The Clash at E3
Today's column is powered by the soundtrack to Lost Highway.

This is getting out of hand. People are simply writing too many long letters to print. And strangely enough, only a few of you took my "subtle" hint yesterday. Ask Thor has quite enough editorialetters, and what it really needs is some questions. Tomorrow, since it's Thursday Thorsday Madness and I can do whatever I want, I'm only going to print one or two letters longer 'n a paragraph. So if you want to be printed, watch that word count. I mean it, don't make me get violent!

Hey. Stop laughing.

In the Lunar review it says that some nudity scenes were fuzzed out. Were they fuzzed out in the Japanese version too?
I'm honestly not sure, but I think it was uncensored, since parents in Japan know that if their children are exposed to nudity they won't turn into perverted maniacs, while parents in America still cling to that outdated caveman-like fear. (Then again, the nudity in question was Kyle's, uh, member, so we're not exactly talking "PG 13" nudity, here.)
Yo Thor,

1. When exactly is the famed "E3"? And is RPGamer going to have anyone there?

The E3 is a "trade event". It's basically a chance for people to get together and show off their products. It's not open to the general public, nor to people under 18. You can find more information here. RPGamer's sending three staff members to the E3 this year, including Mike "Don't ask about my third nipple" Tidwell.

Look, he said don't ask about it.

2. Why isn't anyone mailing in quote answers? Are you still out of stock of dead monkey barrels?
I stopped printing them for that contest thingy. I guess I just never got around to starting again. Procrastination rocks.
3. What's with all these people saying that they have played Ehrgiez? At IGN.PSX.COM they say it's gonna be released on 5-30-99!

- Moogle Master

Welcome to the magical world of the outdated release date.
Don't skip this letter, it's not what you think
Do you mind if I nitpick a nitpicker's letter?

Phoenix Kokido make a mistake as well. While the music for redbook audio is sampled at a rate of 44,100 hz, that is NOT the number of bytes per second... otherwise, CD audio would suck, because that would be 8-bit mono quality. The actual number is 176,400 bytes per second. When the music is sampled, there are 2 bytes for the 16-bit quality, and since it is stereo, there are two channels being sampled, making it 4 bytes for each sample.

Heh, so much for "ignorant guesses". This seems to be an ongoing problem with all Q&A columns. Someone will ask the host a question, he'll get it wrong or leave out a semi important detail, someone corrects him yet gets something obscure wrong, someone corrects him, so on and so forth, ad nauseam. Do you guys even remember what this thread was about in the first place? Someone wanted to know why all PlayStation games don't play music in his CD player! Ahh, the wonders of nitpicking.
Okay, I'm done nitpicking... You can wake up now...

Anyway, since I'm supposed to "ASK Thor" a question... hmmm... Do you change the names of the characters in RPGs? I usually only change "Aeris" to "Aerith." (When I try to pronounce "Aeris," I tend to say "Ares"... she just doesn't seem like the Greek god of war to me. Maybe it's just me...)

Yeah. I usually name the hero "Thor", and his love interest after my current girlfriend. (It was rather odd in Final Fantasy 7, because Tifa was named after my gal, so every time Cloud and Aeris got frisky, I felt strangely guilty.) Funny story, though: One of my friends always named his hero "Thor", even before we knew each other. This caused numerous problems, mostly due to the fact that we got our saved games mixed up whenever we... borrowed games... from each other...

Okay, so I lied. That wasn't very funny at all.

BTW, I'm not really psyched about E3 either... maybe it's just because I don't have any games of my own to show off there yet...

- DumpShock

Yeah. The main draw of the E3 is you get to see 'new' games that won't be out for months, and were unofficially announced months before. The demos are rarely fun, and usually are just to show off the newest trendy colored lighting effect. The lines are long, the bathrooms icky, and the copious amount of free crap given away gets rather heavy at the end of the day. The big draw for me used to be finding information long before magazines like EGM and Gamepro could publish it, but with the fast-paced world of online publishing, you can find out about games displayed at E3 nearly as fast as the people who went there!

So thanks but no thanks -- I'll just sit at home, let others do all the work, and read their previews like a normal gamer. Besides, I have to avoid Shawners. I hear he's waiting for me, and he's armed with all 30,000 volumes of the Oxford English Dictionary! (Ten bucks Shawners writes in and corrects me about the number of volumes, hehe.)

