There are many ways to look at the "Final Fantasy XIII" comment I made yesterday, but they all fit into three categories:
  1. Hey, that moron meant "VIII", but hit "X" instead of "V"!
  2. Wow, the implausibility of Thor purposely typing "XIII" never occurred to me.
  3. Oh well, I screw up roman numerals sometimes, too.
Personally, I'm hoping for #3. (Even though #2 would mean you didn't notice I screwed up... well... I'm also hoping my readers are a bit brighter than that.)
Use the force, Luke--as arts.

I was just wondering if Lucas Arts has even considered growing a brain and making a Star Wars RPG?? I mean, wouldn't it just kick all galatic bootie?? I mean come on! Everyone and their brother would buy this friggin' game!

Can't agrue with that logic. It'd appeal to RPG geeks and Star Wars geeks alike! Why, all they'd have to do is get William Shatner and Jeniffer Love Hewitt to do voice, and they'd have the geek market cornered. Behold, the power of geeks.
Oh yeah, and is Square sticking with Sony or are they jumping another bandwagon after the PSX 2 comes out?? Ah well, I'll go crawl back into my hole again. By the way, how do you spell bootie, with a ie or a y? I think y is pretty stupid. Then again, so am I for asking that question. Later..

- J-RAD king of the Moogles

It's kind of hard to predict anything Square's going to do, these days. Still, it's safe to say Square won't align with Sega over Sony or Nintendo during the next console war, so the best bet of seeing Square titles on a system other than the PS/2 would be if they converted games to other systems. Which is still, I think, kind of unlikely. (It's "booty", btw.)
Hello! Welcome to the Quest Fantasy Challenge question. I am the Quest Fantasy Challenge question. Have you met the Quest Fantasy Challenge question? [Yes / No]
I was wondering, is Quest Fantasy Challenge an RPG? I can't find info on it anywhere. I know the game it is based on(Quest 64) is totally worthless, but I'm desperate for a new GB RPG.
Info is slim, but yeah, looks to be a version of Quest 64 even more lackluster than the original. Don't despair, chances are Konami may translate the Game Boy Color port of Azure Dreams. (The games' great -- my little brother is freaking addicted to the PlayStation version. The graphics weren't all that good to begin with, so AD won't lose much in the port to CGB.)
Also, what do you know about the American version of Last Bible II? Atlus doesn't have much about it on their site.
As far as I know, there're no plans for a US port of Last Bible II. Bum-diddley-ummer, dude.
Hello Thor, Lord over all of us fleshy mortals,
Hey, I'm fleshy too! I may be rail-thin, but I've still got a little meat left on these bones.
I have not played many RPG's, but from what I have played, and seen adds about, there are no women who are the main charactors, or minorities(beside Barret) in your party.(run on sentence) Minorities and RPG's don't seem to mix well.
Well, there aren't many women or minorities because developers don't want to alienate their target audience. Women don't make up a large amount of console gamers, and minorities are... uh... minorities. This may sound Evil And Racist, but when you think about it, including more minorities or women in RPGs won't attract all that many new gamers. Little changes rarely affect jack in this industry, you need something that's really hyped. (Didn't matter how many quality RPGs there were on the SNES, it took Final Fantasy VII and commercials on MTV before anyone took notice.)
Also, for these games to be made in Japan, how come a lot of the charactors are american(Fei excluded)? I know there is a very big number of games that don't make it over here, and that is probably where I could find the non-white charactors, but I think that more games like that would see american shores. Oh well...

PS: I know and am friends with Mytmouse, who wrote in on Monday's column

Your lowly follower, who basks in your knowledge and glory,

- Dangermouse

Give him my best regards, and tell him to lay off the snuff already.

