Huzzah and gumdrops, it's Quickies day!
Sorry about the late column. I had an unexpected guest over for the night,
which kept me from getting to work on the column until five hours after
I usually start. Ouchie.
|"Mommy? Why is the Shadow blue?"|
Hey Thor "Yes I do want to watch that ninja" Antrim,
After watching the dancing ninja for about 3 hours, a ninja-related
thought came up to me: Final Fantasy VI. First of all, WHY is Shadow's
The same reason Butz's hair was originally white and Kefka resembled some sort of large vegetable:
Amano is a weird artist. Good, but weird.|
Secondly, since it is coming over to the US with supposed
"remade" features, will it be retranslated or will the Anthology use the
US version (just adding in the features)? If it is retranslated, will Ted
Woosley still be doing the translation? Or did he really go to Crave?
- Yoshi42 (put that in Thor!!!)
FFA will most likely use the old Ted Woolsey scripts. Ted's over at
Crave now, but apparently Square held the rights to the old translations,
not Nintendo. (Which is both a good and a bad thing, when you think
about it. On one hand, we're still going to miss out on the
censored/cut text in Final Fantasy VI. On the other, there's no chance
Square could possibly ruin FFVI with another "Final Fantasy Tactics"
|Killer threads, dude.|
Hey Thor, heres some statements. Sorry I've only got 2 questions.
All of them have nothing at all to do with eachother.
1)Are you buying a dreamcast? If so, is it important enough to you to
pre-order? I personally dislike sega.
Nope. I'd rather just buy games for my PlayStation and Nintendo 64.
Besides, the risk of Sega screwing up is too high. If Dreamcast
turns out to be a success, I'll just buy the system released after
the Dreamcast. You know, the one that will be announced a week before
the PlayStation 2 hits the shelves. Good ol' Sega.
2)In regards to this poll, the fact that FF IV is not included in the
anthology DOES affect my decision to buy it. I've never played FF IV, so
its' absence saddens me, but I'm still gonna buy the anthology. Remember,
FF IVs abscence DOES affect my decision, but not enough to change it.|
In other words, you mind, but you're going to shell out the cash anyway.
Looks like Square's plan worked out after all...|
3)You sounded smart yesterday! Good job on all the intelligent
Are you sure you read the right column, dude?|
4)The last of the "Killer" Thread? Thats a wierd thing to say, unless
you've read some Anne Mcaffrey books. Have you? I forget what they're
called. The Pern series, I think.
Thats all, I guess. I liked the new headers.
- Zack S.
Hehe, the new headers were a weird idea. I usually follow a semi-format for
the column, but yesterday I decided not only to jumble things up, but to
slap a few labels here and there, as well. And no, never read any Anne McCaffrey. Heavy fantasy has never appealed to me that much, with the exception
of the Dragonlance Chronicles. Heh heh, I even used to name my characters"Kender", and when in multi-player dungeon hacks, I'd always annoy other players
by telling them off. I wasn't being a smartass, I was just roleplaying true to character.
Or at least, that's what I told them.
|The bra that doubles as dental floss|
To whom it may concern (That means you):
Well, I've noticed something over the last couple years in
videogames. My observation is why are most female characters in
games seem to always wear only strategicly placed leather straps or
somehting else of the sort. I think that is kind of demeaning to
women out there. And, personally, as a guy, it offends me because
that basicly says to me and all other guys out there only think with a
certain part of the male anatomy. So, what do you think.
- Mildly Offended But Not Gay
Jeez, buddy. No one said you were.
Yes, most videogame women are dressed like medieval/futuristic strippers.
Most of the times, games don't mirror real life, they go for sensationalism.
Nothing wrong with that. Real life sucks. There's simply no reason to
emulate it, except in a sim. But then again, most guys aren't dressed any
more sensibly than women -- and girls aren't the only ones being "exploited"
to sell video games. A perfect example of beefy men being used to
sell a game is Iron Sword: Wizards and Warriors II, a game staring a
knight in full-body armor, yet what's on the cover? Fabio, dressed up
in furry underwear and not much else! (Heh heh, right now, thousands
of guys are going, "eww".)
