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   The Halfling’s Gem   

Andrew - January '10- 12:00 Central Standard Time

Interesting. Every time I’ve brought up a topic for discussion since the column started, people reading through the archives will use my suggestions from weeks ago for their letters. I could probably stop bringing up topics and still get a steady stream of letters about the old ones.

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Suikosaga. Could I care any less?

normally dont correct people, cause I dont care, but Nash does have his own 2 games, aptly named Suikosaga Vol. I and II in which a younger version of Nash goes about on various missions, gets in trouble, pisses everybody off, and kills/badly wounds main characters in the storylines of Suikoden II such as the quiet and reserved Cuglan and the fiery/infamous Seed.

Oh, and the one moment that made me go O_o the most for an RPG, would have to be in Breath of Fire III when Garr tried to kill Ryo in the Angels Tower, but Ryo turned into a huge dragon and kicked his butt, serves him right for beatin up on a poor little crybaby that can turn into a huge dragon (or a little one when needed). Its either that or when Algus shot Delita's sister in Final Fantasy Tactics, really that was messed up and truly didnt see that one comin.

Red

Andrew:
Generally, I don’t consider games that never made it to the US as counting for the storylines of series, since there are only a handful of people stateside who have played them, and thus, usually aren’t an issue. Still, if our Nash fanatic loves him that much, I suppose he could import the game over.

Well...I don’t know if that exactly counts as a 0_o moment, since Ryu has been turning into a dragon since the first game. Who didn’t expect him to whoop that brainwashed brute’s ass?

 
Beating stray dogs with a baseball bat isn’t a crime!

I think the strangest moment from an RPG would have to be the final battle of Earthbound. Anyway, the battle is won...by praying. Not attacking, just...sitting there, using a skill which for the entire rest of the game was completely useless. It makes you feel kind of cheated, as if someone had planned the whole story out...

Wolfie :)

Andrew:
Someone DID plan the story out, and while the final boss did require more then brute force, don’t forget, he wasn’t the only “final” boss. Besides, Earthbound had plenty of other bizarre moments that topped the final battle. Remember the house Ness bought, and magazine within? *shudder*

 
March of the grammar nazis.

"No, because on that scale 100 is caring very very very much and you cannot possibly care any more because there is no 101 or decimals after 100. Therefore, "I could care less" could only be anything from 2 to 99!"

Correct, at 100 you cannot possibly care any more, therefore at 100 you could still care less! That's why "I could care less" doesn't really have any meaning. Replace the "caring scale" with a "HP scale" from 0 to 100% when your character has 0% hp could he have less? No, hence "I couldn't care less". When your character is full health at 100%, he cannot have more HP, however he could still have less!

I know I probably should have sent this to Google during the week, but I doubt anyone really cares, I just thought since you're so aggravated by readers who can't spell, punctuate or use grammar, that you of all people would appreciate my nitpicking!

Anyway, keep up the good work, and maybe I'll get around to sending in a real question someday.

With no regards to other Q&A readers who couldn't care less about this subject,

Wendell "Hey kids, grammar is fun" G.

Andrew:
Okay, this is the last hilarious letter I print on this subject. I don’t mind nitpickers, but if we have to get into a fight over something stupid, lets all talk about the problems inherent in a capitalist society vs. a Marxist society, with real world examples for each!

 
Mac creation engines and Final Fantasy garble.

In regards to Chris' question about Final Fantasy VII being remade, I believe Square was planning on remaking all the Playstation Final Fantasy games for the Playstation 2 with better graphics and maybe some other goodies a couple of years ago, but after the Final Fantasy movie tanked they abandoned the idea. Personally, the only one that I would bother to pay for just for better graphics would be VII--partly because it had the worst graphics out of the three PSX games, and partly because it was by far the best and I wouldn't mind having an excuse to play it again.

The most annoying character in an RPG I think would be any character in any of the Tales games who happens to be casting a spell or winning a battle.

Speaking of game engines, may I please pimp ColdStone? The IDE only runs on Mac OS, but it can compile for both Mac and Windows. If you want to make a pre-rendered, Diablo-style RPG with any type of graphics, music, and even cut-scenes (via Quicktime compatible media), you can do anything you could possibly imagine. It does cost money, but it's very high quality and easy to use, plus you are even allowed to sell any games you make with it as shareware without any royalties to the creator of the engine, so it could pay for itself. Of course, if you want to go for the hardcore programming method, Apple's IDE that comes free with OSX, is pretty easy to use for a real IDE. On Windows, Bloodshed Dev C++ is free and just as good as Visual C++. Of course, with Linux/BSD you have plenty

I've played Bahamut Lagoon, but not long enough to actually hate anybody.

-The Goes-Off-In-Tangents Guy

Andrew:
1. The only way I’d pay for any of those games again would be if they were ported onto Game Boy Advance, and given tons of extra features. Square sure pulled a stupid one when it tried that publicity stunt.

2. What kind of stupid comment is that? EXPLAIN YOURSELF.

3. Sounds like a pretty tight system, but have you created any games yourself on it?

 
Robot girl with strategically placed metal plate tells all!

