The future is forsaken
Today we have a continuing drought of questions, a truckload of weirdness and
an Anime Thor Hack Archive update. In other words, if you read this column for
questions and answers, begin crying now. If you read it because you're bored
and your PlayStation has finally overheated itself into an early grave, you're
in for a treat.
||Questions? Questions? Questions?|
(Ask me stuff. Please?)
(No time for games today, too busy slaving over a hot column.)
||Like old crap?|
| ||The Q&A Archive|
(See how many typoes you can count!
||Uncontrollable urge to flatter/mock Thor?|
Take a nice relaxing vacation at
Thor Hack Archive
Great moments in insincerity
WOW YOUR COOL...... (really)...... Anyway I was wondering if the
Dreamcast will need a converter to play import games when it comes to
America, and what RPG companies are going to Dreamcast (a.k.a.
Square, Namco, Konami).
The US Dreamcast can't play Japanese games, so you'll need a converter.
As for companies which might make RPGs we have Konami, Namco, and a few
others. Right now, the upcoming Dreamcast RPGs we know of are either being
handled by Sega itself or lesser known development teams. And sorry, but
the closest you'll get to Square is Sting, the development team who made
Treasure Hunter G, a delightful spud of a Super Famicom game which was,
sadly, never released here.
Think like Amano. Or else.
I want to know who did the character design for FF8? Is it still in the
hands of the capable but inferior Tetsuya Nomura, or is it back in the
hands of the maestro, the one and only Yoshitaka Amano? And how come we
Americans got a boat load of all the character art that Amano did for FF6
(like in the instructions and in the Nintendo Player Guide) but we got
nothing of his FF7 illustrations. The only place I ever saw them was here
on RPGamer. You'd think with Amano's new popularity here in the states
with his "Think Like Amano" exhibition in New York, and his 1001 Nights
performance on the west coast, Square would be more likely to try and show
-- The Wandering Gambler
"capable but inferior"? Ooh, you're just trying to get debate started,
aren't ya? And yes, Tetsuya Nomura handled Final Fantasy 8's character design.
I figure the reason Square didn't show off the illustrations is because the
characters were done by Nomura, character sketches are always the most
prominently shown, and they cared about consistency. (Hey, a serious reply.
Drinking game time!)
Thor: I know you are Allan Milligan. He denies it, but who could the
other "double agent" be?
Doh. You found me out. I guess now the world knows why I hate Mondays
so much: I have to update twice.
Final Fantasy VII for PC was one of the buggiest games ever made, but it
wasn't Eidos's fault.
Squaresoft programmed FF7 PC, bugs and all. Eidos simply took the
credit for it. (Eidos is so used to taking credit that they forgot
that sometimes credit is bad.)
I remember how many people begged to AK/RPGuru/whoever maintained the
column at the time about "I want FF5 PC!!!!!!!" I suspect that Eidos will
give up on Final Fantasy altogether, after the FF7 fiasco. (Do you
remember when FF7 was to be the biggest PC game since Doom?)
Moral of the story. There is a big river between PC games and console
games. No game, to my knowledge, has ever successfully swam across the
river. Ultima tried and the console port blew like you wouldn't believe.
Warcraft tried. Diablo tried. Mario tried. Everybody and their
second-cousins tried. Squaresoft and Eidos thought wrong that FF7 could
swim across the river in its "hype boat". The boat sprung a leak and sank
like the Titanic.
Now, what I'd really like to see is Half Life ported to my good ol' Sega Master
System. You know, I seem to remember hearing Final Fantasy 7/PC sold well.
The problem is, I've no way to check. Anyone know of some sort of sales figures
archive for hardware/software?
Thor rules!!! (See? I make this crap up myself.)
Hey Thor, I've noticed that 95% of the items you post have rather
unusual subjects. I myself have mailed in quite a few questions and
comments, but without the wacky subject. Is that why none of them get
posted or do my questions just suck?
-- The haqr formerly known as Z
The unusual subjects are all my
fault doing. Most of the time
the subject is just "Ask Thor", so I always make up a nice title myself. And,
sometimes, not so nice titles. Fine, they suck. You happy? What do you want,
blood? Cut me open, then! Cut me, ya big sissy! Slice 'n dice this willing
hunk of Nordic -- er, ahem, moving on.
Case 1092.753: Who ripped who?
I have to break the news to "Emerald Knight." Unfortunately, Nintendo did
this picture hacking thing last summer, far before the Anime Thor hacks
started. I remember one of their pictures being a little Mog doll. Now,
I'm not saying that Nintendo didn't see the ones at RPGamer and got their
idea back, mind you...
-- David Schneider
Uh... oops. Guess I really should have double checked before sending that army
of U.C.B. class cyborgs over to Nintendo.com offices for a "bloodbath more glorious
than you all-fleshers have ever seen before". Maybe I'll send 'em a Hallmark
apology card... then again, it would probably just be intercepted by a cyborg,
or something. Yeah.
Does Thor: [ ] Rule [ ] Suck (Check one.)
What is your favorite series besides Final Fantasy?
I never thought I would see affirmative action in a
mother loving video game poll. This is rediculous if
you ask me. Not the idea of "giving the other games
a chance" or even "making the poll interesting"...
But general assumption that everybody thinks FF is the
greatest series, is kind of bothersome. Who gives you
guys the right to be realistic anyway? *blink*
You never know, there could be an underground cult
of Breath of Fire fans that could come out from hiding
and upset the poll results. *blink blink* Seriously
though, even if most people think FF is the best series,
it really does under cut the other good games to set
up the poll that way. You are Thor, don't let them
do that again!
