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Andrew - November 23 '02- 2:00 Central Standard Time

Huge batch of letters today, so a bunch of them tumbled over into tomorrow's column. Aren't you looking forward to what a bunch of kids with poor grammar skills think? Well I am, so let's get started!

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Hi Andrew,
First of all, on the subject of RPG romance, I'd like to point out that I met my boyfriend thanks to Sephiroth. So there.
Secondly, am I the only one who thinks FFX-2 is the single funniest and most self-ripoff-ish thing Square has ever come up with? No, really. It's like this. We all know FFX was a big giant ripoff of FFVIII (which I loved, believe it or not). I mean, the plot/chara similarities are just too damn obvious. But it's not just a ripoff of FFVIII, it's also a remake of Bahamut Lagoon. I won't assume you've ever heard of this game, but it's basically the SNES version of FFX. The plot and chara are EXACTLY the same. Now, that's okay, they did the same with FFVII and Vagrant Story, and we all know VS is the best game ever ne. But what about this: the airship in FFX-2 will be called CELSIUS, while the airship in Bahamut Lagoon was called, drumroll, FARENHEIT. Does this mean they've finally (oficially) run out of ideas? Am I just nitpicking here? Do kitties like donuts? Have you seen my medication?

Bahamut Lagoon, along with Live a Live, and Secret of Mana 3, are just some of the gems that Square never managed to push over to the US. All are great games, though their battle systems are totally off the wall. I wouldn't call BL and FFX twins, but all Square games tend to share similar lines in their plots and characters. And the airship in FFX2 sounds like a hat tip to BL, not Square running out of ideas. They do it all the time, remember the beginning of FF9 and it's nod to the Opera Scene of FF6? And kittens LOVE donuts, and they especially love medication.

Long, pointless letters. I love you guys.

Oh, jeebus cripes, I have to send you in another mailing? And about love? Fiiiiine.
I fell for my boyfriend (whom I've been dating for 3 years) while he was soundly beating Xenogears into a level 83 bloody pulp. He does this with games, though (you don't want to see the completeness of his Zelda games. Except for LttP... No one can ever find that last piece of heart! Noooooo....).
So, as most people know, Xenogears is chock-full of yummy plot. And Bishounen. And me, having just started my descent into fangirl madness, became obessed with this game, and in turn, rather cuddly with him. So deep is my love for both of them that I made us Fei and
Elly costumes for the Halloween after we started dating (and at that point we'd been dating for about 11 months.)
Myself, I've played the game about into the 2nd disk, and then kinda let the actual playing of it go. But, I do this with most games (since coming to college the only "new" game I've beaten is FF5. I've beaten the Playstation version of FF6 again, but that wasn't too new since I'd done it on my SNES in High School.) so I don't feel too bad about it.
Does that constitute a love-story with an RPG as a foci? Would it help to tell you that we've already started planning out what consoles we're going to make available to our kids and when? (Colecovision first, I think. =P) How about that I get all misty-eyed whenever I hear "Small of Two Pieces" and want to build him a music box that plays with XG's version of "Far Away Promise"?
On a side note, did you know that Yasunori Mitsuda put a different "Far Away(off) Promise" music box theme in XG, Crono Trigger, and Crono Cross? And they're all spiffy. Unfortunately, I have a hard time recalling the CC one's notes in my head, but CT and XG are pretty well lodged in there.
Ok, enough rambling.

I did the same thing with Xenogears, one day I just stopped playing the second disk. It wasn't a great game to begin with, frankly. As for you and your man's plans for your kids, while I think it's kinda sick, I wish you both the best in trying to find a game your kids will like from that devil's spawn that is Colecovision.

Who knew spicy breath could lure women? No more brushing for me!

Hey 'Drew -
Well, it's not really a love story focused on an RPG, but it's pretty darn close. Back in the day, when I was playing the third Breath of Fire game, I managed to get my girlfriend (at the time) seriously into the story of the game. Every time I'd talk to her, she'd ask how far I'd gotten and what had happened in the game. It was truly a great period of life. I could enjoy my game, and talk to her about it. What more could a gamer want?
The "Nevermore" Ravyn

Well, call me a sucker for romance, but a nice session of Secret of Mana while curled up with your significant other is a wonderful slice of heaven. Nothing beats saving the world AND getting the (real) girl.

Extreme paranoia.

Hey Host how's it hanging?
Here are some oldie questions because quite frankly, i can't find a job(stupid small town politics)
In FF6(PSX version) is there a max strength, couldn't get Sabin's over 136?
Is there a specific reason why I can't beat FFV or does that game just suck too much or is my game bugged(which it probably is seeing silence would only go against my party)?
In FFVII is it worth getting Aeris Final Limit break?
->(non-rpg question) How many episodes are there of Inuyahsa dubbed(I'm poor so sue me) and are they actually going to start playing new episodes of Yu Yu Hakusho?
Well, that's about all I can think of right now, adios amigo
Raxsean Decrane
Can't think of something stupid to say


1. Uh...yes. It's the government who is preventing you from landing a job. Well them, and that giant purple goose who spits on you.
2. The max strength title is held by Google, who can lift Kefka in one hand and pile drive him.
3. You don't have enough patience to really enjoy the class system. Hope you never play Dragon Warrior 7, it'll be your own private hell.
4. Yes, because she leans over when she does it. Ruff.
5.Inuyasha boasts almost a hundred episodes, with more appearing as people translate them, and no, Yu Yu Hakusho has been replaced by the show Fighting Futons. Sorry.

