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Malk - Now with Vitamin R!

Andrew Long - January 14 '04- 16:47 Eastern Standard Time

I TRULY WISH I HAD SOMETHING RELEVANT TO talk about, but all there seems to be is snow, snow, and more snow. This may sound like a recurring theme, but remember - on Friday I was complaining about the cold, so there's a really fine distinction there and boy does it have nice legs. So anyway, It seems Chrono Break has been cast into flame, which sounds awfully nice right about now since I just thawed out from my last trip out of the house, which took twenty minutes and will indeed be the last one I make today, 6:00 class be damned.

Yes, Chrono Break was such a nice rumour while it lasted, tantalizing those people who actually liked it, to say nothing of the whacked-out Chrono Cross fans who were taken in by all the skimpy imagery and nonsense. Because remember, as some author put it in some book that may or may not be my favorite, "In nonsense is strength."

Now I've certainly tried to live by this maxim, but it appears I must fight to spread such things, while others are given free rein to distribute their batshinity (that's a neat compound word like "Bemani" or "Pokemon" or "Ubergraptenfuhrer" that also gets me out of swearing, which is a Good Thing) all over the place with flyers and internets and televised national addresses. So it is that the Canadian Space Agency thinks it will somehow be able to beat NASA to Mars, and I think I can weave together a column that will entertain and delight.

Well maybe I can. Stranger things have happened, like that time I stabbed my friend with an icicle just because, which I plan to do again as soon as the runoff by the kitchen window gets to the appropriate length. It's strange - in video games, icicles are usually deadly, but this one just broke into eight pieces and got the carpet really wet. This time, I think I'll have to coat it with liquid silver, which will then harden into deadly silver. Which, by the way, is the deadliest sort of silver you can find.



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That sort of thing.

Binary Finary

There are exactly 11 kinds of people in this world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Incidentally, if you're clever, you can actually count up to 59049 if you count in tertiary on your fingers (involves sticking a finger half-up). Of course if you consider each finger a qubit, then you could get to any value you want, since each finger is both up and not up and any fractional uppage in between at the same time.

You know what? If I was clever, I'm almost positive I could come up with a better use for my fingers than counting in tertiary. Why, if I used them all at once, there's no telling what wonderful things I could manage!

Incidentally, the last I checked, 2^0 + 2^1 = 3. So you owe me a third type of person, unless that mistake is supposed to be the point of the joke, in which case you can colour me tickled pink! Of course, I may or may not use sarcastic crayons, so do so at your own risk.

I'm sorry, but our princess...

Hallo Castomel,

I'll try not to be long-winded this time (whatta mercy! ^_^) just throw out some numbered tidbits.

1. I called Nintendo's toll-free number to order Nintendo Power and the nice fellow on the other end of the line didn't try to sell me a 5-year sub, or anything even, aside from non-specifically asking me if there was anything else I wanted. But this is a moot point since you've found your Zelda compilation elsewhere! Unless, of course, you've caved to being a lifer and will buy a 5-year subscription 'cause Nintendo has won ownership over some portion of your soul.

Shh... If I don't talk about that portion of my soul, it usually behav- must.. play... Smash Brothers...

2. Greatest disappointment of 2003? Gotta be FFX-2. I was expecting an immersive, emotional experience like FFX was, and didn't get it. table width=100% align=center cellspacing="2" cellpadding="6" bgcolor="#000000">

I'm gonna have to go with Xenosaga. For all the hype, it's turned out to be a rather tedious affair, and I kind of expected FFX-2 to be bad, so it would have to rate below Rhapsody to disappoint me.

3. This is more of a discussion topic.... A couple of the games I played last year took huge amounts of time to finish. Dark Cloud 2, 80+ hours. Grandia Xtreme, 60+ hours. FFTA, 70 hours and counting (haven't even finished it yet). Games back in the olden days weren't this long, were they? FFIV, for example, is around the 20-hour mark, maybe 30 if you're real heavy into levelling up? table width=100% align=center cellspacing="2" cellpadding="6" bgcolor="#000000">

Well, despite the fact that you can easily finish FFVI in under 40 hours, it did take me 65 to finish it the first time through. That said, no. I'm not quite sure why games take so long these days; some of it is added plot, to be sure, but I think the actual battles take longer, and now there are scripted events and bigger worlds to contend with as well.

