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ASK OLIVER
Darkness Creeps Back into the Column
August 11, 2008

8/09 - 3:00 PM CST

He's back! He's BACK! I tried, dear readers; I tried my very best to keep him away, but it was to no avail. After all, the truth is that I work under his iron fist, and I am powerless to keep him at bay when he fancies to descend upon us. Oh well, I suppose this should provide us with some amusement. And perhaps a grammar lesson.

Lusipurr:
Oliver insists I must actually type out my introduction. He refuses to write it down, being something of a poop (not to say a clot), and therefore here I am, dealing out fastidious service to you little blighters once more. Grammar lesson, indeed! You may well deserve it for, as I have mentioned to Oliver, I am extremely dissatisfied with the grammatical state of the modern world.

I will now address your tiresome and annoying questions.

Oliver
WE will address your, ah, invigorating and most edifying questions





The Letters
Ham and Cheese


Oliver,

I just wanted to write-in to give my support to Xenosaga. If gamers were more open minded sometimes, and didn't ALWAYS follow the popular opinion of things, they'd realize that not only is the Xenosaga Trilogy a MASTERPIECE, but that Xenogears actually has many more flaws than Xenosaga ever did.

Oliver

The Xenosaga trilogy is, indeed, a masterpiece. Anyone who can't appreciate it is mentally defunct, and cannot be pardoned. That's what I say at least. Xenogears, however, I have not played. This being the case, I cannot offer an opinion on the game in comparison to Xenosaga. Shawn, on the other hand...


Shawn

My name is Lusipurr. Get it right or pay the price, foul minion.

Far be it for me to contradict the uncultured dolt my esteemed colleague, but Xenogears is superior to Xenosaga in nearly every way. The music and battle system are truly top notch, and the story is interesting and engaging without descending into the convoluted mess that is Xenosaga.

This is not to say that Xenosaga is, on balance, a bad game--quite the opposite, it should be praised for its excellent voice acting and impressive cutscenes. However, it is not superior to Xenogears, and anyone who thinks so--you included, dear reader--is worthy only of the utmost scorn.

With derision, my good man, is how I look upon your argument; with derision.

I am even a fan of Xenosaga II's battle system. I can see why people disliked it, but if you got into it and approached every battle like you do in Persona 3, where you set every enemy up to be destroyed in a single turn once they are vulnerable, then it was really fun. If you just did the battles straightforward and didn't utilize the zone system or whatever it was, then you'd be in for long and boring fights for sure. Plus, the final battle was just cool, I loved fighting the pope boss over and over to get massive exp. I do believe XS III got everything just right, and its a shame that the universe is not being explored with the benefit of this generations technology. Can you imagine????

Oliver

How can you be a fan of Xenosaga II's battle system? It is all but irredeemable. Also, your comparison to Persona 3 holds some water, but is still riddled with leaking holes. Persona 3 allows you to exploit specific weaknesses a given enemy may have in order to knock them to the ground. But, if you were to employ this tactic every time you would soon run out of SP, and not every enemy has a weakness. In other words it's not always the most advantageous tactic, and consequently, not every battle in P3 boils down to flooring the enemy and then annihilating it in a single turn. In XS2, this was the one and only method employed in every single battle, be it a normal encounter or a boss. Oh, and battles in P3 don't take hours to complete.

I agree, however, that it is an incredible shame that the Xenosaga series was cut short. How I would love to see one in glorious hi-definition, with the graphical capabilities that this generation has to offer. And yes, to answer your question, I CAN imagine!!!

(P.S, don't abuse the question mark. It's our friend.)


Sh- er, Lusipurr

Oliver, don't abuse, or even use, the exclamation mark. It is not our friend; rather, it is a scourge to be avoided.

The battle system in Xenosaga II is the weakest point of the entrire trilogy. I would say more about this, but it would mean condescdending to intercourse with someone who opinions are (as we behold) utterly wrong. I refuse to take such action. Your comments must suffice.

