Friday = Sleep
Huzzah and gumdrops, it's Quickies day!

Sorry about the late column. I had an unexpected guest over for the night, which kept me from getting to work on the column until five hours after I usually start. Ouchie.

"Mommy? Why is the Shadow blue?"
Hey Thor "Yes I do want to watch that ninja" Antrim,

After watching the dancing ninja for about 3 hours, a ninja-related thought came up to me: Final Fantasy VI. First of all, WHY is Shadow's skin blue?

The same reason Butz's hair was originally white and Kefka resembled some sort of large vegetable: Amano is a weird artist. Good, but weird.
Secondly, since it is coming over to the US with supposed "remade" features, will it be retranslated or will the Anthology use the US version (just adding in the features)? If it is retranslated, will Ted Woosley still be doing the translation? Or did he really go to Crave?

- Yoshi42 (put that in Thor!!!)

FFA will most likely use the old Ted Woolsey scripts. Ted's over at Crave now, but apparently Square held the rights to the old translations, not Nintendo. (Which is both a good and a bad thing, when you think about it. On one hand, we're still going to miss out on the censored/cut text in Final Fantasy VI. On the other, there's no chance Square could possibly ruin FFVI with another "Final Fantasy Tactics" translation.)
Killer threads, dude.
Hey Thor, heres some statements. Sorry I've only got 2 questions. All of them have nothing at all to do with eachother.

1)Are you buying a dreamcast? If so, is it important enough to you to pre-order? I personally dislike sega.

Nope. I'd rather just buy games for my PlayStation and Nintendo 64. Besides, the risk of Sega screwing up is too high. If Dreamcast turns out to be a success, I'll just buy the system released after the Dreamcast. You know, the one that will be announced a week before the PlayStation 2 hits the shelves. Good ol' Sega.
2)In regards to this poll, the fact that FF IV is not included in the anthology DOES affect my decision to buy it. I've never played FF IV, so its' absence saddens me, but I'm still gonna buy the anthology. Remember, FF IVs abscence DOES affect my decision, but not enough to change it.
In other words, you mind, but you're going to shell out the cash anyway. Looks like Square's plan worked out after all...
3)You sounded smart yesterday! Good job on all the intelligent answers.
Are you sure you read the right column, dude?
4)The last of the "Killer" Thread? Thats a wierd thing to say, unless you've read some Anne Mcaffrey books. Have you? I forget what they're called. The Pern series, I think.

Thats all, I guess. I liked the new headers.

- Zack S.

Hehe, the new headers were a weird idea. I usually follow a semi-format for the column, but yesterday I decided not only to jumble things up, but to slap a few labels here and there, as well. And no, never read any Anne McCaffrey. Heavy fantasy has never appealed to me that much, with the exception of the Dragonlance Chronicles. Heh heh, I even used to name my characters"Kender", and when in multi-player dungeon hacks, I'd always annoy other players by telling them off. I wasn't being a smartass, I was just roleplaying true to character.

Or at least, that's what I told them.

The bra that doubles as dental floss
To whom it may concern (That means you):

Well, I've noticed something over the last couple years in videogames. My observation is why are most female characters in games seem to always wear only strategicly placed leather straps or somehting else of the sort. I think that is kind of demeaning to women out there. And, personally, as a guy, it offends me because that basicly says to me and all other guys out there only think with a certain part of the male anatomy. So, what do you think.

- Mildly Offended But Not Gay

Jeez, buddy. No one said you were.

Yes, most videogame women are dressed like medieval/futuristic strippers. Most of the times, games don't mirror real life, they go for sensationalism. Nothing wrong with that. Real life sucks. There's simply no reason to emulate it, except in a sim. But then again, most guys aren't dressed any more sensibly than women -- and girls aren't the only ones being "exploited" to sell video games. A perfect example of beefy men being used to sell a game is Iron Sword: Wizards and Warriors II, a game staring a knight in full-body armor, yet what's on the cover? Fabio, dressed up in furry underwear and not much else! (Heh heh, right now, thousands of guys are going, "eww".)