It's not like games are more expensive these days (especially not compared to the $100 Square SNES carts of yore), or that they "need" to be epic undertakings to satisfy consumers' desire for value. There are even games like Wario Ware and FFX-2 (and, peculiarly, FFTA) that are supposed to appeal to the bite-sized attention span. So what caused this development in the other direction, d'you think? Beth.

Fans meowing about short games, probably. For every person who wants nothing more than to finish a game before retirement, there is another person who has nothing better to do than spend 90% of his or her time trolling it up in the basement. I should know - I'm one of the latter some days.


::Rises cautiously from red materia:: Hello, Castomel... and the oh-so disturbing Shroudie... *shivers*

Well, Shroudie's not here today, except in letter form, but I'll be sure to tell him you said hi.

Ah, so once again someone's brought up the disturbing trend in NPC clothing? How they only dress up in one friggin costume the whole game?

So do main characters.

I hate to tell you this, but... it's all a conspiracy. You see, the video game conglomerates have all purchased stock in clothing chains, and are using games to brainwash us into purchasing said clothing.

You heard me right! I'm sure as we speak, new lines of video game clothing are being produced, and we will be powerless to resist! Green Link jumpsuits, Hoochie Yuna Hotpants, Hot Etna Demon Bikinis! Agghhh... too... many... capital... letters!

Consider yourself warned... now, to return to my prinny bombing...

"Overlord! Overlord!! OVERLORD!!!"

While this theory seems reasonable, you have to ask yourself this question: would you ever wear a Link jumpsuit in public? I mean, some versions of the thing don't even come with pants!



I must say, co-hosting was a very great experience. I'll never forget that night...and those words you said by the moonlight creek, the gaggling geese, the warmth radiating from your beauty... Now, where was I? Oh yes, remember, dear, dear friend, once the prostitutes are back from the cleaners we can rob the bank. Yes, we definetly need some money for the upcoming weekend. Saturday I had my first ski trip over at Swain. Besides for the fact that it was freezing the "beezlebut" out of my face; I could hardly feel either my feet or facial structure on a whole. When life gives you lemonade, you throw them at the nearest someonesomeone, my friend. See how you rub onto me? Anyways, since we have to return to the airship so we can continue our quest to find Sabin, who may be inprisoned somewheres, we should equip the best sph---er, spears so we can fight the evil monsters in the cave. So I ask, what can I do for you? I can't hear you. It only takes Shroudie to keep your day lively. OH! And coffee. ^_^ I updated your page, so you can feel all pretty and pink now. Pretty, pink, pony Castomel.

Puns intended,

O' Shrouded One

You're lucky. You have to ski before your face freezes. And eepkay ethay onypay usinessbay ootay ouryayelfsay!

Boingy, boingy!


Spam... Spam... SPAM! Oh, and UfP

A while ago a few friends of mine wanted to test the internet community. The results are as follows

WARNING:The fanboys got kind of rabid, so the language may be a bit much.

Two things you should learn from this:
1. Don't beleave everything on the internet.
2. Fanboys are idiots.

-Eric Mills-

You may whore your link if you wish, but I have broken it! AHAHAHAHA! Actually, I really have no problem in principle with posting links, but if I post your link, everyone who has a homepage will be along to demand I post it, so I'm afraid I can't, at least not intact ^_^. It is pretty funny how people will take offense to obvious B.S, though. Good show!

Incidentally, for those dying to get to this site, I've broken the link in three places. If you can figure them out, you're home free.


I hope Eric doesn't take my sabotage personally. Tomorrow will definitely have a topic: the death of Chrono Break. Let us discuss what is, was, could have been, and also what tastes really good with ketchup. My personal favorite is chicken!
Andrew Long needs a space heater.



Or perhaps a spaceship.

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