I tried to think of a fun monologue today. I really did. I even
typed out half of a "make your own monologue" joke. Couldn't think
of the ending, though. And when the highlight of your "joke" is a
Virtuosity reference, you know it's time to cut your losses and
call it quits.
|The granddaddy of it all|
Just wanted to ask you what was the first Nintendo RPG ever? I Believe it
was Destiny of the emperor by Koei but I can't find any information about
when the game came out. It would help settle a good issue I am having with
my bro (He is a FF1 fan meanwhile I loved Destiny of the emperor)
Thanks son of Woden
Well, the RPG for the NES (or, rather, Famicom) was coincidentally the first
traditional RPG: Dragon Quest. Ultima: Exodus was released before Dragon
Warrior in America, however, so it really depends on which country you
|Technical support provided by Thor Antrim|
How come one can't pop in there favorite game cd into a cd player
and listen to the music containned in it like FFVII and so forth.
Is it just another ploy to waste more money on seperate cd's on a
soundtrack. It royally pisses me off.
Mmkay, I'm no techie, so this is the best I can come up with: One of
the initial strong points of the PlayStation (and, indeed, all CD
systems) was that its games could use 'redbook' audio. In other words,
the music was recorded, not synthesized. The coolest bit about this was
you could play your games in a music CD player and get the soundtrack
free. Nowadays few games actually use this feature as developers continue
to opt for sequenced music. (The biggest drawback of redbook audio is it
takes a whole lot of memory, something the PlayStation really lacks.)
And then you have a few evil companies that, even though they use
redbook audio for their games, they encrypt it so you have to buy the
soundtrack. Kind of petty if you ask me.|
|David Cronenberg's Scan|
What ever happened to scan? It seems like in every rpg that was coming out
for the snes it had a scan spell. Now I can't even think of one game with
it. Scan ruled. How in the hell am I supposed to know what that boss in
weak against or how much hp this guys got. I wan my scan damnit.
Ah, scan. Perhaps my favorite of the elusive "Gray" magic. As RPGs grew more
and more easy, the need for gray magic -- or any spell which doesn't damage
or heal -- lessened. After all, why bother casting SLOW when you can kill
any random encounter enemy with two hits of the "X" button, and doesn't
work on the bosses?
The only RPG which used Scan in recent memory is Parasite Eve. (Strangely
enough, Parasite Even seemed way more "old school" to me than
Final Fantasy VII.) Hopefully, Legend of Legaia will prove that an RPG
doesn't need to be easy, provide a vast, convoluted, confusing plot, or "cater to
the masses" just to sell well, and one day, we will see the return to
gray magic's former greatness.
ps Did you ever stop and think maybe Evangelion is so popular because of
the great dubbing. Okay I don't think I could ever say that with a
The "Evangelon's dubbing" debate, judging from the letters I received,
seems to be about 50/50. I've only seen volume 1 and 2, which are supposed
to be some of the worst examples of the series' dubbing, and I still
couldn't find a whole lot wrong with it. I find it much preferable to
subtitles, if only just to spare myself hearing loss resulting from
Cute Japanese Girl Screeching Voice Of Bloody Kawaii Doom syndrome.|
|Kara Jade: Private eye. (Well, not really -- but that sounds cool, eh?)|
Hey Mr. Question-Column Dude (can't exactly call you RPGuru now can I?)
I actually have *gasp shock horror* questions about *gasp shock horror*
So, in no particular order, here are the three finalists:
1) In the SNES game Illusion of Gaia, there's this girl with blue hair,
think her name's Lilly but I'm not sure, and at any rate a friend of mine
says she's naked from the waist up. I just think she's wearing a very
untasteful orange bow on her chest. So which is it?