Anyways, Xenosaga is truly a bright shining sun in the world of RPG's, and I will love it till the end of time. Nobody ever mentions how cool and weird all the minigames in the various installments were, not to mention how fun it was to kill the Super Bosses or get Erde Kaiser.

Oliver

I hate to say it, but I actually never gave a twopenny damn about the various minigames the series threw at me. I thought most of them were quite ridiculous. HakOx (or whatever Episode III's minigame was) was somewhat amusing, but that's about it. I acquired Erde Kaiser in the first and third game, but the requirements for obtaining him in Episode II were so ridiculous, I gave up after reading an online FAQ. Yet another point in the game's disfavor.


Shlusipurr

No.

Let me also say that Chrono Cross is an absolute RPG Masterpiece. The best thing to do is just forget it has anything to do with Chrono Trigger, and just play the game, and realize it has one of THE best soundtracks in RPG history, an amazing battle system (that needs to be fully understood to enjoy completely), amazing boss fights and a great story. It also has one of the greatest Final Boss battles if done the way you're "supposed" to, by killing it with the perfect combination of elements, creating a beautiful melody (or something like that). Its amazing. Any self respecting RPG player would not say the game sucked if they actually gave it a real chance and played it all the way through.

Lusipurr

I have played Chrono Cross from beginning to end and simply cannot agree with what you are saying. The music is excellent, to be sure, but I found the battle/element system unwieldy. Yes, if only we could erase our minds and forget about the greatness of Chrono Trigger but it isn't possible. Held up to its illustrious predecessor, Chrono Cross fails to deliver, but this is in spite of its excellent story and soundtrack, and not because of it.


Oliver

I have not played Chrono Trigger or Chrono Cross, so I cannot comment. Shawn generally knows what he's talking about when it comes to these things I suppose, so I'll let him go unchallenged. FOR NOW.

Let's just say I truly feel sorry for gamers that can't enjoy certain games like the Xenosaga trilogy, Chrono Cross, ect.
Matt

Oliver

I also feel a sort of pity for these people. Much like the pity you would feel for a soaking wet puppy dog, who insists on sitting in the rain and becoming wetter still, rather than accepting the warm invitation to come indoors.

Did that make any sense? No? Oh well. Thank you for the letter Matt, it's nice to have another Xenosaga fanboy fan around these parts.


Lusipurr

Similarly, I feel a sort of pity for people whose hopelessly wrong ideas continue to cloud every aspect of their being to such a degree that they feel the need to write into internet celebrities noted for their sagacity and circumspection in hope of obtaining some sort of approbation.

I fear your search must continue. For my part, earning the scorn of lesser men is rather the order of the day, and no longer fazes me one jot.



Fish and Chips


Well I'm glad you like my letters as ridiculously long as they may grow. And while we'll always disagree on Xenosaga I'm glad that other people did enjoy it as it opens up the window to more High Sci-Fi in my rpgs. Unfortunately I only picked up Xenosaga for it's connection to Xenogears. By itself I picked up Xenogears because it had giant robots in my rpg and that was awesome. It was a bonus that Xenogears was so damn good on top of that. Xenosaga however as we've stated had crappy giant robots and I didn't get dragged in by any of the characters so I don't think a replay will much help my opinion. Besides, my backlog will not be denied.

Oliver

YOU ARE A HOPELESS CLOT. If you cannot enjoy Xenosaga, then you are mentally defunct, as I stated earlier. But begone, I will no longer discuss the games with you. You have proven it to be a worthless endeavour.


Lusipurr

Ignore MetaRidley, he is a fellow incapable of experiencing joy and the best thing that we can say about him is that he has not, in fact, burned down an orphanage.

Frankly, when I play RPGs I do not consider the presence of giant robots a sure guarantor of quality. You are familiar with the origin and traditional setting of the genre, are you not?


Oliver

When Shawn Cooper is close at hand, there is no joy to be experienced.


Lusipurr

So it has been said.

To throw you a bone since I think you might have a hard time getting letters of hate about Xenogears I'll inform you of some of the bad parts. There are no spoilers and I name no names. Simply some mechanics and gameplay issues.