Un/Solved mysteries
Thor, and everybody else that reads this,

I have discovered the real reason Square never translated SD3 and never released it in the US. I have two words for you. No, not SUCK IT!, but ANGELA'S @#$! Look at this picture, and you'll see why Nintendo wouldn't ship it to the US. Nintendo's censors really sucked back then, around the time of NES and SNES, so I guess they must have figured it a little too risque. At last, somebody has found the real reason we never got it. There you have it. WE didnt get SD3 all because Angela in her Sorceress (Light) class shows her ass.

That picture's... weird. Is that the back of her knees? Doesn't seem to be. But if we are looking at her back porch, why is her head turned around like that? It's... creepy.
Hey Thor.

An extra bit of clarification for the guy who wanted info on Sonic Team.. it's a common mistake, but Sonic Team didn't make the Shining Series et-al, before metamorphising into Sonic Software Planning and then Camelot. That was Team Sonic. Why the two teams had practically the same name is a mystery to me, but I think Sonic Team changed their name so they could develop off Sega systems.

Roughly on the same topic, did Camelots tactic with Shining Force 3 seem like a bit of a rip off to anyone else? To get the entire story of SF3, you have to buy three games, but due to the identical game engines parts 2 and 3 are developed at a fraction of the cost. Effectively you're paying three times for the same game, when the entire game could have been brought out a a three CD game. Not that I won't buy parts 2 and 3 someday, in Japanese if need be, if only to see Galm again in part 3 (Galm rules!) and find out what happens to Julian.

Actually, I kinda wish I'd thought of that idea...

- Scotty

Yeah, it's a tad of a rip off. Even moreso because there's no chance for Saturn owners to finish the trilogy, at least in English. I think they should have had a disclaimer on the box: "Warning: The last 2/3rds of the game not accessible." Okay, maybe not. I've gotta add something.
Well, the letter writer asking about Climax games didn't *quite* mention this one, so I thought I'd mention it. In addition to Shining Force 1&2, Climax also developed a Shining game called Shining in the Darkness for the Genesis, which was sort of a console take on PC RPGs. Players moved in steps through a 3D dungeon, just like in those good old SSI Gold Box games. It also had a really natural-sounding translation, IMO one of the best I've seen on a console in terms of readability.

Have fun doing the letters thing.

- Shih Tzu

Shining in the Darkness is a great game. I even have it. It's a nice little Dungeon Master style rump through caverns and corrodors, with as little story as possible, and a comfy RPG town. The mazes were a bit too confoozulating for me, and I never did finish the game... but, someday, man. Someday.
The Last of Legaia
Hello, Thor.

I know this ain't the place fer editorial type stuff, but I just had to voice my opinion on the Legend of Legaia battle system. Now, call me crazy, but I'm in the Tower of Sol and I'm still trying new combinations. There's about 15 for each character that I've got, and I still don't often hit auto. Also, you can just hold the X button and you'll probably end up getting through the battle (unless, of course, your characters suck. In which case, you'll get mollywhomped.)

My tip: TRY NEW ATTACKS AND STRATEGIES! They're the most important part of fighting. I, too, had trouble with that Berserker guy. He's tough, expecially an attack he does when he's low on life (you can tell, he starts limping and falling over a bunch.) The way to go in this game is not to pass levels, but rather to try new attacks and strategies. I fought him at least ten times (in three different games, mind you) and I found a strategy that allows me to beat him in about level ten. A friend of mine, however, passed and beat him with brute force in level 13. TRY NEW ATTACKS AND STRATEGIES!