Quick rule of thumb: If it's for SNES, there isn't nudity.|
2) Again, in Illusion of Gaia, there's this hidden boss if you get all 50
Red Jewels. I know he was in Soul Blazer, but was he one of the first
bosses, or an ending boss? Also, is he in Terranigma?|
Yeah, Solid Arm is the first boss in Soul Blazer, and no, he's not in
3) I have heard so many conflicting rumors about FF Anthology. I know it
contains FF5 & 6, but is FF6 just a puffed-up version of FF3 american, or
is it the real japanese version? Also, will Squaresoft ever release FF4
japanese in North America?|
We'll most likely just get the Final Fantasy 3 script slapped on
Final Fantasy 6. This is good and bad. Bad because there really isn't
any reason to buy FFA if you aren't interested in FF5. Good because
Square can't screw up the script a la FFT. And unless Square has one hell of a surprise waiting
for us at E3, there is no chance of FF4 being translated again.|
Here's two words that will make you feel good for the entire week: 'Teri
- Kara Jade
I feel good. Really good. And ya know what? I have a feeling this good
will last the entire week. Huzzah!|
|More annoying than the Macarena|
To Thor, God of Short shorts and other skanky outfits,
You have to help me! I played Dragon Warrior 4 three years ago adn I
can't get one of the songs out of my head. IT'S BEEM THREE YEARS!!
Sometimes it will just grate in the back of my mind barly noticed, like
Muzak. Other times, whne I'm lying in bed, it bothers me with full force,
like a Spice girls song. I am now appealing to you in your infinate, sexy
wisdom to tell me if a trick exists to get rid of Alena's theme song from
my mind? Otherwise I may be forced to climb the ivory tower of RPG gamer
and slay all those within in a vain attempt to regain my sanity!
- Moogle Child, Leader of the Bring Back Naked FoSoYa Foundation
Bring back... what?!
Despite you being a sicko, I've decided to help you. Getting any song out
of your head is easy. Just click here and listen
to this midi for at least five minutes. If you survive, you'll never have
to worry about Alena's theme again.
|Back to the basics|
I am one of the many who are currently playing through Legend
of Legaia. I've noticed something that sets it apart from all of the
other playstation RPGs I have played (FF7, PE, Xenogears, FFT) in an
important way: there are no translation errors that hinder my
understanding of what's happening. At some point in each of those games I
just mentioned, I felt I was missing some important plot element due to a
poorly-tranlated line of dialog. But there is none of this in LoL. I
mean, it wasn't until 20 hours into the game when a shopkeeper said
something that didn't make much sense, but that is the *only* error I have
noticed, and an unimportant one at that. Even though the story is a
simple one, at least I'm not sitting there scratching my head and saying
"huh?" every few lines of dialog.
Silly sig. alert!
Yeah, Legend of Legaia's translation rules. It's
probably the best I've seen since the glory days of Ted Woozilla. (Remeber
when you could actually understand a Square game? Mmm... nice, wasn't it?)
One of the most enjoyable things about Legend of Legaia is the strong
sense of nostalgia you're almost guaranteed to feel every time you
pick up the controller. From the storyline, to the difficulty, to the
wicked retro enemies you battle. The boys at Contrail are fans of classic
RPGs, and it shows. One of the only things that kept me playing Wild ARMs
was how much it reminded me of Final Fanatsy II. Allrighty then.
|I'd much rather be "God of Thunder"...|
Hail god of obscene, sick, twisted, and otherwise perverted titles!
When your running behind, and the column is gonna be updated late, be
sure to remember that there are a portion of sensible forgiving readers
that still think you rock. Yes, that's right...when the columns late I
don't get disgruntled angry...when theres typos I shrug...and when
lamesacks write in to complain about it I make sure to make a mental not
to shun them from then on. I'm like that way with just about everything,
and I must say it's a much nicer way to live than bitching about every
minor detai of everything. Everyone would be much happier if they could
learn to sit back and mellow out. If Tactics had some absurd translation
errors, that's ok, just take the game as a whole which rocked and be happy
after you win. Even if Xenogears is extremely linear, and there are
aproximately 58.6 hours of text, if you think of it as a good book, then
all of a sudden it's one of your favorite games and you get warm fuzzies
at the end.