Dear Andrew,

I just recently bought Lunar: Legend for the GBA and Iw as wondering your review on it. I am liking alot of the changes but I wonder if they made things easier. Battles seem a lot easier, I remember playing on the Playstation and taking an hour to beat the Black Dragon, It took me about 10 minutes to beat the Black Dragon on the GBA. Just wondering what you think.

As for the worst character in RPGs that I have played would have to be Headmaster Cid from FFVIII. Even though he wasnt't a playable character I just thought that he was a disgrace to all Cid's. Any Cid could have kicked his ass, Even Regent Cid from FFIX in oglop form!

Tron

Andrew:
I’d love to have an opinion on Lunar Legend, too bad every store within a hundred miles of me sold out of it days after the first shipment. OH CRUEL WORLD!

Indeed. When he first walked up to me, I thought Robin Williams had somehow snuck into the Final Fantasy series. However, I doubt the adulterous oglop Cid would stand a chance against anyone.

 
Quickies

Strange RPG moments, eh?
1. How about whenever the boy from Secret of Evermore opened his mouth?

2. Two words...Lucky Dan.

3. I imagine many people will say this one..."You spoony bard!"

4. As well as..."Son of a submariner!" (Great translation, Square)

5. Quina relating the plot of FFIX to food.

6. That time...in that one game...where that character did...something strange.

There are probably a zillion others...I'm just too lazy to go find em.

Josh

Andrew:
1. I believe every time the protagonist of SoE opened his mouth it was usually to go, “Huh?”.

2. But...he was a champion of light and justice! And besides, how brave he must be, to wear a wreath of candles when he is made of straw!

3. I imagine no one says that when their daughter is killed because she ran away with her coward of a fiancé.

4. BUT THE DEEPER MEANING, MAN! YOU’VE GOT TO UNDERSTAND THE DEEPER MEANING!

5. *barf*

6. GTO!

 
Chrono Cross. One of many games you shouldn’t think about too hard.


To the rabbit who answers to the name Andrew:

Strange video game moments? Just a moment?

Well, Chrono Cross fits in well, when you consider the fact you get about 40+ playable characters but never use more then 3 at a time. At first, I tried using them equally, but eventually gave up and used a party of Serge/Pip/Draggy the whole game.

Speaking of which, I'll never figure out some of the motives for joining Serge's party. I mean, some are hatched (Draggy, that flower thing), and some have ligitimate goals, like Kid. But what the hell is with that skeleton-thing? And the lady doctor with the bad accent? (Well, they ALL had bad accents)

Personally, I liked the game, but there were more holes in it than... something with a lot of holes in it. Give me a break, I can't come up with a good simile... SIGH...

Now, for the most annoying line in a Final Fantasy...

And that, as they say, is that.

NeoCarbuncle

Andrew:
Well, I won’t attempt to explain all the reasons people had for joining your team in Chrono Cross, but I can assure you that the majority of the reasons were flimsy and poorly thought out. Hooray for the Mexican wrestler grave digger with emotional problems!

A good simile, like good Swiss cheese, is hard to find.



Quickies

Have you noticed that Squaresoft hasn't updated their U.S. site in months, especially considering their merger with Enix?

-Otterland

I have! And I’ve also noticed the atomic blue badger on your head. RABIES!

How come in Xenogears, the gears can fly but in every dungeon where things are too high to walk over, you have to climb or walk around it? Couldn't they just fly over it?

-STL

The gears are conserving fuel, and the fuel is made out of human babies. You wouldn’t want them to sacrifice more babies to the giant metal gods, would you?

I believe selling fanart would be a violation of copyright law, which would lead to getting seriously screwed were someone to stumble across it. Besides, you should be trying to pawn off your own work, not someone else's. If you ca'nt do anything but sell fanart, you probably don't have the ingenuity to back up your technique.

NeonId

I want you to look up ingenuity in the dictionary, because it doesn’t mean what you think it means, nimrod. Er...I mean, NeonId.

Hello Andrew,

Just a quick blog (IMPROPER USE OF INTERNET SLANG! ARGH ARGH ARGH) for you.

I booted up my copy of FF6 (FFA), and on the New Game, Load, blah, blah screen,

there was a chibi sprite version of Squall! Little gunblade and all!! How weird is that?

Is it just me? I took a picture of the screen, because I've had the game for a few years and NEVER seen that. If you know anything about it, I've been wondering if anyone else has had that occurence with their copy of FFA.

Seifer

Yep, that’s normal. And you also have a 1/1000000 chance of seeing a nude Rinoa. But be careful, seeing her corrupts your memory card.

I would write a letter, but I'm in college and don't have the time nor the computer.

AHHH my roomate's home...

Douglas Dunlop, AF11

YOU ARE GIVING ME BRAIN DAMAGE. 0_o

The Final Grumble:

The majority of the letters for today’s column were sent in after Sunday’s column. I find that strange.

Andrew "Kudos" Duff

A book based off a game, which spawns another popular game, which...

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