Anyway. RPGs are heavily influenced by anime. The first popular 'traditional/console' RPG, Dragon Warrior, had character design by Akira Toriyama, and the trend has pretty much continued. Manga/Anime stylizes life as opposed to trying to represent it, so characters don't look very Japanese, and often have pink hair or animal ears or other oddities. It sounds wierd, until you consider most American cartoon legends were talking bipedal animals, who did everything from cross dress to shooting themselves from cannons.

Deep thoughts by -- oh.

Okay, here is yet another one of my paltry and meager attempts to send in an impressive question or two. Someday you will be amazed at a question I ask. Oh yes. Yes indeed. By the way, Edgar rocks. On to the important crap...

I was in FuncoLand over the weekend and I saw a game called Alundra for PSX. Ever heard of it? It says on the box that it was made by the same people as Landstalker, which I think was a really cool game. I think it was one of the most challenging action RPG's (at least for Genesis). But regardless, can you tell me anything about this Alundra? Like, is it worth buying?

Alundra is a bit like the Zelda series, with some Lufia tossed into the mix. It's pretty hard, but from what I've heard, it's a pretty good buy if you like a challenge. (The game also features a bit of a rarity -- a serious-ish translation, with few trademark WD gags. Depending on your sense of humor, this is either a good thing or it "sucked".)
Second... do you know of any online stores where you can purchase video games? I checked and they have a very tiny archive (so small it didn't even have FF7 for the Playstation!). Sites like are great places to pick up books you can't find in bookstores, so I was wondering if there are any sites out there that might have games that you can't even find at FuncoLand.
In my experience, the best place to find a game online is at eBay, an online auction site. You buy the games, new or used, from normal gamers around the globe. You don't even have to worry about being ripped off, 'cause you can view the seller's history and see if his past customers thought he was rated "fair", "poor", or "Adolf Hitler".
Third... A friend of mine has an <illegal> ROM of FF4j (hard type) on his PC, and he said that Tellah actually calls Edward a Son of a <female dog> instead of a spoony bard. This might not be accurate either, since the ROM was translated by Americans.
Well, if he's using the translation I think he's using, then that wasn't a direct translation, it just captured the spirit of the insult. (As opposed to Final Fantasy II's real translation, which went with something hilarious, inaccurate and yet somehow strangely fitting. At least moreso than "fool" or something.)
Anyway, hopefully I have awed you with my incredibly uninteresting quesions for the mighty RPGuru (Pronounced R-P-G Uru, haha). Keep up the funny column!
Ugh. I'm not an RPGuru. And if I was, it'd be pronounced "R-P-G Guru". Ahh well, at least "R-P-G Uru" is better than "R-P Guru". I mean, say it with me -- Arpy Gooroo! Yes folks, the dorkiest name on the planet.
P.S. When you say you hold a hammer, are you referring to a large rodent-man from Xenogears? Just wondering.

- Seth (No, not the one from Illusion of Gaia)

Yes. He has no complaints as long as I grip him gently. Uh. Next letter. Now.
Amano! Shame.
Okay, I think I know where Square got their ideas for chocobos. Go here.

And you'll see what I mean. This is from an anime movie called Nausicaa.

- Christine

Woah. Weird. And Kaze no tani no Nausicaa was released long before even Final Fantasy 1. Well, nothing much else to add. So. Um. Catch Raw last night?
Stew codine
Actually, it's not a question...

On Sunday's Ask Michael, someone asked about Suikoden and Shuihu Juan.

I don't know about Suikoden, but I don know a bit about Shuihu Juan.

Shuihu has been translated as the Water Margin, and is the story of 108 classical Chinese heroes. They were all men of great valor and skill, who also happened to be quite vicious, skilled in the martial arts, vengeful, and comadrely. The stories, allowing for cultural mores and such, read very much like a set of Robin Hood or King Arthur stories. There were in all 100 stories, or chapters, in Water Margin, and any collection of these could very well have made it into Suikoden or Suikoden 2.

Now I've got to find some free time and see if Suikoden happens to be based off the same stories as the Water Margin.