Oliver

This means little coming from a fellow who has so emphatically stated his love for Xenogears in the past. But hey, why not. Here's your chance to be all curmudgeony.

You can jump in Xenogears, while exploring. This isn't a bad thing, just makes the environments more three dimensional. But it's not the best jumping and it's difficult to line yourself up right. This only became an issue to me at one point where you're climbing a massive tower and can't rotate the camera. Most people fall back to the bottom...a lot and have to start over. Extremely frustrating.

Oliver

It sounds frustrating, yes. Continue!


Lusipurr

Admittedly, the controls and possibility of being randomly attacked (whilst jumping!) is a significant drawback to an otherwise excellent game. However, this trivial flaw is hardly worth denigrating Xenogears over when other equally lauded games suffer far more glaring shortfalls.

The second disc of the game is presented in a strange story manner, where you don't run around the world map and explore random locations as much. Instead the characters sort of tell the middle bits of the story connecting one event to the next. This is due to some rather large gaps of time between events that are interconnected. This means a lot of reading and not a lot of random fights. But the events themselves you play out, explore and fight bosses. I can understand if someone says this method turned them off, but personally I liked it because it cut out the middle bits and gave me story.

Oliver

I've heard many complaints about the second disc of Xenogears, but they seem to come from the same type of people who complained about the length of Xenosaga's cutscenes. You know, the people who say silly things like "omg, this one cutscene was so long I had the time to make a sandwich, do the laundry, jerk off, and when I came back, it was STILL going!" I have little tolerance for such people, and I enjoy watching lots of cutscenes and reading text.


Lusipurr

I thoroughly enjoy novels, and thus found my approach of Xenogears disc two a 'consummation devoutly to be wish'd'..


Oliver

What he means to say is that he became so enraged, he actually ate the game disc. It was quite shocking.


Lusipurr

...and crunchy.

Last but certainly not least, there is one character in the game, that is there to be a cute fluffy critter. It's unfortunate, but it does serve a purpose in the overall story, and makes an actually decent addition to a combat squad in late game scenarios.

Lusipurr

Is this a complaint? What is your beef? Please explain. Oh, too late. Oh well.


Oliver

Shawn has a "cute, fluffy critter" fetish. It is best not to speak of them around him, be it in a positive or negative light.


Lusipurr

More ridiculousness from the Village Idiot, I see. I merely wish to know whether this declaration is some sort of complaint or simply information. I do not think that is too much to ask of our readers who are meant to be soliciting our responses.

So what's new to hot topics this week?

Oliver

Well, nothing actually, since your letter is a week old. But that is my fault and not yours, so please, go right ahead.

Girls play games. I know this. My girlfriend plays games, and currently is playing Perosna 3, much like yourself. She plays lots of rpgs and strategy games.

Another of my female friends is a huge fighting game fan who plays rgps. Her fighting game collection is quite extensive.

And yet another of my female friends is an rpg addict of the first degree. She's currently playing Xenosaga actually, you wouldn't like her opinion much. But she's never played Xenogears, so at least she's not biased because of that.

Then I have a smattering of female acquaintances that play things like Rock Band. Heck my mom plays Rock Band, any puzzle game she can get her hands on and likes Wii Sports.

So, I guess what I'm saying is this. You need to move out of that girl gamer rejection field that emanates from the place you're living. Trust me they exist.

Lusipurr

What is an RGP? Rather Gigantic Penguin? They are only called Emperor Penguins, you see. They are actually much smaller than a bus, or a planet.

All of the girls I know--and I know many--play video games. Of course, all of the guys I know play video games, too. Except for MetaRidley, because he doesn't play anything that wasn't invented tomorrow.


Oliver

LIES AND MISINFORMATION.

See, that's the thing - not only do I not know any girls that play videogames, even the guys I know disdain them. I honestly think it has something to do with my location. This is the "game-hating belt," or whatever you'd like to call it. People in middle Tennessee are far too preoccupied with horses, straw hats, and banjoes to care about games and the playing thereof.