Personally, I don't see any problem with it. When we asked
"What is your favorite RPG heroine?", we excluded a large
amount of characters. The poll could have asked for your
favorite character, but things are always more interesting
when you narrow it down. (Besides, maybe the poll will do
some good. There could have been a few weirdos who've only
played Final Fantasy games, and were forced to think about other
RPGs, if even for a second. Then, seeing how popular Zelda is,
they might rush out and buy an N64 and Zelda 64, or... OK, I'm reaching here, but you
get the idea. :D
Huh, question? ... Um ... Ok..
Have you seen my sister around anywhere?
-- Janus Zeal
Heh, heh... oh, nevermind. This one's too easy.
Little known facts
Were you aware that you can put a PSX game into a NES and a NES game into
a PSX? I just haven't figured out how to make it work yet.
-- Girbicfluzz's Little Sister (don't ask)
You made me and thousands (dozens? two?) readers laugh. Thank you, you weird little
person you. :D
Here's a good way for getting older games (this is refering to the Circle
of Sages letter): Go to yout local EB and put a copy on reserve (they
won't make you pay, so don't worry). If it comes in, they call you AND
hold it for you until you buy it. It's how I got Final Fantasy 6 and
First laughter, now free advice? Ya'll are too kind -- though I prefer my
way of aquiring games. It's quick, easy, and best of all free.
First, you'll need around sixteen nails, a wooden baseball
bat, and a hammer. Pound the nails through the baseball
bat every few inches or so, at as many angles as you can. The idea is to create
a layer of spikes jutting everywhere, so no mater which side of the bat you use,
you'll cause massive injury. Next, wait outside your local EB, preferably behind
a trash can, bush, or some other form of cover. Wait until someone walks out of
the store with a big grin on their face and a bulging plastic bag -- that's the
sign of a big spender. Now all you have to do is leap from behind your trash can,
bush, or other form of cover, and savagely beat the customer. Once he or she is
unconscious, take his bag and...
Hang on, Mike keeps waving his arms and
hissing something. It sounds sounds like "ixnay on the iolencevay". What
the heck does that... oh. Well, um. Hi? Moving on.
Oh, hammerful one:
Can you please answer me why people are really starting to get into
importing games. I have been doing it for about a year now, mainly to
continually practice my Japanese, but why would someone take the time to
print and read a paper (fan-subbed) copy of a game. It sort of makes
sense with games that don't make it to these shores, but FF8 is a good
example of what I am talking about. The waiting is bad, but why settle
for a poor translation by someone and read it off paper than wait till it
comes to the US. Don't you find this puzzling?
Let me begin by saying I've never imported. Ever. It's just too expensive
for me. Not only do imported games cost more, but there's all sorts of messy
conversion tools you need -- not to mention the ex-rainforest of paper necessary
to print a decent fan written translation. I also believe that playing an RPG
you can't understand (if you lack aforementioned translation, of course) ruins
the experience. Especially now that RPGs focus more on plot than gameplay.
On the other hand, I can see why people would want to, as well. They could be
impaitent, or own a Japanese PlayStation used exclusively for importing games,
and need to import, or they could just want to be the first to write in
a long and incoherent letter about why Final Fantasy VIII's ending "sucked".
One thing I have to say is after reading (playing) games Final Fantasy
Tactics and Final Fantasy 7, I'm rather doubtful a fan translation would
be much worse. :D
I taught I taw a puddy tat.
You know what? Birds eat half their body weight in a day. So saying you
eat like a bird actually means you're chowing down almost 100 pounds of
food a day. Sad, strange, super-metabolized man....
-- Hoenir Aesir
Oops. What I meant to say was I eat as much as a hummingbird. My profile resembles
It's actually quite handy to be neigh two dimentional. If I want to sneak up
on someone, I just walk sideways; you can roll me into a tube for safe keeping;
and on windy days my friends like to attach
a rope to my feet and fly me like a kite. It's fun being this thin.
Really, really fun. Oh, so fun. Kill me.
So many Quickies you'll need to take coffee breaks
Silver Vertigo wanted to point out that Maeda is Chinese, not Japanese. He
don't go telling me that Japanese and Chinese are basically the same
thing, unless you are willing to tell that to a native of either of those
countries. Because if you did, you'd probably end up in several pieces
scattered across a dark alley." Way to promote political correctness, Silver!
Jedite sez: "Wouldn't it really suck if they called Final Fantasy 5 "Final Fantasy
2-and-a-half" in the FF Collection?" I can think of a whole lot of things that
would suck more than that. (And no, not one is in any way related to the Clinton
scandle. Even I have my standards.)
Several RPGamers happily wrote in to point out
a pen and paper Final Fantasy type game. Enjoy it until Square borrows Sony's
lawyers and shuts it down quicker 'n you can say "TSR".
Always happy to promote competition, thus risking the finantial ruin of RPGamer
and my very job, I'd like to point out two new sites. The first is Total RPG,
the second Remote Prototype Gaming Colony.
What can I say? Unemployment lines are fun.
Dave says: "hey, there's a playable demo of Shadow Madness with this month's
Official US Playstation magazine. Everybody should check it out." Will do,
Some unnamed dude asked: "Does anyone know where I can find translations for the linear notes in the
Final Fantasy Original Sound Versions?". I don't know, but he asked to make this
a Quickie, so I did.
Thanks to everyone who sent in Forsaken pics.
Happy birthday, Joel.
The Castlevania: SotN stuff'll be up soon. I think.
Thor tired. Thor go bed now.
- Thor "Some count sheep, others count crows -- I count letters" Antrim