- Ryan

Good advice. Personally, I find LoL/Xenogears' battle system a bit confusing. It's like, my natural RPG instincts are thrown off. Not that I'm complaining, it's great to have something different, I just think people have yet to fully grasp the complexities of that style of RPG combat, so they end up just using Deathblows in Xenogears, or switching to Auto in LoL.
Hey Thor,

Recently someone wrote in about the similarities/differences between LoL and WA. They also wanted to know what people found "wrong" with LoL.

Well, I'm one of those guys who loved Wild ARMs (don't get me started, I know you hate it, why is beyond my comprehension, but hey, whatever). As you already mentioned, the similarities are all over the place. The blue hair. The chick, dude, and kickass dude, etc.

The main reason I wanted to write bash LoL. No, not really, I'm currently playing LoL, and it's a pretty good game. It's nowhere near as good as Wild ARMs, though. As for what I dislike about it.

-The supporting characters are more interesting than the main characters -Noa---Aboslutely the most ANNOYING twit ever to be created for a video game. I have to mute the game during the battles so I don't hear her giggling when she's jumping up and down at the end of 'em -The music is horrid compared to FF7, Wild ARMs, FFT, and most other game

I'm sorry, but no one will ever dethrone Navi as most irksome RPG babe in my book. :D
But hey, like I said, it is a fairly good game. It's the only game I can think of that had a battle system that actually presented some level of challenge (outside of special optional bosses). And there are some interesting parts to the plot itself. Noa's dreams and some of the other little mysteries.

Overall though, I can't see why others (yourself included, oh god of sexual wardrobes) would like LoL more than WA.


Boomerang, who could kick anyone named Shadow Zero's ass

Well, we all have our own tastes, that's why. Frankly, I don't understand why everyone doesn't watch Mystery Science Theater, consume nothing but coffee and beef jerkey, and run a Q&A column on RPGamer.
Shadow Uglyness
(Final Fantasy 6/7 Spoiler)
Dear Puffums,

In thor stuff you said something about Shadow Madness being stunningly beautiful.... umm... what? This game is so horrid looking that it's almost impossible to describe, but i'll try my best. The battle scenes look kind of like someone with RPG Maker 95 decided to pull out the prog and mess around with it a bit, the cut scenes, while decent looking, pale in comparison to most any game released for the playstation (excluding carnage heart, what was that all about?). The character design is horrid and it is easy to tell that the Secret of Evermore staff made this game. Another thing, the story really isn't good at all, it's trite and contrived, of course it's the work of ted woolsey and his team of writers.. 'nuff said, think's I.

Hey now, I can't back the other writers, but Ted's the man. Anyone who could phrase something like teen pregnancy in a way that it'd get through Nintendo censors, yet still make it perfectly clear what's going on (unlike Cloud/Tifa's night of romance) deserves to go down in the RPG Translator Hall of Fame. Right along with... er... Zach Meston... and... uh... a bunch of other people who I really couldn't name right now. I'm open for suggestions.
Did anyone else notice how unbalanced the fighting system is? Or how the music matches nothing in the game? How about how the world map is as unimaginative as unimaginative gets? Or how the backgrounds seem kind of muddy and dithered? Legend of Legaia however is a great game, with awesome graphics and a very good plot... Sure, the plot is still trite, but at least the characters are interesting, to some extent.. OKAY, i'm wrong, the story is kind of stupid, but the fighting moves and combos kick ass, and even though i've only seen one rendered cinema so far, it was top notch and way above anything SM does. I just dunno, maybe i've been sucked into some kind of space/time warp in which someone who is seemingly sane can say something as ludicrous as Shadow Madness is stunningly beautiful and still live to see another day... ugh.. i'm gonna go pop some perkoset and hop off to funtime-happy land. Good day, sire.

