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   I’d trade my momma for your touch.   

Andrew - January '31- 12:00 Central Standard Time

Pretending I’m not addicted to a crappy anime is a lie I can’t live up too. Damn you, Naruto. Damn you.

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Cat scratch fever.

Despite your repeated encouragements on IRC to rip your balls off (The readers were dying to know you were into S&M, you know), I'll keep this relatively straightforward.

I am here, I have not disappeared. In fact, I celebrated my 3 year anniversary on Jan 21st. YAY!

I moved from my previous duties as Points of View whip wielder, to my current position as media slave. I did, however, take November and, December off - leaving a few people scratching their heads. I came back for a blitz of 15 media updates in 2 days at the beginning of January (did 23 in total for that week), but have been off since the 15th due to foot surgery. I should be back soon.

If readers are looking for me, I use my real name on index, which is Anna Marie Whitehead. If they wanna check out my bio, it's right here

On a side note, are you looking forward to Mythri? I am, but I'm kinda biased :P Can't wait to see it at E3!

-Paws =^^=

Media Lackey:

"I have more than a tattoo up my sleeve."

Thanks for that informative letter, Paws!

Yes, I’m looking forward to Mythri like some little kid who first got his guest hosting position by giving the head creator of Mythri Phantasy Star 2 & 3. I’m going to reserve the game, buy it as gifts for my friends, and throw random copies at people I see on the street. if Tomm screws the game up, he’ll have a VERY unhappy Q&A host. Rar.

A 40 hour choose-your-adventure book.

Grettings Sir Andrew.

I just had something I wanted to tell you having to do with Suikoden 3. I don't know if you've played it yet, but this will not ruin anything for you.

When you get to a specific point in the game you are asked to choose between which of the 3 main characters you will play the rest of game for. When I got to this point I had so much trouble figuring who I wanted to pick that I actually stopped playing and went for a walk to think about it.

When I told people that I knew about this they were blown away by it. I'm just telling you this because I realize it is pretty absurd that I did that and I know it's sad because that shows just how seriously I take playing video games, and that I figure you could use a good laugh.


Grettings to you too, Varios, god of variousness.

You could have always saved in two slots, and gone back through as someone else later. Your agonizing sounds like a good thing since you were so deep into the game that you really had to consider your choices. I can count on one hand the number of games that made me seriously consider my actions, though Princess Maker 2 was a real nail biter for me. Should I send my daughter to the magic academy, or have her be a lumberjack? Hmm...maybe the topless bar is more her style...

The unluckiest man in the world.

Ok. I walked in on the middle of a column and thought people were complaining about cliches and was in the mood to type. Your comments have made me cry. Like a 10 year old girl.

As to why I liked TSotS, it's simple. I had very limited access to games, and at the time had beaten every rpg available to me. There weren't many good games coming out at that moment so I picked it up. It is a CRAPPY game, when you look back. But I did enjoy it. And wanted to support my fellow mental patients who worked so hard on.

Which game should I pull out and start on? Vandal Hearts 2, Saga Frontier 2, Wild arms 2, and Hoshigami are available.

Oh, and don't get the Tactics Ogre for the GBA. It's far inferior to the psx version.

Have a nice day.

Your amazing super power to pick out really AWFUL games is nothing short of...uh...amazing.

None of the games available to you are what the majority of the population calls good, but since you insist, I’ve heard that Wild Arms 2 isn’t complete crap.

And while Tactics Ogre isn’t that great, it’s a heap better then most games on Game Boy Advance. Of course in your world, Hoshigami seems good, so who knows?

Me and my big, sensuous, mouth.


Wow, I finally decided to send in something. Guess I'm not as lazy as I thought. Oh, and feel free to abuse this letter more then usual, especially regarding my butchering of the english language. Even I know it sucks. Moving on, I would like to say it's nice to know I'm not the only female video game fan out there. I'm not french though and I'm still working on mastering English. 19 years you think I'd have figured it out by now.

My letter actually does have a point, so I suppose I should get to it. I have played FFX from the POV of someone only moderatly aquanted with the series. Personally I liked the game, up until I realized just how stupid some of the sidequests were. That was about the time I pulled out the gameshark and finished the game before I started throwing things at the screen. And to anyone else who says the plot has more holes then someone on Al Capone's smoke list, I fully agree. I don't try to understand, I just smile, nod, and head back to my PC for another round of Chrono Trigger. As for the questions you asked, well since you spend so much of your valuable time answering our dumb questions, I figured I'd answer some of yours.

Why didn't the summoner's join forces?

Two reasons. That would make logical sence, something FFX seems to seriously lack, and also, according to the game, they probably wouldn't get along. Sure summoners are good, selfless people on the inside, what with giving their lives as well as their guardians all for ten years of peace, but they still find time to be complete jerks on the outside. Except Yuna, of course. (How convenient)

Why was Tidus such a dork?

Again with the preservations of plot. Had Tidus not been such a self-centered, self-rightous dork, then his complete lack of respect for any of Spira's customs, rules, and traditions, regardless of their morality, wouldn't have been quite as believable.

Why does Lulu dust herself off after battles?

Most likely she's trying to make sure that the dust doesn't work it's way through her belts/skirt and into rather uncomfortable places. Or she could just be a germ freak.

