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Thor Hack Archive

Today we have a continuing drought of questions, a truckload of weirdness and an Anime Thor Hack Archive update. In other words, if you read this column for questions and answers, begin crying now. If you read it because you're bored and your PlayStation has finally overheated itself into an early grave, you're in for a treat.

Great moments in insincerity

Hey there,

WOW YOUR COOL...... (really)...... Anyway I was wondering if the Dreamcast will need a converter to play import games when it comes to America, and what RPG companies are going to Dreamcast (a.k.a. Square, Namco, Konami).

-- Genso

The US Dreamcast can't play Japanese games, so you'll need a converter. As for companies which might make RPGs we have Konami, Namco, and a few others. Right now, the upcoming Dreamcast RPGs we know of are either being handled by Sega itself or lesser known development teams. And sorry, but the closest you'll get to Square is Sting, the development team who made Treasure Hunter G, a delightful spud of a Super Famicom game which was, sadly, never released here.

Think like Amano. Or else.

I want to know who did the character design for FF8? Is it still in the hands of the capable but inferior Tetsuya Nomura, or is it back in the hands of the maestro, the one and only Yoshitaka Amano? And how come we Americans got a boat load of all the character art that Amano did for FF6 (like in the instructions and in the Nintendo Player Guide) but we got nothing of his FF7 illustrations. The only place I ever saw them was here on RPGamer. You'd think with Amano's new popularity here in the states with his "Think Like Amano" exhibition in New York, and his 1001 Nights performance on the west coast, Square would be more likely to try and show him off.

-- The Wandering Gambler

"capable but inferior"? Ooh, you're just trying to get debate started, aren't ya? And yes, Tetsuya Nomura handled Final Fantasy 8's character design. I figure the reason Square didn't show off the illustrations is because the characters were done by Nomura, character sketches are always the most prominently shown, and they cared about consistency. (Hey, a serious reply. Drinking game time!)


Thor: I know you are Allan Milligan. He denies it, but who could the other "double agent" be?

Doh. You found me out. I guess now the world knows why I hate Mondays so much: I have to update twice.

Final Fantasy VII for PC was one of the buggiest games ever made, but it wasn't Eidos's fault.

Squaresoft programmed FF7 PC, bugs and all. Eidos simply took the credit for it. (Eidos is so used to taking credit that they forgot that sometimes credit is bad.)

I remember how many people begged to AK/RPGuru/whoever maintained the column at the time about "I want FF5 PC!!!!!!!" I suspect that Eidos will give up on Final Fantasy altogether, after the FF7 fiasco. (Do you remember when FF7 was to be the biggest PC game since Doom?)

Moral of the story. There is a big river between PC games and console games. No game, to my knowledge, has ever successfully swam across the river. Ultima tried and the console port blew like you wouldn't believe. Warcraft tried. Diablo tried. Mario tried. Everybody and their second-cousins tried. Squaresoft and Eidos thought wrong that FF7 could swim across the river in its "hype boat". The boat sprung a leak and sank like the Titanic.

Now, what I'd really like to see is Half Life ported to my good ol' Sega Master System. You know, I seem to remember hearing Final Fantasy 7/PC sold well. The problem is, I've no way to check. Anyone know of some sort of sales figures archive for hardware/software?

Thor rules!!! (See? I make this crap up myself.)

Hey Thor, I've noticed that 95% of the items you post have rather unusual subjects. I myself have mailed in quite a few questions and comments, but without the wacky subject. Is that why none of them get posted or do my questions just suck?

-- The haqr formerly known as Z

The unusual subjects are all my fault doing. Most of the time the subject is just "Ask Thor", so I always make up a nice title myself. And, sometimes, not so nice titles. Fine, they suck. You happy? What do you want, blood? Cut me open, then! Cut me, ya big sissy! Slice 'n dice this willing hunk of Nordic -- er, ahem, moving on.

Case 1092.753: Who ripped who?

I have to break the news to "Emerald Knight." Unfortunately, Nintendo did this picture hacking thing last summer, far before the Anime Thor hacks started. I remember one of their pictures being a little Mog doll. Now, I'm not saying that Nintendo didn't see the ones at RPGamer and got their idea back, mind you...

-- David Schneider

Uh... oops. Guess I really should have double checked before sending that army of U.C.B. class cyborgs over to offices for a "bloodbath more glorious than you all-fleshers have ever seen before". Maybe I'll send 'em a Hallmark apology card... then again, it would probably just be intercepted by a cyborg, or something. Yeah.

Does Thor: [ ] Rule [ ] Suck (Check one.)

What is your favorite series besides Final Fantasy? I never thought I would see affirmative action in a mother loving video game poll. This is rediculous if you ask me. Not the idea of "giving the other games a chance" or even "making the poll interesting"... But general assumption that everybody thinks FF is the greatest series, is kind of bothersome. Who gives you guys the right to be realistic anyway? *blink* You never know, there could be an underground cult of Breath of Fire fans that could come out from hiding and upset the poll results. *blink blink* Seriously though, even if most people think FF is the best series, it really does under cut the other good games to set up the poll that way. You are Thor, don't let them do that again!

