Ask Thor

Look ma, no cold!

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This guy rules.

Enjoy the great games the companies are giving us and keep them petty complaints to yourself...

-- Neo BahamutZero

Thor: I usually start things off with a question, but I didn't, 'cause frankly, Neo is not only right, he's very right. Even worse than the 'I suck' discussions, though, are the 'nuh huh!' discussions. But more about that later...

If only it were that easy...

-- Philip Wesley

Thor: So Lunar wasn't an RPG, but Quake was? Lets think these "The Solution for all RPG Debate Ever" things over a bit more before making them public next time.

Pokepeeve! Simulate the joy of a pet peeve.

I just wanted to hear your reaction to some of my RPG pet peeves:

1) Too many random battles. Battles are fun when they move the story along or are against a good variety of interesting bad guys, evil monsters, angry drawfs, etc. Battles are necessary while you are learning the battle system. Battles suck when you are lost in a dungeon or trying to solve a puzzle and every time you take one step you have to fight the same monster over again. I would use some Xenogear examples, but you aren't at that point of the game.

Agreed. A way to dodge battles would be most appricated. A few upcoming RPGs have their own ways to do this, though. The cries of us gamers are not falling on deaf ears! So, lets watch what we cry about. :D

Um--Jerry Springer Audience Member Head Wiggle--excuse me? The only reason? Thanks a bunch, dude. I am gonna get so many letters bashing you, so I'll do my best to cut that short now: Saying that's the only reason people complain is like saying the only reason we play RPGs is for storyline. The reason people complain is because developers are making easier RPGs with more focus on story than challenge, and I think most everyone can agree with me on that one. Good point, though.

Thor: Funny. I always thought my main priority was to entertain while informing, not playing your favorite RPG. Hey, I know, how about I skip updating Ask Thor for the rest of the week and just work on winning Xenogears? After all, that's what the fans really want. Like I said, let's watch what we cry about, heh heh.

Dangnab them youngin's!

Why does everyone call me such lofty titles? Not that I'm complaining... <grin>

Don't get me wrong, the "RPGirl" thing isn't manditory. I just try and print a few good letters from girls--I won't print boring ones just 'cause ya'll look better in heels than I do. Er, not that I know what I look like in heels. Damnit...

P.S- Boo Hoo.... I wanted to be the first to give you a footrub....Oh well..... have a nice big cup of Starbucks coffee!! :-)

-- The Goddess

Thor: Coffee. :D~

Anyway, I bet there are a few more exceptions than that, but it really isn't important. You're right, though, developers do seem to be fond of us kiddies. I see nothing wrong with this (heroes in their prime, and whatnot) as long as it doesn't get cliche... and that's edging close. How about a really old martial arts master? From Sabin, to Tifa, to some wicked old dude, to... super baby? Only time will tell.

Now, the really important thing is that, regardless of age, the character doesn't annoy. Because then, I'd have to point out how annoying said character is, and then people would disagree, and... well, one censored word: "C*abbits". I rest my case.

Man, I've been watching too much WWF. For a second, I thought you said "DeGeneration-X is helping Mankind"--which, um, they are, as of last week. Thanks a ton for the coffee, but I've gotta ask: why would any girl in her right mind wanna give me a footrub? I'm big an' scary an' stuff. Blarg.

Cancerman hates Wild Arms! It's his fault!

Before you go pointing fingers, I'll tell you why: You, and people like you. Apathetic SaGa Frontier fans who spend hours a day defending SaGa instead of writing text files for it. If you notice a lack of information, why not contribute yourself? Us Final Fantasy 3 fans know better--we wax productive and save the arguing for the newbies. And for the record, I won with T240G, but then I got Zelda 64 and Xenogears to distract me... :D

1. Mediocre graphics
Actually, I thought the graphics were great.

2. Bad story (Stories)
The stories were quite good. It's just that they aren't elaborated very much, so at a glance they appear nonexistant.

Those are the only two reasons anyone could hate SaGa Frontier. It may not have the best graphics in the world, but it has gameplay up the wazoo! It also has the most realistic battle system I've ever seen. You use old skills, you get new skills. You don't become more powerful after killing a certain amount of monsters, you become more powerful after almost every fight. There's no doubt that that's realistic.

So everyone should quit whining about how much SaGa Frontier sucks. If you want good graphics or a good story, go play FF7 or Xenogears. But if you want top-notch gameplay, play SaGa Frontier.