Don't you agree?
- Grrrrrrrrantis (yeah that's right Grrrrrrrrantis!)
Wow. What a nice letter. I'm speechless, so let's move on. :D|
|The following is a joke. Really!|
Hey there! Please tell us about the time you and Nobuo Uematsu got
baked and watched MTV for twelve hours. I bet he musta been REAL out of
it when he went back to work the next day.
It started out innocently enough. Nobuo invited me over to his house to
listen to the Final Fantasy IX soundtrack. (It's pretty good, but nothing
will beat Final Fantasy VI, if you ask me.) Things were nice and kosher
until Nuby (as his friends call him) got that mischievous glint in his
eye, and produced a rather large joint from his shirt pocket. Not being one
to insult a hospitable host, I took a few puffs. The rest of the night is
more or less a blur, though I do remember a few token moments: Nuby showing
me his prized bong shaped like Cloud's sword, Nuby packing the bowl of said
bong with prime Mexican, Nuby dancing around me in a circle, with a large Mog mask
on his head, chanting "Dust it! Dust it!". Then there was the hour we
spent trying to scrounge together $20 for a pizza before realizing that
it was 3:42am, and nothing was open. Oh, and I remember being hungry.
Really, really hungry. But that's about it.
Greetings god of Thordom (as opposed to boredom),
In regards to the Tenchi Muyo RPG that was commented on
The game takes place under the premise that Sasami is captured by
a greenish haired young woman (who strangely bears a resemblance to
Sasami) and several of the group set off to rescue her. The world has
several maps you must progress through, with encounters in every area.
Such maps include Tenchu's backyard, an alien planet and some strange
spaceship. Throughout the different areas you can collect all of the
familiar characters from the Tenchi Muyo OVA series (i.e., no Kiyone)
including Katsuhito (grandpa), Washu and of course, Ryo-ohki. The battle
scenes are alot like the Shining Force games with melee attacks, range
attacks, etc. As a character gains experience it gains additional
abilities. Tenchu's ultimate attack for example, is the infamous 'wings
of the light hawk' (for those who are familiar with the OVA series) and
Ryo-ohki sending hundreds of it's self bounding at the enemy. The game is
difficult, but not impossible to find in emulator format (which you should
NOT use because that would be evil! ^_^) however is all in Japanese.
While this makes it impossible to understand precisely what is going on,
Tenchu fans will get the gist just by looking at the facial expressions
and reactions (particularly between Ayeka and Ryoko). Bottom line, it is a
great game and a shame it was not translated for US release.
Thanks, dude. I never can tell if these "gradual explanation"
threads annoy or entertain, but it's nice to get the full story on
a little-known RPG now and then.
|The Legend of Thor Gets Some|
Yo Thor, I got a surprise for you! Well seeing as it was the off chance I
had an hour and a half of free time (read: I have that much EVERY DAY), I
decided to make the greatest thing to grace RPGamer
THE LEGEND OF THOR GETS SOME FAQ!
Infoabout the game for which only 3 copies were manufactured, which I have
one of! So go and read it, then fill t with blarg and let all you know
Man! It seems everyone has a copy of that game but me. Grumble.|
A few suggestions to make this game a little better. (Trust me.)
- Use the main theme from Shaft somewhere in this game. You can't go
- Make one of the main characters Judge Mills Lane. He needs to
be in an rpg. He could be like the Cid from FFVII. If not a main
character, maybe the final boss.
- Get the game out quick and cash in on
Star Wars Mania by calling the game "Legend of Thor: Episode I: Thor Gets
- Put commercials in MTV. It worked before.
Heh heh, great suggestions. (My personal favorite being #1.)
I would like to bring to the attention of Amy Lynn Halbrook,esq,that I
have finished the script for Legend of Thor Gets Some and will trade it
for a lucious fruit pie. Here is a sample.
So where's my Pulitzer?