And why does that man keep spelling my internet name with a capital "R?" It's Metaridley. Not MetaRidley.


Lusipurr

Trying to imagine meTARDley wearing a straw hat, playing the banjo, fills me with mirth.

The other new topic is Nintendo apologizes. Well they should for lying. But then again, still a business. It's much easier to get money out of the non-hardcore. They don't have the same level of standards we're used to applying to games. It's not their fault that they don't know they're buying crap games that we wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I do wish Nintendo would leave that trash to the third party cash-ins and make good games.

I think what has happened is that Nintendo has stuck to the same production schedule they had on the Cube. We'll get more games, but we can really only look forward to two or three a year for us hardcore gamers. What they've filled up the rest of their time with is the stuff for the casual crowd.

Lusipurr

This seems to conform to my appreciation of the situation in re. Nintendo's production schedule.

How about a StarFox game that doesn't suck, Nintendo? How about a localisation of Mother games? Oh, that's right, they're not listening to us anymore.


Oliver

Indeed, they are not. They've lost interest in us. Why? They've discovered that there are far more of them out there, and that in many cases, they have even more money than we do. There is an inexhaustible supply of the so-called "casual" gamers in the world, which is unsettling, because it means that Nintendo can continue in their current business model as long as they wish. After all, as somebody once said, "a sucker is born every minute."

I found Nintendo's GameCube to be a far more entertaining system. There are many, many good GameCube games, far more than there are for the Wii at this time. Perhaps this will change. Perhaps it will not.


Lusipurr

I still own more Gamecube games than Wii games. This is inexcusable considering the widespread success of the Wii, and the length of time it has been available. Where are the third-party titles?

On the subject of limited supply I have a few comments. I can't back this up with a link or reference, but my understanding is that Nintendo is making enough Wiis to meet US demand. Just that they're not shipping them to the USA. Instead they're spreading the love around the globe. And given Nintendo's reticence to share their tech they aren't opening more factories. So while there may be supply and we have the demand. So does everyone else. Rather than give the US preferential distribution they're building a worldwide base.

Which is good, but also weird, since America is the largest consumer force in the world (deja vu). There's nothing we can do about it, but then again I stood in line on release day and claimed mine. Then this last Christmas I was able to buy two more, one for my grandparents and one for my parents. So this supposed lack is interesting to me. While true I never see them just sitting on the shelves I don't seem to have a problem buying one when I want one.

Oliver

I have never seen a Wii sitting on a store shelf. Ever. In any store.

I went to reserve a Wii approximately a month before it was released, thinking I would claim one on release day. AFTER I put the money down, the GameStop clerk informed me that my Wii would be arriving weeks, perhaps months, after the initial release. I was most wroth, but decided to let it slide. After a month had passed, I called every other day to see if my system had arrived, and was always met with a a firm (and eventually, slightly annoyed) "no."

Well, one day, I was out and about. I decided to stop by my local GameStop in person and pop the question once again. Much to my delight, they had it for me. Much to my UN-delight, they had it SITTING ON SHELVES, AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE.

"What's the meaning of this?" I asked. I was informed they'd had my Wii for the last three days, and since I had not come to claim it, they had made it available for purchase. "You stupid frackers didn't CALL me," I said, furious at the very thought of a COMMONER snatching up MY WII. Naturally, they swore up and down that they had. LIES. ALL LIES. I received no such call.

(That's not a verbatim transcript, of course. I was much more calm, not being the type to grow angry in public.)


Lusipurr

A large number of my good friends work in the local GameStop stores in our area, and so I have a good idea about how many Wiis are available to those establishments. When they get any in, they are gone within hours. Many people in the area have been unable to get one ever since they were announced. As for seeing them on store shelves, well, it goes without saying how unlikely that is.

Demand is significantly greater than supply. If that isn't the definition of a shortage, I don't know what is.