What holds Wakka's hair up?

Ever see There's Something About Mary? Next question.

Why are you still asking questions?

Because the questions are there to ask wise rabbit. May you continue to ask your questions while simultaniously laughing at ours.

Until next I feel inspired-


This is so cool, I finally have someone to answer the unanswerable! So then, Ms. Smartypants, (oh hell yes, pants made of smartys...) If you think you’ve got all the answers, then... your favorite color? your favorite number? the weight of an unladen swallow?

Well, certainly holy something.

Yo, St. Andrew.

1) How are you doing, gentlemen?

2) Why don't the people in FFT have any noses? To whom can I about this complain?

3) Is there any word about yet another sequel in the Tactics Ogre series? Playing Ogre Tactics has made me... hungry again.

In other news, I'd just like to mention that just because that cheap DDR pad is, well, cheap, doesn't mean that you can't mod the flaming jigoku out of it! Don't be fool'd and buy something too expensive, like cobaltflux's pads.

This public service announcement brought to you by:

Alexander Bryanson
Wearer of the Adamantium Ring of Charm Halfling +7
Defender of the Cleric Class
Licensed D2:LoD PK'er
Card-Carrying member of L33TAnon.
Destroyer of All That is Cute and Fluffy?

1. You have no chance to survive. So take your time!

2. They lack noses because you smell. You could take this complaint up with your hygiene habits, but you know what they say in the army; “By the time you realize how bad you smell, your bunk mate has already killed you.”

3. Yep. The sequel will be called “TacticsGameWhereYouSpendHoursInPointlessBattlesAsWeOverchargeForOurGamesWhileSexuallyAbusingYourDogHaHaHaSuckerOgre. Who else is looking forward to this exciting sequel?

This letter enforces my belief that the president of Square needs a hefty kick to the ass.

Hey Andrew,

Today during my Calculus class my friends and I proceeded to converse on some fond video game memories from Squaresoft. Amongst them; Aeris' death, The scene from Xenogears were Id rises from the ground holding the Yggdrasil with one ether-coated hand, the sweet dues ex machina orginale Zemorus, a few SoM tales, a rare word of good will towards Earthbound, and more. As we talked the conversation grew into a discussion of characters. Everyone seemed to truly love the characters from older games. Cecil, Kain, Sezter, Shadow, and other characters from Final Fantasy 6 and back. Even a Galuf comment, ha.

My point is Squaresoft has since deprived us of truly heroic and EPIC characters. We are given the Clouds and Feis, crazy multiple persona ass turkeys! So far gone are the days of the original badasses with no emotional or mental weakness, No inner demons, No CRYING about your FATHER! Squall is a grade A jerk, hes not cool, hes an urban rave junkie with social disorders. Zidane...poor poor he/she Zidane. Lets not even talk about Quinna. Tidus, hey want any cheese with that WHINE! Where are the SABIN's? Where are the EDGE's? Yes, granted they had their quarks, but they were hardcore. Edge's family got killed and he was out for blood. Contrast that to a modern hero, say...Delita[aka candy ass], who also lost his family, couldn't even begin to figure out his place, too busy slicking back his hair.

You wont see anymore real ladies men, that died with Edgar. You wont see anymore freespirits and gamblers, that died with Setzer. You wont ever ever see a hardcore theif, goodbye've been replaced with RIKKU. I WANT TRULY HEROIC CHARACTERS, NOT REAL PEOPLE. If I wanted that I'd watch the REAL WORLD. The closest thing to an original badass since then would have to be Gafgarion, no bullshit mental disorder, just asswhoopin for cash, black knight style.

elliott - shameless pluggin rules :

It’s not that real people are bad for games, it’s just that when I play an RPG, I want to play as someone who does the right thing because it’s the RIGHT THING. Not because there isn’t anything better to do. *sob* Listen up game companies, cause we’re pointing out what you’ve been missing. Bastards.


Did you ever notice how all the bosses in Legend of Legaia used the pattern "attack attack super attack"? And did you ever notice how defending every third turn made the bosses easier than random encounters? And...yeah. You already hate the game. I'll just stop now.


Hello Andrew

Ok here's my question and I'll make it short and sweet. Do you ever think they may come out with a Secret of Mana remake or something like it.

Toddles Toodles

Your death would increase the world’s intelligence quota.

Hey, I've never written before, but go ahead, you can tear me up.

I'm an English teacher in Taiwan. Here, you can't play RPGs without an intimate knowledge of Chinese! So what now, self-immolation? Murderous rampage in a crowded school cafeteria? Random bombing? I'm really bored.

Ke Da-Wei

Ignoring the insanity your work seems to have given you, being an English teacher in a foreign country sounds like an awesome job. Granted, I’d never know if the kids were making fun of me, but at least I could always beat them to a bloody, sobbing, pulp.

How can I change the password on my Playstation2, because my father forgot it.


The Final Grumble:

Have a great weekend everyone! I'll see you monday!

Andrew "tasty tounge" Duff

"Press the SELECT button and enter the 4-digit numer "7444" whenever the Parental Control display asks you for your password. The old password is deleted."
TRC was here once more.

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