Retards+Driving= This guy.

Hey Andrew,
Please help me! Here's the story... about a week ago I was driving in my car. I realized it was a red light a little to late so I slam on my brakes. However, due to water on the ground, I slid right into the middle of an intersection. Then... WHAM. I hit some old granny in her van and she does some wack spin across the rest of the intersection. My car was hurt very badly ;_;
So anyway, I wasn't hurt because I was wearing my seat belt (click it, yo) and the old lady granny was ok as well. And despite the fact that the accident was my fault, she seemed concerned for my safety as well. Though I was more worried about the future of my car and how I would get my butt out of this deal I just crashed into, she kept asking me if I was okay and if I was sure and all that.
So I end up getting a ticket. But... the cop tells me that he suggests I show up in court anyway because if granny doesn't show up as well, the ticket goes out the window. According to Yahoo Maps, granny lives two and a half hours away. What do you think is the probability that this old bag will show up to the court on the appointed date? She's very far away, old people don't like to move around much, and she's probably paranoid of driving now. Also, since I now have her phone number since I got the police report, do you think I should call her up? I thought to myself that maybe I could tell her how sorry I am, how it's going to cost 7 thousand to fix my car, that my dad beat me for messing, that my mom has cancer, and how my dog died. I could also tell her I could paint her deck or do yard work but I don't really want to do any of that. What do you think I should do?!
Please help me Andrew. You're the only one who can.

Show up to the court date, and if she presses charges, well, have fun being prison bitch for the next few years, dumbass.


In Earthbound I heard during the last battle all you have to do is pray the entire time and he will die. I hope that's not the case because I'll feel retarded back when I was 10 and leveled up to a level 99 to try and beat him. Was I just young and foolish? Input please, thanks

Young and foolish, all you had to do was hit the auto destruct button on your robot team, the Mr. Saturn's had filled everyone up with TNT.

Hello. I am on disk 3 and i'm in the vestry 1st floor. I did the 4 doll puzzle and went into that door. All of the walkthroughs I've read say that I have to light the alter with the tinderbox but i can't seem to locate this spot that they refer to. they say it's hard to do and it really is. can you tell me where this spot is in the room? please help me. thanks..please reply to Blackbarbi

That's it! Congrats, you beat whatever game you're talking about, Barbi! Aren't you glad it's over?

Well, I had a net based relationship for about 6 months on PSO if that counts. Now if you'll excuse me, I must try to un lame myself again.

I'm curious as to how this ended. Did your woman leave you for a higher level nerd?

Right, so skipping that lame-ass Princess mailing, I think the only thing I'd be good for would be designing the uniforms, as per my little sewing business. That is, if you want your soldiers in tight corsets and fluffy skirts... but who wouldn't, right?
And as for a picture, I'm one of the models on my page, but I'm not telling which one. =P -Meghan

Whoops! Haha, I forgot to add the links you your site full of pictures of you and friends in corsets! Deary me, how silly!

My regular conversations with the Princess from Dragon Warrior
"Doest Thou love me?"
"But Thou must!"
"Doest Thou love me?"
"But Thou must!"
"Doest Thou love me?"
-->No, bitch.
"But Thou must!"
"Doest Thou love me?"
-->No, and shut the hell up!
"But Thou must!"
"Doest Thou love me?"
-->Fine, you stupid bitch. Yes.
"I'm so happy!"
-Meghan --
"My fist is the divine breath! Blossom, o fallen seed, and draw upon thy hidden power. Grant unto thee the power of the glorious 'Mother of Destruction!'"
- Grafh --
Please vist TechStyle Engineers at ... examples of our work. ... My Random Webpage

Looks like the longest quickie ever. A princess's beauty, brains, and boobs are usually determined by centuries of inbreeding. Frankly, I'm surprised any of them can stand upright.

Contrary to popular belief, the Princess Maker series is not hentai. It's produced by Gainax, interpret that how you will. (This is pre-Evangelion Gainax, by the way.)
Re: the name Pain, it could be *Payne* or somesuch...
Card Captor Ribby (and her time machine, Ten Two One Zero! Take off!)

Apparently someone hasn't unlocked the Princess Maker 2 ending where the heroine becomes a Bondage Queen and marries her father. As for Pain, Payne, who cares? Let it go people, it's just a name.

FF6 difficult!?
AHAH! That was a good joke!
How can a fight be difficult when you have locke equiped with a gengi glove and an offering!
The last difficult Final Fantasy was FF1!

Way to rape exclamation marks, STL. You must have tons of friends with your charming attitude. The next time you want boast about how easy it is for you to beat RPGs, why don't you tell your dog? Maybe he'll listen to your retarded boasts that you're a l33t g@m1nG m@$ta!

Hello. I am new to this country and was just wondering if there is going to be another Final Fantasy movie. My brother said one of his new friends told him there would be.
Dominique K. Saint-Just (a.k.a. D.J.)

Why yes there is Dom! It's called Final Fantasy: Spirited Away, or just ėSpirited Awayî in the states. I suggest you go see the movie, because it's great!

The Final Grumble:

Keep the great letters coming folks, I'm enjoying every minute of this.

Andrew "Not drunk, just tired" Duff

Old Issues
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  • And maybe even the spiked teeth!
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  • Fire breath.
  • Talons o' doom, yo.

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