Hmm trying to decide, do I play Persona 3 myself or do I attempt to salvage the loss of my Mass Effect Save file? Or there's always Eternal Sonata, Blue Dragon, Lost Odyssey, Shadow Hearts, Final Fantasy: 4, 5, 6, 12, Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn, Ar Tonelico, Okami, Tales of the Abyss or Odin Sphere? Man and those don't even include all my action games. For the days when I didn't have this large of a disposable income. Things were simpler then, one or two new games a year. Now, one or two new games a month. Crap I also forgot all the DS and GBA games. My backlog will eventually consume me. The only hope I have is either the discovery or immortality or that I live a good enough life to get to spend eternity in the afterlife playing games.

Lusipurr

In the following order: FF4, FF6, FF12, Lost Odyssey.

See, that's now so hard, is it?


Oliver

Like always, Shawn is attempting to lead you astray. Here is the order you should go in: Final Fantasy XII, Persona 3, Radiant Dawn, Final Fantasy VI. (Good Lord, you've yet to finish FFVI? Perhaps that should be number one...) Anyway, talk to me once you've completed those four, I'll tell you where to go from there. FOCUS. DO NOT LET THE NUMBER OF GAMES YOU HAVE DISTORT YOUR VISION! If you do, then you truly will be consumed by the ravenous beast known as The Backlog.

I doubt that there will be much gaming in heaven, so it would be best to get it all done now.


Lusipurr

Meat-a-riddley is not to be trusted in these matters. He has never even played Final Fantasy IV, and has probably not played a number of the other games on your list. Take my advice, not his, lest you find yourself, like him, uninformed and the butt of jokes on forums far and wide.


Oliver

I have too played FFIV!

Well, I think this one was on the short side. Not much to say this week I guess. Good luck beating Persona 3. Maybe you can convince me that's the game to play next.
Ken

Oliver

Well Ken, if it makes you feel any better, your letter was most definitely not on the "short side." But like all of your letters, it was well thought-out, well-written, and rich with material for discussion. For that, I thank you. Please, write again soon.

Lusipurr

Once again, Oliver demonstrates his inability to be firm with the readers. Instead of mollycoddling them, he should adopt a policy of resistance. Do not tell them to write again soon! Insult them, criticise them, tell them what a lot of useless blighters they are! It builds character! And that's what RPGamers like--character, hence the success of games such as Final Fantasy VI.


Oliver

Please, do not misunderstand Lusipurr. He is cruel, yes, but it is only because he harbors a sort of malice towards all of humanity. In other words, it's nothing personal. I don't think.

Lusipurr

Oliver is a useless git;

A fool, a dolt, a poop.

An idiot, a blathering twit

Least important of our group.

Ignore him!

Abhore him!

And otherwise deplore him!

With love, Lusipurr.



Cake and Ice Cream


How's is it goin' there Buster D Ollie! I might have to disagree, I think P3 is better than most ice cream out there my friend!

Lusipurr

I have forgotten my Universal Translator at home and am incapable of understanding this trendy gibberish. Moat-A-Really will have to address it.


Oliver

(WRONG person to speak to with slang terms...)

Well... perhaps I was a bit rash when I made that statement. But there are some truly delectable ice creams out there, you know. Chocolate moose tracks from Purity. Makes me smile every time I take a bite. And I don't mean a simple smirk, I'm talking about a big, toothy, gleeful grin. That's good stuff right there.

I'm actually surprised at my taking an extreme liking to P3. I just saw some screenshots one day, saw that FES was only 30, but found a brand new copy of the art book edition, so got that. But! I was wondering if you could clarify something for me... Since I have only the original, and seeing as how much I love the game, I'm going to want to go through FES at some point! So...when I complete the game, can I go pick up FES and have it read my old data from the original? I heard that the game was released as an expansion in JP requiring that you had the original in the first place, so I'm hopin' so. I'm about to go on Summer Break and meet Kirijo. I'm stoked.
Oliver

Shamefully, I do not know, and the internet is not helping me. I know you can transfer your Personae compendium, but I do not think you can pick up in FES from your save in the original. I never played the original, y'see. My advice: play it through a second time, using FES as an excuse. The game is good enough to warrant a second playthrough, wouldn't you say?

