff and even go to great lengths to record it for "off-line" listening. Some games simply have good music, and, while many people enjoy the Xenogears and Chrono Trigger soundtracks, good music is not found only in RPGs. The Donkey Kong Country games have some pretty tunes, and the theme from Super Mario 64's underwater stage (Dire, Dire Docks??) is quite lovely. Whether purely in-game or orchestrated, video game music often matches and exceeds other, more "mainstream" genres, both in originality and in technical achievement.

I wasn't offended by the other reader's remarks, as I think it's a bit silly to argue why someone else's tastes should match my own. However, I am a bit disturbed by one of his comments, particularly because it represents a larger trend I've encountered in various other communities. What bothered me was the reader's attempted legitimation of his VGM bashing by saying he speaks "as a musician." Now, there's no particular disrespect intended here, but why exactly are "musicians," whatever that particular label means, qualified to tell other people what sort of music they should enjoy? I've seen this attitude often, mainly among less-mature "musicians" who are in the beginning-to-intermediate stages of their musical careers, and most often among so-called classical musicians. Complex, layered music is great, but there's also something to be said for the appreciation of simple melodies. I believe it was Beethoven who wrote the alphabet song tune.


Thank you for eloquently pointing out what I was fumbling towards yesterday. Saying you're a musician and actually being an authority on music are two different things, and regardless of what musical ability a person possesses, you're never going to convince, say, Thom Yorke, that he should be producing Celine Dion-calibre material just because Celine Dion, who is undeniably a musician who produces music, whatever else she is, is a musician.

I think the thing that is most galling about the comments from yesterday, though, is that they strongly suggest that Mr. Greder thinks because he is a musician that nobody can like any music besides that which he does, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's one of those trendwhores that drops a particular sort of music the second the next hidden gem comes around. I apologize in advance to you, my friend, if this is not the case, but I've run into these attitudes often enough to know that they coincide.

Boingy, boingy!

Hope I'm not too late with this, but the quote "More like a bridge too short!" can only come from Bubsy: Claws Encounters Of The Furred Kind, a rather mundane 16-bit platformer of the Mario/Sonic ilk.

You dare to call Bubsy mundane? I bite my thumb at you!

Had some DAMN good quotes, though.

As for the feature topic, I too share in... uh, Mr. Greder, was it?... Mr. Greder's comments on music and other media. Though I would never deny someone their right to listen to whatever they want, WHENEVER they want nor condone it, I have to say that personally, I find music much more engaging (especially in media like television, movies and games) when paired with visuals, emphazing what's happening onscreen without upstaging it.

However, I am not adverse to listening to my anime/game music collection while driving down Avenue 50th on my way to work. Usually, because I've first heard said tunes in connection with anime and games, I appreciate them more as I hear them again away from the media they were spawned for.

On the other hand, I can never quite get 'in the mood' for anime/game music (even if others claim is quite good) if I've never seen/played said media and witnessed the music in context. Only rarely do I enjoy the songs in that way.

For instance, I loved Mitsuda's work in Xenogears and Xenosaga, however... if I've never played the games and felt the raw emotion from certain scenes while certain pieces of music played in the background, there's a strong chance I wouldn't give the song another listen.

I understand how great his compositions are, but without the emotional attachment, you'd only get one listen out of me, if any.

On an unrelated note, I've been quite enjoying Fire Emblem for the GBA intensely recently (must get all supports!). Any word from the Big N on porting/remaking the other games for GBA and bringing them stateside? I know another GBA Fire Emblem exists (The Sealed Sword, I believe... effectivle FE6 to our Fire Emblem's 7) and I'm hoping beyond hope that Fire Emblem's sales here in the US were strong enough to turn some heads and get Sealed Sword greenlighted for release.

Since Six's story takes place after Seven's (confusing, I know), it'd be perfect as a 'Fire Emblem 2' (though I usually abhor misnumbering game titles).

**deep breath**
Okei, I'm done.

Thanks for sharing, PSXphile. There is an alleged GameCube FE in the works, but neither hide nor hair of it has been seen in the year or so since it first reared its head. It also wasn't confirmed for North American release, so I think you might go wanting again unless Nintendo opts to build on the performance of FE7, whatever that ends up being. As for the previous one, the only way you generally see older games get released is if they have a following in the first place, and while there are a few very rabid FE fans who delight in telling me when I mess up the slightest bit of mangled translation (you know who you are, Adnade!) I'm not sure whether or not that qualifies as a following, so much.


This is a special nice game
This game is my first work.
You're the first player.
I wish you would like it.

Huh. I was not aware that crappy viruses easily defeated by MSN qualified as games. Congratulations, raziel, champion programmer of the world! I wish you death in spam-related mishaps and other assorted pleasantries!


And of course, when we wish him death, we really mean we're wishing him all the luck in the world with his NEW CAR! And what better place to drive that NEW CAR than in beautiful BRAZIL! Well, there's probably a number of places that feature better driving, but let's face it - "beautiful Brazil" is some pretty sick alliteration. For tomorrow, let us discuss the Price is Right in all its intricacies, or at least the stuff we've been talking about already. Yes, tomorrow is a free day, so send whatever you like, and send often, for tomorrow's column will be a cauldron of seething topicdom.

As for me? I must now sulk, for the Leafs have been defeated by the hated Canadiens.
Andrew Long is fighting off the ghost of Maurice Richard.



And by "fighting off" I mean "drinking", and by "the ghost of Maurice Richard", I mean " ."

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