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Chapter XX: In Which Our Hero Falls Ill

Lusipurr - 21:15

Yesterday I had dinner with my fiancée at a nice Italian restaurant. Originally I was keen to order a little pizza, since they do a gourmet selection there. However, I chose to order the Chicken Parmigiana instead. Ashley had the pizza, and enjoyed it thoroughly. I watched her eating it longingly.

Over night, my body discovered that the chicken was not quite cooked. The only response it could think of was to do its best to kill me. My bowels contributed most fulsomely, and after hours of retching, illness, and pain beyond all sense, I managed to get an hour of sleep.

I woke this morning to a new wave of spasms and cramps and the lovely fun began anew. Currently, I am in a blissful interlude between death waves, allowing me to type up a quick, short column. There will be a full column next week.

I will now address your tiresome and annoying questions.

The Letters
Enter Gladiators

Greetings Lusipurr,

This is really a two-part question, but I believe you can handle it to the best of your abiliity! So let's proceed, shall we?


If we must.

First, you called Final Fantasy the standard for which all RPGs should follow, but if my memory serves me right, it was Dragon Quest that came out first before Final Fantasy. So, with that said, do you think Dragon Quest has an important role in the genre as well?


I never said Final Fantasy is a standard which should be followed by all RPGs. However, I think it quite apparent that it is the standard by which other RPGs are judged. These are two very different statements. If every RPG followed Final Fantasy, the genre would quickly become stagnant.

As for the importance of Dragon Quest--it has always had less impact here than in Japan. As to the rise and 'mainstreaming' of RPGs in the west, that is owed almost wholly to Final Fantasy. I won't dispute that Dragon Quest is an influential series in Japan, but I do not think it has been as earth-shaking (or even as genre-defining) as Final Fantasy has.

Second, you have come on the record to annouce your "running" for President of the United States. So I provide you a challenge. Using all the staff members as a guide, who would you like to see as part of your staff while you are president?




Not you, for starts, seeing as you cannot tell the difference between your and you're. Now that I am unmasked as a fervent monarchist, I suppose I will select a few people to serve as trusted ministers of state.

For Chancellor I would pick Macstorm. I would have Firemyst, Paws, Sabin, and MetaRidley in my privy council. To represent the interests of my realm, I would choose Virt and Shroudie. On thinking, I suppose I could find a position for you after all: every king needs a fool!

legends of dragoon

i love this game but am having issues with the additions i perform them pefectly yet i doesnt show for my level ups except on the first addition this applies to all charaters without this of course no final additions i have sifted through countless walkthroughs and faqs to no avail please please help thanx-------- ELVIS



No, no, no, no, no!!!! I swear on my life this site existed in 1997! I specifically remember coming to good old for information on Final Fantasy VII before the game was released in 9/97.


It is entirely possible. But is it not also possible that you are mistaken?

Maybe it didn't have its current set of owners, but I promise you the domain was registered to someone and it was an RPG fansite.

Ah well... I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation.

Have a good one,

Tommy Moo


I prefer the explanation that you are wrong. But, if you insist, try this:

The site actually did exist before 1998. However, due to an unfortunate court case involving drugs, harlots, and an international espionage and money-laundering ring, the site president temporarily lost control of his 'assets'. He did not regain them again until 1998 (after extensive therapy), and immediately sought to erase any record of his sordid past. It is for this reason that any assertion that the site existed before March 11, 1998 is strongly denied.

Nah, I like "you're wrong!" better.

Closing Thoughts

Keep sending your letters. I have enough for next week, but I can always use more. More. MORE! Check out Oliver's Currents column as well. There has to be something there worth spouting on.

Final Fantasy XI has reclaimed me after less than two months. There really is no escape from Vana'diel's grasp.

The next wave of cramps is arriving even now. Feel free to imagine the rest of the column is filled with me telling you how miserable and useless you are. I'm off to the loo and then to bed. Repeat. Indefinitely.

Lusipurr is ill.

So very, very sick . . .

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