-- Soulcleaver

Thor: OK, I'll be swift and brutal, which seems to be today's theme: Those are not the only reasons, people! Quit being so presumptuous! Here's a reason: SaGa Frontier was, for a lot of people, boring. Now, you can tell them why you think they found it was boring until you are blue in the face, but it won't do an ounce of good. You hate people who whine about how much SaGa sucks? Me too. But I also hate people who whine because no one likes their favorite game. Know what my alltime favorite is? Master of Magic. Does anyone agree? No. Do I cope? Yes, quite nicely, too. Sorry to be so curt, dude, but I'd hate for Ask Thor to become a USEnet of "Yuh huh!" and "Nuh huh!" debates.

P.S. I spelled "presumptuous" right my first try. How the hell did that happen?

Well... at least he's not defending anything.

-- Mr. Splat

Thor: <blink>

<blink><blink>

Well, this was one of the few questions I received today, so I guess I'll handle it:

Hey Splat, what is with these people being obsessed with Videogames? I mean come on, its a game. Do you get it? Because, for god sakes, I can't find one reason on earth how people over the age of 10 can take these videogames so seriously. And don't even get me started on pro... hey! I like pro wrestling. Blah, point given and taken, I hope. It wasn't long ago that playing videogames was something to be ashamed of. Lets not pick on the Anime people, their time of social acceptance among the masses will come.

A what?

In the character descriptions for Laguna's two new comrades it says, "Kiros is the youngest of the three, at age 23, and uses a qatar as a weapon."

What the HELL is a "qatar"? It sounds like some sort of waffle iron or maybe a vaccume cleaner. I tried looking it up in he dictionary and it's not there. HELP!

-- Arakin

Thor: Qatar is a country in the middle east. Population? 484,387--just an estimate, made in 1992. The official language is Arabic, and the majority of people are very brown. Qatar has no railroad system, but that didn't stop it from exporting $3.2 billion in 1990. The head of state is named Hamad bin Khalifa Al-Thani, and I am way better looking than him. When visiting the capital of Doha, be sure and bring plenty of Riyal, the currency of Qatar--and don't forget the international dialing code! Forget already? That's fine, it's +974. Enjoy your vacation, and thank you for flying Air Antrim.

...something's wrong here. I just know it.

Why do so many girls send multi-part questions?

Hi-ya Thor!

ARGGGG Clouded says RPGirls don't exist! I don't exist! Now I'm pissed.

1. How did you get a cold in California? I thought that was impossible.

Just call me "living proof". Actually, call me Thor. Living Proof'll be my surname.

Forgiveness? Yes! Now I can stop flogging myself. Well, heh, maybe later...

You know who else those cute young kids annoyed? I'll give you one hint: His name's Thor.

Hmm.. could be! But my theory involved mad-whoopie, so it's better. ;D

They took it out because it was fun, and Nintendo had strict "no fun" policy back then. That, and they chopped a good deal of FF2 out to make it easier for Americans. Storyline, items, the whole deal. Quite a shame. But at least I, as a dumb America, could understand it. Duh. I like cheese.

No, can't say I have. The death of that one NPC in Crystalis really made me depressed: first innocent NPC casuality I witnessed, and I was just a lil' Thor, too. OK, fine, so during the last scene of FF7 when Aerith pops up for a moment, I kinda sorta had a little sob thing going... but, uh, I was just upset at how bad FF7's ending was. Yeah, that's it. Really. Seriously. Wasn't sad one bit. Nope, not big ol' tough Thor. Nosirreebob. Nope. Not me.

I wish more than one player character died. Where's the sense of adventure when a Phoenix Down'll save the day every time? I want blood! Well, that and coffee. Mmm... blood coffee...

Aww, you guessed my Thursday Thorsday Madness surprise! Now I have to think of another. Don't worry, you'll all see me soon enough. I can't list specifics now, though. Have patience, adoring female fans! Hey... stop laughing.

I know, I really do feel for you ladies. Did you know I'll soon be updating right before Conan O'Brien and Craig Kilborn's shows start? "Eenie meenie miney mo, pick a blonde hunk by his toe..."

Okay that's all and pretty, pretty, please with a cherry on top post this letter?

-RPGirl FlashJAZ

Thor: Yeah, but only if you write back and riddle me this: Why is it only girls write these long, multi-part letters? At most, guys'll ask 3, 4, maybe a rare 6 or 7 questions per letter... but nine? Nine? Lordy! Oh, yeah. I was kidding about that "blonde hunk" comment... Everyone knows Conan isn't a hunk. (Wasn't that unexpected? That's comedy for ya!)

Uh

-- RPGarland

Thor: Bite me.

Usurping RPGamer?

1) How did you get this job as an RPGuru? Were you 2nd place in the applications way back when?