Thor, and everybody else that reads this,
I have discovered the real reason Square never translated SD3 and
never released it in the US. I have two words for you. No, not SUCK IT!,
but ANGELA'S @#$! Look at this picture, and you'll see why Nintendo
wouldn't ship it to the US. Nintendo's censors really sucked back then,
around the time of NES and SNES, so I guess they must have figured it a
little too risque. At last, somebody has found the real reason we never
got it. There you have it. WE didnt get SD3 all because Angela in her
Sorceress (Light) class shows her ass.
That picture's... weird. Is that the back of her knees? Doesn't seem to
be. But if we are looking at her back porch, why is her head turned around like that? It's... creepy.|
An extra bit of clarification for the guy who wanted info on Sonic Team..
it's a common mistake, but Sonic Team didn't make the Shining Series
et-al, before metamorphising into Sonic Software Planning and then
Camelot. That was Team Sonic. Why the two teams had practically the same
name is a mystery to me, but I think Sonic Team changed their name so they
could develop off Sega systems.
Roughly on the same topic, did Camelots tactic with Shining Force 3 seem
like a bit of a rip off to anyone else? To get the entire story of SF3,
you have to buy three games, but due to the identical game engines parts 2
and 3 are developed at a fraction of the cost. Effectively you're paying
three times for the same game, when the entire game could have been
brought out a a three CD game. Not that I won't buy parts 2 and 3 someday,
in Japanese if need be, if only to see Galm again in part 3 (Galm rules!)
and find out what happens to Julian.
Actually, I kinda wish I'd thought of that idea...
Yeah, it's a tad of a rip off. Even moreso because there's no chance for
Saturn owners to finish the trilogy, at least in English. I think they
should have had a disclaimer on the box: "Warning: The last 2/3rds of
the game not accessible." Okay, maybe not. I've gotta add something.
Well, the letter writer asking about Climax games didn't *quite* mention
this one, so I thought I'd mention it. In addition to Shining Force 1&2,
Climax also developed a Shining game called Shining in the Darkness for
the Genesis, which was sort of a console take on PC RPGs. Players moved
in steps through a 3D dungeon, just like in those good old SSI Gold Box
games. It also had a really natural-sounding translation, IMO one of the
best I've seen on a console in terms of readability.
Have fun doing the letters thing.
- Shih Tzu
Shining in the Darkness is a great game. I even have it. It's a
nice little Dungeon Master style rump through caverns and corrodors,
with as little story as possible, and a comfy RPG town. The mazes
were a bit too confoozulating for me, and I never did finish
the game... but, someday, man. Someday.|
|The Last of Legaia |
I know this ain't the place fer editorial type stuff, but I just had to
voice my opinion on the Legend of Legaia battle system. Now, call me
crazy, but I'm in the Tower of Sol and I'm still trying new combinations.
There's about 15 for each character that I've got, and I still don't often
hit auto. Also, you can just hold the X button and you'll probably end up
getting through the battle (unless, of course, your characters suck. In
which case, you'll get mollywhomped.)
My tip: TRY NEW ATTACKS AND STRATEGIES! They're the most important part
of fighting. I, too, had trouble with that Berserker guy. He's tough,
expecially an attack he does when he's low on life (you can tell, he
starts limping and falling over a bunch.) The way to go in this game is
not to pass levels, but rather to try new attacks and strategies. I
fought him at least ten times (in three different games, mind you) and I
found a strategy that allows me to beat him in about level ten. A friend
of mine, however, passed and beat him with brute force in level 13. TRY
NEW ATTACKS AND STRATEGIES!
Good advice. Personally, I find LoL/Xenogears' battle system a bit confusing.
It's like, my natural RPG instincts are thrown off. Not that I'm complaining,
it's great to have something different, I just think people have yet to fully
grasp the complexities of that style of RPG combat, so they end up just using
Deathblows in Xenogears, or switching to Auto in LoL. |
Recently someone wrote in about the similarities/differences between LoL
and WA. They also wanted to know what people found "wrong" with LoL.
