Ask Alex
What you say !!
Sleep is so refreshing, but then you get tired again. Anyway, I'm back for my final column of this little three-day gig, and I promise you that today's will be longer than the other two were! Amazing, eh?

Remember to send your letters to Ryan now. I know, I know, you don't want me to go, but I have to. And if you send me e-mail instead of Ryan you will have to answer to my mighty karate chop! Okay.

On we go..

EST, EDT, it's all the same

Quoth Alex:

"You're generally not going to see any updates before 4:00 PM EST."

You're not using daylight-savings time? I admire your desire to stick to your convictions, but that must confuse people. Either that, or you live in Indiana, in which case confusing people is redundant. :)


Yes, I used "EST" entirely to confuse people. I knew it was daylight-savings time all along. I bet every single one of you checked to make sure it was still daylight-savings time, then realized that I am a clever and witty person. ;)

I hope my finals aren't this hard

To Mr. Prissy-pants;

Here is a quick test for you:

1)What percentage of Barret is Mr. T and what percentage is Barret Pee-Wee Herman?

Barret is none of either. He is a purely original concept, thought up by Square, without any outside influences. Okay, screw it, he's 90% Mr. T.

2)What is the name of the Karate dude in Earthbound?

Poo. (Hehe, I said it! :P)

3)How many fingers am I holding up?

Approximately ten, considering you're typing this.

4)How many sequels would Capcom make if Capcom could make sequels?

It depends how "creative" they're feeling.

5)What is the meaning of life, the universe and everything?

Do I even have to answer that? ;)

6)(Because you're 15) What are the different hand-signals? Come on, Fat Sue the DMV tester is watching you...

When someone cuts you off, I think it's necessary to use the "middle finger" hand signal.

7)What are the most boring type of RPG levels; towers, caves, or mountains?

What, RPGs can be boring!? ;)

8)What is the deal with Corn-Nuts? I mean, they're not corn and they're not nuts!

Just another clever trick by the company to make you ask questions like that in a letters column for a gaming website.

Hurry, Mr. Q&A. Time is running short, Bwah-ha-ha!

Moogle "Bet I can make you say Poo" Child

Well, you happy? I said "Poo." I'll say it again: Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo. I think I'm soothing my inner child, or something.

We're so repetitive

Jeff subscribes to the correct theory of the Xenogears ending. There's no question it's the correct answer, seeing as it relates to the game perfectly. Also, this is the 6th time that question has popped up in an Ask column, and it was old by the 2nd time. A FAQ for the ask column would be useful to no end. Not that I'm asking anyone to construct one.

Keep up the good writing, and quote the ZVGQ at your leisure. :) Thank you.


Yes, it would be nice if someone (not me) wrote a FAQ for the column covering what's, er, already been covered. Topics usually do show up multiple times, and those who follow the column daily may become bored. Any takers?
I have no witty line for this letter

Hey AK!

Wait, that's creepy... we'll just call you Alex from now on...

So anyways, I have heard a good number of rumors about an "add-on" for Zelda 64, since the subject came up. I believe that they wanted to do more with the game than they could, and so they might release a follow-up of sorts.

The rumor that I heard was that since the 64DD will never actually be released (good going big N!), they will release some sort of connector thing where you plug your Zelda 64 cart into the connector, and then that into your N64. The connector will contain the data for the next quest, but will use your save data and the core information from the original Z64 cart.

From Miyamoto's own mouth (as quoted in June's EGM), "...we'll be able to make some announcements about the next Zelda later this spring," and "...the new Zelda game is now being programmed as if the game has not been finished with the Ocarina of Time."

Sounds pretty damn good, don't it?


As far as I know, the original plan was to have an add-on for the 64DD, but since there's no chance of seeing the 64DD in America, I guess they're just going to make another sequel (eventually).
Xenogears lacks the refreshing qualities of milk

Hey, Alex,

In your last column, you said you liked Xenogears but found it lacking in some areas... out of curiosity, what were they? I'm not refuting your opinion -- it's a great game, but there were a few things that bothered me, too (the Urobolus thing, in particular; I'm pretty sure it was s'posed to be Urorborous, a mythical snake that circled the world and bit its own tail, but I ain't Square, so I might be wrong ^_^) -- I just wanted to know.