The Schnoo

I stand corrected: The demo of Shadow Madness isn't that purdy. All the screenshots and movies I've seen of SM impressed me. I guess I should have tried harder to grab a copy of the demo. Keep in mind that Shadow Madness isn't out yet, and Crave could very well be fixing problems (based on the feedback from the demo) during the recently announced delay. Yeah, and maybe Square included Final Fantasy IV as a hidden FFA bonus game.
(Final Fantasy 7 spoil... look, just win the damn game, okay?)
I was wondering whatever happened to that goob-fart who started all those insidious Aeris Ressurection rumors. I heard that he worked over at EGADS, but I'm not sure. Have you heard anything from/about him in the past two years? I'd love to hunt him down and lay his ass flat with a single punch. I mean, it's all his fault that most of the gaming community with internet connections knew Aeris died before we even GOT FF7. In my opinion, he's very dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.

Anyway, keep up the good work, you're HILARIOUS! :D

Reluctantly yours,

- Ben Lansing

Ben is currently roasting in Hell. It's a long and complicated story, but basically so many gamers damned Ben to the land of fire, brimstone and former telemarketers, Satan made a rare exception, pulled a few favors... and, well, long story short, Ben's resting comfortably upside down in a pit filled with scalding fungus and dead flies. Don't feel too bad for Lansing, though. I hear every thousand years or so, they send in a guy to rotate him.
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More Quickies than the Canadian government deemed acceptible
For a REAL encyclopedia/listing on mythology, go to,...
- Maximillian
Thanks, Max. After years of going to fake encyclopedia/listings on mythology, this really helps!
...Say, Thor ol' don't hit X repeatedly to fire in FF7. You hit CIRCLE. =7
- Thad "X" Boyd
Oh sure, ruin my fun. First Max here reveals that my previous encyclopedia/listing on mythology was fake, and now this. Fine -- so I actually thought Odin was a giant purple owl, and Mjollnir was french for Deja Vu... I'm the victim here, damnit! Me!
Guess what? I just kiissed my fiance passionately, and now i am writing to tell you about it, aren't u priviledged.

more to come.....
- steve

The subject of this letter was "Marry's Little Lamb". Marry, if you're reading this, get out of the house now. Don't try and rescue Snowy... it's too late to save her. Just save yourself.
"Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again."

This is a TV listing for.. "The Wizard of Oz," in a California newspaper.

Hehe, good one.
Why do so many people think Tifa's a slut. I mean when Aeris asked Cloud to become her bodygaurd, she offered him a date. Isn't a slut a woman who sells her body for money or to get what they want?
Actually, that'd be a whore. And people think Tifa's a slut because of her clothing. Nevermind that she was shy as Hades and faithful to her childhood love, she's wearing a short skirt! She must be loose! Bah. Remember, folks: She's not bad, Tetsuya Nomura just drew her that way.
Here some links to the FF7 interviews... they started at In the Final Fantasy VII section you will find the Final Fantasy VII Interviews. There ya go!!
- Axem 5
I've been creating my own RPG story. No, I'm not a programmer, just some 15-year old guy with ideas. I had an idea the other day: I should create a club on Yahoo! for people like me to talk about the stories we've come up with. I think that it would be great to have my story edited by a bunch of RPG fans, instead of just my friends at school. Arr, the Quickies Pirate always be glad to plug a site, matey.
What ever happened to Umaro? Ahh, Umaro, funny story. See, he was one of the biggest proponents of the Send Ben Lansing to Hell foundation. Ironically, Umaro and Ben Lansing were soul mates, so after Ben was pulled into the fiery deapths of Hades, and Umaro was killed in an unfortunate flowbie accident, they met for one last night of unbridled passion in limbo. It's true! I have pictures -- anyone wants?
Thor Stuff

Look, I'll level with you: I was dead tired while writing this, which is why you'll find a few replies which are just that -- replies. Nothing funny about them. As much as I detest being serious, I don't trust my sense of humor past 2:00pm. Which, for me, is the equivilant of trying to be funny after staying up past... oh, say, 6am for the rest of you weird daylight people.


Friday... good... Thor... sleep... gaah...!

Shadow Zero Dancing Attack EX Mega! Thor "Zzz..." Antrim
Even my Ninja's sleeping!

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