What is it, "E3 day" or something?
Yo(da) Thor,

Can't find a reason to be jazzed about the E3? Well, Square and Crave have booths right across from eachother, so, if anything, I'm gonna go just to see the icy gaze of the Woozilla vs. Sakaguchi-sama staring contest. ;]


- Jagger

Did you guys know that I channel spirits in order to see the future? Well, I do. Been meaning to tell ya. Anyway, here's a little something I drew while in a hypnotic trance. Cthulhu help us if it's... a vision of the clash at E3!
And speaking of Ted Woolsey... I take it back, this isn't "E3 day", it's "segue day".
I must say that I give mad props to Ted Woosley for leaving Square. They lost their vision and ability to bring truly great games to market after they abandoned Square. Hopefully the company that he is working for currently still has some vision left so that he can lend his many talents to a project that won't be as much of a let down as current Square games.

--The Lord Kirk

I think he means "abandoned Nintendo". Don't worry, dude, we all get words mixed up now and then.

Well, so far the only in-house RPG made by Crave is Shadow Madness, a Final Fantasy VII clone. So much for vision. However, Ted "Woozilla" Woolsey didn't just ditch Square at their time of need. Square had shut down the Redmond, WA offices, and asked him to move to LA to work on Final Fantasy VII. Woolsey didn't feel LA was the safest enviroment for his children, so he went with Crave. Not exactly selfish reasons, ne?

Hi Thor.

I was just curious as to which war precisely it was in which Repulsive Pig-Goblins were being so wantonly tossed about. And you know, by that theory, the sacred title of Repulsive Pig-Goblin Aimer is misspelled. This whole site has been living a lie. For shame.

Bye Thor.

- Ashlea

Hah! that's what you think! Few people know that RPGamer has an invisible "I". You know, silent letters? Well, this is an invisible one. The "I" can only be seen in broad daylight, and even this it's merely translucent. Think the Predator's light refraction technology.

As for which war Repulsive Pig-Goblin A(i)mers were used in, it was the um... North American... German... Figaro... war. Yeah. All three of 'em.

Nothing to do with Kris Wolfe, I promise.
"Women do enjoy sex as much as men (if not more)"

<laugh> This has got to be the most interesting RPGamer letter I've read. And it just happened to make me think of a Greek myth, which I *also* found interesting, in a very similar way...

There was this guy, Teiresias, who was walking in the woods one day, and he came across a pair of snakes mating, and for some reason the bastard killed one with a stick and was immediately turned into a woman by Hera ('cause she's the goddess of marriage and a bit of a man-hater as well). Anyway, for a few years Teiresias wandered the world in a female form, but she didn't just sit around moaning and waiting for things to happen...well, maybe she did do a bit of moaning, but I'm not going to go into that. After a fairly active life (seven kids or so) she was summoned up to Olympus to settle an argument between Zeus and Hera over who enjoyed sex more, men or women; Zeus said that women did, Hera said that men did. There was nobody who could judge fairly except for Teiresias, who had a rather unique perspective of things. So Teiresias agreed with Zeus that women did enjoy it more, and in a rage Hera blinded him. Since nobody could reverse what another god caused, not even another god, Zeus gave him the gift of inner sight; to be able to see the past, present, and future as it truly was. (This was important in Sophocles' plays with Oedipus Rex in them)

So the moral of the story is, don't kill any snakes you come across unless you're into *that kind* of stuff.

Whew. I can't believe I remember that.

- Sidhe

Interesting story. Next time I come across a couple of dogs mating, I think I'm going to bore one of them with an N Sync song. You know, just to see what happens. Maybe I'll turn into Leonardo DiCaprio, in which case I would do the world a huge favor by taking a walk in front of moving traffic. It'd be a hero's death, it would.
Not only is the Panzer Dragoon Saga team (Andromeda, I believe) no longer working for Sega...they're now designing for Sony. Sega, however, still has the rights to Panzer Dragoon. So, while our chances of seeing a sequel are slim (but possible), our chances of seeing a sequel of the same caliber are none. Sigh...