Well, I'm one of those guys who loved Wild ARMs (don't get me started, I
know you hate it, why is beyond my comprehension, but hey, whatever). As
you already mentioned, the similarities are all over the place. The blue
hair. The chick, dude, and kickass dude, etc.
The main reason I wanted to write in...to bash LoL. No, not really, I'm
currently playing LoL, and it's a pretty good game. It's nowhere near as
good as Wild ARMs, though. As for what I dislike about it.
-The supporting characters are more interesting than the main characters
-Noa---Aboslutely the most ANNOYING twit ever to be created for a video
game. I have to mute the game during the battles so I don't hear her
giggling when she's jumping up and down at the end of 'em -The music is
horrid compared to FF7, Wild ARMs, FFT, and most other game
I'm sorry, but no one will ever dethrone Navi as most irksome
RPG babe in my book. :D|
But hey, like I said, it is a fairly good game. It's the only game I can
think of that had a battle system that actually presented some level of
challenge (outside of special optional bosses). And there are some
interesting parts to the plot itself. Noa's dreams and some of the other
Overall though, I can't see why others (yourself included, oh god of
sexual wardrobes) would like LoL more than WA.
Boomerang, who could kick anyone named Shadow Zero's ass
Well, we all have our own tastes, that's why. Frankly, I don't understand
why everyone doesn't watch Mystery Science Theater, consume nothing but
coffee and beef jerkey, and run a Q&A column on RPGamer.|
(Final Fantasy 6/7 Spoiler)
In thor stuff you said something about Shadow Madness being stunningly
beautiful.... umm... what? This game is so horrid looking that it's almost
impossible to describe, but i'll try my best. The battle scenes look kind
of like someone with RPG Maker 95 decided to pull out the prog and mess
around with it a bit, the cut scenes, while decent looking, pale in
comparison to most any game released for the playstation (excluding
carnage heart, what was that all about?). The character design is horrid
and it is easy to tell that the Secret of Evermore staff made this game.
Another thing, the story really isn't good at all, it's trite and
contrived, of course it's the work of ted woolsey and his team of
writers.. 'nuff said, think's I.
Hey now, I can't back the other writers, but Ted's the man. Anyone
who could phrase something like teen pregnancy in a way that it'd get
through Nintendo censors, yet still make it perfectly clear what's going
on (unlike Cloud/Tifa's night of romance) deserves to go down in the RPG Translator
Hall of Fame. Right along with... er... Zach Meston... and... uh...
a bunch of other people who I really couldn't name right now. I'm open for suggestions.|
Did anyone else notice how unbalanced
the fighting system is? Or how the music matches nothing in the game? How
about how the world map is as unimaginative as unimaginative gets? Or how
the backgrounds seem kind of muddy and dithered? Legend of Legaia however
is a great game, with awesome graphics and a very good plot... Sure, the
plot is still trite, but at least the characters are interesting, to some
extent.. OKAY, i'm wrong, the story is kind of stupid, but the fighting
moves and combos kick ass, and even though i've only seen one rendered
cinema so far, it was top notch and way above anything SM does. I just
dunno, maybe i've been sucked into some kind of space/time warp in which
someone who is seemingly sane can say something as ludicrous as Shadow
Madness is stunningly beautiful and still live to see another day... ugh..
i'm gonna go pop some perkoset and hop off to funtime-happy land. Good
I stand corrected: The demo of Shadow Madness isn't that purdy. All the
screenshots and movies I've seen of SM impressed me. I guess I should
have tried harder to grab a copy of the demo. Keep in mind that Shadow
Madness isn't out yet, and Crave could very well be fixing problems
(based on the feedback from the demo) during the recently announced
delay. Yeah, and maybe Square included Final Fantasy IV as a hidden
FFA bonus game. |
(Final Fantasy 7 spoil... look, just win the damn game, okay?)