Er, well, I can think of one change I'd like to make to that script...
|Why Windows, as "gay" as it may be, rules.|
1.) I've been an avid reader for a few months now, and even though this
really isn't a question, I figured you might like to know...
It's very painful to read your column in Xwindow's Netscape.
Attached to this email is a screenshot of yesterday's (5/6/99) column. I
had to whip out the magnifying glass for this one. The font is,
literally, 4pt. It's barely legible, but probably unknown, because I'm
probably your only Xwindows reader. I figured you'd probably find some
weird humor out of this screenshot however, and sent it along to you.
Jeez, that's awful. No wonder I don't get much fan mail from Xwindows users.
Can't you hit CTRL+] to increase the font size...?
2.) Is Shadow "Heartbreaker" Zero female? We all assume it's a he but do
we *really* know what lurks under that black costume?
Great shades of Elvis! Rob, you've discovered RPGamer's most heavily guarded
secret! Yes, it's true. Much like Samus was a girl, so too is Shadow Zero.
The strange thing is, when I asked her for a comment, the only thing she'd
say is something like "karma chameleon"...? Weird.|| ||
|"Michael" was the last Joel MST3K. Let's make Michael pay!|
(Hut hut hut, on the dauuuuhble!)
|Like Old Crap?|
|Try the Archives|
(Beware the Typoes)
|Bored? Easily amused? Stoned?|
|The Hack Archive|
(Edit me. It's fun.)
|Quote of the Undetermined Amount of Time|
|"I have a big problem with Xenogears. The game isn't realistic enough. Here is an example: you can jump on people's heads. This pisses me off!"|
- Cloud's hair gel
Quickies that dance and cavort naked under the light of a full moon
I just noticed the little dancing ninja guy next to your name at the
bottom of the column. I decided to watch him dance for a little while. After about 15 hours of watching him dance,
he just kinda collapsed. Now no matter what I do (i.e. refresh, reboot the
computer and reload the page) he just lies there.I think I killed him.
Oh my God! You killed.... naw, on second thought, I'd better not. Too cliche.
Thor, I must warn you. You must republish that page that had the "Final
Fantasy VII Editor". You must warn people that it does not work for the PC
edition of Final Fantasy VII. I have tired it many times but it will just
mess up every time. Please, warn people about this!
Duly noted, dude.
Damnit, I wanted to be the first one to send you Terri Hatcher porn!
Wellll.... nothing wrong with being the second, is there? Heh, heh.
|Thor Stuff: Egotism at its finest|
Wow, I don't think I received even one correction concerning yesterday's
"TOO FREAKING BIG" column. I have to send out credit to Jassyfish and Naz,
who helped me proofread that monster. (In other words, they did all the work while I sat
back and drank Blue Sky Mandarin Orange soda.)
Amy Lynn Holbrook, esq., lead programmer of The Legend of Thor Gets Some,
wanted everyone to know that esq. meant:
1 : a member of the English gentry ranking below a knight
Wow. How does she find the time to program and proprietor land?
2 : a candidate for knighthood serving as shield bearer and attendant to
3 -- used as a title of courtesy usu. placed in its abbreviated form
the surname <John R. Smith, Esq.>
4 archaic : a landed proprietor
A couple of readers wrote in accusing the author of "my ffvii page"
of ripping off original material from "Rocket Town : The ShinRa No 26" and
trying to pass it off as his or her own. I can't say who's right, as I
know nothing of the matter, but I will say this: Ripping people off is
lame as Hades. Writing a quick letter and asking permission to store
someone's material on your page is easy as pie, and if you ask nicely,
the author is usually happy his work's getting more exposure.
Okay guys, this weekend I want ya'll to do something different. You
all have a favorite RPG, right? So dust it off and play five or ten
hours. If you notice your nostalgia-soaked opinion changing any after
actually playing the sucker again, I'd like to hear about it.
Thor "Sexypants" Antrim
Listening to The Call of Ktulu while reading The Call of Cthulhu is fun.