On the edge
I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to yell at you yesterday like that. It was Monday, I swear! Look, if it'll make you feel any better... I'll read some viewer mail. There, ya happy? Good, that's my little sugarpie!
"I'm bored. Suikoden sucks!"
Hi Thor!

You said that popular games receive good reviews, which is all good and valid except, I think, in the case of FF7. Most people you ask say that it's a crap game, but it (almost) always receives good reviews. Any ideas on why this happens?


- RPGirl JediTerra

Well, I don't really think there's any doubt that Final Fantasy VII was a popular RPG. I mean, it did outsell Final Fantasy 3, so in that respect, it's more popular. The reason everyone complains is because 1) They hate change, and FF7 was filled with it. 2) Bitching is free, unlike many other forms of entertainment. 3) If a lot of people like something, Titanic for instance, around 10% as many up and decide they hate it. Sometimes for legitimate reasons, sometimes to be "cool" and "different". (And speaking of cool and different, I am proud to say I've never seen Titanic. Go Thor!)
I'd quote MST3K's theme again, but that's getting old.
Hey, Sexpa...I mean Thor

I was just think, why doesn't anyone leave the rocket town when the rocket launch is aborted...and on that note why is the town still there after the rocket takes off? Oh yeah you really kick ass. Oh wait one last question does Shera live in Cid house and if so where does she sleep because there's no upstairs (to my knowledge)? From, Iain "Quote the raven nevermore"

Dude... it's just a game. Forget it and move on with your life. Really -- it's for the best. I mean, it wasn't too long ago that NPCs wouldn't stop asking you to save them from this monster or that crisis even after you completed the dungeon, gained the levels and stuck the boss' head on a wooden post outside the town!
The Crying Game
(Final Fantasy Tactics spoiler)
Was Ajora a man or a woman??? Most evidence points to him/her being a man, but why Teta? And Altima looked like a woman to me.

- Jason

No doubt about it, Ajora was a dude. He probably just looked kind of femmy as Altima because... as for Teta. Er. Wait, what is the question?
You buy it, you break it.
RPGuru and RPGamers alike,
I just want to bring up something to think about for everyone.

We have all been told not to throw down a book before reading the first few chapters, or not declaring a movie bad within the first few minutes. We should, in all honesty, give everything at least a little chance to impress. On the other side of this, if you have read, say, 8 chapters of a book and you still think it's horrible, it would then be acceptable to discontinue reading it, right? Yes it is, and rightfully so. To draw my parallel with video games, I will offer the 8 hour mark as the "acceptable to disown" point. Ok, with that out of the way, can I ask why everyone who hates Final Fantasy VII knows how it ends? I know the 8 hour marker could vary from person to person, but the game took at least 30 - 35 hours to beat, and that just seems like a lot of time spent doing something that you now argue as unenjoyable. I don't know, it just kind of befuddles me, I mean, I don't finish reading books I don't like, I don't finish watching movies that I think aren't very interesting, and I don't finish playing video games that I think are bad, so why do you?

til next time,

- MIKE, Josh Reid's #1 fan

Well, MIKE (more cap'ed nicks! Auagh!), it's probably because most stores don't allow you to return opened games, and a videogame costs just a bit more than a $3 movie rental, or a $6 paperback. Since you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a used copy of Final Fantasy VII -- Funcoland sells 'em for what, two cents? -- there was no real demand for the game if ya wanted to sell it, so most were stuck grudgingly completing the FF7. Some in hopes of things getting better towards the end, others who just wanted a bit of eye candy for their money, and others still who had their hopes set on some hardcore Tifa/Cloud action in the ending sequence.
Hey i got the finishing touches to ur little paraapa rap.
Jump, slice, its all in the mind,
If you can reach me you'll get my hind.
The things I teach ye
will let you see me
now, Z, target, see me
(Link copys)
and chop, jump, block.
(Link copys)
Ah yea i see ur getting beter
now turn to the limit in order to get her
here we go now:
Z, target, turn
p.s. when the hell is lunar coming out!!!???

- Brian Huffman

Puff Daddy beware, Huff Brian is the new kid on the block!

See that "News" icon to the left of that column? Click it, then click release dates. :D

Believe it or not, I get a good half dozen of these a week.
Dear Thor,

The name of your site is RPGamer. But what is an RPG? Are there any rules for an RPG? If the game just lets you play a role of somebody, then aren't ALL games RPGs? Like Zelda and Final Fantasy, they are not alike in gameplay but yet they are both RPG. Why is that? That will mean that Super Mario is also an RPG because you play the role as Mario (or Luigi). I am new to this RPG world so please give me a nice run-down of what an RPG is.

Trying to find a definition for "RPG" is like trying to find the difference between Sci Fi and Fantasy. Sure, the "answer" is probably popping in your head as you read this, but believe you me: there are thirty guys who know much more than you and are just waiting to shoot down anything you can come up with. (Damn those Omni subscribers!)