Yeah. I didn't win 'cause the RPGamer crew thought Josh's application was funnier, though. Josh's application was funnier than mine. I'll chalk it off to temporary insanity.

Thanks.

-- Evan "Q&A Hopeful" Jones

Thor: Sorry, dude. The Sages are quite happy with their work. Well, not this particular weekend, but, uh, I'm pretty sure they're happy with the current setup. Personally, I could care less--I have no preferances. Unless there's a chance we could get Teri Hatcher to do it. Mhhmm... Teri...

I received these on the same day. Groovy!

--MSTies Anonymous Poobah

***

Josh

Thor: The first suggestion made me smile; the second think--which is, I admit, somewhat of a rarity. Wrestling has lots in common with RPGs. Storylines, battles, Good Vs Evil, etc. They were also pretty much underground until '97, and suddently became very mainstream. I'm not sure if I'd like a traditional RPG based on wrestling--too few characters in battles, no shops, etc. A wrestling game with RPG elements, however, would rule. Imagine randomly created angles (storyline, for you marks out there); an expanded WWF Warzone experience system; run-ins based on who the enemy of your current enemy is, etc. I'm drooling just thinking about it. Time to wipe my chin and move on to the next letter:

Wild ARMs' storyline explained!

Okay, it doesn't bother me that people don't like the game, for the main reason that it's a game and everyone's entitled to their opinion. But people areon't liking it for some rather strange reasons. I'm also gonna go into the "complicated" story, but in a moment.

First, some complain that you only get three characters. These same people complain that RPGs don't develop ALL the main characters enough.

Not necessarily. Can we please try and cut down on the wild generalizations? I'm just going to skip past the "Why Wild Arms Didn't Suck" stuff and get to the good parts. Today's column is getting long as it is, and I doubt that many people want to endure yet more Wild ARMs debate...

True, I totally forgot that Wild ARMs had all that. I bow to your Wild ARM skillz.

See, it works like this. The important bits of the story are in two sections, Pre-Game and Game, from now on abbreviated as PG and G, respectively. In the PG era, the world was populated by Men and Elws, and there was the race of Guardians that stood watch over the world. The Guardians were something much like the ancient Greek or Roman gods, in that there were a whole bunch of them, each for different things. And there were three High Guardians which ruled over them all.

Anyhoo, during this nice happy time of peace and prosperity, Men and Elws lived together in harmony and whatnot, and constructed all sorts of nifty things and technology. Smart kids, those. Well, one day, the Metal Demons land from another planet and wreak havoc, and ignite the 100 year's war, I think it's called. Men, Elws, and Guardians fight together against the Demons, but begin losing the war.

In a last ditch effort to save the world, certain artifacts such as the Guardian Blade and the tower of Ka Dingel were created to seal the Demons away. The world was safe, but at a huge cost.

The planet was ravaged, and scarred from the horrors of the war. Most of the guardians were dead, which was bad news for the people of the world, since the world's welfare was linked to that of the Guardians. To preserve life on the planet, the Guardians sealed themselves in the statues and linked themselves in a network called the Rayline, a connection of the guardian's power. After a time, the humans grew distrustful of the Elws and their intellect, for whatever reason, and the earth began dying, so the Elws packed up and headed to a paralell dimension where they were safe from the rest of the problems on Filgaia.

As the years went by, the land continued to rot, the water became unsafe, and all that other rubbish. The Guardian's power was beginning to fade.

Closer to the Game era, we can get into the character's backgrounds. Cecilia is the princess of Adelhyde, and apparently it's a family tradition to send the women to study at Curan Abbey until they come of age. The game begins on Cecilia's 17th birthday, when she is to return home.

Rudy, at the end of the pre-game era, was created by a scientist who was working on a project to replicate the anatomy of the Metal Demons, in an experiment called the "Holmcross Project". Rudy was the only functioning model, who was activated thinking that the Elw scientist who created him was his grandfather. When his 'grandfather' died, Rudy began to wander, becoming a Dream Chaser.

Jack was formerly a member of the knights of Arctica, under his real name, Garett. He was proud to have been admitted, his lover, an equally skilled swordsman, was a knight and to serve with her was a joy. On his first day as a knight, Demons attacked Arctica to recover the cocoon of the Mother, and killed everyone except for Jack, who escaped into the cold northern night, mourning the loss of his comrades. Somehow, he happened upon Hanpan and took a new name, Jack, and used for a surname his nickname as a knight - van Burace, Arctican for "the Guard". He then began to travel the world, searching for the ultimate power he could use to destroy the demons and get his revenge.

