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Chapter X: In Which the Post is Late

Lusipurr - 17:30 GMT

Greetings, miserable readers.

At the time of this column, RPGamer's postal system is not working. This is because your normal host, Sean Kepper, in a feeble attempt to deprive me of letters and thus my column, sabotaged the POP mail system by cramming his luncheon (six italian sausages with pasta and mushrooms in a white wine sauce) into the server.

However, the fool has failed. I was able to recover three letters from the wreckage. Therefore...

I will now address your tiresome and annoying questions.

What goes up...
Lost Mail, Lost Painting

Lord Lusipurr,

I just wanted to quickly submit my humble opinion on my favorite video game music. Hands down my favorite piece is Lost Painting from Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. Sorry its so short this time but feel free to fill in some space by mercilessly bashing me for a few lines. I promise to make the next one longer.



Apparently, you overlooked the fact that the discussion on video game music ended some time ago. I can see how this might have happened. It is very difficult being born with the brain of a tapir, and I imagine you have many personal difficulties as a result. However, you should think of all the people who read this column. Now your stupidity has become their problem. Now their time is being wasted by you. Is that fair? No, it is not fair. What a selfish, oafish dolt you are.

Lost Painting is a respectable piece of music, and another which I often play on the piano of an evening. It is not, however, my favourite piece of music. Keep guessing, you mindless drones. Keep guessing. A guinea for the winner!

List of the Loquacious

Dear QNA host of the day,

What is the one upcoming title you are most looking foward to, and why?


We do not change Q&A hosts daily. I host the column on Friday. Gorne hosts the column on Monday and Wednesday. This is not complicated or inordinately difficult to comprehend, yet somehow you have failed. Perhaps you spent your childhood eating paint chips. Perhaps you fell down stairs often. I could speculate further, but it would only serve to distract from the real issue here: you are a dunce.

I am looking forward to many titles in the first three months of this year: FFVII: Crisis Core, Lost Odyssey, Last Remnant, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, FFCC: Ring of Fates, and a number of others later on (such as FFIV DS and Dissidia).

I am looking at the upcoming games list in the right hand side of the page, but I see nothing I like:


Perhaps you took too much LSD. This would explain why you are hallucinating. There are no games on the right-hand side of this page. Perhaps you are schizophrenic.

01.08 Kingdom Under Fire: Circle of Doom - Meh
01.22 Pirates of the Burning Sea - I don't play MMOs
Feb Baroque - Meh. I will still buy it cuz I like Atlus but it's still meh.
Feb Dungeon Explorer: Warriors of Ancient Arts DS - I don't know anything about this title other than "You explore a dungeon." Talk about NO INFO WHATSOEVER. You explore a dungeon in almost every title in this list. Need more info.
Feb Dungeon Explorer: Warriors of Ancient Arts PSP - See previous.
02.05 Culdcept SAGA - This looks interesting but I am not an XB360 owner.
02.05 Two Worlds - Meh.
02.12 Lost Odyssey - Shaping up to be about average. Probably worth a purchase from XB360 owners. I sadly, am not one.
02.26 Dragon Quest Swords: The Masked Queen and the Tower of Mirrors - Looks interesting. Too bad I'm not a Wii owner. This is the first big-budget Square-Enix Wii title, correct? We'll see how well they do.
03.11 Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates - The sheer fail of the last game in this sub-series means I'm not buying no matter what the reviews say.

Long-term horizon stuff that looks interesting:
Yggdra Union PSP: It's maybe coming here (Not announced yet). I will probably get a PSP for this one.
Archaic Sealed Heat (DS): It's maybe coming here (Not announced yet, unless it was when I wasn't paying attention). Looks like a decent TRPG.
Last Remnant (PS3): I will get a PS3 for either this one or Final Fantasy 13. Looks like a decent traditional RPG. Maybe a 2009 release, maybe late 2008.
Final Fantasy 13 (PS3): I'll probably end up getting a PS3 for this one actually. Slated for 2009 release. There's a lot of potential hiccups that could happen between now and then though (*cough*FF12*cough). Looks like it could be a lot of fun.


Have you actually watched someone play Lost Odyssey? I have. I don't mean I have seen a trailer of it for thirty seconds. I don't mean I've watched a YouTube video of a fight. I mean I have watched someone play it for a considerable length of time. Apparently you have not, if you think it is going to be 'about average'.

I don't know anyone who failed to enjoy Crystal Chronicles except for people who don't have friends to play it with. Of course, the sheer stupidity of your above responses may give us a clue there. Perhaps you have no friends.

Unlike previous years where companies announce stuff at E3, this year NOBODY announced ANYTHING @ E3. So no one knows what coming out. VERY few "Home Console" RPGs are coming out in 2008, I believe. Flamethrower


Wah wah wah.

The list above makes it clear that there are loads of RPGs coming out this year. If you can't find any to like, perhaps the problem is with you. Why am I saying perhaps? No, the problem is with you. Stop being a moron! Play some games! You might enjoy yourself, if it is possible for you to enjoy anything.

And if not, you can always go back and replay the one game you do like, whatever it is.

Games No One Cares About


i just wonder if the upcoming "Phantasy Star Complete Collection" for the PS2 consists of remakes of those phantastic RPGs, not just 1:1 clones, because nowadays i cannot trust Sega and their decisions. I already bought SegaAges: Phantasy Star 1 and 2 directly from a "Trader" store when i had been in Japan a year ago. By the way, wasn't the collection supposed to be released internationally, or at least to the US too? Now it seems only Japan gets this cool remake collection on 27th march.


The pronoun I is always capitalised. It is clear you know how to use the shift key. I suggest you employ it properly.

And what about Landstalker for the PSP? No news about it for a long time. Not that i'd approve of the 3d sterile look, but still, wanna listen to the remade ost. Last but not least, i wonder in general why Sega is screwing up so much in terms of preserving the quality of former brilliant masterpieces (Sonic, PhantasyStar, ShiningForce). They killed each serie. And why isn't there any Landstalker development for any next gen console? Where is the Streets of Rage Remake or sequel? Where are intelligent Shining Force Sequels (no, not those hack'n slay abominations)?



This is why no one cares about Sega games anymore. By and large their latest efforts are terrible--but they never were very good to begin with. Sonic went downhill fast, and I have never liked the PS or SF series. I am certain there are a few misguided morons out there ready to defend Sega to the bitter, bitter end (JuMeSyn), but for the most part, they were a second-rate company, and they still are. The difference between past and present is that they were once innovative and clever. Now, they are just a bunch of hacks.

...flock together!

The column is short, but there is a postal strike on.

For me, there is no escape from Vana'diel. Originally, I intended to quit. Then, I thought to take a break from the game. Finally, I just decided to reduce my time somewhat. I suppose I will be playing Final Fantasy XI until they shut down the servers. Oh well: come join me! I'm on Alexander, along with most of the RPGamer staff (including Gorne, Firemyst, and Foxworth, to name a few). Of course, retards, stalkers, and the hopelessly ridiculous need not apply.

Winter classes begin on Monday. See you next week, varlets!


Lusipurr is ready for next semester.

Hello, Vana'diel! :D

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