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Polyester Blancmange
Chapter XVIII: In Which My Candidacy is Declared

Lusipurr - 11:50 Washington Time

Friends, I am here today to announce my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States of America.

As President, you can not expect soaring rhetoric from me, nor can you expect me to act in a way guaranteed to placate the die-hard partisans of my party. You can not expect me to present a sunny outlook when the situation is dire, nor can you expect me to smile and exude charisma in the hope of getting votes or improving my poll points.

What you can expect is for me to get down to business in a dull, business-like fashion. To do otherwise would be to misuse the public trust, for I am not here to be a rock star, I am here to solve the problems of the state and its citizens. I am not here to tell you things are alright when they are not, I am here to tell it like it is, and to get on with the business of fixing what is broken.

The United States of America is in a recession. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. The United States of America is on the wane as a global power. With a grossly unfair trade balance and standards of education and health in our country in many cases below those of other nations, this should have been expected. The situation is dire, friends, and no amount of speech-making or partisan-pleasing is going to improve the situation.

Let's cut to the thick of it: what do I intend to do about it? As President I intend to completely rewrite the tax code to place the burden of taxation upon those who can most afford it, and to reduce the burden of taxation on those who can least afford it. I plan to make student workers and struggling families and individuals exempt from taxation because I cannot conceive as just a nation which takes the food from its citizens mouths, whilst the majority of the wealth belongs to a select few who are, for want of more politically correct speech (something else you cannot expect from me), morbidly wealthy.

I intend to follow the enlightened examples of other more progressive nations and to set about instituting a national health care plan which will ensure that all Americans, regardless of race, creed, colour, religion, or income, will have access to the very best health care our country can offer. I have no intention of setting up a two-tier system, or allowing such a system to be implemented, for I see no reason why wealth or influence should allow anyone to 'cut' ahead of someone else in line for health care. In this country all men are equal, and it is high time we started acting like it.

I intend to reform our grossly under-funded and under-valued education system, for it is upon this system that our future rests. I will not rest until every single student in this country has access to a free education unparalelled anywhere else on the globe. The success of this country has always been tied to the education of its populace, and the recent decline in those standards is, I believe, inherently tied to our decline as a nation. Therefore I intend to make university-level studies free for diligent students, and I intend to improve the quality of our primary and secondary schools so that they produce intelligent, diligent students who care about the world in which they live.

It is my desire to introduce immigration reform and to immediately conduct a review and revision of our immigration system, for I note that it is has been upon the backs of immigrants that our country has been built, maintained, and expanded, and it is profoundly unjust that the thanks which has been returned has been in the form of slavery, prejudice, and discrimination. No more.

I shall conduct a review of our Justice system and do my very best to ensure that criminals will not escape the legal code, and those who are innocent must be set free. I will not allow any person to be held under this country's auspices, either here or abroad, without the legal rights considered fundamental in all civilised nations, regardless of the national origin of the accused.

I intend to implement climate control protocols at once, because this country cannot endure if we destroy the climate and land which has made it possible for us to reach our current state. The United States must be at the forefront, leading the way, on climate control and environmentalism. We must set an example to other nations about land stewardship, rather than trailing in the back, refusing to admit that change is necessary.

As President of the United States, I will not make moral judgements about the leaders or political parties of other nations, for that is not my job. My job is to uphold the law and to act in accordance with it. Should the leaders of other countries violate international law, then I will condemn it and, acting in concert with other sovereign states via the United Nations, will fulfill my duties as proscribed therein. I will not use our power in the United Nations to play favourites or to defend my allies when they have clearly violated international law, and I think any country willing to pervert the course of justice in such a way brings GREAT SHAME upon themselves, and stand accused in the eyes of all good men upon this Earth. This President, and this Country, are not above the law.

I will not, for any reason whatsoever, violate international law despite what sort of information I may receive or not receive from our intelligence or military advisors. If I feel a course of action is justified, I will present my argument to the United Nations and to the world, and I will not ask Congress for a Declaration of War, nor send troops on my own command, unless I can do so with the concerted knowledge that I am acting in the right according to international law.

These are my platforms and my declarations. Should I fail in them, you can expect me to admit it immediately and clearly. Should my ideas be proven wrong, you can expect me to admit so and to come up with a new plan. I will not stubbornly prosecute clearly failed ideas, nor will I refuse to admit my errors, nor will I obfuscate my intentions or my goals. I am not here to win you over with rhetoric. I am here to get the job done.

For my running mate, I choose Macstorm. My moogle will serve as Secretary of State.

Thank you.

I will now address your tiresome and annoying questions.

The Letters
Sequel Speculation


Wondering if you've heard any news on possible sequels to various RPG franchises Grandia/Breath of Fire/Suikoden?




Grandia has an MMO project, Grandia Zero, in the works (unless it has been canceled). Breath of Fire and Suikoden are, for the moment, silent.

Alas, I wish I could say otherwise. Even the rumour front is quiet. Vague hopes of Suikoden Wii, but nothing concrete at all. Sorry!

Simple Selections


I havn't read this column nor written a letter (I only wrote one which was published circa 2001) to this column for about 5 years.


