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1 and 2. This doesnít explain WHY they attack the heroes.

3. That...doesnít make any sense. I mean, donít get me wrong, itís be cool if Pepsi or something sponsored the Weapons from the Final Fantasy series or something, but you never see logos for that kind of stuff anywhere.

4. Armen would like to inform you to shut the hell up, and if you think itís easy being a weak enemy, then feel free to take his place.

Great, now heís crying again. Thanks, jackass!

 The coolest game that everyone hates.


Regarding point number 4, I have never understood that myself, but there is at least one game out there that does address the situation: Vagrant Story. Every single piece of equipment on every single enemy can be obtained by killing them. As best as I remember, the only exception is someequipment on bosses. Granted, you can't defeat that giant walking armor and then start wearing it, but that's because the armor is a creature, and like all things in Leá Monde, it disappears when killed.

If you look past the unreasonably balanced combat system*, Vagrant Story is a very solid game. It has far more internal consistency than any other game I've played. Everything in the game uses the same weapons and equipment, the same spells, and behaves by the same rules - even themonsters have risk meters. The only RPG cliché I see gameplay-wise is the standard weak enemies at the start, stronger ones the farther you go.

*You can actually get your weapons to the point that they do good amounts of damage, but it takes a lot of hunting for blades and hitting the training dummies scattered throughout the city.


Ah, Vagrant Story. I tried so hard to love you. You had so much I wanted, and I thought we could be happy together. But then I realized you were an overly complicated emotional mess, and I had to dump you. Iím so sorry, baby, but Iím sure youíll find someone else.

 Compelling? 0_o

Hello, O mighty..bunny....thingie. I, as many others, have read this column for a while, and I am compelled to answer the deep, mysterious questions that you have posed upon us. Upon. What a neat word. uponuponuponuponu-er. Sorry

2: Notice how the monsters just dissolve and/or explode? Thats because they are merely mental constructs made up by the heros, Matrix-style. The monsters don't really exist at all; they are merely the figments of the heros' imaginations, and they belive in them soooo hard, that the hits and stuff really DO hurt, ect. The stuff they get from the monsters..are..um.. Look! Over There! Something big..and..um.. Distracting! *runs off* (that also explains why you can miss a plant, and be hit by those DASTARDLY wreath..plant..thingies. Thingies. neat word.)

3: *runs back* because...the monsters are too busy organizing cliques of 'who's meaner' , and distinguishing between the slight recolors, such as the Bat, Dark Bat, and Vampire Bat...And it would be cool to wreak havok on the goblinoid hoards....CRY HAVOK! AND LET LOOSE THE DOGS OF WARRRRRR!!!!...sorry?

4: Because Armen the Knight's Family needs that shiny platemail of brightness to pay for his funeral. You heartless bastard. You took his Wife-with-4-kids' only means of support away! *cries*

Also, Law-Ninja exist! http://www.nuklearpower.com/daily.php?date=030313 (and the next comic after that) I wuv 8-Bit.*plug of the Whenever*

In Suikoden 3, during Thomas' Chapters, he started out at Level 1. That was hard on me. I was used to level 42 Geddoe and similarly-leveled Crew, then I get this Level one...Normal Person, and I ws almost being killed by HOLLY. Frickin' HOLLY. *sigh* I mean, Geddoe-and-crew could just look at the holly enemies, and not only did THEY keel over, but any living family keeled over At The Same Time.

For that one person's Question on 'Ded Creature = Perfume' (or Parfume, if yer fancy) old-timey perfume was made with dead animal parts, like Sperm Whale Oil, Squished out from the blubber. Eeewww? yes.

How Does Squall get paid during time Kompression?How Do Blue Mages (save Quina) learn the Blue Magic?Can a person honestly Not Like Citan? or Geddoe for that matter?Most annoying non-cute-animal character?

Lakidaa, The one who can not format her own damn posts. I sad. And Female! yaaaaayyy XD *runs off into the distance*
(http://remix.overclocked.org/index.php) Over Clocked forever.

2. Your explanation goes a long way to proving how mentally incapable heroes typically are.

3. Yee God, it has become painfully clear that people are dying for more games in the vein of the Suikoden series.

4. Well, it was dead anyway. Or would be, if I had killed him. If he existed. Um. Armen, can you field this one?

Well congrats, you scared away half my readership, and then brought them all back by announcing youíre female.


Hey Andrew,

On the topic of random monster encounters (which Jaleewa touched upon), another decent system of how they were handled would be in Lufia II (though only in dungeons and towers). Don't want to encounter an enemy you see? Freeze it with one of your tools and get past it, if you can. It sure as heck beat the first Lufia's sky-high encounter rate.