Personally, I don't see any problem with it. When we asked "What is your favorite RPG heroine?", we excluded a large amount of characters. The poll could have asked for your favorite character, but things are always more interesting when you narrow it down. (Besides, maybe the poll will do some good. There could have been a few weirdos who've only played Final Fantasy games, and were forced to think about other RPGs, if even for a second. Then, seeing how popular Zelda is, they might rush out and buy an N64 and Zelda 64, or... OK, I'm reaching here, but you get the idea. :D

Huh, question? ... Um ... Ok.. Have you seen my sister around anywhere?

-- Janus Zeal

Heh, heh... oh, nevermind. This one's too easy.

Little known facts

Were you aware that you can put a PSX game into a NES and a NES game into a PSX? I just haven't figured out how to make it work yet.

-- Girbicfluzz's Little Sister (don't ask)

You made me and thousands (dozens? two?) readers laugh. Thank you, you weird little person you. :D

Gift #2

Here's a good way for getting older games (this is refering to the Circle of Sages letter): Go to yout local EB and put a copy on reserve (they won't make you pay, so don't worry). If it comes in, they call you AND hold it for you until you buy it. It's how I got Final Fantasy 6 and Chrono Trigger.

First laughter, now free advice? Ya'll are too kind -- though I prefer my way of aquiring games. It's quick, easy, and best of all free.

First, you'll need around sixteen nails, a wooden baseball bat, and a hammer. Pound the nails through the baseball bat every few inches or so, at as many angles as you can. The idea is to create a layer of spikes jutting everywhere, so no mater which side of the bat you use, you'll cause massive injury. Next, wait outside your local EB, preferably behind a trash can, bush, or some other form of cover. Wait until someone walks out of the store with a big grin on their face and a bulging plastic bag -- that's the sign of a big spender. Now all you have to do is leap from behind your trash can, bush, or other form of cover, and savagely beat the customer. Once he or she is unconscious, take his bag and...

Hang on, Mike keeps waving his arms and hissing something. It sounds sounds like "ixnay on the iolencevay". What the heck does that... oh. Well, um. Hi? Moving on.

Import this.

Oh, hammerful one:

Can you please answer me why people are really starting to get into importing games. I have been doing it for about a year now, mainly to continually practice my Japanese, but why would someone take the time to print and read a paper (fan-subbed) copy of a game. It sort of makes sense with games that don't make it to these shores, but FF8 is a good example of what I am talking about. The waiting is bad, but why settle for a poor translation by someone and read it off paper than wait till it comes to the US. Don't you find this puzzling?

-- Karnov

Let me begin by saying I've never imported. Ever. It's just too expensive for me. Not only do imported games cost more, but there's all sorts of messy conversion tools you need -- not to mention the ex-rainforest of paper necessary to print a decent fan written translation. I also believe that playing an RPG you can't understand (if you lack aforementioned translation, of course) ruins the experience. Especially now that RPGs focus more on plot than gameplay.

On the other hand, I can see why people would want to, as well. They could be impaitent, or own a Japanese PlayStation used exclusively for importing games, and need to import, or they could just want to be the first to write in a long and incoherent letter about why Final Fantasy VIII's ending "sucked".

One thing I have to say is after reading (playing) games Final Fantasy Tactics and Final Fantasy 7, I'm rather doubtful a fan translation would be much worse. :D

I taught I taw a puddy tat.

You know what? Birds eat half their body weight in a day. So saying you eat like a bird actually means you're chowing down almost 100 pounds of food a day. Sad, strange, super-metabolized man....

-- Hoenir Aesir

Oops. What I meant to say was I eat as much as a hummingbird. My profile resembles this: |

It's actually quite handy to be neigh two dimentional. If I want to sneak up on someone, I just walk sideways; you can roll me into a tube for safe keeping; and on windy days my friends like to attach a rope to my feet and fly me like a kite. It's fun being this thin. Really, really fun. Oh, so fun. Kill me.

So many Quickies you'll need to take coffee breaks

Silver Vertigo wanted to point out that Maeda is Chinese, not Japanese. He added, "And don't go telling me that Japanese and Chinese are basically the same thing, unless you are willing to tell that to a native of either of those countries. Because if you did, you'd probably end up in several pieces scattered across a dark alley." Way to promote political correctness, Silver! // Jedite sez: "Wouldn't it really suck if they called Final Fantasy 5 "Final Fantasy 2-and-a-half" in the FF Collection?" I can think of a whole lot of things that would suck more than that. (And no, not one is in any way related to the Clinton scandle. Even I have my standards.) // Several RPGamers happily wrote in to point out , a pen and paper Final Fantasy type game. Enjoy it until Square borrows Sony's lawyers and shuts it down quicker 'n you can say "TSR". // Always happy to promote competition, thus risking the finantial ruin of RPGamer and my very job, I'd like to point out two new sites. The first is Total RPG, the second Remote Prototype Gaming Colony. What can I say? Unemployment lines are fun. // Dave says: "hey, there's a playable demo of Shadow Madness with this month's Official US Playstation magazine. Everybody should check it out." Will do, Dave. // Some unnamed dude asked: "Does anyone know where I can find translations for the linear notes in the Final Fantasy Original Sound Versions?". I don't know, but he asked to make this a Quickie, so I did.

Thor stuff

Thanks to everyone who sent in Forsaken pics.

Happy birthday, Joel.

The Castlevania: SotN stuff'll be up soon. I think.

Thor tired. Thor go bed now.


- Thor "Some count sheep, others count crows -- I count letters" Antrim

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