What's your Nobuo like?
It's Monday, and I am feeling very hateful.

For instance, I hate you. I also hate how you dress, and the type of lipstick your mother wears. I hate your favorite soda, your place of birth, and your least favorite brand of mouth wash. And what's up with those shoes? Geez.

"Says who?" 'Says Square.'
Dear RPGuru (I know you hate it, but I won't call you sexypants, : P)
You know, I think when I switched to this new format and stopped adding a "Thor:" before my replies, everyone forgot my name.
I know you've probably gotten asked this a couple times, but I'm to lazy to go through the archives. What do those little soldier models in FF7 do. I've gotten more than the set. (through the roller coaster at the Golden Saucer, and by the way don't you think the first time you ride the gondola to Golden Saucer the music is kinda evil?) To all you people who don't like draw magic in FF8, nothing, and I mean nothing, is cooler than stealing magic from tough skin bosses.

- Thrax-The evil Skaven Plaugelord

Uwa ha ha ha! I've been waiting for a chance to answer this question ever since I did a little checking around a while back. From "You can choose to collect the above items if you wish, however they have no significant addition or value to the storyline, and will simply take up storage space. We suggest selling them for a little extra gil!"

There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth. And yes, that song was evil. Evil, but in a good way. Kind of like Elvira, only with less breasts.

Well. It's a question.
Thor, my friend, I have been wondering, what do the prefixes xeno and omni mean in it? It seems like all games carefully pick out the right word (like safer sephiroth in ff7 even though it's supposed to mean seraph)


Xeno is Latin (again with the Latin!) for strange/foreign/alien. Omni means "all", as in "omnidirectional"; or "Magazine for Sci Fi fans with eating disorders and no friends". Not that I'm bashing it -- I used to be a faithful reader.

Fun fact: Omnixeno would mean "all strange". In other words, Richard Simmons.

New from Troma films, Square Nazis Must Die!
Interestingly enough, someone in todays column found a supposed link between Jugend and Hitler's troops in WWII. He wondered if that meant that the Xenogears team had Nazi sympathies. Well, if they had Nazi sympathies I don't think that they would have named THE BAD GUYS after Nazi troops. At most you could read into this condemation of the Nazis, but probably it was just a coincidence.


What's with the all cap'ed names?

And yeah, yer right. Suggesting that Square digs Nazis because they use "jugend" is kind of like accusing them of secretly trying to promote Nordic mythology because they had a Materia named Odin. I can almost see it now... "They're trying to turn good Christian children into Nord.. er... Nordic... Nordistians!"

Dream Job
Well, I just kinda wondered, do any of you persons (RP staff) actually know how to read Japanese, or do you guys just find a translator?
One or two RPGamer staff members can, I believe.
On another totally unrelated subject, except for translation (errr...nevermind, it is slightly related), a while ago, I recieved a career-info packet from Square. It is addressed to "This mail is delivered just for you Science Majors." I think they are offering me a job (more specifically training of a sort), but I really have no clue, because, well... You can probably see from my last name (Takeuchi) that, well, frankly it isn't English (and I'm still waiting for the first non-asian person [no offenses] to pernounce it correctly). More specifically, my last name is Japanese, and obviously I am (which I think is why they sent me the thing and no one else I know got one). I know very little Japanese (Ironically, I might double major into English), and I have no idea what the hell the damn thing says, because, well, as you may have already guessed, it's in Well, I had fun looking at all the pictures in it, it has a really cool picture of Squall in the letter, and a lot of other stuff in the booklet. Well, my point is, do you know anyone who has gotten one of these things? I really would like to know what it says. I could ask my friend, but the booklet is like 42 pages and I would want her to suffer like that by making her translate the whole thing. Plus she'll probably charge me.....
Hehe, some friend. I've never heard of anything like this. [Enter suggestion for RPGamer readers who have information to write in.]

