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Andrew - January '11- 12:00 Central Standard Time

No kidding. The winds around campus every night are brutally strong, and I bought all my books today, so carrying them through the wind was not fun. On the bright side, I gained a level and learned a new spell. MAGIC BOLT!

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Now, clap your antennae for your tallest!

Hello .. You pitiful huuman wormbaby

As a long time reader monkey .. first time writing monkey, I come bearing precious mind goo in regards to what made me extend my O_o .

Final fantasy 7 .. Many Peoples Favourite for obvious reasons ... The homo-erotic content of the game should be labelled on the box with a purple label or something .. The Honeybee inn's various scenes , Plus the whole Don corneo cross dressing thing made me weep with hidden delight.. its even possible to go on an intimate date with Barret. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if FFVII-2 features Cloud barret and an unfortunately named 3rd character all dressed in drag .. with magical boy transformations , I mean how good would that be ?!?!?!

Now to answer one of your previous questions .. the WORST character in an rpg is the main character from Secret of Evermore .. in the face of danger he likens it to a moment in a crappy fake movie , plus much like his look-alike Doogie Howser, he is stupidly weak .. having to rely on his mutant dog for help while he hits things with his array of lame weapons. his only use is that he can combine various ingredients and cast spells .. which is fun until you have to scour for ingredients and each new spell you get sucks until you level it up.

Well I did enjoy evermore somewhat ,the bazaar / trading section of the game is pretty huge and has had a bunch of effort put into it , but the deadbeat main character made me enjoy it much less, and the boss at the end of the game .. the evil robot butler CARLTRON makes baby Jesus cry .

And finally .. You have mentioned fruits basket somewhat feverishly , Do you know of an informative website about it ? id like to check it out before I check it out heh.

Lukewarm Regards

p.s Have you seen Mahou Tsukai Tai ? a weird favourite of mine.

1. Considering that the cross dressing and...uh...back rub scenes were basically optional, since you only really needed the dress to get into Donís mansion, Iíd say you, good reader, have GOT THE G@Y!!!!11

If Square actually made that version of FF7-2, I canít think of anyone who wouldnít buy it.

2. Yes, Secret of Evermore was messed up. Really, really, really messed up. If you donít like working for cool spells, well, why donít you go play some Final Fantasy? Powerful summons will drop into your lap. Woo.

3., now why didnít you just check a search engine?

4. Never heard of Mahou Tsukai Tai. Whatís it about?

Drunk wolf gods are weird.

This is in response to Seifer's inquiry about seeing Squall running around on the New Game, Save, Load screen on FF6 for FF Anthology.

In FF5, a chibi Cloud Strife can be seen now and then walking around on the same screen. Though given that I use a PS2 to play a PS1 game... it usually screws it up and Cloud instead turns into the EVIL WALKING BLOCK OF DEATH!!!

Makes me wonder what little easter eggs they'll stick into the FF1 and FF2 remakes... though given the PS2's horrible emulation of PS1 games... ANOTHER EVIL WALKING BLOCK OF DEATH!!!

Since this is a Q&A column... ah... speculation?


*Sigh* Ah, Square. Thanks for giving us cheesy little crap like chibi load ups in lieu of updating the graphics, or the story, or hell, even the dialogue of your beloved games.. Instead you gave us cut scenes, piss awful battle transitions, and slow down. I hope the design team burns in hell. >_<


Hello, my cynical friend!

Why is it that so many people who submit opinions and questions to this Q&A board don't know the difference between "then" and "than"?

Why, all of a sudden, is it that "can't" and "doesn't" are being typed "ca'nt" and "does'nt"?

This is a REALLY dumb question: Why can't people agree to disagree regarding "the best Final Fantasy", "the best game that never made it big" and so on?

Here's a thought for all of you RPG fans who want to have their ideas and talents become part of the best RPG ever: collaborate! There's that guy (?) who wants to write just dialogue. There are all those people who hate ... ahem... have no tolerance for FMV. Some feel they can write a story with more depth and meaning than any of the big, money-driven companies. I'm not being sarcastic; I mean it! No one has to be "discovered". If Andrew and/or Google will allow it, all of you who want to make a great game send your contact information in to be shared with others of your ambition! "Power-ups to the people!" (Dude, what's up with that?)

If Zelda is an RPG, and if Parasite Eve is an RPG, why can't Oddworld be an RPG?

Thanks for the chance to rant and ponder the mysteries of our pasttimes!


1. People donít read over their letters, and thus, donít see their mistakes. This is stupid of them. By the way, ďpasttimesĒ isnít a word.

2. Because arguing is fun. THE BEST RPG EVER WAS SOUL BLAZER!

3. Thatís a good idea. If any of you wanna be game designers want to get in contact with each other, send me your info, and Iíll get you in contact with each other. Fair warning, if you end up working with a bunch of freaks who want to make a DBZ fan game, donít expect anyone to ever respect you or play your game.

4. Zelda is an honorary RPG, and Zelda 2 was an RPG. As for Parasite Eve, YOU HAVENíT PLAYED IT, BECAUSE IT WAS CLEARLY AN RPG.

...and besides, everyone hates Oddworld.

Andrew = Max?

Hi Andrew !

I just love the design of the rabbit in your sig. Somehow, it reminds me a lot of Max, as in Sam & Max. So here's my question... Is it :

a) some kind of a blatant ripp-off, err... I mean, an intentional tribute to Max the Hyperkinetic Rabbity Thing (TM) ?

b) actually unintentional, but now that you think about it, you might indeed have been unconsciously inspired by Max's original design when you made your sig ?

c) purely coincidental ?

d) just that I'm seeing similarities that aren't there ? O_o

e) none of my business ?