I was wondering whatever happened to that goob-fart who started all those
insidious Aeris Ressurection rumors. I heard that he worked over at
EGADS, but I'm not sure. Have you heard anything from/about him in the
past two years? I'd love to hunt him down and lay his ass flat with a
single punch. I mean, it's all his fault that most of the gaming community
with internet connections knew Aeris died before we even GOT FF7. In my
opinion, he's very dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.
Anyway, keep up the good work, you're HILARIOUS! :D
- Ben Lansing
Ben is currently roasting in Hell. It's a long and complicated story, but
basically so many gamers damned Ben to the land of fire, brimstone and
former telemarketers, Satan made a rare exception, pulled a few favors...
and, well, long story short, Ben's resting comfortably upside down
in a pit filled with scalding fungus and dead flies. Don't feel
too bad for Lansing, though. I hear every thousand years or so, they
send in a guy to rotate him.|| ||
|Like Old Crap?|
|Try the Archives|
(Don't worry folks, it'll return as soon as the missing columns do.)
|Quote of the Week|
|"I have nothing about real midgets. But all those fat, short, big headed midgets just freak me out!"|
- Anonymous on "Super Deformed" character design
|Bored? Easily amused? Stoned?|
|The Hack Archive|
December 22nd, 2012)
|More Quickies than the Canadian government deemed acceptible|
For a REAL encyclopedia/listing on mythology, go to,...
Thanks, Max. After years of going to fake encyclopedia/listings on mythology,
this really helps!|
...Say, Thor ol' man...you don't hit X repeatedly to fire in FF7. You hit
- Thad "X" Boyd
Oh sure, ruin my fun. First Max here reveals that my previous encyclopedia/listing
on mythology was fake, and now this. Fine -- so I actually thought Odin was
a giant purple owl, and Mjollnir was french for Deja Vu... I'm the victim here,
Guess what? I just kiissed my fiance passionately, and now i am writing
to tell you about it, aren't u priviledged.
more to come.....
The subject of this letter was "Marry's Little Lamb". Marry, if you're reading
this, get out of the house now. Don't try and rescue Snowy... it's too
late to save her. Just save yourself.|
"Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman
she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again."
This is a TV listing for..
"The Wizard of Oz," in a California newspaper.
Hehe, good one.
Why do so many people think Tifa's a slut. I mean when Aeris asked
Cloud to become her bodygaurd, she offered him a date. Isn't a slut a
woman who sells her body for money or to get what they want?
Actually, that'd be a whore. And people think Tifa's a slut because of her
clothing. Nevermind that she was shy as Hades and faithful to her childhood
love, she's wearing a short skirt! She must be loose! Bah. Remember, folks:
She's not bad, Tetsuya Nomura just drew her that way.
Here some links to the FF7 interviews... they started at playstation.com.
In the Final Fantasy VII section you will find
the Final Fantasy VII Interviews. There ya go!!
- Axem 5
I've been creating my own RPG story. No, I'm not a
programmer, just some 15-year old guy with ideas. I
had an idea the other day: I should create a club on Yahoo! for people
like me to talk about the stories we've come up with. I think that it
would be great to have my story edited by a bunch of RPG fans, instead of
just my friends at school.
Arr, the Quickies Pirate always be glad to plug a site, matey.
What ever happened to Umaro?
Ahh, Umaro, funny story. See, he was one of the biggest proponents of the
Send Ben Lansing to Hell foundation. Ironically, Umaro and Ben Lansing were
soul mates, so after Ben was pulled into the fiery deapths of Hades, and
Umaro was killed in an unfortunate flowbie accident, they met for one last
night of unbridled passion in limbo. It's true! I have pictures -- anyone wants?
Look, I'll level with you: I was dead tired while writing this, which
is why you'll find a few replies which are just that -- replies. Nothing
funny about them. As much as I detest being serious, I don't trust my
sense of humor past 2:00pm. Which, for me, is the equivilant of trying
to be funny after staying up past... oh, say, 6am for the rest of you
weird daylight people.
Friday... good... Thor... sleep... gaah...!
Thor "Zzz..." Antrim
Even my Ninja's sleeping!