If anyone wants to read some really bloody, gore filled action stories in ancient China, grab Shuihu Juan aka The Water Margin.

- Louis

Yes, Suikoden is loosely based off of Water Margin. Pretty cool concept for a game, eh? Now if only they'd make one based off of Ox No. 9...
Dear "Thor,"
What is this, Final Fantasy Tactics all of a sudden?
I was at a local comic shop, scouring for Sandman merchandise (I'm a Sandman fantatic, as well as RPGeek), a saw a great Sandman poster. But here's the kicker: guess who the artist was?

Yoshitaka Amano.

Kinda brings a tear to your eye, no?

Oh, and for all of the Mac fans out there(all 10 of us, right?): Bill Gates isn't a thief. He's a treasure hunter ;)

-Bryan Berg

But "Bryan", that's not all! Not only did Amano illustrate that nifty poster, Neil Gaiman was so impressed with Amano's interpretation, he decided to whip up a brand new Sandman graphic novel celebrating Sandman's 10th anniversary. Sandman: The Dream Hunters. It'll be set in ancient Japan, and sounds very very good. I mean, come on -- it's Gaiman and Amano. They could take turns blowing their noses on a Wendy's napkin and it'd be cool. Gross, but cool.
Oh have you seen the bakerman?
Mail Thor
(He lives on... uh... something lane.)
Like Old Crap?
Try the Archives
(Don't worry folks, it'll return as soon as the missing columns do.)
Bored? Easily amused? Stoned?
The Hack Archive
Thor Antrim: Anime Style
(Next update:
December 22nd, 2012)
He was a good cop. But he saw too much. Now a corrupt police force and Colombian drug lords have to silence him before he tells the truth. They killed his wife. They killed his child. But Quickies got away -- and now he's back with a vengeance.
How come you don't post the "Now playing" title in your column anymore? Don't you know that are hundreds of obbsessive stalkers out there that can't live with out knowing what your playing? Gee whiz, when you put it that way, I'm almost tempted to bring the useless bit of fluff back. Hmm... Hmmm... Hmmm... No, no I don't think I will after all.
Does anyone know what the lyrics to the song at the end of Suikoden are? Please?! Oh... and if you could tell me what they mean in English, too, that'd be great. :)
- Anson
Not a clue. Guys? Little help?
EGADS mentioned you again. they said you were one of the people trying a new chrono trigger shampoo that gives you hair like chrono. they had a anime thor picture and put chrono's hair on you and said you were unable to comment because you were pondering the meaning of blarg and dreaming of teri hatcher. at least they spelled blarg right.
Hrmph. And that's not all -- "The Comic" used "blarg" today. I didn't mind in the least, though -- that thing's hilarious. And they spelled it right, too. :D
Are you sure you haven't eaten one too many of those Prozac cookies? ;) You seem to have forgotten a key ingredient in any pastry in your "recipe"... flour. Just an observation.
- Pteryx
Tarnation! I've had it up to heeeyah with womenfolk nonsense!
I thought Cecil was your favorite FF character. Favorite main character, anyway. Cloud, no. Terra, almost, but Celes was cooler. Butz? With that name? Nosiree, I'll take Cecil any day.
- Janet Reno
Oh look! I guess it's official, now: my readers hate me.
How come Michael doesnt have a niftly anime pic like you or drew did? Blarg.
- Darien
Well, I only added the picture 'cause... uh, I don't really remember, but I didn't even check with the RPGamer gang first; it wasn't like a tradition-type thing. Drew added it because I'm cool, and everyone wants to be like me. Michael didn't because he's a rebel, and his cause is boycotting anime drawings. Well, it's kinda rebellious. I guess.
Thor Stuff

Reporter: How do you respond to these allegations?

Thor: No comment.

Shadow Zero Dancing Attack EX Mega! Thor "I need no nickname" Antrim
d0 j00 ph34r m3?

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