Game begins, blah blah blah, Demons attack Adelhyde, kill king, yadda yadda yadda. Guardians contact Cecilia, they go save the three guardian statues where the parts of Mother are sealed. It don't work, Mother is revived. Woo. They go kill Mother.

More game, bla bla bla, yakkety schmackedy, the gang discovers the rest of the guardians, and the fact that their power is based on the faith of the people, which is fading. Dun dun dun...

More game, stuff happens, they get cool powers, climb Ka Dingel to the space station which the Demons took over, kill the bosses(I won't ruin everything), and save the world.. I think. I haven't beaten it yet.. I'm at the last part and I refuse to look at the walkthroughs. =)

So that's what I've got on WA. I happen to like the game, but the last dungeon IS real tough. Sorry it took so long, but there's quite a bit to it. If there's any more puzzling things, say so - I can't think of anything more puzzling, because it all made sense to me. ;)

-- Doc

Thor: Zzzz...<snort> Huh? What? Oh, OK. Thanks a lot for detailing the story like I asked, it certianly cleared up, um, issues, or something. Like, the thing with the Guardians... and what, with, the, uh, yeah. I know all my questions were answered. :D

Unfit for Print

in your column on the 15th, someone said that no one in FF7 showed emotions, well let me tell that son of a bitch this: what about when Barret thought his daughter was dead after the slums were destroyed. Oh gee I guess i just imagined him going crazy and shooting everything for a few minutes. please put this on your site for next so that dumbass can read it!!!

Thor: Here we have a classic example of a letter which would normally never be printed by any Q&A Guy for any reason. But if there's one thing I am, it ain't typical, so here goes my list of problems with this single letter alone:

1. "son of a bitch" and "dumbass"? Someone has aggression issues--they're games, son. Relax. Cussing is generally taboo.
2. I specificly said the FF7 debate was over, yet here we have yet another opinion. Thanks!
3. Asking to have your letter printed. It just doesn't work. Not even if you've never, ever, ever had a letter printed. No one wants to read a letter from someone who begged their way into publication.
4. And finally:

   Your argument is weak. Try giving more than one example. There were way more emotional scenes than just Barret wigging out and embracing the O.J. Simpson inside us all. I hope that'll help ya'll spot a few things to avoid. Just to be fair, if you say you don't want your letter to be elligable for the Unfit for Print section, I'll be more than happy to comply with your wishes.

   So many Quickies you'll beg me to stop:

   Some dude from a heavily french school said: "What is the point of people guessing the quotes at the top of the page. I know about 80% or so of the quotes up there. Maybe people just say where it is from just to get respect from all RPGamers." The point is speed, my good man. It's not if you know it or not, it's how fast you let us know you know it. Then, you win a sack of dead monkeys. Joy! // Second Impact decided to defend Working Designs translations (that was so last week, cha!) saying: "There wouldn't be any miserable Ted Woolsey jokes ('Fire, Fire! Huh huh huh...') if WD translated FF3" You're for enema jokes, but bash Beavis and Butthead referances? Pish. // Rob Emes wonders: "Thor, you stated that out of the 70+ emails you recieved regarding DJ, not one was from a female. Would you mind telling me how you know this?" Sigs, actually. First names, and such. It's not an exact science (see above), and there's lots of room for error (see above... grumble), but it's good for general estimates.

   Thor Stuff:

   Well, as you can see, the number of letters for long Ask Thors far outweighed the letters against. 6/1, in fact. I feel so loved.

   Due to the weekend mail pileup, I moved the "Female fighters/female mages" thing to tomorrow. Look for it.

   Yeah, yeah, send those flames in: I haven't been able to untangle the mess that is archive.html. Look at the source code and see for yourselves!

   The problem isn't so much the fact that it's a series of complex tables, but that they're too jumbled to fix by hand, and no WYSIWIG I have (legal) access to handles 'em very well. I'm giving myself one more week to look for answers, and if I can't find any... well, I'll have to do something drastic, like remake the friggin' thing. Any ideas, guys? Pretty please? With that cherry FlashJAZ gave me on top?

   Resused cherry... eww, gross concept.

   Anyways, hope I wasn't too grumpy today. Mondays, and all.

   I guess that's about it. One last thanks to K. If it wasn't for Alpha, I wouldn't have made it through the night. Many a thanks. <twitch><twitch>

   What's that? Nervous twitching? I think it's time for bed.

   - Thor "Grumpypants" Antrim.
   I have never dressed up like a moogle. I have dressed like Vermillion, though. I looked pretty sexy, too.