Thanks for you cooperation.


PS : What do you think of characters, places, etc., having their names inspired from various mythologies or other external reference sources, in many RPG ? Cool cultural references and neat-sounding names, or lack of originality/imagination and poor linguistical skills ? Although creating an RPG means creating a world, not anyone can be a J.R.R. Tolkien and make up their own mythology and a specific language for each culture appearing in their story, I guess. But does any major character/place/weapon/concept in a game really has to be named after an existing mythical stuff of some sort in order to sound credible, impressive and "meaningful" ??? I guess it's the easiest way, and those references, like stereotypes, can add something to the story when they're used well (i.e. in a both relevant and subtle way). What would be, in your opinion, examples of worst (overused and/or totally irrelevant) and best occurences of such references in an RPG ?

1. Yes, the artist and I noticed that. Since we both like Sam & Max, Iím happy with it.

PS: Worse- The crucifixion scene in Xenogears.

Best- Gilgamish.

The next time you pull a post script like that I will stab you in the eye with MY MIND.


You want a game that can make you go 0_o? Okage: Shadow King! The only game I know of where the heroes are creepier than the villains! Mom! Kisling wants to clip my toenails! AGGH! ...sorry. Oh, just to add to this insanity, the worst character in an RPG would have to be Santa Claus. Yeah, that's right, Santa from Dual Hearts. You save his job and then he makes you race him for stuff! And he cheats! He flies! You can't fly! At least, not unless you do the flying race... Gah! I've never wanted to kick Santa's ass before!

Alloy "Yeah, I don't like pseudonyms either but last time I used my real name you called me a girl" Madison >8^()

PS My dad hates the characters from the Tales series too.

Okage had an awesome story with creative characters to back it up. Too bad the battle system was a train-wreck.

Many games incorporate Santa. Remember fighting him in Secret of Mana? Now THAT was messed up.

Thanks for the letter, pretty lady. Oh, and tell you Daddy I said ďhiĒ.

Not a good time for thinking. The 60s?

Yeah, you're right about Earthbound. I forgot how many royally screwed up moments that game had. Like the monsters. My personal favorite was probably the New Age Retro Hippy, or maybe the Old Party Dude. Then there were some of the bosses, like Master Barf. It was quite juvenile.

...DANG I miss that game.

(Ahem, and a Xenogears spoiler.) I think that there was one truly messed up moment in Xenogears, and no one agrees with me. Everyone thinks it's really epic and stuff, but when all the gears are sitting there crucified? Not only is the sight of a giant pink mouse on a cross kind of funny, but they're just giant robots! You can always just get out of them. Well, with the exception of poor Chu-chu.

What else...? Eh, can't think of any. Not a good time for thinking.

Wolfie :)

If Nintendo doesnít make an Earthbound sequel for Gamecube, or at least port it over for Game Boy Advance, Iím going to be very upset.

Yes, that was hideously stupid. Damn you Square! You love your giant robots too much!

This letter lacks phellem. LOOK THAT ONE UP, YOU BASTARDS.

Hiya Andrew,

I love your column. You're entertaining and informative, and I hope you stick around a long long time.

I took your advice to NeonId and looked up "ingenuity" in the dictionary:

"1. the quality of being ingenious; cleverness, originality, skill, etc."

I think it's clear that NeonId properly used the word in its "originality" sense, meaning to say that an artist who can't think of a subject to work with, that hasn't been borrowed from someone else, doesn't possess the originality necessary for a future as an artist.

I see nothing wrong with either his use of the word, or his point, with which I agree. So, while NeonId may indeed be a nimrod, it isn't because he misunderstood the definition of the word "ingenuity." ;p

Considering that NeonId has no idea what artistís abilities are, and considering that many great artists regularly do fan art, (dare I mention a little something called doujinshi?) Neon was acting arrogant in his defense that people who draw fan art arenít talented enough to create original work.

So...uh... ninner, ninner. ninner!


Tron is NOT a robot. She is in fact, a member of a race of beings that are actually copies of humans. And the humans are of course, all dead.

She is also incredibly sexy.


So if all the humans are dead, then what does that make us?

I loved how in MegaMan Legends 2 she managed to get her clothes BLASTED off her. Those sillies at Capcom.

Yesterday the heading was "Halfling's Gem". That is a book by R. A. Salvatore and is the third in the Icewind Dale trilogy. Is that what was being refered to?

Actually I was referring to a rare flower in India, often called the...oh hell. Yes. Thatís what I was talking about. Iím reading through Streams of Silver right now, and the book series is pretty darn good.

Hey Andrew,

Have you ever given any thought to having a guest host?

How about this for next week's topic: Your favourite anti-hero in an RPG. Of course if you use that, your inbox is going to be stuffed to bursting with emails proclaiming, "DUDE! SHADOW ROX!"


1. Yes. I have decided that YOU will never be a guest host.

2. Next weekís topic will be who had the most darling tent in Final Fantasy 6.

I care a lot. Thank you Andrew.


- andrew

You freak! Keep away from meeeeeeeeee!

The Final Grumble:

Tomorrow marks the day when everyone and their kid sister moves back into the dorms, so my time of peace and quiet ends. I need an apartment.

Hey, unless your one liner is REALLY clever, stop sending them. I donít find the majority of you funny enough for quickies.

Andrew "Executive director to the assitant of management in the misspellings department extradinare" Duff

I kick ass for the lord!

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