You guys are all doing great. Now I always check over here for reviews and news before I go buy a game. ^_^ Keep it up!

-- Lady Jadeclaw

I mainly found Xenogears lacking in the gameplay department. Sure, getting new deathblows was cool, but when it came to things like Gear battles, the game was a total yawn. Don't get me wrong, the game had a terrific plot and all, but when it came to gameplay and battles, I think there could have been some improvements.
Everytime I do my wild smile attack, the girls laugh at me

OK, right now, my sister has become a Xenogears addict, she's in the cave where you meet Old Man Bal'. She just ran up against Calamity (the boss at the end of the cave) and she's died, and died, and died, etc. Finally I said, here, let me beat it considering I beat it before. I died, and died, and died, etc. Both of her character's gears are fully equipped, but don't do any damage, and I mean no damage, Fei's 30 point attack takes off a whopping zero. Yes, I've cast Wild Smile approximately 100 times, but it really has not effect. What is she/am I supposed to do?

I used to think that the brain was the greatest part of the human body until I realized who was telling me that.


If I can recall, I simply used the gear combos (triangle-whatever, at that point in the game). If that doesn't work, you're, uh, screwed.

I'm cool as ice cream

Dear Alex "X, or Fugitive" Kimbel

First off, I'm happy to finally be writing these letters to someone in my age group. I always felt like I was a dork when I was writing to elders like Thor and AK. Now I just feel like a dork writing to someone in my age group. Joy?

1)Are you very cool? I mean in the slick, athletic type? The other two, while great, seem too cool, and I feel alienated. Me and my computer, every Saturday night...

Yes, I am probably the coolest person in the world. I play football, basketball, and baseball. I also date a new girl each week, and am probably the most popular person at my school. But seriously, I'm a total dork.

2) Finished Metal Gear Solid yesterday. Don't know if you've finished it, but I was just wondering if I'm on the minority on this one... Does the ending really, really, really, suck? I got the ending where you save Meryl, and it just seemed to be blah, blah, genetics, blah, blah, kissing, blah... etc. Is Otacon's ending better?

That ending made me want to throw up. To be perfectly honest, I never got the other ending, I haven't played the game since. I'm probably still reeling from the completely retarded conclusion.

3)Snickers or moldy tuna fish?

The latter, baby! :D

4)Why do we all love Dragon Warrior? It had no plot, it was dull as hell, and you could only save one place. Yet, I cherish it more than most other, modern games. Was Enix using subliminal messages, and only stopped releasing games because the KBG hired all of their programmers to work on brainwashing techniques?

We all love it because it is the greatest game ever created. Don't ask me why it is, it just is.

4)Live long, Leviatain(whatever). When are your finals? (Biology *shudder*)

And remember... There is no one-armed man, Kimbel.

Zaphod 42

My finals are in about two weeks, I think. Ooh, I fear them! :P

So many to choose from, so little money

Dear Phallex Simbel,

Question that I have asked the past 4 RPGamer people and they haven't dignified with a response : As I am only able to buy one non-FF8 RPG this year, which should it be : Star Ocean, Lunar SSSC, Grandia, Thousand Arms, or something else?

I apologize profusely for so wittily mocking your name. In return, you may call me Face-in-a Sporebath. (which doesn't work as well, but the best mangling of my name is profane) -Jason Porath

I personally would go with either Lunar or Grandia. Lunar is short, fun and to the point, where as Grandia is longer, fun, and, erm, to the point. It's up to you, there. :D

Have you question?
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Stop hitting ctrl-a, you fool.
You know, it's quite easy to hit ctrl-a and scroll down. And, are you a bad enough dude to save the president?
What? No, ctrl-a shuts your system down, you spoiler of all that is fun! And I already said I was bad enough, doesn't anyone listen to me!? *cries*
I'm a number 2.
I'm sure there are a lot of single number 2s out there looking to hook up with you! Be on the watch!
Who's yo daddy?
-Big Dan
My father's name is Scott.
My driver's side air bag scares me. What should I do? Give your car to me.
Closing Thoughts:

I guess I'll be seeing you all next time. It's been fun. And get some sleep, because sleep is the greatest thing in the world. Even though sleep really doesn't exist on a material plane like that. Alright, nevermind. As I said, see you all next time! :D

Alex "I think my replies are too short" Kimbel

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