If Square is only mailing them out to students with Japanese names... well, I don't know. Isn't that kind of weird? There are tons of Japanese-Americans who can't speak Japanese, not to mention that Japanese is the new "trendy" language -- it seems just about everyone wants to / is learning it -- so it's not like sending them out to anyone who isn't named "McLeod" is the best way to find quality help. Bah -- I'm probably over analyzing this. Now watch some punk Irish kid write in and tell me he received one too. :D

Anyway, if you want some of the stuff, I can scan it. It has a lot of pictures of the Square programing staff, plus most of the executives, including Hironobu Sakaguchi, Square USA president. BTW: Nobuo Uematsu doesn't look the way I pictured him to be, but then again, who am I to make stereotypes....
I imagine Nobuo as a ten foot tall humanoid with slithering pythons for hair and Rice Crispy Treat squares for teeth. My Nobuo can fly, shoot death rays out of his eyes, and knows what happened at the ending of Final Fantasy VII. What's your Nobuo like?
Anyways, I'll end my babble and let you get back to bitching at all the other letters, quite amusing....

- Brian Takeuchi

Woah. Amusing. Yes, my life time goal has been achieved! I feel great! Huzzah!, now what?

"Constantly"? Is it that bad?
Hey Thor!

Can you name some of the translation errors you constantly complain about in FFT. I don't mean to bitch at you, I mean it's your opinion about the game and all, it's just I never really saw and big errors that stood out and me made me want to throw up. I never saw any in Xenogears either.

- Kevin Warner

Might I suggest reading glasses?

Seriously though, Final Fantasy Tactics was riddled with typos and dialog so awful you couldn't help but imagine the Hulk or Tor Johnson speaking each and every one of the awkward lines. "Life... is... short... bury!"

If you want examples, try the tutorial. That, or turn the, uh, spell announcement thingies on. A good deal of the pre-attack/spell battle cries are quite funny. And if you still aren't convinced Final Fantasy Tactics had at least a below average translation, try taking a couple of party members on a proposition for a, er, good feeling.

Fit for Print?
(Final Fantasy VII spoiler. Yawn.)
You're better than the people whose position you took over. I insult the web page, you come back with an insult at me. However, let me correct your little response. Why did you assume I don't speak Japanese, and couldn't read FF4-Hard Type's plot?
Um, honestly? You didn't strike me as the type who would know Japanese. I'm not trying to toss insults here; that's just the reason.
I know somebody who has, and has noted all of the differences between it and FF4-Easy Type. For instance, Square seems to think we can't handle the scythe that almost fell on Rosa's head became a round ball, and Cid didn't talk about death when he jumped off of the airship and made explosions. I don't care that you disagree with my opinion, I'd just like it if the people who review games used more discretion when praising a game.
Well, there we have it. He praised Final Fantasy 4j's story without even reading it himself. No translated rom; no knowledge of Japanese. Then he turns around and bashes RPGamer for reviewing an untranslated game. Thus, his letter was, in my clyclopian opinion, unfit for print. (Besides, everyone from Gamefan to does import reviews.)
The only games I've seen seriously bashed on this page are NES and SNES games for having "Bad graphics." Gamepro is the only bad review of Xenogears I've ever read, and their complaints were bad graphics, and comments about the plot which suggested they didn't actually finish the game. I have yet to see one web page or magazine that actually gives trustable reviews.
Agreed. Anyone who rates a game on graphics alone is a whore. We're here for the fun, people; not the eye candy. As for the lack of negative Xenogears reviews, well, they're out there. But usually when a game is very popular, you see a lot of positive reviews -- go fig.
Ok, you want questions, here is one: What do you think of FF7's plot and why? If you like the plot, be sure to give real reasons other than just saying it is "Deep and moving," because anybody who has ever read any real literature would hesitate more to call any RPG plot "Deep and moving."
I thought it rocked, but was flawed. I liked the backstory with the Ancients/Jenova, I loved the "calamity from the skies" bit, which was loosely based on Mayan mythology, and I really liked the characters. I don't know why, since I'm not particularly fond of any one of them, but overall they were a pleasing group of misfits. What I did not like was how vague the main story was. I'm not talking about the ending, I'm talking about the general storyline. Unless you had a lot of knowledgable friends, or net access, you're most likely clueless your first (ten) times through the game. I'd much rather the mystery be left for backstory, say the Ancients/Jenova past, and not lameass confusion over why President Shinra recognizes Cloud early in the game and whatnot.