- Edge

No Thor. You're wrong about Panzer Dragoon. It actually did very well. Yeah, since Saturn was already a sinking ship when the 3rd one came out it didn't sell well. It couldn't sell well. Regardless, Panzer Dragoon is one of the best shooters many have ever seen and Panzer Dragoon Saga is considered to be manys favorite RPG. The people that make games know this and I have seen many rumors abouts a Panzer Dragoon 4 on Dreamcast. Psxpower posted it and it also makes sense. If dreamcast is successful then people WILL buy Panzer Dragoon. People know it's good but they just didn't want to buy a saturn to play it.

- Ross Levine

"PSXpower" posted Dreamcast news? Um, okay.

Anyway, I have to disagree. You said it yourself, Panzer Dragoon is one of the best shooters. I have no doubts that we could see a Panzer Dragoon 3 for the Dreamcast, but there's very little outcry for a Panzer Dragoon Saga 2. I'm not bashing the game. I've never even played it. And that's my point exactly -- hardly anyone's played it. If you're still not sold, consider Phantasy Star IV. That was the biggest in a beloved RPG series, which sold relatively well despite an absurd price tag. Everyone wanted a Saturn sequel. Sega didn't deliver.

When you think about it, Sega seems worse than Square when it comes to not giving people what they want. There wasn't even a proper Sonic the Hedgehog for the Saturn! Can you imagine Nintendo releasing a new system without a Mario or Zelda game? They're just so immensely stupid.

Make your own RPG
First, just so ya know, OHRRPGCE stands for Official Hamster Republic RPG Creation Engine, and....uh... Verge(does ring a bell?^_-) is generally considered better. If you wanna make different types of games, I'd recommend zzt( or Megazeux(I can't think of a url, but go to #Megazeux on AustNET and maybe you'll find some whackos to talk to). Also, if you don't mind shelling over 30$, I'd recommend Blades of Exile( It lets you create Dragon Warrior like games.

- Doc Uzuki

Coolbeans! Now everyone can go and make their own "The Legend of Thor Gets Some"! Actually, that wouldn't be too bad of an idea. Maybe I could sponsor a VERGE 2 competiton, where everyone hasta make their own tLoTGS, and the winner gets... some? Naw. The chances of a girl programming something like that are nil. With my luck, Bill Gates would win. <shudder>
Hey, I have a novel idea...
ASK Thor
(Hint, hint.)
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Quote of the Undetermined Amount of Time
"If you need help or something I'll give you halfassed ambiguous answers and complain when you don't use them."
- Rob Emes
(I love it when my co-workers offer a helping hand.)
Quickies that satisfy
Do you pronounce "RPGirls" R-P-Girls or R-P-G-Girls? R-P-G girls, of course. Role-Play Gamin' girls.
Actually, the game is called Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom. :p And....and.....and that's all I have to say.
- Wyvern
Well, neiner neiner. Thanks.
Deja Vu 2, or Ace Harding: Lost in Las Vegas, or whatever the official name is, will be ported to GBC. If you're still waiting on the NES version, you'll probably want to settle for this one.
- Stom
No! I don't care! I want it for the NES! I want I want I want! Waaaaahhhhh!!!
Hey! I have a more ethnic sounding name than Carlos Rodriguez. My name's Vinny Tony Vecchione. Not only is it really ethnic, all 3 names kind of rhyme.
- TheGreyOne
Congratulations! Um, I think...
Actually, CDs don't use 8-bit audio, so that's more like 88200 bytes per second, etc etc. Jeepers! That is all.
- Yakra
Do you know where I can pick up a good piece of art (square, CG, or Fanart, whatever) of the One Winged Angel? I've looked through the obvious pics on the RPGamer site, but haven't found a good one of just him in full color with full body.
- I_Am
ASK Thor Episode I: The Question

Are you a moron or are you just not upsating the hack archive. You better put mine up or I will make one with you on the picture of Drew in his Sailor Mars outfut I asked you for a while ago. I feel dirty now....
- Hawk Eye

Oh, no. I'm a moron.
Thor Stuff: Egotism at its finest

Tomorrow I'll make a very important announcement. Be there or be Square.

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Irony SUCKS! >:(

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