The summer trip to Yakushima, as you've likely already discovered, is pure comedic gold. I mentioned this in an earlier column, but I have not laughed so hard in recent memory.


Lusipurr

You are advising him to play through FES after completing Persona 3, despite that fact that each playthrough will take him more than 100 hours?

That is honestly the worst advice MoronRetardley has ever given in this column, and that is a tall order indeed.


Oliver

My sadistic tendencies are far more subtle than yours, dear Lusipurr, though they surely exist.

Uh, I mean... you don't need to spend 100 hours playing Persona 3! The game can easily be completed in 85!


Lusipurr

I am happy to remind people that they are, in fact, useless and expendable; but even I must draw the line somewhere, and I draw that line at the border between misanthropy and sadism.


Oliver

I think Lusipurr must like you more than he did Ken.


Lusipurr

I want some pie.

Sony messed up man. Epic, just as you say. WTF are they THINKING!?? No backward compatibility. Going backwards on compatibility! I stand in awe of how cool it is to remote play some of my favorite games of PS1 and PS2 with my PSP controlling my PS3, seriously. PS1 and more notably PS2 games look really really crisp and good when played in 1080p on a decent HDTV. Seriously. I remember when Kutaragi laughed at Microsoft for announcing multiple SKU's, and now look at Sony. So yeah...I wish I knew how to read Kana so I could access the PS3 market over on my favorite Island Nation, because Microsoft has my PS3's balls straight up against the wall on this side of the market. I urge everyone to hunt down the MGS4 package who is a hardcore gamer, you won't regret the PS3's BC. It's a sweet and sour love story baby!

Lusipurr

I love my 60G PS3, but having said that, I think Sony's increasing disregard for backwards compatibility is only going to hurt them. The PS1 and PS2 represent an enormous library of excellent games which provide, along with the current and upcoming library of PS3 titles, a motivation to purchase Sony's most recent console. By effectively dropping that backwards compatibility, Sony has reduced the appeal of the PS3. It's a shame, and difficult to understand considering the overall market trend towards including backwards compatibility.

Now, whilst I get some pie, listen to whatever rot Oliver has to say.


Oliver

Can I have some pie, too? Apple, perchance? With a tall glass of milk?

I agree with Lusipurr 100% on this one. In fact, I'm quite positive that most of the gaming community does. Which makes you wonder all the more: why the hell is Sony doing this? What is the reasoning behind it? If only they'd come out and tell us. It wouldn't make it suck any less, but at least we'd know the twisted reasoning behind their madness. PS2 games actually look great upscaled on the PS3, although funnily enough, you don't really notice this until you make the mistake of playing on your PS2 again. As for Remote Play, I've found it to be an amusing, though fairly useless feature. And I'm afraid I have to call you out on this one: you cannot Remote Play PS2 titles at this time. Hopefully that will change in the future.


Lusipurr

I am certain it will change in the future... for a price.

Rhubarb, with Darjeeling tea. Sorry.


Oliver

Damn.

Anyway, dass it main! Take er' easy there bub...and don't forget to drop the O-Bamb in a few months!

ENWB: The syllabic rep of my first name and last two initials.

Oliver

EWNB, I enjoy speaking in casual tongues from time to time, but I often have no clue what on earth you're saying. What the bloody hell is an O-bamb? Ah well. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough around here to speak as you do. Maybe if I socialized more often, I'd be more familiar with your manner of speech.


Lusipurr

What?

Penguin the oviraptor your omnibus, too, bub



Piss and Vinegar


Hello QnA hosts! I've been a reader for a long time, but I haven't sent in many letters. Anyway, I have a question for Lusipurr. So, Oliver doesn't know what to drop yet. QnA or Currents? I say he should drop both, actually. Then he could learn to play games, you know. I've read somewhere (on some message forum, I don't remember which one) that he can't play Castlevania games properly. Really, I think it can only be beneficial to him. THEN, he can talk about games.

Lusipurr

Behold, a reader after my own heart! Or rather, would be if I had a heart. Pray continue.


