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Back to Vanilla Pancakes

Andrew Long - January 8 '04- 14:57 Eastern Standard Time

SO ANYWAY, I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I BOTHER with these open topic days because nobody seems to like them. As it stands, things are a tad disjointed here, so don't be surprised if we skip from a few rambly replies to letters from yesterday to some gibberish. Actually, that pretty much sums things up, suggesting to me that I'd best come up with a topic today. And I will! Because I'm just that reactionary, like this time when I spilled boiling water on my hand and then screamed. Cause and effect, I guess you could call it.

Then again, that would make you sound an awful lot like that crazy Carolingian guy I hear does all that crazy junk in that popular movie kids are always talking about, so maybe we should just forget all about Charlemagne and drop back in time to when men were men and they all lived in mud huts, which featured many exciting cave-ins.

Also, I hate snorkelling.



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Someone dared
To unleash snow
And dig a hole
Two, in fact
There's now a trench
Across Robert St.
Or was that Sussex?
Who really cares
The point is, sometimes
You have to walk around the edges
In order to feast
The sweet, sweet nectar
And Without
And Withal
If that IS your real name

Cut off

Xbox...(spasm) (twitch) Yes, all three good games on that system (Halo, KotoR, and Soul Calibur 2) can be played on other platforms, so why bother? But enough of that. Frankly, in 2003, I've been a bit disappointed in the realm of RPGs...I'd say 70 to 80 percent of my video gaming expeditures this year have been non-RPG purchases, with great stuff like Wind Waker (No, it's not an RPG), F-Zero, Soul Calibur 2, and yes, Karaoke Revolution. FFTA was horrific, X-2 is...well...difficult to motivate myself to play...even Disgaea, which I bought solely on praise I read in this column, was a bit of a let-down. I think I'll go ahead and say my favorite RPG of the year was Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga...brilliant game, that. Anyway. Circuit City was on crack the other day, so I went and bought Beyond Good and Evil and Banjo Kazooie : Grunty's Revenge for ten bucks each. BG&E is amazing...Zelda fans, don't let it pass you by. And BK is the same old Bird and Bear goodness, though a bit easier and smaller in scope. May the new year better fulfull my need for a truly grand RPG...Tales of Symphonia? Dare I say, FFXII? We'll see.

- Feep "I'm learning Dai-Jo"

So, didn't like Disgaea, eh? NO ANSWER FOR YOU! And why is it so difficult for you to believe that a Final Fantasy game could be good, exactly? Say what you will about the series, but I really don't think that there's a bad game to be found anywhere in it. Sure, X-2 was pure mass-market sugar, but that doesn't mean FFXII can't be, as you put it, grand.

Why everyone hates the Guado

It's because the Guado invaded the Home of the Al-Bhed!!! Ahhhh! (A couple of NPCs comment on the ironic shift of contempt from the Al-Bhed to the Guado, I might add).

Thanks for sharing, Matt. See, we finally got your answer, Dahne, and it only took four staff members! If we could just band together like this for future efforts, think of all the light bulb jokes you could coin!

A bucketful of questions

::Emerges wearing a festive hat:: Merry New Year, Castomel!

And a happy New Year to you too, my friend. Speaking of which, I declare the statute of limitations on Happy New Yearsing to be expired. All further well-wishers will be shot with my patented stuffed-crust rot-quiche cannon.

Apparently I had forgotten my ribbon accessory, and so I wound up with the flu all last week! Fortunately, this has afforded me an excuse to sit on my ass all day and try my recent... gaming aquasitions! he he...

I too was caught with my flu pants down, but instead of soaking up some of my newer games, I went back in time and restarted FFIV (twice.. I hate you, crappy old cartridge!).

Final Fantasy X-2... Let's just call this "Brother's Angels", m'kay? 'Cause that's what this is. Fun gameplay, and lots of stuff to explore, but... all the recurring characters have lost, as Paine would put it, "fifty respect points". Almost every time I meet up with someone I recognise, I'm disappointed. O'aka and Cid definately took big steps backwards in their careers. And remember Rin at the Sphere Break tournament? What, now he's a pimp daddy?

O'aka was pretty crappy to begin with, dude.

But, I digress. Enjoyably fast battles and nice job system, if you can stomach the shameless characters.

I've also been enjoying the Zelda Compellation disk. If you want to know the method of aquisition... an outright purchase! It was unopened, in a video game store, for 35 bucks! I know a subscription would be cheaper, but this way, I get the game right away, and since I'm moving soon, I won't have to worry on losing issues.

I too have come by the compilation in a clandestine and underhanded method, although having not received it yet, I'll have to wait and see if I get a thank-you bomb from Nintendo instead of the actual game. Like you say, a subscription would be cheaper, but I'd rather not talk to a Nintendo telemarketer who would no doubt attempt to convince me of the benefits of five-year subscription packages.

Then, for portable pleasure, Fire Emblem... now THIS is a great game! Linear as hell, but challenging and worthwhile. It's the type of game that has you raving "How do you get through here without casualties!?!" one minute, then filled with tears of happiness the next. Looks great on the GBPlayer, too.

To balance it out, a non-RPG.. Viewtiful Joe! There are no words for this game. If you have a Gamecube, you should try this at least once. Manic gameplay with funny graphics... it's quite an experience.

Sorry to go on, but I haven't written in a long time, and I had a lot to say. One last question: who owns the copyright to Ominous Silence, indicated in your last quickie?

"It's disasteriffic!"

Actually, that was a typo. It should have been "Omnious Silence©", a phrase coined by my friend in a story he wrote for a grade seven English class that read remarkably like a crappy Dragonlance novel, not unlike everything else produced by our class that year. I swear, sometimes those teachers must have wondered whether or not "Gifted" really meant anything.

Why, oh whyyyy, oh whyyyyyy


A letter full of questions for today. Why does E-B sell the recent Greatest Hits S-E games for $65?

Because they can.

Why does chewing gum lose it's flavor on the bedpost overnight?

Because Eric Nagler is actually a sinister shill for the gum industry.

Why are ostrich's necks so long?

So that they can run around with Shyguys on their heads. Anything shorter would be uncivilized.

Why are chimpanzees just so darned cute?

You're just imagining things. Many chimpanzees are riddled with ecstasy as a result of the attempts of scientists to develop new and better glowsticks. Hee hee hee.. glowsticks.
Will I be able to the leader of the RPGamer world tomorrow? O.o Yea...that's all.


Able to what the leader? o.O


Well that was over fast. Actually, though, it did provide me with at least one idea for a topic, and possibly even two. First, which game let you down the most from last year, and secondly, which of the upcoming games for 2004 do you think will be the Next Big Thing? Bonus points for random capitalization! Also, O' Shrouded One will be along for cohosting duties, so be sure to send him letters regarding his rather disturbing shrine which I should really get around to linking in the sidebar.

But that, I'm afraid, is for another time. The shock of actually going to class is taking its toll on me, and I need desperately to waste some time. To that end, then, I leave you until tomorrow.
Andrew Long's gloves really don't keep out the cold very well.



My scarf, on the other hand, is quite the fine specimen.

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