There. Ya happy? I can't wait until Final Fantasy VIII comes out. Not only because it looks so delicious, but because I can finally stop talking about Final Fantasy VII.

Hi there Thor,

Hey! Did you know that all the important girls in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time are named after towns in Zelda 2:The Adventures Of Link. I just noticed it while looking through "The Official Nintendo Player's Guide." Isn't that really cool?/stupid!?

- MagicAlex

Not just the girls -- there's a sage named Rauru, and a little brat named Mido. Hey, in Zelda II, there was a place named "Parappa". Not that "Parappa" was in Zelda 64, but wouldn't it be cool if it was? If I were them, I'd have named the kid who teaches you about Z-Targeting "Parappa". Just imagine...

"Jump, slice, it's all in the mind!"

A typical letter
We all know that you like anime (or at least watch it) I was just wondering how much of a fan are you? Have you seen a large amount of anime or have you just seen a few videos? I'm not really sure why I want to know. Could you also name a few of your favorite anime series?
Slayers, Ranma 1/2, Akira, Record of Lodoss War, Windaria, Valley of the Wind. Those're my favorites. I'm not really a huge fan of Anime for the same reason I'm not a huge fan of movies: There's a ton of crap out there, making it rather hard to find the quality stuff. (I just know I'll get a letter from a single, forty year old who dresses like Misato on the weekends, chiding me for even suggesting there is such a thing as bad Anime, and ya know what? I really don't care.)
And now for a question concerning RPG's. Is it just me or is Lavos incredibly easy to beat? Lavos seems very easy even when I only use Crono (level 56 I think) I know Lavos wasn't always this easy. Why then, is Lavos so simple now. I don't really get it. Oh well.
Chrono Trigger wasn't a very challenging game. I don't remember hearing about a situation where Lavos would be unusually weak, so I'll bet you a grave full of dead monkeys that Lavos was just easy, much like myself. Er...
Now for one more quick debate starting question. How many of you are exited about Seiken Densetsu 4 but yet terrified that Square will ruin one of the best series ever. I can see it now... The game starts with the new Mana Knight in a post-apocalyptic city that is covered in a thick lair of smog. The Empire is draining the Mana energy from the planet with large reactors. Our hero joins a mercenary group on a mission to blow up one of the reactors... It's scary isn't it.

- Michael

I say give Square a chance. They were cool enough to release a SD game for PlayStation, lets not worry about things until we've seen some proof that they're traveling down a trail we'd rather not they, uh, travel. But remember: First sign of mental disorders in the main character and we boycott.
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Go to this site. NOW: Click on the NES link, and then the NES awards, and then the "Most Helpful game Character!" Wow! The circle of sages!
- David
This site rules. I saw it a few days ago, actually, and am going to link to it next time I update my homepage. Woo!
Check this place out and make sure you have your speakers on. Weird -- another site I've seen but forgot to mention. Lets just hope someone doesn't write in with a link to Cindy's Smut Shack. Not that I've seen that one, or anything...
What's so bad about going into a violent rage and slaughtering Backstreet Boys fans? A purge here and there would be most helpful.
- Matt
Couldn't agree more. I'll see what I can do first thing in the morning, when I'm done hating everyone.
You know, I'd those Prozac cookies if I were you. One of the more common side effects of everybody's favorite happy drug is impotence. You might not be Sexypants for long. Of course, that may be why they're so eager to feed them to you. ;->
- Caine
Gaaaaah! Damnit, Mondays suck. Now I gotta get my stomach pumped. Again.
Thor Stuff

Well, that's about it. Hope ya'll didn't mind me openly hating each and every one of you. It's Monday. Cut me some slack, jack.

Stay tuned tomorrow when, while quite drunk and more than a bit funky, I attempt to apologize to you without throwing up on your new jeans. Aren't us Q&A guys great?

- Thor "Danger Duo" Antrim
Waah, I didn't get many good questions! D:

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