Basically an RPG is a game with lots of character development -- both story-wise and stats building. Sometimes, what is an what isn't an RPG just comes down to the publisher themselves, as in the case with Zelda 64. (Which is an action/adventure, not an RPG, but Nintendo of America probably figured they'd call anything an RPG after realizing that Quest 64 didn't kill Final Fantasy VII as they had hoped.) So, to answer your question... er... any game with "Legend", "Sword" or "Fantasy" in its title.

The name's Antrim. Thunderpants Antri -- hey, no it's not!
Hey, Thunderpants,

The most recent quote of the game, I believe, is from Wild ARMs, near the very end just before you fight Boomerang Flash in the Arena. Where's my prize?

- Matt Blackie

For correctly guessing the quote, you'll receive the following:
  • One 350+ page full color strategy guide for Adventure.
  • One Final Fantasy 6 spoiler (highlight to view): Moogles are cute!
  • "A night in the graveyard" Halloween sound effects casette.
  • A lifetime supply of dead monkeys*.
  • A dented, dead ant encrusted Citra can, complements of my messy desk.
* Offer vallid only while supplies last. Expires.... now.
Now, that's a darn good review.
Dear... Sir:

On the subject of Wild ARMs, I agree that it was a highly flawed game. Random encounters joined with puzzles (most of them not as good as the Zelda puzzles) make up for an extremely tedious gameplay. The plot was actually quite good, but it fell down flat because of the poorly-handled conversation. I can easily believe that Sony employed an unfinished draft for a script, because the conversation was sometimes oddly cut-up, and Cecilia talked too much nonsense. It's a pity, because the story itself did have a solid potential. Also, it makes Cecilia one of the most annoying female I've seen in RPGs. On the other hand it's a pity, because it's rare that you see an RPG heroine who is really more like a regular young woman, who is very flawed and self-pitying and childish-- in other words, very true to life.

I mean to say that it makes Cecilia like a regular or real person because she is self-pitying and childish but she manages to overcome her childishness and care for someone else besides herself. :) In comparison to the trend of too many sweet and/or innocent and/or "deeply caring" heroines (FFVII is particularly insufferable in that respect; personally, I am sick of heroines gushing all over men) that's kind of, well, more realistic. In a way it's also LESS insufferable... or so I think. :)

One thing everyone fail to mention is the music, because I really feel that the soundtrack was superb, with some tunes equaling anything you've seen in either Uematsu or the FFT composers.

Well, and that's pretty much that on the pros and cons of Wild ARMs. :)

I posted this letter not to bash Wild ARMs (which, if you'll read carefully, he didn't), but to show a prime example of a good review. It listed good, it listed bad, it didn't bog down the review with petty personal peeves which wouldn't sway anyone in one direction or the other... Mmmmmhmmm! That's good cookin'. The one thing I'd add is comments about the battle system, which is always important when reviewing an RPG. Well, this was Reviews 101, good day.
How could you Don't you know kids read your Ask Thor And you post HUMOR sites for them to look at? Its easy enough for them to get their hands on it as it is WITHOUT video game site posting it also PLEASE do not do that again for our childrens sake I practically DIED laughing at that site, so just think of what would happen to innocent children

- Michael Meadors "Boilin' HOT Texas style Ginger Ale!!"

I cannot begin to apologize enough.

In my day I have done some rather offensive things. I've said "niggardly", I've said I did not like an RPG(!), I even made a typo or two (I know it's hard to believe, just trust me on this). But never have I done anything as brash and perverse as linking to a humor site. I shall resign immediately. Miss me.

Look! Up in the sky! It's a question! It's a comment!
Ask Thor
(Or I start doing my Cryptkeeper impersonation.)
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Quickies that satisfy
I'm glad Drew is gone. He's scary, and he makes me cry :( Aww. There there, don't cry, the bad man is gone. is the best game review site I have seen yet. They expalin their like and dislike for games and don't hesitate to lay a bad game low. For an excellent Final Fantasy 7 review, check this site.
- Swiggus
Fair enough, but in that Final Fantasy VII review they make the tired "Why isn't it the 'final' fantasy?! Tee hee!" joke, so they suck. But that's just my opinion, heh heh.
Too many more Prozac cookies and you'll have to eat Viagra cookies......... Who says I don't alrea

I mean, good advice there, man. Thanks, or something. Yeah.

The #rpgamer channel that's been mentioned; where is it?
- Matthew Ries
It's on the server. Stop by and chat sometime, I'll be the one in the SCUBA gear holding a pink umbrella in one hand and a flame thrower in the other. Don't ask.
Thor Stuff

After you read the 'Stuff, mosey on over to Total RPG for an interview with me and former Guru Allan Milligan. It's called "Thor Vs. Allan", but there's no mud wrestling involved. Sorry to disappoint.

Everyone seems to think you can do something with the Final Fantasy VII soldiers, but no one has done it themselves. I think I'll play it safe and trust Square's own site.

Zack S sent in this picture of Nobuo Uematsu. I still think my Nobuo is cooler, damnit.

Welp, I've just downed seven or eight leeches. I heard it was a good remedy for insomnia. Of course, I don't have insomnia, at least I don't think I do, but it's always good to catch these things before they start.

Oww... I think I'm going to go lay down now.

Parasitic worms makes everything better

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