Oliver

Damn you, Chapel of Resonance. Damn you.

That I should be defamed in a such a way, in my own column, is the cruelest of fates.


Oliver

Defamed? Looks like clearest truth to my studied gaze.

You see, I wanted to write about one of the hot topics, but they all seem to be the same. There's no choice, no variety. Someone's been botching his job, here.

Oliver

PAH. You lazy sods can come up with your own topics of discussion for once.


Lusipurr

*eats popcorn*


Oliver

Do I get ANY food?


Lusipurr

When you earn food, you will get food. I suspect it may be some time. Moreover, I have eaten all of the popcorn.

**Lusipurr waves a pennant reading 'BELMONT'.


Oliver

*sob*

I'm playing FF4DS right now. I haven't played any FF4 version since the release of the PSX one, so I appreciate it very much. Same reason I'm happy about Chrono Trigger DS: haven't played it since I bought the PSX version. I like what they've done with FF4DS, but one thing irritates me. I don't know if a lot of people noticed it, but when your character walks (and not run) they slide on the map!!! The walking animation is not timed with the walking speed. I can't stand it. That's why I always run. Also, it's much faster. And why do they continue to include the option to walk, anyway? Does anyone really walk their way in a game? Some games require you to walk at some points. Ultima Online did it, too. You couldn't just run forever, or your stamina would rapidly drop. The heavier you were, the more stamina you'd lose. But in FF4's case, it's ugly and useless to walk. I say: run with grace! What do you think about that?

Lusipurr

I run everywhere. It's the only way to maintain my girlish figure on a diet of pie, popcorn, and sausages. In fact, I'm going to have a jog whilst MiltonBridley tries to put words together into sentences.

*jogs off*


Oliver

I despise running in real life, but it is a necessity to move quickly while playing a videogame. That is one of the many things I loved about Lost Odyssey - by simply holding down a button, you are given the ability to sprint, no matter where you are. Quite useful, quite useful indeed.

On the flip side, the speed at which the main character in Persona 3 moves has annoyed me for the entirety of the game. He doesn't move SLOW, per se, but he also doesn't move fast enough given the amount of WALKING you have to do in the game, particularly while exploring Tartarus.

That will be all from me. Have a good day, gentlemen!
Unpetitmax.

Lusipurr

Oh, this one was from Max? You should have told me before we started. Alas. Next time, there will be blood!


Oliver

No. No blood. We need to keep this T-rated, after all.


Lusipurr

There go my plans for a new Digital Orgasmic Rape Simulator feature.


Oliver

Don't you mean Virtual Orgasmic Rape?


Lusipurr

Virtual Digital Brutal Orgasmic Rape Simulator, Mk. II. Now with realistic panting!


Oliver

Oh, God...

IN CLOSING

8/11 - 1:43 AM CST
It's... it's finally over... I tried to reign him in, dear readers, but he is a force to be reckoned with. I imagine the lot of you will not soon recover from the verbal beating you just received. You have my sympathies.

However, as I was instructed, we must thank Lusipurr for taking the time to descend upon we lowly peons. After all, he is a busy man with a myriad of more edifying affairs to tend to. Or so he says.

And, uh... he'll be your Q&A host next week, because I'll be away

*Oliver flees*

Lusipurr
I would write an outro, but I am far too busy to waste any more time on you insignificant people.

Write letters. Or don't. See if I care. Whatever happens, MobyDickley will get the blame. I'm going to have a nap. Good bye.

-Oliver
-Lusipurr



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What I can't wait for:

1. Tales of Vesperia

2. Valkyria Chronicles

3. Infinite Undiscovery

4. Persona 4

5. Prince of Persia



On my Playlist:

1. Persona 3

2. Soul Calibur IV

3. Fire Emblem



Hot Topics:

1. Lusipurr is here next week! BUG HIM!

2. Tell him FFXI sucks!

3. Tell him Castlevania sucks!

4. And by all means:

5. Be sure to utilize, in some way, the phrase "WOULD OF!"

6. BA-HAHAHAHA



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