Wherefore the delay in writing/reading? And why are you back now? Is it because I am so wonderful and amazing that you couldn't keep away? Say it is so!

I used to be into RPGs. My wife used to be into RPGs. We like it simple, such as Final Fantasy 1, 2, and 3 in the United States. Is there anything left for us out there, or should we just give up games altogether?



A nice easy question with a nice easy answer. Yes, there are plenty of games in that vein still around. I suggest you pick up an XBox 360 and procure copies of Blue Dragon and Lost Odyssey. These are solid traditional RPGs by the creators of Final Fantasy I, IV, and, VI.

Keep reading, and enjoy!

Solicitation Satisfied

My Dear Lusipurr, ruler of darkness, at least until you turn on the light:

You have requested emails. I shall grant your request. Thrice.

For a long time now, Final Fantasy has more or less been the RPG Mainstream Gold Standard. People who don't follow sites like RPGamer, or read things like Game Informer and EGM, are the people who mostly buy new games strictly off of name recognition and hearsay. Do you think that there are other games, or series that are as, if not more deserving than the Final Fantasy franchise?


To my mind, Final Fantasy is still the standard by which all other RPGs are judged. There are some other excellent series out there, though! The Suikoden series is much less well-known, but one of the best RPG series one could hope to find. The Disgaea family of games commands a significant portion of the Strategy RPG market, and with good reason. Lastly, the Paper Mario series is written with real wit and flair, and it is a joy to play as well.

Also, in that same vein, do you think that RPGs would be as popular today if not for the Final Fantasy franchise?


Assuredly not.

The Final Fantasy series pulled up the RPG genre by its bootstraps and made it respectable. The success of Final Fantasy IV and Final Fantasy VI gave heart to an entire generation of gamers, and when Final Fantasy VII achieved true mainstream success, it took RPGs to the next level of popularity. The world would never be the same.

And for my final thought/question: I've always felt that the term "gamer" applied to anyone who plays video games, whether on the console or computer. However, it seems that gamers who play strictly Sports games seem to blur the line in that, they PLAY games, but don't feel they fit the quasi-nerd profile they may believe MMO, RPG, and FPS players do. So, to clarify for all "Gamers", however they may see themselves, what do YOU consider the qualities that personify a gamer?




If you play games, you're a gamer. It doesn't matter whether the games are sports, platformers, puzzlers, RPGs, MMOs, FPSs, or whatever--if you play games, you are a gamer. Enough said.

Thanks for writing!

Sans Solo

Hi Lusipurr,

I just got a DS Lite, and I'd love to find out what good multiplayer RPGs there are - either WiFi or local (I have a few friends with DS's too). I'm looking forward to Crystal Chronicles, and of course there's Dragon Quest 9, which is a long way off, but I'm wondering if there's anything else I should check out. Children of Mana has multiplayer, but it got pretty low review scores so I'm not sure whether to give it a try.




Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates (wow, what a title) looks to be your best bet in the immediate future. As for Children of Mana: avoid it. Pokémon Diamond and Pearl have multiplayer battles. There is also Luminous Arc, but it is terrible.

Right now, your best bet is to either pick up PKMN or hold out for FFCC:RoF--not too hard, as Crystal Chronicles ships on Tuesday next. Tough it out!

Son Squall?

Hail Lusipurr,

Two questions for you, 1) Is it true Laguna is Squall's father? and 2) You seem to be getting nicer with every QnA column, is it just a ploy to get more letters or are you genuinely becoming a nice person?

To answer your question about pets, Blanca in SH2 was somewhat developed although I don't think he would have considered himself a pet.



Ah, the old Squall-Laguna theory. Is it true? Well, no one can say with certainty as it was never actually settled in the context of the game, but the evidence seems to lend weight to an answer of yes. Otherwise, a lot of information and trivia about Squall/Laguna in Final Fantasy VIII was entirely random and served no purpose whatsoever. I point you in the direction of people who have more free time than I have.

As to the accusation of niceness on my part, you are clearly hallucinating or under the influence of some sort of controlled substance. Cease your idiotic theorising!

Shortly after last week's column one of my friends mentioned Blanca to me. For my own part, I remembered Hanpan from Wild ARMs a short while later. Wind mice are cool. Especially when they have sarcastic dialogue.

Thanks for writing in!

Closing Thoughts

I received a lot of letters this week and I have begun posting them in the order they were received. Some of them did not make it in this week, but no fear, they will be in next week. Of course, I do not want you to stop sending letters. A backlog is a good thing. More letters, please!

To whit, in the right sidebar you can see the condition of the backlog. Green means there are lots of letters in the backlog--enough for a column or more. Yellow means there are some, but not enough for a column. Red means there are none at all. I expect to have a graphic for this in a fortnight or so (I am not inclined towards visual art, so it takes a while).

Turn your head to Oliver's Currents column this week (link at top) and send me your comments on the latest news of the day. No Jack Thompson fodder this week; but what do you think about an invite-only GDC and the smashing Wii sales?

See you next week and in the meantime spread the word: Vote Lusi!

Lusipurr will be the first gamer President.

Actually, for my first act as president, I will make it illegal to be Jack Thompson.

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