It certainly is a very amusing idea.

ďHoly crap, a charging behemoth! Iíd better throw a rock at it so I can run past!Ē

I think what would be a good way to earn money in RPGs would be the way Billy suggests in Xenogears. When he says, "They'd give me 3000G for one night." I suppose Final Fantasy VII did something similar with the Honeybee Inn, but I think that would be really, er, interesting.

Pssh. If prostitution barely earns me enough to buy a new weapon, then I think Iíll take a few dozen battles over selling off my characterís bodies and ending up with a bunch of traumatized women, who most likely end up murdering me using a number of horrible pimp techniques.

"I'd love it if more games included ways for the player to avoid or attract monsters." I think the Pokemon series of games has a pretty ideal system. Walk through the tall grass, get randomly attacked. Stick to the path, and you can get to the next town pretty much unmolested. For oceans, caves, etc. you can use the easily available Repel item to avoid random attacks altogether.


Yeah, but most ďmonstersĒ in Pokemon are silly little creatures who donít mean you any real harm anyway. I somehow doubt walking paths or bug spray would deter a pack of dire wolves.

Okay, My girlfriend is a DBZ freak and only likes anything by AkiraToriyama. She despises RPGs And Hates me for liking them! I show her Chrono Trigger and she claims it can't be an RPG because she finds it's somewhat...cool.

Is there some kind of RPG oracle that can tell RPG Gods to smite her for her Stupidity or visit her in her dreams and take her on a mystical quest to find the true meaning of RPGs? Thanks!

--The twice reencarnated ChocoboFire, ExodusEvanGelion

Well, Iíd suggest you just get another girlfriend who isnít blessed with brick-like sensibility, but if you simply have to keep her around, I suggest you buy her a really good RPG for her birthday or Christmas. Her guilt over you buying such a nice gift should convince her to play the game and she should realize how enjoyable RPGs can be.

If monsters get stronger the closer you get the end of the game, does that mean Australia is a big hidden dungeon or location of the final boss dungeon since its infested with the most poisonous and dangerous creatures alive?


Yes. However, youíll need the help of the scared texts and 8 pieces of the ancient relic to open the door. Oh, and a roll of toilet paper for when you crap yourself realizing you got yourself lost in the Australian Outback.

I'm not sure about the other metal gears, but in MGS 2, they have a decent explanation of why you can't use the enemies' guns. The Colonel explains something about each gun being registered to each user through DNA coding or some malarky like that. Apparently you can't pull the trigger unless the gun is registered to you. The guns you find haven't been registered yet.

Hope that helps,

...that really is grade A malarky, isnít it? What if the guards were eating lunch, a red alarm sounded, and they all grabbed the wrong guns? Better yet, what if they grabbed the wrong armor? Does that mean they wouldnít be able to undo the zippers when they needed to pee?

My personal favorite gaming bank is the one in The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, because you're cheating the poor freak at the bank out of obscenes amounts of money by the end of the game, not to mention the cumulative effect that should be occuring each time you go back in time. Foolish citizens of Termina, your hard earned Rupees are mine for the wasting. Now I can buy that bigger bag for bombs and blow you the fudge up.

Not like anyone would notice. God bless the space time physics of quantum! Now lets all get rich off of rupees that donít technically exist!

The Final Grumble:

Next weekend, Iím leaving it up to you guys on solving one of the great mysteries of RPGs...thatís right, towns. These bizarre places have tons of strange problems, but Iíll start you off with a few.

1. No Economy- The vast majority of towns have no means to support themselves. Usually itís just an inn, weapon/armor shop, and an item shop. I somehow doubt enough heroes go through town to make theses places profitable enough to keep the whole town employed and happy.

2. Way too Friendly- Donít you just love it when youíre allowed to wander house to house, talking to people asleep in their beds and rooting through their stuff, stealing whatever catches your eye?

3. Ghost town- Again, there are exceptions to this rule, but most RPG villages/towns/cities are severely empty. Not enough people, not enough houses...talk about your Deus Ex Machina.

4. Quiet. Too Quiet.- Why is it when a team of battle hardened warriors walks into town, the major never tries to hire them to help out with all the problems that a small, undefended town would normally have, but instead let the heroes do it on their own via an overly complicated and boring storyline? Itís always the heroes traveling to the ďCave of EvilĒ for a mystical ruby, never for cold hard cash. Oh wait, the monsters are always loaded. >_<

Please, for the love of God, unless youíre extremely witty or clever, answer only one or two of the questions. I got a letter today that was two pages long, which is frankly way overboard. Have fun!

Andrew "Hrm?" DuffClaire Belton

Damn it! Now where's book 6?!

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